Chasing Paradise (7 page)

“It’s not a very interesting story, really. My romp owns the resort Ethan vacationed at. I ran into him there and, well, you know how hard it is to resist your mate once you find him.”

Ethan’s hand rested on her thigh and slowly stroked up and down soothingly. His touch steadied her even as she tried to resist the comfort it offered.

Looking into his eyes, she saw openness and caring. Almost as if she meant something to him. No, he gazed at her as if she meant
everything
to him.

Shaking her head, she looked back at Samantha. Believing such nonsense would only hurt her in the end. Of course he was trying to be supportive after throwing her, quite literally, into the wolves den. She couldn’t allow her imagination to get carried away.

“Couldn’t resist each other, huh? Must’ve made for one interesting night.” Laurie’s frank reply caused Gwen to blush. The rest of her family groaned.

“Laurie, are you setting out to embarrass all of our mates when they arrive?” Jason asked.

Laurie waved away his concern.

“The good news is, you all can get some revenge soon. Her mate is showing up next.” Danny wagged his eyebrows at Laurie across the table.

“Whoa, wait a minute, who said I’m next?”

“Well, Jason’s oldest, Ethan’s second oldest, and then comes you. Only logical to think you’d be the next in line.”

“Nope, it’ll skip me. Guess that means you’re next, Danny Boy, so don’t get too comfortable.” Their teasing reminded her of home and her romp, bringing a smile to her face. It reassured her as nothing else could have, even if all the mating talk was making her a bit uncomfortable. Glancing around the table, Gwen noticed Julie seemed as uncomfortable as she was, especially whenever Laurie mating was mentioned. Curious.

“What about you Alyssa? Are you hoping to follow Gwen and find a wolf mate?”

The conversation buzzed around her but Gwen focused on her plate. When the conversation moved on to safer topics, she breathed a sigh of relief. Talking about her relationship with Ethan left her feeling tense and strung out. Pretending they were a happily mated couple was especially hard around his family, whose happiness for them seemed so genuine. Every question, no matter how innocent, left her heart hurting.

After dinner, the women all retired to the living room while the men cleaned up the kitchen. Gwen watched Jason place a loving kiss on top of Samantha’s head. It was obvious throughout the evening how much the Premier doted on his mate. He had been attentive, and their love was a palpable thing in the room whenever he looked at her, adoration shining in his eyes.

She sighed wistfully. “It’s obvious to see how much Jason loves you, Samantha. You’re very lucky.”

Four sets of eyes turned on her. Alyssa’s held sympathy but the others were full of confusion.

“Yes, but you have Ethan,” Samantha responded frankly. Her shrewd gaze bore into Gwen, causing her to fidget in her seat.

“Well, yes…it’s just…different for us…” She stuttered to a stop. Somehow she’d managed to back herself into a corner. She couldn’t explain their problems to his family.

“How is it different?” Laurie asked. Her eyes were still warm but there was a sharp curiosity in them, and Gwen knew she’d have to say something. She also knew Ethan’s sisters wouldn’t hesitate to defend him if she wasn’t careful. The last thing she needed was to make enemies on her first night in her new home, and certainly not with her mate’s family. Trying to think fast, Gwen wondered what she could say to get out of this mess.

“Well, you know.” All of them continued to stare at her.

“Samantha, why don’t you tell us about your wedding. Gwen and I…” Alyssa started.

“Later.” Laurie cut in. Alyssa threw Gwen an apologetic look as her three sisters-in-law, or in-mating, turned their attention back on her. She fidgeted in her seat, knowing it was futile to try to escape their stares.

“I’m an otter, and you know how Ethan feels.” Gwen hoped her words would satisfy them, but the women shook their heads, making her elaborate. “He wanted a predator for a mate. He said he wouldn’t have chosen an otter.” Now the gazes held one thing, shock.

“Ethan would never say that. Gwen, you must have misunderstood.” The other females nodded, echoing the sentiment.

She shrugged uncomfortably. “Yeah, I guess.” Of course Ethan’s family would think only the best of him. She should never have said anything to begin with. Berating herself for letting her guard down, she reminded herself how dangerous opening up was, especially to wolves. Ethan had taught her that lesson but apparently not well enough. She needed to watch her words more carefully from now on.

Luckily, Alyssa filled the uncomfortable silence and helped steer the conversation to the upcoming wedding and Gwen found herself agreeing to be a bridesmaid.

It was easy to like Ethan’s family. They were warm and welcoming and didn’t seem to judge her on either her animal or her earlier misstep. Samantha had even mentioned the possibility of a “girls night out,” but Jason had popped his head into the living room from the kitchen and given Samantha a quelling glare. Gwen didn’t understand until Laurie told her about their last girls night. Something about drunken skinny-dipping in the town fountain.

