Charlie's Dream (16 page)

"Are you okay?" whispered Gemma, kneeling in front of her. Marie just shook her head and let the tears flow again. Gemma didn't try and say anything but knelt there quietly while she let it all go. Marie took quite a while to calm down but as she gradually surfaced she held out her hand and touched Charlie lightly on the chest. Then she stood up slowly and bent down with her mouth against his ear.

"I'm still here for you, now more than ever. Please come back. I need your love to feel alive. I'm sorry if I've hurt you, but I'm here for you. I need you to help get me through this," she pleaded softly. Charlie made no sign of response as expected, but she felt better having faced her fear by coming here. Somehow, seeing him in the flesh had made her clearer in her feelings towards him and this gave her some measure of comfort. Part of her said it was just because she felt guilty about what she'd done, but in her heart she knew better.

"I'm okay now," she said to Gemma.

"Good, you know, what happened for you in Paris was not a bad thing. You can judge yourself about it, but really I think in the end you can be a lot closer to Charlie because of it," said Gemma, slightly hesitantly.

"I hope so, but what if he doesn't come back?"

"We can't be certain, but I really believe he will come back and I don't say that lightly. I just don't believe it's his time. He hasn't finished his business elsewhere yet, but he will soon, I'm sure. I'm convinced he's in the valley with Shamir and that he's looking after him as well as he can."

"Hmm," said Marie as she studied Gemma's eyes. They went quiet for a moment and both of them looked out of the window to search for a view that relieved the intensity in the little air conditioned room.

"It's time to support dad and put mum to rest," said Marie, her eyes glistening with tears.

"Do you want me to come to the house?" said Gemma quietly.

"No, I need to deal with this on my own. Besides, you need some time to rest."

"Thank you, yes I do. Okay, well I'll just say au revoir to the sleeping one and we'll go, eh," said Gemma.

"Yes, I can't wait to get out of this place," said Marie, shivering slightly.

Within a few minutes, they had scuttled down the winding stairs and out of the grey mansion to their car.

Ian had gone to visit an elderly relation in town, so Gemma left Marie and headed for the nursery. The weariness descended on her the moment she walked in the front door and she had to lie down for a few hours before tackling the arrangements for the next part of their adventure. It was pitch dark when she woke up, but instead of feeling disoriented like normal, she felt profoundly receptive and within moments a clear vision appeared in her mind's eye.

"Shamir," she whispered, as the picture became clear.

"It's been so long since we've been able to contact each other like this. I feared you were gone," sighed Shamir.

"I know, I've missed you beyond words. It's been so hard having no word of you," replied Gemma. There were a few moments of silence into which she eventually spoke.

"Are you okay?" she whispered.

"Yes, it's just I've felt the same. When I found no sign of you on my last trip to America, my heart broke."

"If you only knew what I was going through then, we must have been mirrors for each other," said Gemma.

"But now, we may only have the chance for communication for a moment, so let us share what we can," said Shamir.

"Yes, yes, quite right. So, tell me, how is your visitor?" asked Gemma, as the excitement of their renewed contact grew in her.

"Ah, he's fine and he's settled in well after the initial shock of arriving here. We've had one or two scares along the way, but those stories will have to wait for another time. Was that Marie who visited us in that bird the other morning?"

"Yes, it was, the other important part of this jigsaw," she answered.

"Ah, yes, he has talked about her a good deal. He will need her love soon because as we know, he won't be able to straddle both worlds for too much longer," said Shamir.

"We are still in the midst of things right now, but I feel that in about three or four days time, when the new moon phase begins, he may well be ready to come home," said Gemma.

"Yes, yes that sounds about right, and knowing your talent for such things, I shall prepare myself for such an eventuality. But, now I can feel the window being closed between us, although I still have a million things I wish to say. So, I send you great love from a heart that is much lighter knowing you are okay. I love you, sister, with all my being. Farewell and may the circumstances allow us to embrace each other again soon," said Shamir, his voice beginning to fade.

"Goodbye, brother, I love you too, and long to share all that has happened with you. I can't wait to see you again."

