Chasing Butterflies (13 page)

Blinking, my eyes
adjusted to the brightness of the room. That was information enough I wasn’t back home or in the room above the garage. For a second, I thought I might be on the pullout in Mom’s room until a figure came into focus.

“There you are. How do you feel, hon?”

I wanted to ask where I was, even knowing the answer. I wanted to know how I got to the hospital. Instead, my voice came out scratchy and incoherent.

Give it a second. She disappeared and returned with a cup that held a straw. “Why don’t you drink something first?”

My throat burned, so I didn’t refuse. The cool water coated my throat, giving me the opportunity to voice my questions.

“You’re in Mid County Hospital. And I think I should contact the doctor.”

“My mom…is she here?”

It was a long shot. Mom barely moved on her own these days.

The older woman patted my hand. “Your mom is here. Let me get the doctor.”

Before I could stretch out my hand to stop her, she was gone. I tried to sit up, but a wave of dizziness flattened me. If Mom was there, I figured she’d be in to check on me soon. Maybe she’d finally given my father the boot.

Only Mom didn’t show. And maybe an hour had passed when a doctor breezed through my door, all busy like with a clipboard in his hand.

“Ah, Mr. Moore, how are you feeling?”

Before I could answer, he flashed a light across my eyes, blinding me.

“Not very talkative,” he said after only a few seconds of silence. “You took quite the fall. Lucky for you, you only bruised a few ribs as we found no fractures. It’s the concussion we’re worried about. Your dad said you fell down a long line of stairs, which explains why you are here.”

So that’s how he played it. I said nothing because I couldn’t. As much as I hated the bastard, Mom loved him for reasons I would never understand. I needed to talk to her before I went spilling my guts.

“Is my dad here?”

I hoped like hell he wasn’t. But I needed to know. Mom wouldn’t speak freely if he were in there. I hadn’t wished for my brother in a while, but in that moment, I longed for his miraculous return.

“He’s with your mother.”

“Are they coming in?”

He sighed heavily, and I didn’t expect his next words.

“Your father has given me permission to speak with you. Your mother has suffered a complication to her illness.”

“She has MS.”

“Yes. But she has the rare form of Multiple Sclerosis called Marburg.”

“She told me, but what does that mean?”

“It’s a rare form of the disease that progresses quite quickly. It’s surprising that your mother was able to get out of bed to try to get to you. But stranger things have happened when mothers are confronted with the desire to save their children.”

That was all good, but I wanted to understand what was going on. “Is she okay?”

He sighed again, only warning me his news wasn’t good.

“My understanding is that your parents were aware of her prognosis and moved here for more assistance.”

“You’re not answering the question.”

“She isn’t my patient anymore. After she was admitted, she was assigned a doctor who specializes in that area. What I can tell you is that this form of the disease is usually terminal. And most patients don’t live for more than a year or two after onset.”

“I need to see her.”

I tried to scramble off the bed, but I was stopped by firm hands.

“We want you to see her as well. But let’s do this right. I’ll get the nurse to get you a wheelchair and take you to her.”

“I don’t need a stinking wheelchair,” I said, managing not to curse.

“You are in no condition to walk that far. Don’t worry your mother by walking in looking like a zombie.”

He was right. I didn’t want to worry her. So I nodded and lay back. “I’m not going to wait another hour to see her,” I declared.

“I’ll get the nurse in here, stat.”

He smiled to himself, but I didn’t get the joke. I watched him leave as my mind spun with all the information. She’d explained that her MS was different. Why had I been so self-involved that I didn’t find out more? Had I wasted so much time chasing girls than spending time with Mom?

When the nurse arrived, fear lanced me. I wasn’t sure what to expect when I was wheeled into the room.

I was rolled up to the bed and given instructions to use the call button if I felt like I would pass out or needed assistance of any kind, including help with my trip back to my room.

My focus was on the still figure in the bed. If not for the beeping of the machines, I might have thought her dead. I clutched at her hand that peeked out from under the covers. She didn’t stir. When my head dipped, I said a silent prayer to a God who’d never answered me before.