Still, the stress of the evening and the attentive way Ethan acted, confusing Gwen more than she’d ever admit, was starting to wear on her. No one seemed to notice Gwen didn’t talk much as she retreated into her shell. At least she didn’t think anyone noticed.

* * * *

Ethan watched Gwen surreptitiously rub her neck again. He had hoped seeing his family, having them give her a warm reception, would put her at ease. Instead, she seemed drained by the whole thing. He tried giving her his undivided attention and saw confusion enter her eyes again and again. Hopefully, he was getting through to her but he knew he had a long climb ahead of him to earn back her trust. It would take more than a night or two of attentiveness to prove his love. He just hoped he was putting a dent in the wall she’d built up.

It broke his heart to hear Gwen talk about mating him with such hurt in her voice. The men heard the whole painful conversation from the kitchen where Ethan and his brothers had been cleaning. The wistfulness as she talked about Jason’s love for Samantha made him physically ache. Whenever he’d imagined finding his mate, he’d thought he would sweep her off her feet. Instead he’d pushed her to the ground trying to run away. He was the biggest idiot in the world for not treating Gwen like the goddess she was from the very beginning. For the thousandth time, he wondered how to fix this. Looking over, Ethan saw both his brothers staring at him angrily.

“What’s going on with you two? She watches you like someone watches a coiled snake, and why does she think you don’t want an otter as a mate?”

With a sigh, Ethan rubbed his hands over his face. He had hoped to keep the full extent of his stupidity from his family. Not that he blamed Gwen for saying what she did. He knew it wasn’t done with malicious intent. She’d even left out the worst parts. It was still hard to believe he had hurt her as badly as he had.

Staring up into his brothers’ angry faces, he wondered once again how to fix things. Maybe it was best to tell his family. He needed all the help he could get. And he knew, after their anger abated--and he had no doubt there would be anger--his family would help him climb out of the mess he created and get back on track.

“I screwed up. I didn’t want a mate, and when I met Gwen, after I’d already slept with her, I denied she meant anything to me. I might’ve said something about wanting to mate a jaguar or a coyote in my denial. She happened to overhear the conversation and it’s caused a huge rift in our relationship. Nothing I say seems to penetrate her distrust.”

Both brothers started talking at once. They kept their voices down so the women wouldn’t hear, but their fury bled through their whispers.

“Are you fucking brain-dead?”

“That woman is sweet and smart and absolutely adorable. Why would you not want her?”

Ethan had never seen his brothers so angry. Jason looked ready to take him out back and beat him to a pulp, and Danny, usually the calm one of the group, looked ready to hold Ethan down rather than help him.

“I am fucking brain-dead. I never said I wasn’t. I screwed up and I screwed up bad, but I’m trying to make it up to her now. I just don’t know how to take those words away. She doesn’t believe me when I tell her how much she means to me.”

Collapsing into one of the kitchen chairs, Ethan put his head in his hands and groaned out in frustration. He didn’t need his family getting on his case. What he needed was their help. He knew exactly how badly he’d screwed up.

“What am I supposed to do? She means the world to me. Already I can feel the bond between us. It’s like she’s a part of me now. But she won’t let me get close enough to fix this.” There was a long silence and Ethan felt the heated gaze of both brothers as they silently assessed him.

“Well, sounds to me like you have to woo her. Don’t just tell her, show her,” Danny suggested after a lengthy pause.

“I don’t know how.” Ethan had never “wooed” a woman before in his life. They’d always sought out his attention. It figured his charm would disappear when it was most important.

“Well, sounds to me, baby brother, we need to come up with a game plan.” Jason’s wide grin reassured Ethan. Operation Woo Gwen was underway. And with his brothers’ help, she didn’t stand a chance of resisting. He wouldn’t fail. This was too important.

His siege began the next evening. Gwen had spent the day with Alyssa, looking at locations for her B&B, and Ethan knew how difficult searching for a house could be.

As she walked through the door of their home, Ethan had a glass of red wine ready for her. He’d already enlisted Alyssa’s help, finding out all of Gwen’s favorite things. Upstairs a bubble bath waited, candles scattered around the room.

Surprisingly, Alyssa had been a huge help. He’d been a bit reluctant to approach her, considering she had threatened to castrate him if he hurt Gwen. And he had hurt her. He only had to look into her eyes to see how deep that hurt went.

So her enthusiasm to help him had been a shock. But as she’d explained, she wanted her friend happy. It seemed he had yet another ally on his side, and this one might prove to be the most valuable of all. Although, her help did come at a price. The hour long lecture hadn’t been fun, but a small price to pay for insider knowledge.

