Chasing Butterflies (17 page)

With my book
open on my lap, I tapped my pen on the empty page in my notebook. Although I had a laptop, a used one my high school coach had given me, my typing skills sucked. I blamed that on not having a computer in the house growing up. I hardly ever got to use it unless I went to the library. So I still used pen and paper for notes.

I couldn’t focus. All I could think about was the last time I saw Lenny in the café. I’d been heading to a class I couldn’t be late for. Her smile was missing in action like it always was these days with the brief exception of her drunkenness at that party. She was so different from the Lenny I remembered. I’d been rushing not to be late, so I couldn’t chase after her. Which was why her sunglasses sat like a trophy on my dresser.

Sawyer’s voice broke through my thoughts. He and Ashton were coming downstairs but hadn’t noticed me yet.

“I don’t know what your problem is. You had your share,” he said.

“Maybe I’m tired of sharing,” Ashton said.

Sawyer huffed. “Then get your own, bro. No one’s stopping you.”

Ashton reached out, eyes dark as night. He snagged Sawyer’s arm to stop him. Ashton mumbled something I couldn’t hear. But so far, he’d said more than usual.

Sawyer’s eyes narrowed. “That shit happened a long time ago, and I’m not going there.” He snatched his arm out of Ashton’s hold when he spotted me.

He changed his path, and a smile curled on his mouth.

“Kelley, what are you doing here? It’s Friday. Coach gave us off for practice. I thought for sure you’d be with Chance chasing pussy tonight.”

I shook my head. “Nah, studying for midterms.”

“Dude, don’t be like Ashton.” He hooked a thumb in the guy’s direction. “Life is short and pussy is never going to be better than it is now. We have no fucking responsibilities. No wife or kids and shit. We are like gods at this school. Pussy is never in short supply.”

I shrugged.

“Don’t tell me you have a thing for that brunette.”

Tightening my jaw, I ground my teeth together. Apparently, my silence was answer enough.

He shook his head as if he were disappointed with me. “She’s dating one of my fraternity brothers.” Over his shoulder, he glanced at Ashton. “If you can call him that. He wouldn’t have been voted in if his father wasn’t legacy.”

“Prescott is a douche,” Ashton said.

“Yeah,” Sawyer concurred. “He’s pussy whipped. He treats her like those porcelain dolls my mom collects. There is no in. Trust me, I tried.”

“And I ended up saving your face,” Ashton muttered.

Sawyer waved him off. “I had no idea. She’s hot as shit, but believe me when I say she has an unavailable neon sign strapped around her. Don’t waste your time.”

Thankfully, Chance came through the door and tossed me my keys. “Many thanks, man.”

He held up a six pack of beer. “Want one?”

Ashton nodded first, and Chance tossed him a can. Sawyer held up a hand and didn’t even really look but caught the flying can with no problem. When they stared at me, I shook my head. Chance shrugged and popped the top.

I hadn’t realized I’d wrapped my hands around the tags until Sawyer asked, “I’ve been meaning to ask you. Who do those dog tags belong to? Your dad?”

The metal bit into my skin as I shook my head. “My brother.” Before they could ask, I told them. “He died in Afghanistan.”

It was a story I didn’t tell often, but these guys were different. In the weeks I’d lived there, they’d accepted me on and off the field. I hadn’t had that in so long. And I’d slept better in years since moving away from her. So I told them the ugly truth about the roadside bomb that killed my brother.

“Damn, man, that sucks,” Sawyer said.

Even though he and Ashton had grown up far different than me, with parents who were still living, I believed Sawyer felt bad for me.

“So it’s just you and your mom.”

He and Ashton had been there when I moved in. They believed that the woman who’d come with me had been my mom. “My stepmom. My mom died from complications of MS.”

“Fuck. You’ve had some shit to deal with.”

I nodded, grateful when Sawyer got up and didn’t ask about my dad.

“Wanna go get free ice cream?” Chance offered, ending the awkward silence.

Ashton grunted. It was unusual for him to opt in before hearing what Sawyer was going to do.

“We’ve got ice cream here,” I said when Chance glanced at me.

“Yeah, but here we eat alone. There we find pussy for the night.”

Sawyer’s eyes brightened. “Hell, I’m in.”

I sighed. “Fine.”

“Good, because you’re the designated driver.”

As odd as that sounded, I figured we’d be out until late and there would ultimately be a party with alcohol and whatever else. They all piled in my truck. Sawyer and Ashton opted to sit in the flatbed. After we were underway, I asked Chance a question.

“Who’s giving away free ice cream?”

A little too quickly, he said, “The science club. According to the flyer, they’ve mixed alcohol and ice cream in several experiments. They need human testers to prove out theories or some shit. Whatever it is, it’s free ice cream and beer, what else matters?”

“Un huh,” I said, knowing there was more to the story. Chance had been relatively girl free since the bonfire.

“The psych club might also be involved. They are studying human behaviors. Something like that.”

He’d tossed that in. Chance was a math major of all things. I wasn’t sure why he was interested in the psychology or science clubs.

We parked and made the short walk between buildings onto the quad. The afternoon was scorching, so it wasn’t surprising to see the line near some tables set up near the center.

Sawyer sped up when he spotted all the available women dressed in very little due to the heat.

I spotted Lenny’s friend Brie first. A glance over at Chance said he caught wind of her too. Then she took a step to the side, and I saw her. The breath escaped my lungs like I’d taken a hit in the solar plexus.

“Jesus,” I said out loud.

“I know,” Chance said next to me.

Ashton glanced between us, then shook his head before rushing off to catch up to Sawyer.

“We’re fucked,” Chance said.

“Yes…yes, we are.”