I glanced up and around the room and noticed my disheveled father passed out in a chair in the corner. Love him or hate him, there was a part of him that cared deeply for Mom. The strange connection they had for each other, I didn’t get. But I knew Mom would want him there.

My fist balled and if I’d been on my feet, I might have cold clocked the bastard. It wasn’t less than he deserved. My luck, he’d press charges, and I would be locked up like a criminal with no way out.

“Kelley.” My name wasn’t more than a whisper carried on a breeze.

I met Mom’s open eyes. “Mom.”

Her lips curled and something in my chest eased.

“You’re okay?”

I shook my head yes. “I am. But I’m worried about you.”

Her eyes softened.

“Don’t worry about me. You finish school and make something of yourself for me.”

I nodded vigorously. “I will, but why are you saying this? You’ll be fine.”

As if she hasn’t heard me, she added, “We should have stayed in Galveston so you could play the ball you love. I’m sorry about that. One day, you’ll be famous for that.”

“Mom, don’t talk like you’re dying. I need you.” A tear rolled down my cheek. “Why didn’t you tell me how bad it was sooner? How am I supposed to go on without you?”

But my questions come too late. “I waited to see you and know you were okay. I love you,” she breathed out. Her eyes closed, and I thought she’d gone to sleep. Only minutes later the beeping noise went flat like I was in a TV drama.

Everything happened in surreal time. I’m pretty sure I shouted as other voices from nowhere filled the room. Dad jumped to his feet and rushed over to Mom’s other side. I was wheeled back, losing my hold on her limp hand as bodies circled her bed. I heard the word
clear
several times, but I could only see a sliver through the wall of people trying to save Mom. Only, they stopped after what felt like seconds in the unreality state I found myself in.

I don’t remember the last time I cried. But I felt the wetness on my face as tears streamed down unimpeded. It felt like I had open heart surgery right there as I watched the only person I love leave me.

When they called out the time, I was numb. I had nothing to live for until I remembered my promise to her. Football was key. The one thing I had left. It was my ticket out of the hell I was living. That would be what sustained me.

Everything that came after was a bad dream.

The sky should have been cloudy. Instead, the sun beat down on us as we stood with my aunt and her husband at a cemetery watching Mom being laid to rest. No one comforted me as I fell to my knees unable to stand under the crushing weight of loss. Mom had left me with my bastard of a father and indifferent aunt. What would happen to me now?

I didn’t have to wait long to find out. We’d barely made it back to my aunt’s house as she waited for us to exit her car.

“Well, that’s done,” she said so coldly I wondered how she and Mom were related. My hands trembled at my sides as I tried not to look like a big baby. “I’m afraid I can’t have you guys staying here any longer.”

My uncle disappeared into the house without ever looking back.

“Your things have been packed.” My uncle reappeared with two small duffle bags. “Good luck to you both.”

The money I saved most likely hadn’t been found. But Aunt Joy didn’t look like she was going to allow us back in her house.

“Come, boy,” Dad said with pride steeling his words.

My bones ached. My heart completely shut down. School was barely a thought. Aunt Joy didn’t meet my eyes when I glanced in her direction. She knew what an asshole Dad was. Yet, she was leaving me with him. What a cold-hearted bitch.

Slowly, I hiked up to get in the cab of Dad’s truck on a groan. I felt every stretch of my muscles with stabbing pain. I closed the door and wondered what would become of my life next.

Mom was dead and everyone acted like it was just another day. Just like Sandy. But it wasn’t another day for me. I had nowhere to go to wallow in pity. Dad offered no comforting words.
Shocker there
. If I fled, I would dishonor Mom’s wishes for me because I would never graduate if I had to get a full-time job to support myself. So I was stuck until I finished school or my father killed me. I wasn’t sure which option was better.

We rode in silence as the fancy houses turned into stretches of land and ultimately to a rundown park of trailers. Had Dad already found a place for us? Had that been what he’d been doing all those days he was gone? He parked in front of one that didn’t exactly look uninhabited. A woman with dirty blond hair and a pleasant face opened the door with a belly the size of a basketball. Dad’s smile ratcheted up to a brightness I hadn’t seen before.