He hated seeing the confusion and wariness in Gwen’s eyes as he held out her glass of wine and leaned down to kiss her cheek.

“I don’t understand,” Gwen said as he led her to the bathroom, where the scent of vanilla spiraled up from the warm bubble bath. Another favorite.

“What don’t you understand, pet?”

She looked at him warily, almost as if she waited for him to jump her.

She honestly hadn’t expected anything from him, he realized with a start. Except sex. She thought sex was going to be the extent of their relationship. That he would use her to slake his lust and not take any interest in who she was or what she did. Would he ever stop feeling like a complete ass?

“Why?” Her simple question hung in the air between them.

Nope
, he thought,
always going to be an ass.

“Because I know you’ve been on your feet all day and I want you to relax. Do I need a reason to spoil my woman?”

Appreciation slowly seeped into her eyes, replacing the wariness. Relief crashed through him. At least he was making some headway.

“Thank you, Ethan. I hadn’t expected… I’m sure you’re hungry. If you give me a little time to enjoy this, I can whip something up for us afterward.”

“Already taken care of. All you have to do is relax, enjoy, and leave the rest to me.” He thought she’d be pleased and was dismayed to see her eyes fill with quickly hidden tears.

“Gwen, what’s wrong?” Anything else he could deal with. But her tears made his wolf crazy. He’d do anything to keep her from crying. Couldn’t he do anything right? Even trying to spoil her, he made her cry.

“Nothing, Ethan. Everything is perfect. I just didn’t expect any of this. I thought things would be more impersonal.”

Yep, I’m an asshole,
Ethan thought once again.

“Things are not going to be like you expected, Gwen. You are the woman of my heart, and it’s my pleasure to take care of you.”

She didn’t believe him. The skepticism shone from her eyes. But at least she was smiling. Smiles were better than tears.

“Thank you, Ethan.” She leaned up and kissed him gently on the cheek. “You’re a good man.”

Instead of feeling considerate, her gratitude made him feel lower than scum. He had hurt her immeasurably, and she was calling him a good man.

Leaving her to the bath, Ethan went downstairs to finish dinner. His heart ached at how deeply a few careless words could wound another. She didn’t trust him. Not that he could blame her. But her amazement at such simple courtesies bothered him. The determination to make it up to her burned through him. No matter what it took, he’d fix this.

Occasionally, he’d catch glimpses of the woman hidden behind the wall she erected between them, a woman who stunned him in her brilliance.

This morning, Alyssa had come over early to meet with Gwen before they went house hunting. He’d overheard their discussion about the inn and stopped outside the room to listen as they discussed their plan of action. Gwen took charge, her tone confident. He’d been impressed by her real estate savvy. But as soon as he entered the room, the shutters fell over her eyes and the bright aura surrounding her dimmed. Her words had stumbled to a halt until he left. Seeing the pain and uncertainty he had caused was the worst kind of punishment.

Gwen came into the kitchen as he was putting the finishing touches on the salad. She wore a red bathrobe he’d bought for her. Her long wet hair fell down her back, clinging to her damp skin. Ethan caught her hand as she moved to sit at the table. Her pulse skittered as his thumb gently stroked over the sensitive area. Leaning down he placed a delicate kiss in the center of her palm before holding her chair out.

“Keep her off balance,”
his brothers had advised.
“Don’t give her time to second-guess anything. If she can’t second-guess it, she’ll have a hard time ignoring it.”
Sound advice and Ethan took it to heart. He’d show her love and caring over and over again until she believed him, no matter how long it took.

“How was your day?” Ethan asked as Gwen stared at their dinner in shock. It wasn’t much, pasta and breaded chicken with salad on the side, but Gwen looked more than pleased with the fare.

“What? Oh, all right. We found one place on the edge of town we really liked but we’re hoping we can get a better price on it. I didn’t know you could cook. This dinner is amazing.”

“Hopefully it lives up to your expectations.” Ethan threw Gwen a dazzling smile. “Tell me more about this B&B and the house you guys found. You haven’t told me much.”

Assessing eyes stared back at him. “I didn’t think you cared.”

Ethan carefully placed his fork on his plate and took Gwen’s hand where it rested on the table. “Gwen, I wish you would forget what you overheard back in California. It wasn’t meant to push you away. And I certainly don’t feel like that. You are my mate, and I want to know what happens during your day. I want to know your hopes and plans for the future and share mine in turn. I’m not only invested in what happens to you, I’m genuinely interested. But most of all, Gwen, I
want
to take care of you. I want to cherish you, because you deserve to be cherished.”

