Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life: How to Unlock Your Full Potential for Success and Achievement (34 page)

Why? The final answer, the ultimate goal, is so that you can be
happy
. Everything that you or anyone else does is aimed at happiness, however you define it and however successful you are at achieving it.

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THE ROLE OF GOODNESS

One of Aristotle’s greatest insights on the subject of happiness was his conclusion that “Only the good can be happy, and only the virtuous can be good.”

This is one of the most important observations in the history of human thought and experience. “Only the good can be happy, and only the virtuous can be good.”

What I have found in my many years of research into philosophy and psychology is that only people who are genuinely good inside can be happy for any period of time. And in my years of study of the foundation qualities of self-confidence, I have found that only men and women with clear, positive values are able to develop the kind of unshakable self-confidence that makes it possible for them to deal effectively with anything that happens to them.

The fastest way for you to build or to regain your self-confidence is to become absolutely clear about your deepest values and convictions, and then begin to live by them. The solution to almost all ccc_tracy_12_222-248.qxd 6/23/03 3:39 PM Page 224

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human problems is a return to values. In many ways, your unhappiness and stress are caused by your drifting away from doing and saying the things that you know are right.

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INTEGRITY IS ESSENTIAL

The most important single quality for success is the quality of
integrity
. Aristotle insisted that only a life based on values such as integrity, honesty, courage, generosity, persistence, and sincerity would lead to happiness and personal fulfillment.

I used to think of integrity as only one of the key values, equal to and separate from the others. Then one day a wise and wealthy man pointed out to me that
integrity is really the value that guarantees all
the others. Integrity is the foundation value on which all of your other values are based. Having true integrity means that you always live and act
consistently with your values. If you lack integrity, you will compromise
your other values at the slightest temptation.

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CLARIFY YOUR VALUES

In our strategic planning sessions, both for corporations and for individuals, we start off by asking people to define and clarify their values. You must do the same in your own personal strategic planning. What are
your values
? What is it that you believe in? What do you stand for? What will you
not
stand for?

Your ability to clearly define your values is the starting point of your developing the kind of character that causes people to want to be associated with you and which will lead you inevitably to enjoying a good life. When you have a fine and noble character, rooted in solid, life-affirming values, you will be a genuinely good person. As a result, you will be happy inside, no matter what is going on around you.

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ORGANIZE YOUR VALUES

Once you have defined your values, you should organize them in order of priority. To start, you need only three to five key values to create a foundation for your character and personality. These are the ccc_tracy_12_222-248.qxd 6/23/03 3:39 PM Page 225

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values that you personally consider to be more important than any others. The order in which you arrange your values is terribly important as well. This ranking of values largely determines the kind of person you are, and the kind of life you live.

Everything you do is the result of a choice. You are constantly making choices of one kind or another, to do one thing or to do something else. This ability to make choices distinguishes you from all other creatures. Each choice you make is based on your primary values at that time. Each action is based on what you consider to be the most important value at that moment of choice.

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ACT ON YOUR VALUES

When you choose, your higher-order values always take precedence over your lower-order values. Every act you take, every decision you make, is based on your dominant value at that time.You can do only one thing at a time, and you always have to choose what it is going to be.You always choose what is most valuable to you at that particular moment.

How can you tell what your values are? It’s simple. Your values are only and always expressed in your
actions
. It is what you
do
rather than what you
say
that tells you, and others, what you value most. Especially, it is what you do
under pressure
, when you are forced to choose, that reveals your true values and beliefs about yourself and the world around you.

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THE DETERMINANT OF PERSONALITY

Both your choice of values and the order of your values are critical in determining your personality and your life. Here is an example.

Imagine that two people have each been through a values clarifica-tion exercise and settled upon the same three values. Only the order is different.

Person A has decided that his top three values, in order of importance, are first, family; second, health; and third, career success.

This person is saying that he puts his family ahead of his health and career, and his health ahead of his career. This means that if he has ccc_tracy_12_222-248.qxd 6/23/03 3:39 PM Page 226

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to choose between family and career, family comes first. If he has to choose between health and career, health comes first.

Person B has the same three values, except that his values are in a slightly different order. His first value is career success. His second value is his family, and his third value is health.

This means that Person B will put his career ahead of his family if he has to choose. He will put his career and his family ahead of his health if he has to choose.

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THE BIG QUESTION

Now here are some questions for you. Will there be a difference between Person A and Person B? Will there be a
small
difference or a
large
difference? Would you prefer to be friends with Person A or with Person B? Would you be able to tell Person A from Person B if you met them socially or in business?

The answer is that Person B, who chooses career success as his primary value, will be a totally different human being from Person A, who decides that his family is most important to him. The order of family, health, and career is a life-enriching organization of values. A person who lives his life consistent with these values will be a far happier person than a person who places his career ahead of his family and especially ahead of his health. This is why you must select both your values and their order of importance with care. Your values and their order determine your whole life.

