Chasing Butterflies (20 page)

Time could have
been marked in twos, tens, fifteens or hundreds. It didn’t matter as time didn’t slow enough for me to think. Why hadn’t I prepared for this moment?

“You left,” I said as my only defense. “I had no way of contacting you.”

“Yeah, but you’ve seen me for weeks and said nothing.”

“What did you want me to say?
Hi, Kelley, it’s been four years and you look great. By the way, you’re a father
.”

“I don’t know, Lenny, but pushing me away wasn’t the answer. Don’t you think I have a right to know? And fuck all to hell, my son calls that asshole Daddy.”

His eyes skipped over me in search of Mason.

“I didn’t know what to do. He found me on the day I took the test in the bathroom at school so my parents wouldn’t find out. It was weeks after you left with no word from you. Once it showed that plus sign, I knew my parents would have kicked me out and there was no way I was getting rid of it.”

“Him of all people?”

His condemnation hurt. “I didn’t see another choice. He offered to take care of me, of us. And I didn’t take him up on it at first. I waited and waited to hear from you.” She waved it away, placing a hand at her temple. “But you know how that went. So when I had no choice but to tell my parents because they were going to find out, he claimed he was the father to my parents and his. And things were good. Until after Mason’s first birthday and his left eye changed colors. It happened gradually, but became apparent by the time we were here for school. There wasn’t any denying that he had one blue and one green eye. Ox changed after that. I hadn’t told him who the father was. As much as Debbie told him about us, he chose to believe I’d been date raped, and I let him. So with the truth out, he became mean and then violent over time. And I had nowhere to go. I had to stay for my son.”

“Has he ever hurt
my
son?”

I closed my eyes as his frosty words hit me. His worry was over Mason and not over me. And that was a good thing, though it still stung.

“No, not really.”

“Not really?” he roared. “He either did or didn’t.”

“He hasn’t, not like what he does to me.”

When he focused on me, I almost shrank back due to the venom that stretched his lips into a thin line.

“I want to know my son, Lenny. And I want him to know me.”

He had every right, but…

“Kelley, he’s just a child.”

“And I’ve lost three years or more with my son. You won’t deny me this.”

I licked my dry lips. “He’ll kick me out. I have nowhere to go. My parents have washed their hands of me.”

“So, you’ll move in with me.”

The laugh was more of a snort. “And what, live in a dorm? We have an apartment because of that very reason. Children aren’t allowed to live in dorm rooms.”

“I don’t live in a dorm.”

That shocked me, but I hadn’t made any inquiries about him for fear it would get back to Ox.

“And what? Are we supposed to be a happy family all of a sudden?”

“No.” He shook his head. “I’m so angry right now I want to break something. But I’d never lay a hand on you. Still, you are the mother of my son. And it’s my job to take care of you.”

Was that all? I’d seen tenderness in his eyes over the last weeks, but that spark had faded.

“How, Kelley? What job do you have? Last I heard you were the starting quarterback, which means you’re probably on scholarship.”

Determination wasn’t the only thing that had him standing tall. He was a proud man, and I shouldn’t have expected less than what he offered next.

“I have money saved. And I’ll quit the team if I have to.”

“No,” I snapped with a shake of my head. “My life is already ruined. I won’t take you down with me.”

I thought he might balk at my stubbornness, but his next words hurt.

“Fine, you can stay with that asshole. But I will get to know my son. And he will know who his real father is. And if I ever find out he’s hurt my son, I will end him.”

Kelley turned and stalked off. I covered with my hand the choking sob that threatened to wail out like a tornado siren. A few minutes later, Mason came over.

“Mommy, did that man make you cry?”

I bit back the hurt, anger, and frustration and tried to find the smile I used at home.

“No, baby. He didn’t. Mommy’s just sad.”

“Are you sure?”

I nodded.

“Well, let me give you a kiss. You always say it will make me feel better.”

Falling to my knees, my son gave me the biggest hug and kiss on the cheek. I had to smile, because he was the reason why I endured. That was the one thing I learned since becoming a mother. I would sacrifice everything of myself to protect my son.

The next few days were calm. I’d hoped that Ox wouldn’t be home as he’d left the night before and didn’t return for a few days. Instead, I walked in from my time with Mason at the park to find my sometime babysitter on his lap.