* * * *

The man was good
, Gwen thought, staring at her plate. Everything Ethan said was everything she’d ever hoped for. What woman didn’t want to be cherished by the man she loved? But it was so hard to let go of the hurt he’d caused with those few careless words. He’d made her feel like she wasn’t good enough for him, and that wasn’t something she could just ignore.

“I wish I could forget those words too, Ethan. But the fact is, I can’t. I don’t blame you for them and I’m not angry…well, not anymore. I was. I was so angry with you for thinking I wasn’t good enough because, damn it--” Gwen slammed her hand down on the table, causing the silverware to jump with a clatter. “I am good enough and I deserve a mate who wants me.” Gwen paused, taking a moment to collect herself. “But I do believe you said what you said for a reason. I can’t just pretend that reason doesn’t exist. I won’t set myself up for a fall like that.”

Gwen hoped Ethan understood. She wasn’t trying to make things tense between them, and she wasn’t trying to be difficult. Already, Ethan had given her more than she’d ever expected out of this union. Inadvertently, he’d also given her a new direction in life with the B&B, a direction she was looking forward to pursuing. But she couldn’t just forget what had happened. She couldn’t ignore the so-called elephant in their relationship.

It wasn’t just about holding on to her hurt. It was about protecting herself. Protecting her heart. Ethan had more power than he realized.

After their first night together, Gwen had honestly believed she was falling in love with him. Maybe it was naive after only one night together, but he was her mate, after all.

Hearing his words in the bar afterward had been a blow, not just to her pride, but to her heart. If she let herself pretend those words never existed, she’d be setting herself up for an even bigger fall. And that was something she couldn’t do. She wouldn’t survive another fall.

Hopefully Ethan understood. She didn’t blame him for his feelings. But she couldn’t allow herself to forget.

* * * *

Ethan stared at the top of Gwen’s head as she pushed the food around her plate. Her dejected pose tore at him. He didn’t blame her for her feelings. Learning to trust him again wasn’t something she could will herself to do. Trust had to be earned.

Whatever it took to take away those careless words, he’d do and more. He’d fix this and after he had, he’d make sure she never doubted exactly how important she was to him again.

“It’s okay, Gwen. I understand.” Her head shot up, her surprised gaze meeting his. “Doesn’t mean I’m not going to do everything in my power to change it.” Ethan sent her a dazzling and slightly wicked grin. The tentative smile that curved her lips lightened his soul.

Picking up his fork, Ethan dug into his dinner, hoping she would follow suit. Silence reigned until Gwen’s soft voice drifted toward him. “It’s this beautiful gray Victorian house. There’s a creek running through the backyard that feeds into a pond. It’s smaller than the ocean but large enough to put some live fish in for hunting, and the whole yard is surrounded by forests.”

Joy lit up in Gwen’s face as she described the house. Her pleasure in the inn was obvious, and for just a moment, Ethan’s jealousy soared. He shook his head. Jealous of a house, he never thought he’d see the day.

“There’s this one room inside the turret. The room is circular with windows on every wall, everywhere you look. In the morning, the sun will flood into the whole room and already I can picture pale, cream-colored walls with a bold canopy bed in green or maybe chocolate brown. There’s life in every room, a vision for every space.”

Her eyes shone. Her pleasure made her come alive with every word. This was her gift to him, he realized. Opening up and showing him this little piece of her heart. It wasn’t much, but it indicated a crack in the wall between them. He’d work on that crack until the whole wall collapsed.

“It sounds perfect,” Her smile widened at his honest reply and his chest swelled. Bringing her pleasure made him feel ten feet tall.

“It is. We’ll get it. We’ll pay full price if we need to, but we low-balled them. I want to see how low the seller is willing to go. There’s not a big market for a house that size.”

Sitting was suddenly very uncomfortable as he stiffened under the table. Hearing Gwen’s savvy businesswoman come out was a powerful aphrodisiac apparently. Who knew what a turn on a woman with a brain would be for him? He glanced down at her half-eaten dinner. He really should let her finish before dragging her upstairs for dessert.

Gwen stared blankly into his eyes for a moment before pushing her plate aside, standing, and very deliberately crossing to the doorway into the living room. Had he said something wrong? At the doorway, she turned around and glanced back at him.

“Are you coming?” she asked, a sparkle in her eyes.

“Coming where?”

In answer, Gwen deliberately untied her bathrobe and let it slide to the floor.

“Where that look on your face promised to take us both.”

Ethan stared for a moment at her retreating back, unable to believe this was the same woman who’d asked him to turn off the lights the first time they made love.

As her feet hit the first stair on her way to their bedroom, Ethan shot out of his chair and raced to her, swinging her into his arms. She squealed and giggled, her arms wrapping around his neck as he carried her up the stairs and into bed.