Lenny’s legs from her toes led straight up to unnaturally tiny shorts. I wanted to cover her in a sheet so no one could see. Her long hair was pulled up, exposing her neck, and I had to lick my lips.

My stomach flipped over several times as I made a beeline for her, which probably wasn’t the brightest move. But logic had fled the building long before I stepped behind her and fought the urge not to press my lips to the nape of her neck. Instead, I touched her shoulder.

She spun around, eyes the size of quarters that shone like they were newly minted.

“Can we talk?”

“Kelley,” she said breathlessly.

“That’s my name, but I prefer you saying it like that when you’re underneath me.”

Her fucking perfect cheeks flamed, and damn if my dick didn’t swell all proud like.

“Please,” I added.

“You aren’t going to give up, are you?”

I shook my head. “I think you want me to chase you.”

Her mouth parted but snapped back closed. She glanced around before facing me.

“Fine, but make it quick.” Then she whispered to her friend, who was already caged in by Chance. I couldn’t hear what she said at first, but she added, “I’ll be right back.”

Brie nodded, trying not very hard to remove Chance’s hands from her waist. Lenny stomped off and stopped under one of the trees that had been planted on the quad to provide some shade.

“What do you want to say? And no, I don’t want you to chase me.”

“Too late for that. Ever since I met you I’ve been chasing you.”

She rolled her eyes, and it was almost cute. “That’s not true. You didn’t even like me.”

“The problem was I liked you too much when you had someone else, and that problem hasn’t changed.”

Her eyes sparkled for a second like maybe I was breaking through her walls. But then they dulled and narrowed. “I don’t have time for this. What you and I had was a crush.”

“Was it?”

“Whatever it was, it’s over. I am with someone else.”

I licked my lips before I bit my tongue. Her annoyance with me was further evidence she was happy with someone else. And she seemed perfectly fine without me. It wasn’t a repeat of the past when she didn’t want to be with that asshole and I’d been there when she realized it. Still, we had to get something straight.

“Fine, you keep saying I didn’t come back,” I began. “And you’re right. I didn’t. But I called you, Len. I called your house several times once I found your house number and had a phone I could borrow.”

“What?”

I nodded. “Your parents shut me down every time. Their excuse was you weren’t home, you weren’t available, until they flat out told me you didn’t want to speak with me.”

Her jaw dropped, and I continued.

“I even mailed you a letter after we got settled. I thought if you read it, you’d understand why I couldn’t come back.”

Betrayed. I felt
it dead center and with so much pain.

“They never told me you called, and I never got a letter other than the one Trina gave me.”

His eyes closed and something like relief was in them when he opened them again.

“When I finally got my truck, I toyed with the idea of coming to see you. So much time had passed. I wasn’t sure. Plus, I didn’t want to get caught with a warrant on my head.”

“Warrant?” I asked, confused.

“Remember the cops came for me? Ox and Debbie, they lied to the police.”

Frantically, I shook my head. “I stopped that. Debbie retracted her statement to the cops, and Ox dropped the charges.”

“What?”

It was his turn to look dumbfounded. “I went to the police myself and made a statement. You were clear to come back anytime.”

He stared at me for the longest second. But we’d stood alone together too long. No doubt my actions would be reported and my punishment for daring to talk to another guy would be swift and painful.

“I didn’t know,” he stuttered.

“Now you do. But it doesn’t matter. It’s too late. You’ve said what you had to say. And I’m going to ask you to leave it alone. Leave me alone, Kelley. I’m not the same girl you remember.”

I walked away and prayed he wouldn’t say anything more. On the verge of tears, I wanted more than anything that things could be different. But I was trapped like a mouse in a maze. And I couldn’t puzzle my way out.

He didn’t leave, which made me uncomfortable in ways I didn’t want to think about. No longer was he the boy from high school. He’d grown more beautiful in the years we were apart. His frame had filled out with lean and powerful looking muscles.

When I couldn’t take watching girls fawn all over him, I made my escape. Brie was lost in her own world as Chance was another target for scantily clad females flocking like ants over a group of very hot guys.

Kelley didn’t follow, which was a good thing. There was so much I wanted to share about what happened after he left town. What was the point when I was stuck in my circumstances with no way out? Not yet at least.

With my ear buds in, I sat in the library, transcribing notes for one of my customers. He’d taped the lecture while he slept through it. It was my job to type up the notes for him.

Movement had me glancing up to see Kelley slinking into the chair opposite me. I pulled one of the buds out and gave him my best bored expression.

“You are starting to look desperate.”

Where I hoped to strike at his ego, he said, “Maybe I am desperate.”

“Desperation doesn’t look good on you. Why don’t you go sit with those girls over there? They might appreciate your company.”

He glanced over at the giggling girls who made no attempt at hiding they were vying for his attention. I rolled my eyes and started to put my earphones back in.

“You left these with me.” He slid my sunglasses back over to me. I snagged and tucked them in my bag. “Look, I know you have a boyfriend. But do you think we can at least be friends?”

Was he serious? “Why?”

He sat back and stared at me. I started to squirm under his scrutiny. “I don’t know, Len. Maybe because you’re the last person alive I ever gave two shits about.”

His chair scrapped back, causing more than a few heads to turn in our direction.

“Kelley, wait.” I felt like gum under someone’s shoe.

“Oh, of course you’re here.”

We both turned to find Shelly standing at our table. But then something happened I didn’t expect. The room suddenly got brighter. Only I saw that Kelley had dialed up the wattage on his smile.

“Shell, I’m glad I ran into you.”

He stood up and whispered something in her ear. She smiled like she’d won a Miss America pageant. His hand landed on her back as he guided her from the table without even a goodbye.

Green was so not my color, because envy didn’t change that I could never be as free as Shelly. And I couldn’t have Kelley even though I wanted him.