Chasing the Dream: Dream Series, Book 3 (31 page)

Y
eah, it hurt that she sent me back to my room, but if I were completely honest with myself, I was a little grateful for the space. So much to process.

It was a crazy day. Talking with my mom’s doctor about the status of her cancer, the chemo treatment and expectations. The last round of chemo hit her harder than the previous rounds, causing severe dehydration from vomiting, and she was admitted to the hospital. That was why Brock called me last week. But the doctor said, if she took things a bit easier, not pushing so hard, and being sure to listen to her body, and take care to drink plenty of fluids, she’d do better from this point out. Overall, her odds were good. Very good, and I was really clinging to that. I didn’t know if I could handle losing another person I love.

And speaking of love. I loved her. I fucking loved Phoebe Fairchild. I didn’t want to. I was happy with my random feel-good-fucks. But something about Phoebe was just too much. She got right under my skin. She didn’t take the bullshit, and she was honest. She started out as a challenge, but quickly things with her had morphed into something very different. I had been thinking of the L-word since that first night in the hotel. After Brock’s call, her caring way just grabbed my heart like no one had. She wasn’t fake about her concern. Thing was, I’d only known her for a week and that would have been absurd. So much like a cheesy movie. That whole weekend was a disaster. I didn’t get laid once, all because I couldn’t get Phoebe out of my mind. That was love, right?

Talking to my mom on Sunday before I’d come back, she pumped me about ‘@PhoebeFair,’ and I told her. I told her all of it. I told her how I used script lines, how making love to her scared me senseless, and how ashamed I was at how I treated Phoebe the next morning. She gave me the best advice to be honest, and she was right. Being myself… being
Charlie
was the best advice ever.

The afternoon with my mom showed me, again, how fragile it all really could be. I needed to find a way to get closer to Phoebe. That’s why I called my manager, Michael and backed out of a couple of projects I was lined up for. I was looking forward to moving to New York, semi-permanently, and going to school… where Phoebe was going to school. I’d get to see her every day.

Then on the lake this afternoon, she said she loved me. I know, I know. It wasn’t the “Chase, I love you,” kind of profession, but it counted, right? I said it back to her. And I said it again, tonight. She didn’t say it back this time. Did I jump the gun too hard? Did I freak her out? Is she going to run?

When she said my name though…
‘Charlie’
… I nearly lost it. My name. My given name. It sounded so good coming from her. It made my world complete.

I
’d had a restless night. No real sleep. After the late-night skinny dip and two incredible orgasms under the stars, I was exhausted and should have been able to drop right off. Instead, my mind continued to mull over Chase/Charlie… his, again, telling me he loved me, and that he was going to stop acting for a while and go to school and live in New York. And Dickwad Danny, that damn test result, and what the hell I was going to do now. Several times, I actually picked up my phone to call my mom…or Jenny… or even Lucy over in Africa…or anybody to help me sort out my head.

Somewhere around six, as the sun had fully come up, I came to the conclusion that Chase and I were a fling. His connection to me was that I was just different than what he was used to. I had started this summer as a single woman, intent on staying a single woman. And I had no doubt that Chase would slide back into his cocky, lazy, and arrogant movie/TV star persona that was expected of him, as soon as the plane landed tomorrow. No. I had to end things with Chase and me. Today. This was all wrong. And once he learned I was pregnant with another guy’s baby, even if it was unplanned, he’d go running for the hills. And break my heart. I couldn’t take a second broken heart. Dickwad did enough damage for a lifetime. And a breakup with Chase would be public. More devastating than the small college fiasco I’d endured just a month and a half ago. Not to mention that Chase was my
freakin’ job!
I wasn’t supposed to be falling for him, let alone sleeping with him.
Fuck!
This was so messed up!

About seven-thirty, I gave up and decided to get out of bed. I slipped on my favorite jean shorts and t-shirt and headed down. Passing Chase’s room, I noticed that he was already up and out, and his bed was made? Or not slept in? No one was in the living room, but the front door was wide open.

I stepped out the screen door and looked to the left toward the lake and pier. Not sure why, but I was surprised to not see Chase sitting there. I leaned forward to see if he was sitting in the gazebo, but I didn’t see evidence of him there either.

“If you’re looking for Charlie, he’s in the barn working on one of his cars,” Shannon said from behind me, startling me half to death. I turned and saw her there with a book on the front porch swing. She had a bright blue scarf on her head this morning, one the color of Chase’s eyes. She must have noticed my attention to the scarf and said, “I kinda got used to the scarves. And it’s kinda chilly in the morning.” I nodded my understanding. Shannon turned to the barn when there was a clatter of a tool or something hitting a concrete floor. “He’s been in there since I came down over an hour ago.” I studied the barn and saw lights on in the windows, and now that my attention was there, I could hear music coming from the building.

“How are you feeling?” I asked, ignoring Chase.

“I’ve been better. I should ask you the same thing,” she said.

“I’m good,” I said forcing a smile. Did she know about Chase and my midnight swim?

She raised her brow, although there were no actual brows from the chemotherapy.
Here we go,
I thought.
I’m gonna get the protective mother speech.
Instead, she produced the instructions from the pregnancy test from the pages in her book.

I stopped cold. I thought I’d been so careful!

