Chasing Paradise (6 page)

It took all his willpower to wait until she came through the front door of his house before pouncing. Not seeing Gwen for almost a week had been pure torture. When she’d called from the road, letting him know she and Alyssa were almost to town, he’d rushed home, needing to see her the second she arrived at his place. No,
their
place. Now that his mate was here, his wolf was done waiting.

The past few days, he’d been irritable to such an extreme his family and friends had avoided him like the plague. Jason and Danny had even kicked him out of the office yesterday because they couldn’t take his brooding anymore. The reason was the absence of the doe-eyed woman in front of him. He never wanted to be separated from her again. As soon as the door closed behind her, nothing stood in his way.

Pulling Gwen firmly against him, Ethan claimed her mouth in a scorching kiss, his hips grinding against hers through their clothing. As her arms reached up and circled his neck, pulling herself flush against his body, a small whimper of need escaped her and Ethan’s control snapped.

His claws tore the clothes from her body as his mouth continued to plunder hers. He released her lips only once they were both naked.

“Are you ready for me, Gwen? I can’t wait much longer.”

“I’m ready. I can’t wait, either.” Her breath fell hot against his shoulder as he thrust into her welcoming heat. She arched her back, pushing her chest into him at the invasion, but her moan told him she was just as wrapped up in the pleasure as he was.

Knowing he wasn’t going to last long, Ethan leaned over Gwen and covered the small mating scar on her shoulder with his mouth.

She must have sensed his intent, tilting her head to the side to give him better access to her throat. The desperation in her moans matched the thrumming in his blood, and Ethan knew he was on the brink of a powerful explosion. There was only one way to guarantee she came with him.

The sting in his gums signaled the emergence of his canines, allowing him to bite down on the small scar on Gwen’s shoulder, reopening the wound and strengthening the bond between them.

Intense pleasure flooded him as the connection between them deepened. Briefly, he wondered if it would always be this intense or if eventually, they’d grow used to the extreme rapture. Just being in her presence was enough to bring him joy.

He thought about his parents, married for thirty-four years and still making puppy-dog eyes at each other when they thought no one was watching. Judging from their example, he knew he would never become fully desensitized.

Seeing his parents so in love used to make him uncomfortable, but thinking about it now, he completely understood. He gazed down at the woman he loved, and swept a lock of hair from her cheek. Looking at Gwen made him understand, even if she did hold him at arm’s length.

He frowned as he pondered the problems in their relationship. This wasn’t how things were supposed to be with his mate, so tense and removed. It wasn’t that she was cold. The sex was great. More like amazing. But sex wasn’t everything. Two weeks ago he never would’ve believed those thoughts would come from him, but a lot had changed in two weeks.

The sex allowed Ethan a glimpse at the real Gwen. The woman she deliberately kept hidden from him. What he saw stunned him in her brilliance, but she refused to allow him more than a glimpse. Already, he felt the barriers rising between them. The pain as the bond was blocked almost caused him to yelp. He was determined to scale those walls, no matter what it took.

“Gwen,” Ethan whispered, lowering his forehead to hers and steadying her hips with his hands. “What happened? Why are you hiding from me?” His heart nearly broke when she stiffened in his arms. “Don’t. Don’t run. Just tell me what’s wrong. Tell me how to fix this. Why won’t you open up?”

* * * *

Blinking away the tears that threatened to fall, Gwen examined the ceiling. He seemed so sincere. The words were everything she ever wanted to hear, but the emotion in them couldn’t be real. She
knew
Ethan didn’t love her. Had heard the words straight from his mouth. Still, his heartfelt request made her second-guess everything she thought she’d heard. Shaking her head, Gwen firmed her resolve. Forgetting would only lead to illusions and eventually more heartbreak.

She looked up into his eyes, as he patiently waited for her response. How much should she reveal? Should she tell him everything she’d heard back at the resort or should she keep quiet?

Obviously he knew something bothered her. What was the big deal in telling him the truth? He couldn’t leave her now any more than she could leave him. Happy or not, they were tied together forever.

