Chase of a Lifetime (20 page)

Cain punched him in the arm. “It’s cool,
man. I’d never talk about it. Don’t worry. Like I said, I just told my dad you
guys had a few too many last night and I decided to drive you both back here.”

Jim glanced at the pickup truck for the
first time. He saw Len’s face in the rearview mirror and his chest started to
pound. He wondered if Len had called last night because of something Cain had
told him. Len seemed to be glaring at him, as if Len already knew what he’d
done. Jim turned toward the front door and said, “Thanks for bringing the car
home. I’m a little hung over from last night and I want to go back to bed for a
while.”

Cain shoved his hands into his pockets and
loped back to the truck. As Jim opened the front door he heard the truck start
up and Len revved the engine a few times. Jim didn’t turn around to see this.
But when the truck pulled away from the house, Jim heard a loud screech that
sounded as angry as Len had looked in the mirror.

On Sunday, it rained so hard Jim had to put
a towel on his windowsill to keep the wall from getting wet. Radcliff had been
meaning to fix the window for years; it only leaked when a storm came from that
direction, which rarely ever happened.

Jim set the towel in place and frowned. It seemed
more than appropriate to have this kind of unusual rain, especially when he
considered his own dire circumstances. On the one hand, he felt guilty about
what he’d done with Chase. On the other, he seethed when he thought about Len
being mad at him without being willing to commit to a relationship. For Len to
want him to be monogamous he should have at least promised Jim some kind of a
future. He could have offered a morsel of hope. All it would have taken would
have been a glimmer of some kind of future and Jim would have told Chase to
sleep in the guest room.

After Jim changed the sheets he’d slept on
with Chase, he went to bed for the rest of the day. He waited for the phone to
ring. He set it beside his bed and glanced over at it every fifteen minutes. He
even checked the ringer to see that it was working and getting a clear signal.
He phoned himself from the landline three times just to be sure. When it rang
each time, he slumped back to bed in his underwear and pulled the covers up
over his head. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t erase the image of
Len’s disappointed face in the rear view mirror.

Sometime around seven that evening, Jim’s
cell phone rang and he jumped out of bed. His parents phoned and said they were
staying an extra night. A minute after that, Cain called and asked him if he
wanted to go out that night for a drink. “I’m losing my mind again,” Cain said,
with a hint of forced sarcasm. “It’s even weirder around here tonight. My dad
locked himself in his office out back all day and he hasn’t come into the house
at all. He’s really bad this time and he won’t talk to anyone.
 
I really need to get out of here, man.”

 
Jim
frowned when he thought about what it must have been like at the Mayfield house
that day.
 
But he didn’t want to go out
with Cain that night. Len’s absolute silence that day sent him a message and he
knew it was over with Len. The best thing he could do now would be to stay as
far away from the Mayfield family as he could. “I think I’m going to stay in
tonight. I’m kind of tired.”

“No way,” Cain said. “I haven’t told you
everything yet.”

“What do you mean?” He’d detected a trace of
panic in his old friend’s tone.

“Not on the phone,” Cain said. “Pick me up
in about a half hour. I’ll tell you everything then. Just get me out of here.”
He spoke with urgency now, and not with the same light-hearted tone with which
he usually spoke.

If Jim hadn’t been so curious, he would have
continued to refuse. He sat back and thought for a moment. He’d already disappointed
Len and he figured he couldn’t do more harm than he’d already done. “Okay. I’ll
be there in a half hour.”

He didn’t bother to shower this time; he had
no intention of having sex with anyone that night; he didn’t care how he looked.
He put on the first T-shirt and jeans he found on the floor in his closet. The
rain had slowed down at four that afternoon, and now it was growing more
intense again. The weather report said it would rain this way all through the
night, which is one reason why his parents decided to spend the extra night
with their friends. On the way to the Mayfield house, the rained came down so
hard Jim had to lean forward to see where he was going. He didn’t dare drive
over thirty miles per hour.