"Me too," whispered Shamir, before disappearing completely into the blackness.

"BRRIINNG," went the phone by Gemma's bed, startling her out of the heightened space.

"Hello," she said, blearily.

"Hi Gemma, I'm sorry, I've woken you up," said Ian apprehensively.

"No, no Ian, that's okay, I had to get up anyway," Gemma replied, keeping it simple.

"I'm sorry, I just wanted to talk to you about something important. It's about what to do after the funeral. I know you had planned to go further on your trip in France with Marie and, you see, I want you to help me convince Marie to stick to your plans and go to Provence."

"Oh," said Gemma, still grappling with the practicality of a phone call.

"I know it sounds a bit strange, but quite frankly, once the funeral is over, it's going to be messy and upsetting around here . I know Marie is mature enough to handle it, but I don't see any benefit in her doing so. I think she would be much better off travelling with you, than helping me clear all of Jackie's stuff out the house and the complication that involves. Would you be willing to do it, I mean, take Marie to Provence?"

"Of course, if that's what you'd like me to do, but are you sure you don't want her here to support you Ian?"

"There's part of me that does, but there was a lot of unfinished business between us," said Ian, his voice breaking slightly. "I need to face the stuff to do with Jackie first. Then, the house needs to be cleared out and a settlement negotiated with Neil, as Jackie left her half of the house to Marie. Once I've got that sorted out, then I can move Marie, if she wants to that is, back into my flat, and we can start to pick up the threads of our relationship. I know the flat's too small, but if I move all of my music equipment out, it'll do until we can find something bigger together."

"That's okay Ian, I understand, and we were only planning to going for a few days anyway. However, we both know we'll have to let Marie make her own decision about this, don't we," she replied.

"Indeed we do," said Ian, with a slight laugh.

"Now, I need to wake up and have a shower. I'll make some preliminary bookings, so we can act if we want to. Just phone me when you've spoken to Marie and I'll organise everything," said Gemma.

"Thank you so much," said Ian quietly, before hanging up.

Marie returned to a house full of relatives and friends, who hovered around not really knowing what to do. She tried to make conversation with them for a while, but really they had very little in common and the deathly air of the proceedings only made the chasm between them more obvious. Her father quite wisely hadn't reappeared as yet. So, after an hour of tense rounds of teas, she headed out for a walk to get some fresh air. The park near the house was completely empty, except for a young couple kissing on the bench by the bandstand. Marie skirted them as best as she could and headed for the stand of oak trees on the other side of the oval. No sooner had she started across the wide expanse of neatly trimmed grass, than a figure emerged from the far side of the green and headed towards her. It was her dad and, as he strode in her direction with his hands firmly stuck into his pockets, she felt relief flood through her that it was the only person in the world other than Gemma that she could bare to bump into.

"Hi Dad," she called cheerfully.

"Hello there," he replied, removing his hands from his pockets and waving them both up in front of him.

"God, I'm glad it's you. I couldn't stand it in the house anymore," she said as he walked towards her across the lawn.

"Hah, I've been hiding at aunt Gem's house, having a glass of homemade beer with uncle Pete. I couldn't cope with it either," he said, opening his arms to embrace her. Marie fell into them and they hugged tightly for a while.

"Maybe I should be heading back," he said, as they released their grip on each other.

"Oh no, can't we go somewhere on our own. I'm starved and I want to be with you and not a whole load of relatives, who haven't ever liked you anyway," she said dryly.

"God, you're a cheeky bugger. Where did you get that mouth of yours from?" he chided her lightly. Marie just raised her shoulders in a gesture of ignorance.

"You're right though, none of Jackie's family have ever liked me. Let's go to that Spanish restaurant in Smith street in town. We had a good night there once, do you remember?"

"Yes, I remember. That's a perfect idea Dad, it's just what I need," she replied.

They strode across the park and hopped onto a bus that took them into town. When they reached the restaurant Ian phoned home to explain their absence, which allowed him to relax as they sat with a large dish of paella and a jug of his favourite Sangria. For two hours, they talked about everything that had happened in their lives in the last year, right down to Marie's feelings of guilt about her trip to Paris.