What held her back? Her stupid sense of pride? In the end, what was more prideful, being miserable and holding everything in or admitting to knowing the facts and being strong enough to deal with them?

Gwen stared into Ethan’s eyes, so close to her own. The intensity in their depths only enhanced his good looks. And didn’t that just figure. If only he cared for her even a little bit, she would be the happiest woman alive.

She really wasn’t being fair. She was his mate, after all. They were now linked, his soul entwined with hers. He would protect her and keep her safe. But he would never care for her the way a man cared for a woman he loved. And that was just something she’d have to work toward accepting. Things could be a lot worse and the more she remembered that the happier she’d be.

Sure, many people might think a mating was deeper than love, and in some ways they’d be right. Mating did deepen the bond between two people who loved each other. But Gwen understood what many shifters never would. Mating without love, without even the potential for love, was an empty shell of what could be.

Taking a deep breath, Gwen prepared to tell all. Holding herself back from her mate was downright painful, and Gwen didn’t want to do it anymore. She didn’t need him as her best friend. She had Lyssa to share her thoughts and dreams with. But she needed to feel comfortable around him, and she never would with this secret between them.

“I heard you back at the resort. I know how you feel about me. I thought if I left, we wouldn’t be forced into a mating we didn’t want.” Gwen laughed. The empty sound mocked her as it echoed off the walls. “I guess my plan didn’t work out so well.”

“Gwen, what are you talking about? I don’t know what you think you heard, but I think chasing you halfway across the country should prove how much I wanted this. Isn’t this what you want, too?”

Needing to put some space between them, Gwen wiggled, trying to get away, but he held her firmly in place.

“I need some space, Ethan. And I don’t really want to have this conversation naked.”

“Oh?” He sounded mildly interested as if they were discussing the weather. “I can’t think of a better way to have this conversation. I think I’m going to keep you here until I know exactly what’s going on between us.” A hard edge entered his voice, and Gwen knew he meant exactly what he said. The alpha wolf putting his foot down. She wasn’t getting up until she revealed everything. And talking about this wasn’t going to be any easier in an hour.

Exhaling in frustration, she clenched her hands to her side. It was going to be much harder admitting everything with him so close and still inside her. As if reading her thoughts, Ethan stiffened inside her.

“Uh, Ethan?”

“Ignore it. We’re not moving until you tell me what you think you overheard.”

An inhuman hiss slipped past her lips but she knew it was useless to fight. Reluctantly, she continued. She knew he would stay true to his promise and keep them here until she admitted everything. Unable to look into his eyes while so vulnerable, Gwen gazed over his shoulder as she spoke.

“I heard you in the bar after you left my room that first night. I went down to find you, to see if you wanted to get breakfast together, and I overheard you talking about how you didn’t want a woman like me, an otter of all things, as your mate. I heard you talk about wanting a cheetah or a jaguar.” Gwen’s voice hardened with determination. “But you know what, you got me. You may not love me, and that’s okay, but we are mated, so I think it would be best if we at least try to be friends, or friendly.” Gwen finally brought herself to look into his eyes and was dismayed by the horror she saw reflected there.

“Don’t worry. I’ll have my own life. Alyssa is here and I’m starting my own business, so I shouldn’t get in your way much. But there’s no reason why we can’t get along.” Gwen stumbled to a halt, not sure what else she should say. Ethan was looking more horrified by the second. Was being friends with her really so bad?

* * * *

Please God, let him not have been this big of an idiot. How had he been stupid enough to say those things? He hadn’t meant a word of it. Even at the time, it had been aimed to convince himself, not to deny what Gwen was to him. Gwen was everything he wanted in a mate and more. Intelligent, beautiful, and sweet. He’d been excited by the prospect of getting to know her better, of affection sliding into love during the next few weeks. Now it appeared he’d have to work just to get out of the hole he’d dug for himself first.

Thinking about all the hurt he’d caused with his careless rejection killed him. Despite her prideful bravado, it was obvious Gwen carried wounds inside. As she stared up at him, he saw the uncertainty she tried to hide. How could he have done this to his mate? More importantly, what could he do or say to fix it?