Jim found Cain waiting for him at the door
when he pulled up to the house. When he climbed into the car he tossed his head
back against the seat and said, “You have no idea the bombshell my dad dropped
on us today. My mom is hysterical. She spent most of the day in her room and
then left a few minutes ago. I have no idea where she went.”

This was getting interesting. He’d been
imagining Len going back to his normal life, in the closet, pretending to be
happily married to a woman who had stopped loving him years ago. Jim pulled
away from the house and asked, “What happened?” He drove slowly to the end of
the driveway and hesitated.

Cain took a deep breath and rubbed his face.
“My dad wants a divorce. He told my mom he’s tired of living a lie and he wants
to change his life completely. It all came out this morning at breakfast. I was
checking my e-mail on my phone and my mom was making scrambled eggs. My dad was
sitting where he always sits and he just came right out with it as calmly as if
he were giving us the weather report.”

Jim pulled out of the driveway, creeping
onto the wet road. His jaw dropped and he turned to face Cain for a second. “A
divorce?” He’d never expected to hear this.

Cain rolled his eyes and shrugged. “It gets
better.” He tried to speak with a lighter tone, but Jim could tell he was
emotionally shocked.

“I don’t understand.”

“Hold on to the steering wheel, Jim. This is
going to shock you more than anything you’ve heard before.”

“Just tell me,” Jim said. He forced a smile.
“It can’t be that bad. And most of the people we know come from divorced
families. Hell, in Princeton people used to marvel at me because my folks were
still together.”

Cain looked down at his legs and said, “He
not only wants a divorce, he told us he’s gay, he’s tired of living a lie, and
he said he’s been having an affair with someone that didn’t end well.”

Before Cain could say another word, Jim hit
the brakes and pulled to the side of the road. He turned to Cain and gaped at
him for a moment. “He told you all that today?” He couldn’t believe Len would
come out of the closet, especially not after what he had done with Chase the
night before. Now he knew why Len hadn’t called him that day. This went deeper
than Jim had thought it did.

Cain said something Jim didn’t hear. He
continued to speak about how fucked up his parents were and all Jim could think
about was what Len was going through. Jim had to do something now that he knew
all this. But he couldn’t do anything with Cain sitting right there. He had to
see Len and explain what had happened with Chase. And he had a feeling deep
down in his gut that if he didn’t do it that night he never would. A sense of
urgency passed through his body and he couldn’t contain his emotions any
longer.

Cain sighed. “Maybe you could talk to him
about being gay, Jim. It might help if he talked to someone who is gay. I don’t
know what the fuck to say to him right now.”

Jim thought for a moment. “I
should
talk to him,” Jim said. “You’re
right. It might help.”

Then he jumped out of the car while Cain
continued speaking. In the pouring rain, he jogged up the driveway, stepping in
puddles. He ran to the back of the house first because Cain had said his father
had spent the day in his office. He found the little out-building empty and
turned back to the house. When he reached the front door he found it unlocked
and stepped into the front hall. His entire body dripped with rain and he had
to wipe his eyes with the bottom of his shirt so he could see clearly. He
shouted Len’s name a couple of times and ran up the front staircase.

When he reached the top of the stairs, the
guest room door opened and he saw Len standing in the doorway. He’d just come
out of the shower; his body was almost as wet as Jim’s and the only thing he
was wearing was a short white towel set low around his waist.

Len sent him a stunned look. “What are
you
doing here? I thought you’d be with your new friend you met at the bar last
night.”

“What did Cain say?” Jim’s chest caved in.

“Cain told me he hooked you up with someone.
He even told me you were gay. Cain thought it was hysterical that he’d fixed
you up with someone so you could get laid. He couldn’t stop laughing.”

“Cain said all that?” Jim asked. His friend
had betrayed him once again. “He told me he wouldn’t tell anyone about what
happened last night.”

“That’s how Cain is,” Len said. “I tried to
warn you about him. He was dying to tell someone so he told me all about you
and this Chase guy late last night.” Len took a step forward. “Did you sleep
with him? I want to know. I want to hear it from you.”