“About time you got here,” she drawled.

She said something else that was muffled when Dad’s door closed. I sat there, unsure what to do until the woman gestured with her hand for me to come inside before she and Dad disappeared.

Slowly, I opened my door, trying like fuck not to assume Dad had been cheating on Mom with that woman and she was pregnant with his child.

I kicked at the truck door, widening it as I got out. My life was something out of a bad dream and surely I would wake from the nightmare.

“Kelley Moore.”

I spun around and saw Trina leaning on the back of the trailer next to the one we parked in front of.

“Yeah.”

“You haven’t been in school all week. And interestingly, Lenny has been looking for you.”

Scrubbing a hand down my face, I sighed. “How do you know?”

“Because she asked Joel and me. You should probably talk to her.”

There was no confirming or denying. I just nodded.

“Didn’t know that was your dad.”

I swung my gaze back in her direction. “You’ve seen him before?”

She nodded. “His truck is here almost every night.”

There was my answer, which only made me want to choke the man who helped give me life. I wanted to run, but had nothing to run with. Further, I wanted Lenny more than my next nut. And wasn’t that a bitch. When had I ever wanted a girl that much?
Never
.

After an awkward dinner with the woman claiming to be Dad’s girlfriend, I slept in sprits between the definite noises of Dad getting it on with that woman. I woke Saturday morning to the smell of bacon.

“I know this is a shock. But you are welcome to stay here.”

I scrambled to my feet with an urge to piss so strong, but the need to leave the confines of the trailer. I chose the latter, stumbling out the door with the grace of a drunk. Dad’s truck was gone, and I found a spot to water before walking away from the trailer. The bacon had smelled good, but I needed my cash. I needed options.

The big house
looked empty as I stood like a prowler at the corner near a large fence of the neighbors. Finally, I stepped forward and took the stairs two at a time. I prayed to a God that had forsaken me long ago that the door would be unlocked. If it wasn’t, I was prepared to break the glass to get inside. My money and my only hope was in there. I turned the knob and it opened.

Once inside, I stood staring at the bed like I’d just gotten my cherry popped. The memory of Lenny and my time there seared on my brain like the steaks Dad used to make on the grill when things were good. I held onto that memory like I did the few others that made me feel human.

Finally, I got to my knees and scooted forward. I bent further to reach under the nightstand and hoped like hell the bag was still there. My fingertips skipped over the wood, searching in vain until I found it. Expelling a breath like it was my last, I pulled the ziplock free.

I sat and counted the money until I was satisfied it was all there. I was just about to get to my feet when the door opened. All the blood drained from my face as I scrambled to hide the bag in my pocket before the woman came into view.

The sun that blurred my vision was blotted out as the door closed.

“Kelley.”

Her soft voice was Band-Aid to my wounded heart.

“Lenny, what are you doing here?”

I found my feet and stood on them. She was so small next to me. I felt oddly protective of her.

“I’m actually grounded. But I had to see you. You weren’t in school all week.”

Her eyes grew large as I stepped toward her. I stopped fearing that she didn’t feel safe with me.

“You’re hurt, again.”

She moved so fast, the wind she created ruffled my hair, and I sucked in a breath as her finger brushed over my wrapped ribs.

“I fell,” I lied because how could I admit that my father was a monster who thought kicking his son in the chest was a suitable punishment for whatever perceived crime he thought I committed.

“Your father did this, didn’t he?”

Clearly, I sucked at lying. I nodded. Then the words flew out of my mouth like a caged bird finally set free. “And my mom died.”

She gasped and buried deep, wrapping her arms around me as if she could hold me up. My eyes got wet, and I struggled to wrap mine around her. I hurt, but her being there meant more to me than anything else did in the past week. But what use was there in crying. Mom was gone. I remembered what Lenny said about no pity parties.

When her eyes flared large and wide up at me, I leaned down, ignoring the sharp stabs at my chest. I pressed my mouth to hers, wanting to lose myself in her. Virgin as she had been, we didn’t speak as our connection became frantic with need and heat. Not soon enough, we were back in the small bed. She on top of me as I guided her down my length. I sighed as heaven found me. There was no other word for it. God had answered my prayers in the form of a girl who showed me the way into the light.