Keeping a tight grip on Gwen, Ethan sat up and shifted his precious bundle until she was curled on his lap. She held herself rigid against him as he ran his hands up and down her back soothingly.

“Gwen, oh pet, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean any of it. I didn’t think I was ready for a mate, but, Gwen, I was wrong. Leaving your room was the worst mistake of my life. Please believe me when I tell you that you are perfect. You’re everything I dreamed my mate would be and more.”

“Except I’m not a jaguar.” The whisper was so soft, Ethan wouldn’t have heard it without his extra-sensitive wolf hearing. Her pain bled into her voice and scent. Knowing he was the cause destroyed him. He was supposed to be her rock, her partner. When the rest of the world hurt her, he was supposed to be the one she ran to, the one to set it right. He’d failed before he even started.

Whatever he had to do to fix this, he would, he silently vowed to himself. His mate would know what an amazing woman he thought she was. Never again would she doubt for one moment that she was the very center of his world.

“Gwen, what can I do to convince you I didn’t mean what I said? Please, I’ll do anything. I don’t want a jaguar or a coyote. All I want is you.”

As her shoulders straightened, Ethan knew it would take more to convince her of his sincerity. “It’s okay, Ethan. Like I said, I think we should come to an understanding. I would like to consider you a friend.” The walls were back in place. He could feel their solid bulk between them. Nothing more was going to be gained tonight. His hasty denial of her had struck too deep for him to overcome it by mere words. He needed to prove his devotion.

At least now he understood what had complicated his mating so badly. He had no one to blame but himself.

One way or another, he’d fix this. He’d spend the rest of his life showing her exactly how special he thought she was. Eventually, she’d have to believe him. He just had to wear down her resistance.

* * * *

No wonder Ethan hadn’t wanted to mate with her if these were the types of females he surrounded himself with. Gwen couldn’t help but gape as she took in the women in the room.

This was supposed to be an intimate welcome to the pack at the Premier’s house for her and Alyssa. Only Ethan’s siblings were present but every one of them was stunning.

The Premier’s mate was a petite woman with long white-blond hair. Elegance and grace were evident in every move she made, but her smile was warm and welcoming. Gwen had been a bit surprised to discover Samantha was an arctic fox. After all, foxes weren’t too far up the food chain from otters. And she was mated to the Premier no less. But the pair seemed happy, which just led to all sorts of questions. If Ethan didn’t get his prejudice from his family, where had it come from?

His two sisters were equally friendly but equally intimidating. Julie, who was apparently on break from school but leaving in just a few days, was arguably the prettiest of the group. Her delicate bone structure and long wavy chestnut hair created an elusive beauty. But despite her big smile and welcoming eyes, a sadness lurked in their depths. Her siblings didn’t seem to notice, but Gwen sensed a comparable sadness to her own and couldn’t help but wonder at the cause. Samantha seemed to be the only other one to sense Julie’s pain, which wasn’t terribly surprising since foxes tended to be hypersensitive to emotions. Hopefully Julie’s pain would shield her own from the Premier’s mate.

Gwen hadn’t realized Julie was related to Ethan at first, even though they shared the same earthy coloring and bone structure. Her scent indicated Julie was full human and although not unheard of, shifters rarely gave birth to full humans, even when one parent was one. The shifter gene was dominant, and infused much of the DNA.

Laurie didn’t have her sister’s abstract beauty, but she radiated strength and confidence, drawing Gwen’s eye to her again and again. She had a statuesque grace that undoubtedly served her well with the opposite sex.

And his brothers! If her romp ever saw these wolves, no work would ever get done. All three men looked like they belonged on the cover of magazines, not running a software company in the-middle-of-nowhere Colorado.

Thank God Alyssa was here with her. She needed the reinforcement and support. Meeting her mate’s family was hard enough. Seeing how gorgeous they all were didn’t help settle her nerves.

“So, Gwen, share! I want to hear all about how you met Ethan. I must say, it was a bit of a shock.” Samantha began the quizzing after they were all seated at the dinner table. Gwen tried to find judgment in Ethan’s sibling’s eyes but only saw friendliness and genuine interest.