"You shouldn't give yourself a hard time about your time in Paris," said Ian quietly.

"I don't see why not, I mean, it was a pretty rotten thing to do to Charlie," snapped Marie.

"Well, yes it was in one way, but can I ask you this? Did you enjoy making love with Peter?"

"Yes, I did," said Marie, lowering her head slightly.

"Well, let me tell you, that is pretty unusual. My first times were absolute disasters for reasons I am too embarrassed to mention. It takes time for it to work well, believe me," said Ian laughing. "Your commitment to Charlie hasn't lessened because of it, has it?"

"No, not at all, quite the opposite," said Marie blushing slightly.

"Then put it down to experience and move on. I bet in the long run you're grateful for it, and anyway, how many people can say that they made love in Paris? Most people have to make do with the backseat of a car."

"Mm, maybe you're right," said Marie.

"Well, I don't think I'm right, I just know that beating yourself up about it won't do any good, and maybe it will create more impetus to your relationship with Charlie in the long run," said Ian, touching her on the arm. "But right now, I need to go to the bathroom," said Ian, standing up from the table.

"Why do people keep telling me about their lavatorial needs?" mused Marie.

"I don't know, maybe they think you're interested," said Ian with a smile. When he returned, he gave Marie a nervous smile as he sat down.

"What is it dad? You always have that sheepish look when you want to ask me something important," said Marie, raising an eyebrow.

"Mmm," sighed Ian, shaking his head resignedly. "I'd like you to consider continuing your trip to Provence with Gemma, straight after the funeral. I know it sounds a bit crazy, but I don't think you need to be here while I go through Mum's stuff with Neil. I don't want you to remember her that way. It's all so horrible, I just think you should go with Gemma, she can really help you cope with the initial shock of this. It's only a few days, and then you and I can try and piece things together when some of the mess is out of the way. What do you say?"

"I think I'd like that," whispered Marie, lowering her head.

"You beautiful girl," said Ian quietly, moving his arm around her shoulder to hold her.

"Are you sure people won't think it's running away," sniffed Marie, wiping her nose on his sleeve.

"Who cares what people think. Gemma can help you in ways I can't at the moment and, maybe in turn, you can help Charlie in some way, who knows, I just have a feeling you should go. We'll be together when you get back, I promise."

"Thanks Dad, I didn't know how I was going to cope with cleaning out the house with Neil around," she said simply.

"Good, I've asked Gemma if she would be willing to go and she is happy to help. I'll call her when I get home to confirm the arrangements. I feel good that you're doing this," said Ian reassuringly. Marie just nodded her consent. They sat quietly for a moment, each in their own thoughts, before the waiter arrived brandishing their modest bill.

"Now I can face going home," said Ian as he paid the young waiter and grabbed Marie by the hand to leave.

"Me too," said Marie quietly.

The cab had them home in no time at all, and they both felt relieved that no one was about. They sat in the kitchen and had a hot chocolate to help get them ready for bed, whispering to each other through fear of waking anybody up. Marie slept well that night and woke up the next morning feeling surprisingly stable considering the timetable for the day. There was no one around when she went downstairs, so she snuck out the back door to see what the day was doing.

It was a beautiful Spring morning, so Marie wandered down to the local park to watch the waterbirds turning upside down looking for breakfast in the weeds at the bottom of the shallow lake. Only a few joggers and dog walkers accompanied her on her walk and the air was fresh and still. She breathed it in deeply and as she did so her thoughts seemed clearer than they had been for days.

After watching the antics down at the water's edge for a while, she meandered back in the direction of home, as her stomach was telling her that it was now most definitely empty. When she reached the house, she went straight up to her room to get ready for the funeral. There was a note stuck to the bedroom door telling her that Peter had phoned, which made her feel worse than she had all morning. She still felt incredibly guilty about what had happened and although she knew he was just being caring, she just couldn't bear to think about it on top of everything else. She decided she would phone him from France if she had the strength to do so.