“Mason, why don’t you go to your room and play while I fix dinner?”

He nodded, but stopped to wave at Dina before he darted off to his room.

Ox might have been my jailer, but he didn’t have to throw it in my face. “So for how long?”

The girl tried to answer, but Ox stopped her. “What’s the problem? It’s not like you put out. You act like I need the Jaws of Life to open those legs of yours.”

With my spine stiff, I said, “I don’t care where you stick your dick as long as it’s not in me.”

He pushed the blond girl, who was barely legal, off his lap where her butt hit the floor. He stood to intimidate me like he always did. But I’d been hit enough and was used to the blows.

“Leave,” he said to the girl sprawled on our floor.

He barely glanced at her as she said his name. His reply was a thunderous, “Go.” She hightailed it out the door as I glanced down the hall, hoping Mason wouldn’t come out of his room.

Ox’s M.O. had always been to keep the bruises hidden and his punishments quiet. I knew that was for the neighbors. No one would ever say they heard a word. But his violence had slowly increased, and he seemed to care less and less about who saw and heard what.

“I take care of you and the kid. I buy your clothes, feed you, and keep a roof over your head. You owe me respect.”

“Respect maybe, but not submission. Not anymore.”

“What, you think Kelley’s going to save you? He can have you for all I care, but the kid stays with me.”

No way in hell.
“He’s not your son.”

We both understood that fact, but I hadn’t ever said it out loud.

“I’ve taken care of that kid since the day he was born. That’s a father.” He had me there. “Besides, my name is on the birth certificate.”

“No, it isn’t.”

And that was when the first blow knocked me to the floor. Still, I smiled as I told him how I hadn’t put his name there out of respect for Kelley. And smiled more when I let him know how I planned to tell my son who his real father was. Where I found the strength to stand up to him after two years of hell, I don’t know. Maybe it was because Kelley would take care of Mason if I couldn’t.

The mood on
the bus was somber. Everyone had earbuds in their ears, or they were asleep. The cheerleaders shared the buses with us, and Shell had her head on my shoulder. I hadn’t asked her to sit with me, neither had I asked her to leave.

It was a bad move on my part. She would think somehow we were good. The thing was, as mad as I was with Lenny, I was pretty sure I was still in love with her. Which didn’t make sense, but there you had it.

I’d been cold with her after finding out about my son, but it fucking hurt she was with Ox of all people and that asshole was raising my son.

My son
.

It was surreal. And my anger had fueled my words toward her. Still mad, I hadn’t tried to get in touch with her, but I would. I just needed to wrap my head around everything and figure out my next move.

A tap on my shoulder had me glancing across the aisle.

Chance sat across from me with a different cheerleader next to him.

“It’s one game. We have two more left. I’m sure other scouts will show up.”

I didn’t know what to say to that. My performance was abysmal at best. The scores we got on the board weren’t because of me. The balls I’d thrown had been too long, too short, or too high. The ones that were caught were all because of the players stretching themselves to make the play.

Before finding out I was a father, I hadn’t cared so much about scouts. I had one more year of eligibility. I could use it and graduate before entering the draft. It was a risk, because if I got hurt that could be the end. But I’d been leaning in that direction. Something about having a family to support changed everything. I couldn’t afford to play like shit for the last couple of games and not make a bowl game either.

Chance frowned and pulled out his phone. I lifted my shoulders in the universal sign for what’s up. He shrugged back and answered.

“Brie.”

He said it as shocked as I felt. There was more than something between them, but based on the other night neither would act on it.

Chance’s frown only deepened. “Hold on,” he said into the phone before holding it to his chest. “Brie says that something’s happened and she thinks Lenora is in trouble.”

Unconsciously, I gripped the seat like I planned to destroy it.

“What kind of trouble?”

He relayed that.

“She says she’s not sure. She’s just worried. She wants you to meet her at Lenora’s place.”

I didn’t want to care, but I’d seen the bruise. As much as I wanted to hate her for being with that asshole, I wouldn’t let him hurt her. There was no way I could stand back and watch another female I loved be hurt that way.