“Wanna talk?” she asks.

God, did I want to talk. But what to say? Did I want to talk to Chase’s mother about this? Besides, I’d already decided that Chase and I were done.

She patted the seat on the swing next to her and I felt as if I had no choice.

“It’s not Chase’s… er… Charlie’s.”

“That’s not what I was after. Good to know, but not what I was thinking. You’ve not been with him long enough,” she smiled.

Hurdle one, jumped.

“Does your
other
boyfriend know?”

Hurdle two, here we go!

“Danny’s not my boyfriend. We broke up when I discovered him cheating on me. Literally in the act of cheating. With
two
girls, at the same time, and in my dorm room.” I didn’t know what had come over me. Here I was revealing personal details freely to Chase’s mom. Things I hadn’t even told Chase. Guess the night of needing to talk to someone, coupled with my lack of sleep, loosened my lips.

“Have you told Charlie?” she asked. I shook my head. “Are you going to tell him?”

“I’ve tried. Either we get interrupted or I chicken out.” Do I tell her that it doesn’t matter because I’m not Chase’s girlfriend, and that I’m not going to be, and that I’m ending it today?
God, a good night’s sleep would have been so helpful right now.

“Do you know what you’re going to do?” she asked, placing a hand on my arm. I looked at her frail fingers and couldn’t imagine how she was handling everything so calmly.

Tears stung my eyes. I shook my head. Shannon slid her hand down and wrapped her fingers around mine, which I grabbed back, grateful to hold onto something. “I only just found out. Yesterday. I need to find a doctor when I get back to New York and figure it all out. But I don’t think—”

Just then, another loud bang and the word ‘
Shit!
’ came from the barn interrupting Shannon and I. I looked at Shannon, worry surely covering my face.

“Go to him,” she encouraged.

Warily, I stood and thought about what I was doing. I was giving Shannon every indication that I was in this for the long haul, which I couldn’t be. I was going to be giving Chase mixed signals, too.

Fear and trepidation filled me as I walked down from the porch and made my way over to the barn. At the door, with the song
Howlin’ for You
by The Black Keys reverberating through the walls, panic seeped into every fiber of me. Why was he cursing? Why had he been up for hours? Working on cars? If Shannon had found the instructions for the pregnancy test, had Chase already seen them? Did Shannon show him? No, surely she wouldn’t have done that. Would she have? Or something else? Was he mad at me for last night? I didn’t say ‘I love you’ back. Was that bothering him? Did he totally hate me?

I glanced back at the porch. Shannon gave me a smile and nod. Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, I placed my hand on the handle and gave a turn.

I stepped in and was greeted with Chase’s bare back facing me as he leaned against a car. My stomach flipped as I took in the nail marks on his shoulders from last night. Instantly, my insides clenched recalling the bone shattering orgasms he gave me on the pier.
No,
I warned myself.
You’re ending this today. Professional.

I focused my attention on the car he was leaning against. A classic red car…a convertible…a Thunderbird?… with the hood up. I looked all around the barn-garage and saw four other cars: the Jeep we drove that first day, the big white Suburban he was with his mother in yesterday, a black Corvette, and a silver convertible, I think it was a Jaguar. There were also two motorcycles, a shiny black Harley type and a red, white and black, ‘crotch-rocket’ type, as well as an ATV.

On the back wall, was a workbench with a large gum-ball machine filled with Good’n Plenty Candies, which made me smile, along with neatly laid out tools. On the wall were the stereotypical pin-ups and few pictures of Chase as a boy with a man I figured to be Chase’s dad.

I looked down and saw a wrench on the floor. That must have been what made the banging noise that Shannon and I heard. The song died out, as I picked up the wrench, and I cleared my throat to let Chase know he wasn’t alone.

He turned and what I saw broke my heart. His eyes were bright with tears and his face wet. “Phoebe!” he said. Quickly, he turned the music down and came around the car, and pulled me into him. My blood started to simmer and rush in my ears the instant he touched me. My heart ached knowing that I needed to end things between us. I ‘accidentally’ inhaled his signature scent, a mix of sweat, soap and a hint of Good’n Plenty Candy. My head actually felt dizzy.

The next song started up,
How You Like Me Now
by The Heavy.
Yeah, you’re gonna hate me, Chase,
I thought to myself.

“You okay?” I asked, against his chest.

“Better now,” he said quietly. And as sad as I was, knowing what was coming, I had to admit that in his arms, I felt better, too. We hugged silently for a few moments. The feel of his bare skin under my fingers was winding up my insides. I wondered if me in his arms did things to his insides.
Stop it! Professional!

“So, I didn’t know you were a grease monkey,” I said, pulling back as the song fell into a music only part.

He laughed quietly, and turned to look at the red car. “This is…
was…
my Dad’s. He took Mom for their first date in it.” He let me go and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. He walked over to the CD player and turned the song off. “I want to get it running for her again. When I was little, my dad was always working on it. Then…” his voice grew thin and he stopped talking and couldn’t finish. I got it. His dad died.

“I dunno what I’m doin’. Chase sighed. “How are you feeling this morning?” he asked looking me up and down. His question instantly set me on edge. It was the same question his mom had just asked and then revealed that she knew about the test. Maybe he
did
know?

“I’m fine, Chase. Really.”