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INTEGRITY IS A WAY OF LIVING

Once you have determined your values, your level of integrity can be measured by how rigidly you adhere to them. A value is not something that you compromise when it is convenient. Either you have it or you do not. Your choice of values and your resolution to live by those values form your character and your personality.

Throughout history, great men and women have been men and women of character. They have been people who lived on the basis of high and noble values. They have been honored and respected for the values they stood for and represented.

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non of “situational values” or “situational ethics.” These are the result of people changing their ideas of right and wrong depending on the situation, and often the temptation of the moment. What is even worse is when they fool themselves into believing that they are people of character when they are really only people of convenience.

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WHAT YOU DO UNDER PRESSURE

Situational values are demonstrated when people say they believe in one thing, but they do another. They say that they believe in telling the truth, but then they lie when it is convenient, or excuse the lies of another. An individual is defined by what he or she
does
, not what he or she
says
.

Some people are confused by their emotions. They believe that if their
intentions
are sincere, their
actions
don’t matter. They feel that if they wish or hope something, it is the same as actually doing it. But it is only what you actually do when you are forced to choose, especially under pressure, that tells you who you really are inside.

It is vital to your success and happiness that you are impeccably
honest
with everyone you know and deal with, both in your personal life and in your career. There is nothing that will earn you the support of people faster than for you to develop the reputation of being a person of character and integrity. At the same time, there is nothing that will damage your reputation and sabotage your career faster than for you to get the reputation of being the kind of person that others cannot trust or rely on.

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BE TRUE TO YOURSELF

Honesty means that you are always true to the very best that is in you. As Polonius says in Shakespeare’s
Hamlet
,
“To thine own self be
true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false
to any man.”

Being true to yourself is the starting point of developing a great character. This begins with your always living in truth with yourself.

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hope and pray that things would be different than they are.You deal with the world as it is, not as you wish it were.

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ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST

Every job bears the signature of the person who did it. Being true to yourself means that you always do your very best at whatever job or responsibility you take on. Honesty and integrity on the inside are expressed as quality and excellence in your work on the outside.You can tell what you are made of on the inside by the amount of time and attention that you put into doing the very best job possible at everything that is given to you to do. Don’t take it on unless you are willing to do it in an excellent fashion.

Integrity means that you are always truthful, straightforward, and honest with everyone in your life. Just as you are true to yourself, you are true to others as well. You
live in truth
with others, at home and at work.

If you ask people whether they are honest, almost everyone will say that they are. Most people do not lie, cheat, steal, or engage in dishonest behaviors of any kind. But being truly honest means that you are honest with everyone in your life. This means that not only do you never lie; you never
live
a lie. You never stay in a situation that is wrong for you or in a condition that undermines your integrity or makes you unhappy.You never compromise your integrity by biting your lip and refusing to say what you truly think and feel.

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YOUR HIGHEST GOAL

One of the hallmarks of the truly honest person is that they set
peace
of mind
as their highest goal. Once you have set peace of mind as your primary aim in life, you organize your other goals and activities around it. Being truly honest means that you refuse to compromise your peace of mind for anything or anyone.You only do and say the things that you feel to be right in every situation.

Honesty and integrity mean that you listen to yourself and that you trust your
inner voice
. You listen to your intuition and you let it guide you to do and say the right things at the right time. When you are disturbed or unhappy, you sit quietly by yourself in solitude, ccc_tracy_12_222-248.qxd 6/23/03 3:39 PM Page 229

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waiting and listening for the guidance that always comes. When you get an idea or insight into the right thing to do, you put it into action. You trust your higher mind. This is the key to living in truth with yourself and others.

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THE INTEGRITY OF YOUR OWN MIND

Ralph Waldo Emerson, in his essay “Self-Reliance,” said,
“Guard
your integrity as a sacred thing.”
He went on to say,
“Nothing is at last
sacred but the integrity of your own mind.”
Truthfulness is the indispensable requirement for the development of character, and the development of character must be a central aim of your life. Aristotle said,
“The purpose of education is the
development of the character of the young.”
Today, in the United States, many young people have not been brought up with a clear sense of right and wrong. Many people have been told that values are
relative
. Many people have been told, for example, that if they like to shoplift, then that particular value is just as good as a person who believes that shoplifting is wrong.

This form of value relativity leads down a blind alley. It leads to failure, frustration, and unhappiness. The fact is that values are not relative. There are values that are
life-enhancing
and there are values that are
life-destroying
. If a value is positive, living by it improves the quality of your life and your relationships with others. A negative value hurts your relationships and detracts from the quality of your life. You can easily tell the difference, because living by a positive value makes you feel happy, and practicing a negative value makes you feel unhappy.

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FACE THE TRUTH

Living in truth means that you face the truth about yourself and the world around you. You face the truth about your work and your relationships. You look yourself directly in the eye and you live consistently with your innermost convictions. You do not play games with yourself or wish and hope that things could be different than they are.