Fuck, I was going to kill that asshole if he’d laid a hand on Lenny.

As soon as the bus pulled in front of the school, I made it my mission to be the first one off.

“Kelley, wait up.”

I turned to see Chance running after me.

“I have to go. You should ride with Sawyer and Ashton.”

“No way, man, something’s up and you might need backup.”

There was no need to argue. He was right. We got in my truck, and I peeled off like the cops were chasing me. And maybe they would if Ox had hurt my son or Lenny in any way.

Brie hopped out of a tiny car when we parked on the street near Lenny’s complex. She hustled over. “I don’t know what apartment she lives in. She’s so secretive. And she’s not answering her phone. I’m worried. I think that asshole is hurting her.”

I marched over to the entrance only to find it locked. Just as I was about to beat on it, a person stepped into the hall, heading in our direction. The woman eyed us suspiciously as she pushed through the door, but didn’t stop us from going inside.

A crash sounded above, and I hit the stairs at a dead run. From the sounds of pounding feet, Chance and Brie were behind me.

On the second floor, a few bystanders stood in open doorways, staring at one spot down the hall. It didn’t take a genius to guess which apartment Lenny lived in.

Purposeful strides in that direction helped keep my anger at bay. I beat the side of my fist on the door at the same time another clatter sounded inside. Imagine my surprise when Mason opened the door.

Brie sucked in air and Chance muttered a curse. They didn’t know about our son. Still, I ignored them both and bent down to talk to Mason.

“Hey, little man. Where’s your mom?”

Our perfectly matched eyes connected as his finger lifted and pointed toward the back of the apartment.

“My daddy is hurting my mommy.”

Tears welled in his eyes and my vision clouded. I ground my teeth together as my own frustrations in the past with my inability to save my mom rushed to the surface. I wouldn’t allow Mason to feel so helpless. Lenny would be leaving Ox whether she liked it or not.

“I’m going to save your mommy. Okay?” Mason nodded. “I need you to stay here with Brie and Chance.”

I glanced behind me as I pointed to them.

“No way, man. Backup, remember?” Chance stubbornly said.

Focusing on Mason when every muscle in my body was ready to charge ahead, I said as calmly as I could, “Wait with Brie.”

My son was smart, and he made a good point. “Mommy said I shouldn’t talk to strangers.”

The words locked in my throat as I held back the revelation that I wasn’t a total stranger, just his absent father, which stung in the worst way.

“Brie is your mommy’s friend. And your mom knows me, right?”

His next statement kept me from charging to where the muffled words came from inside the apartment.

“You made Mommy cry.”

Our brief talk at the daycare played in my mind. I’d seen the beginning of tears in her eyes, but had been preoccupied with the knowledge that I was a father and no idea what to do with that information. I’d stormed off to process without thinking of anything else.

“I didn’t mean to. And I won’t ever again.”

It was a promise I probably wouldn’t be able to keep, but I had to say it. And for Mason’s sake, I would do my best to make good on it.

When he nodded, I stood. I glanced at Brie, and she silently gave me the go ahead.

“I’ll be back.”

The layout of the apartment was simple, with furniture on par with what Sawyer had in our place. Simple, though it didn’t feel like a home. Pam’s place had worn furniture, but it felt lived in. I sped toward the one hallway and followed it to the place where the voices were heard the loudest. Turning the knob yielded nothing. Lenny’s choked sob broke all reason in my head. I wouldn’t let this happen again. I would be what my brother had been all those years ago. Unknowingly, I clutched at his dog tags, not knowing for how long I’d done it.

Letting go, I became the man I should have always been. I kicked the door, not caring about the damages. It swung open, but remained on its hinges.

Immediately, I saw clothes spilled out on the floor from an open suitcase. Had Lenny been about to leave?

Ox stood with his fist balled a few feet away from Lenny, whose battered face was a contrast to the straightness of her spine as she faced off her abuser.

I moved like the Man of Steel, faster than a quickly thrown punch.

“If you fucking dare hit her again, you’ll go through me.” I stared in his eyes, challenging him to say something different.

The asshole had balls. His lips curled in a snarl, and I imagined smoke blew through his nostrils.

“Fucking Kelley, figures. Did the bitch call you? Did she think she could leave with my son after all I’ve done for her? I fucking own her.”