“We aren’t in a committed relationship,” Jim
said. “The last time I saw you I had a feeling you’d never come out of the
closet and I’d never see you again. I got drunk. I was upset and frustrated.
Think about how I felt.”

Len glared at him. He didn’t raise his
voice. “That’s all I have been doing since I met you.”

Jim lowered his eyes to his shoes and didn’t
say anything.

“You should leave,” Len said. “It’s been a
long day.”

Jim walked toward the doorway and pushed Len
back into the guest room with a gentle shove. “Cain told me what happened
today. He told me you came out and that you want a divorce.” He spoke with a
lower tone, and much faster, so no one would hear him. He didn’t want anyone to
know he was the guy Len had been sleeping with yet. It was too soon. It would
only make things worse for Len. And yet, he couldn’t seem to control the depth
of his feelings no matter how hard he tried. It took all the strength he had
not to throw his arms around Len and beg for his forgiveness.

Len turned his head and glanced down at the
floor. He wouldn’t look into Jim’s eyes. “I’m tired of living a lie. I didn’t
come out to my family because of you. I’m tired of everything about my life,
including you.”

That comment stung. Jim heard the
disappointment in Len’s voice; he could feel it by the way Len refused to look
at him. “I made a mistake last night. I was drunk. I’m sorry. I didn’t know
what I was doing. I had no idea you’d ever come out of the closet and ask for a
divorce.”

Len lifted his head and glared at him. “I
never said I wouldn’t leave my wife.”

“I’m not a mind reader,” Jim said, as a tear
rolled down his cheek.

“I wouldn’t have done that to you. I know
I’m not perfect, but I deserve better.” He punched the wall. “The thought of
you with someone else kills me.”

Before Jim had a chance to reply, Cain
walked up to the doorway and glanced into the bedroom. He looked at his father
first, and then he looked at Jim. His face remained blank, as if he couldn’t
figure out why his half naked father and best friend were shouting at each
other. “What’s going on here? Am I missing something?” He stared at Jim and
asked, “Why are
you
crying? I thought
you were going to talk to him about being gay.”

The entire house went dead silent for a
moment. The only sounds came from rain pounding against the windows. Len
glanced at Jim with glazed eyes; he stared at his son and then looked down at
the floor. “I think you should leave now, Jim. There’s nothing more to say.”

Cain turned to Jim and asked, “Do you know
anything about my father’s mid-life gay crisis and the little fling he’s been
having with this secret guy?”

When Jim looked into Cain’s eyes, he didn’t
speak. It only took a second and Cain finally understood the magnitude of the
situation. He pressed his palm to his chest, turned to his father, and said,
“Tell me this isn’t happening. You’ve been fucking my best friend?”

Len didn’t reply. He continued to stare down
at the floor in shame.

“How long has this been going on?” Cain
asked. He clenched his fists. “I want to know.”

“It’s not what you think,” Jim said.

“What
should
I think?” Cain asked. “Here I thought you were poor, shy innocent Jim Darling,
the gay virgin. While I was hooking you up with a guy your own age last night,
trying to help you, you were
fucking
my dad behind my back.
 
I’m allowed to think anything I want right
now. I should probably kick the shit out of you and throw you down the fucking
stairs.”

As Cain moved toward Jim, Len’s head jerked
to the side and he shouted. “That’s enough, Cain.” He turned to Jim and said,
“You should leave now before my wife comes home and this gets any uglier.”

“But I want to explain,” Jim said. “I made a
mistake last night. I was drunk.” If Cain hadn’t been standing there, he would
have pleaded and gone down on his knees. He wanted Len to know Chase meant
nothing to him.

Len turned and headed back to the bathroom,
without sending Jim or Cain a backward glance. Cain walked toward the other end
of the hall, with his head down and his hands buried in his pockets, dismissing
them both with contempt.

Jim felt a sting in his eyes and tears began
to stream down his face. He walked to the bedroom door and back down the steps.
He went outside and left the front door wide open. By the time he returned to
his car every inch of his body dripped with rain.