The feeling of her heat wrapped around me dulled the pain in my chest from guiding her hips with my arms to find a rhythm we both enjoyed.

It didn’t take long. Never with her. It was a good thing she wasn’t experienced. Otherwise, I would be the laughing stock of the boys’ locker room if ever word of how quickly I came with her became public knowledge. Good thing she found hers as my dick began to lose its stiffness.

She said the magic words, stunning me. “I missed you, Kelley.”

There wasn’t a chance to return them before she kissed me again, and I lost myself to her. Forgot about all the missing people in my life, my mom and my brother. I wanted this to be my normal, only a car in the drive changed everything.

I pressed my finger to her lips as I listened to the sounds of my aunt talking to her husband.

“We have to go,” I whispered.

Her eyes were wide. “I thought—”

But I cut her off with a hand over her mouth. When I heard a door close, I rolled her off of me and winced.

“I don’t live here anymore. I’ll explain.”

I put the finger to my lips before pointing to our clothes. We got dressed silently. I stuffed the bag of money back in my pocket as her eyes became suspicious. I poked my head out of the door before waving her to follow. We made it to the street and past the neighbor’s house before I had a chance to speak.

“What’s going on, Kelley? I thought you lived there.”

Her narrow-eyed glare would have pissed me off if anyone else. But I put myself in her shoes.

“I did. My aunt kicked us out after the funeral.”

Her suspicion died and turned into something like pity. I shook my head. “Oh my God, how could she do that? She’s a heartless bitch.”

It was true. “But Dad’s got a place on the other side of town. I’m not leaving. I just live in a different place.”

“I’ll drive you back. I parked my parents’ car back that way.”

I turned around, realizing the ride was a blessing and a curse. No way my aunt didn’t notice the car out in the front of her house. We ran, or rather I jogged. Her shorter legs meant my jog was almost as fast as her run. We got in the car and peeled off. She drove me to my new digs.

“This is it,” I said in grand fashion, sweeping my hand around. “And it’s not even ours. It belongs to some woman my dad’s been hooking up with for who knows how long.”

She nodded, not looking at all disgusted that it wasn’t the burbs.

“It sucks. Not the trailer, just the whole story. But I’m glad you didn’t leave. I was afraid…”

Cupping the back of her neck, I seared her lips with a kiss that was more heartfelt than any words I could muster. “I’m not leaving you, Len.”

She was the last good thing I had. I would find a way to stay, even if it meant shacking it up with Dad’s girlfriend.
Sorry, Mom
.

“Good.” She sighed. “I should get back before my parents do and I’m grounded until the end of time, not just the rest of my life.”

I actually laughed, a little. Our kiss could have melted ice cream in winter and it was hard to let go.

“See you at school,” I said before I watched my girl pull away, not knowing that the shit was only getting deeper.

Once Lenny was gone, staring at the trailer, I felt a betrayal on Mom’s behalf. The woman seemed nice, but I buried Mom. Staying there felt all kinds of wrong. It was like being torn in half. Betrayal or leaving Lenny. Those were my options.

Trina obviously lived close. She found me standing outside staring like a stalker.

“Are you hungry?” I asked.

She nodded. With cash in my pocket, I walked back into town with Trina to get a late lunch. I had no desire to ask for something to eat from a woman I didn’t know. She was Dad’s girlfriend, not my mom.

“She’s not all that bad,” Trina said, during our semi-conversation.

“She’s not my mom and she better not act like it.”

“Does she even know your dad was married?”

She had a point. I grunted around my cheeseburger as I let Trina do most of the talking. “I worry about you, my friend. When Ox finds out you’re doing his girl, he’s going to kick your ass.”

The last thing I worried about was Ox. He was pussy sized compared to my dad. I could take a hit and give one too. I worried about how much damage the trailer would sustain when I called my dad out on cheating on Mom.