Even though my father hadn’t said those words, I could see his face overlaying Ox’s.

“You don’t own shit. And I think it’s pretty clear who Mason’s father is.”

Ox was about to leap at me, when Chance appeared. I had no idea where he’d been in the room, but he was suddenly by my side.

“I wouldn’t,” Chance said to me before giving his attention to Ox. “As much as I know my boy can handle you on his own, I’m here to make sure you get that backing off is the better option. Let Lenora go and he won’t clean the floor with your head.”

Not totally stupid, Ox knew he was outnumbered. “Fuck you. She can go, but this isn’t over. I’ll sue you for custody, Lenny. I’m the only father Mason has ever known.”

I hadn’t moved because the fight in me hadn’t gone. Chance tried to force me out of the room as Lenny strode by, looking worried about what Ox said. “I’ll never let you have him,” she said before fleeing to check on Mason.

But I wasn’t yet ready for it to be over. “You think you’re some kind of man hitting women. How about you try and hit me? I’ll guarantee you’ll lose.”

My balled up hand ached to connect with his jaw and loosen a few of his teeth.

“He’s not worth it, man,” Chance whispered, still by my side.

“You’re right,” I said to Chance. Then I turned stony eyes back on the douche. “If you ever hit Lenny or my son from this day forward, I will ensure your parents have to have a closed casket funeral for you.”

Giving Ox my back, I made for the door. Chance was in front of me, so when Ox charged and took a swing, it was only my excellent reflexes that saved me. His fist connected with the doorframe. Bone crunched in a satisfying way, but not enough. I launched a throw in response that was guaranteed to ring his bell, only Chance pulled me back. My arching arm missed by a mile as Ox was bent over, staring at his ruined knuckles.

“Let’s go,” Chance said.

Lenny stood by the open front door with my son’s face buried in her neck. She patted his back and managed holding him with the other arm while carrying a bag. Brie stepped in and took the bag from her.

“Don’t you come back here,” Ox called, feeling the need to have the last word. “Everything in this place, I bought. None of it is yours.”

“Have you heard of Target, asshole? She doesn’t need your shit,” Chance declared. My feet had unwittingly turned back in the direction of the hallway. “Let it go, man. Do it for Mason, Kel.”

That was enough to cool the fury that burned beneath the surface of my skin. I ushered Lenny through the door and closed it behind us.

On the way out the building, Brie was rambling on, but I didn’t understand a thing. It wasn’t over between Ox and me. Not by a long shot.  We would settle it like men, just not in front of my son. He’d seen too much violence apparently. I wouldn’t have him afraid of me like I’d been afraid of my father. I would be patient. Ox would pay, and unfortunately for him, he would pay additionally for sins not even his own.

When we made it back to the house, I finally got a really good look at Lenny’s beautiful face. It was destroyed by puffy purple bruises as if she’d entered a heavy weight boxing match and lost.

I dug my keys back out of my pocket and said to no one in particular, “I’m going to end him.” Because I shouldn’t have left until he couldn’t breathe any longer.

“Wait,” came a chorus from in front and behind me.

“Wait for what? Him to kill her?”

Then Brie helped my son out of the car. He curled himself around his mother with twin red-rimmed eyes.

“Kelley, please,” Lenny called.

I strode to her, stopping only to brush light fingertips over the few spots on her forehead that were untouched. “Don’t worry. I’ll take care of it.”

“No,” she begged. “He’ll only call the police, and you’ll get in trouble. I need you to watch Mason for me. I have no one else.”

My eyes bugged out. “You’re not going back, are you?”

“She needs to go to the hospital, you idiot,” Brie declared.

“Mommy, why are we here? He’s making you cry again.”

Lenny kneeled down, which took considerable effort based on the pain frown lines on her face. “He didn’t make me cry.”

Mason wiped as his mother’s tears.

“Did Daddy make you cry?”

I fisted my hand around my keys and struggled not to tear out of there and rip Ox a new asshole.

“There is something I need to tell you.”

My breath hitched. The moment had come. I did my best to smooth out my features.

“I’ve told you before that some daddies aren’t the daddies who brought you in the world, but take care of you.”