“Ye of little faith,” I said with mirth. “Besides, Lenny’s not his anymore, she’s mine.”

Only my luck was worse than stepping in dog shit on the sidewalk. Ox and his friends sauntered in, having already spotted me.

“Damn, saying his name is like saying Candyman five times.”

I stared at Trina.

She shook her head. “It’s an old scary movie. If you say Candyman five times, he shows up and kills you.”

I said nothing, just watched as Ox moved toward us with purpose. The conversation he and his boys were having died. The guy rolled his head on his shoulders as if that would scare me. Trina placed her hand on mine.

“Don’t,” she warned. “It’s only going to get you in trouble.”

But there was no fucking way I’d let him punk me.

“Look who’s here.” Ox grunted while placing his meaty hands on the end of the table to lean in toward me.

It was an intimidation tactic I had no time for.

“Leave now and I won’t break your nose,” I warned.

Ox stood, and he traded blustered words with his friends. They taunted me as Trina tried to send me smoke signals by widening and narrowing her eyes in rapid succession.

“What do you say, guys?”

Then the bell over the door jingled and Debbie stepped inside. I gave her points for assessing the situation rather quickly. When she smirked, I knew shit was about to get real. She sauntered over with the determination of someone on a mission.

“What are you doing here?” Ox sneered at her, causing her steps to falter.

Watching her fumble almost made my day. The bitch had done Lenny wrong and seeing her get hers would only be more satisfying if Lenny could be here to witness it too.

Debbie glanced at me as Trina’s jaw tightened. Trina hadn’t looked back at Debbie, nor had she given up her quest for me to back down.

“There’s something you should know,” Debbie announced. I was grateful the diner held no other customers but us at that late afternoon hour. But soon, people looking for dinner would arrive. “Lenny spent the night with him after the party. Her parents called me looking for her.”

Everyone went quiet as Ox turned his attention back at me.

“You didn’t touch her.” He pointed his finger at me like somehow he ruled me.

I scooted out of the booth as casually as I could. There was no way I would answer. But he would see that as confirmation.

“I will kill you,” Ox claimed.

It took two moves. I dogged Ox’s jab while I connected my fist with his nose. He didn’t fall to the ground, only stumbled back.

“That’s fucking assault. Your ass is going to jail.”

Who would have thought the big guy would back down so easily.

“Yeah, you have to call the cops because you’re a chicken shit.” I took Trina’s hand and led her out after tossing some bills by the waitress at the counter.

As we left, Debbie said, “I’m sure the police will want to hear about how you tried to rape me.”

Rage almost sent me back into the diner to give her some choice words, but Trina tugged on my hand, pulling me forward. I stewed in the silence that Debbie would be that big of a bitch. She could ruin my life with her lies.

“You didn’t?” Trina asked in a soft voice.

I gave her my best are you kidding me glare before I added, “I didn’t.”

She nodded. “I didn’t think so, but I had to ask.”

Our walk back to the trailer park was a long one. Neither of us had been in a rush to get back. Our lives were less than stellar. I didn’t know Trina’s story, but I did notice she was always outside in the short time I’d come to stay at my dad’s woman’s place.

Flashing lights near Dad’s truck had us hanging back. We hadn’t walked down the main road to get back home. By silent agreement, we’d walked through a field and behind some buildings so we would avoid any potential ambush by Ox and his friends if they got any ideas.

I peeked my head around the corner of a trailer and watched as Dad shook his head. Officers pointed inside, and Dad continued to wordlessly say no.

“Fucking asshole,” I growled.

Less than a minute later, the officers got in the patrol car. Trina and I ducked behind a car as they drove off. Another minute went by before we left our hiding place and walked over to where Dad still stood staring after the police.

“There you are, boy. What kind of trouble did you get yourself into?”

I glanced at Trina, who waved and walked toward her place.

“I—”

“Now we got to fucking leave. If they do a search on me…” He shook his head. “Get your shit and let’s get out of here.” I pointed to his truck where my bag still remained. “Fine. Let me talk to her. I ain’t going to jail over you, boy.”

I had no idea what he was talking about. Why would he go to jail?