Chosen Heart (13 page)

~~~~~

Chit-chatting with Janice at
lunch has become a welcome, distracted, routine, especially when she wants to
talk about herself.  “I met this guy through a dating website and we’ve
been seeing each other for over a month now.  I really like him,
but…”  Seemingly uncomfortable, she slumps in her chair, as she glances
around the busy cafeteria.  It never ceases to amaze me how shy one person
can be.  At work, Janice is comfortable and secure in her tasks, but I
know that is just a façade.  She’s timid and reserved, but has never made
any qualms of it.  She is who she is, and is comfortable with herself.

“But?” I urge her to continue.

“I’m afraid he’ll get bored with
me.  He’s perfect, but we haven’t…you know.”  Janice blushes at the
thought. 

“You haven’t been
intimate?”  I lean in, keeping our conversation discrete.

“I’ve never been a very sexual
person.  But I want to try…for him.  So, I was hoping tomorrow after
work you would go with me to buy something...an outfit.”

“Of course!  I’m sure we’ll
find something he’ll love.”  I pat her hand in assurance.

~~~~~

“What are you talking
about?!  You’re being ridiculous!”  Arianna’s crimson face almost
matches her hair as she waves me in with the flip of her wrist.  She puts
her finger up, signaling for me to give her a moment.  Arianna is
undeniably angry as she glares at her receiver.  Not a good look for her
and thankfully not one I’ve ever been on the receiving end of.

Awkwardly, I stand in front of
her desk, frozen.  Furrowing her brow, she listens to the voice on the
other end of the receiver.

“First of all, you do not have
the final say so.  Do you understand me?!  You do not just grow a
fucking conscious over night and think you can what…cut ties?  Never
forget the mouth that feeds you!” 
Do I even want to know what that was
about?  Let me think…Nope!

Placing a hand over the receiver,
she points towards the corner of her desk where a small black box with white
daisies framing all four sides sits.
 
“Hi, Elyssa,” she’s all
smiles for me.  “That’s for you, for your birthday.”  Looking closer,
I see it is a bottle of perfume.

“Thank you so much,
Arianna.”  Mercifully, she brushes me off, holding her finger up to her
mouth and then at the door, silencing my appreciation and making it clear that
I’m being dismissed.  That was thoughtful.  I can’t believe she
remembered.  I mouth another thank you and with a small waive I leave her
to continue to berate the individual on the other end of the receiver. 
Whoever she was speaking with was not getting away from her.  Ever.

~~~~~

“Hey Rach!”  I swear my
sister has a sixth sense, knowing the exact moment when I’m parking my
car.  She has a knack of calling me right when I walk through the door,
not leaving me any time to relax.  Not that I’m complaining, because I
love talking to her.  She’s always in a good mood and she always puts me
at ease.  She’s been my rock through the years, even when I didn’t want
her to be, always picking up my broken pieces.  She dropped out of school
to raise me which was the ultimate sacrifice and it’s been my life mission to
someday make it up to her.

“Happy Birthday, my beautiful
baby sister!” her voice filled with excitement.  “I can’t believe you’re
going to be twenty-six.  Do you know how old that makes me?”

“Rach, my birthday isn’t until
tomorrow, but I would like to point out that it makes you super old, like
retirement status,” I chuckle.  “What are you up to?”

“I know it’s not until tomorrow,
silly head.  I’m just heading in for another fabulous day at work.” 
Rachel works as a cocktail waitress at a local casino.  She’s never
complained about her job, but I know it was never her life’s ambition.  It
was never our parents’ intentions to leave me at such a young age and
definitely not their dream to have their eldest daughter drop all of her own
ambitions to raise a pre-teen.  But, thankfully Rachel took it upon
herself and I owe her everything.

“I’m calling because I want you
to come to dinner next week.  Maybe bring Cole with you, we can make it a
double date,” her voice drops, but stays hopeful.

“Rach, you know we’re only
friends, and even that, he’s barely hanging on.”

“I know, but I worry about you,
El.  You’re always alone.  You should be enjoying yourself and all
you do is work.  You don’t ever date or meet anyone new.  I think I
made you a social reject.  Making you focus on getting help with your
issues,
I wonder if I pushed you too hard in school, you know…so you would forget the
pain.”

The “issues” and “pain” she’s
referring to is something we try not to bring up, anymore.  After our
parents passing, the nightmares lasted for years, and only Rachel could calm
me.  Even the years of counseling never seemed to do any good.  I
wasn’t there when they died, but my mind can’t help recollect the sheer terror
they experienced in their last minutes.  Knowing moments before impact
that their lives were over, I imagine their last thoughts would have been of me
and Rachel.  At the age of ten, I never realized those memories would set
the stage of my nightmares for years to come. 

“First of all, you are not to
blame for me not dating.  I’m just picky.  Secondly,” I hesitate for
a minute not knowing if this is the right time to open up a can of worms. 
Ah, screw it; he only said not to tell anyone at work.  “I have started to
see someone, but it’s still new and I don’t want to get my hopes up.”

“Ooh, a mystery man.  When
can I meet this Mr. X?”  She’s always so eager.  I like the nickname
though. 

“It’s been like two seconds since
I started seeing him.  Can I get in more time with him before I have to
say, ‘Hey you wanna meet my only living relative who is not only my sister, but
pretty much my mother as well?’ I’m sure he would jump at the chance!” I
tease.  She knows I love her and wouldn’t trade her for the world, but I
don’t want anyone, certainly not Mr. James, to feel sorry for me.  And, I
definitely don’t want to scare him away by moving things along too quickly.

“Well, when you put it like
that,” she chuckles.  “Hey, I need to go in.  Promise me next week,
okay?  Wait…I don’t work until six on Saturday.  Do you want to do a
girls day?  I can take you out to breakfast for your birthday.”

“Sounds great!”  It will be
nice to spend time with her.  “And yes, I’ll come over for dinner, just
let me know.  Now get to work, slacker!  Wouldn’t want to make the
throngs of adoring men wait for you any longer than they already have; who
else’s ass can they slap and order around if you aren’t there?”  Unable to
suppress my laughter, I erupt in a fit of amusement. 

“Ha ha, very funny.  Happy
Birthday, again!  I love you, El.”

“Love you more.”

I truly adore my sister. 
She has a way of making me feel that all is right with the world.  She’s
just what the doctor ordered, considering the past few weeks my life has been
turned inside out.  Talking to her brings life into perspective. 
Although her perspective makes me feel at times socially unstable.  Being
around her and Bryan, I don’t think I will ever love anyone the way she loves
him.  But, I’ve seen enough love to last a lifetime.  The love my
father had for my mother and the love Bryan has for my sister; two epic love
stories I’ve been privy to. 

What my sister doesn’t realize is
that they’ve set the bar high and my expectation of great love causes me to be
selective; so selective that I haven’t dated since Cole.  And apparently,
my sister thinks I’m broken in some way, which saddens me, especially since she
feels it’s partially her fault.  She has given me so much; I owe her
everything.  My main focus since college has been to make Rachel proud so
she doesn’t regret giving up her life to take care of me.  She worries I’m
not living my life to its fullest, but I guess I worry about the same with
her.  We had some rough patches when I was a rebellious teenager, but even
then I cherished her.  Tears spring to my eyes thinking of the rough deck
Rachel has been dealt.  I shake my head pushing the memories aside. 
I
need to go for a run!

~~~~~

My muscles feel tight, shirt
drenched in sweat, as I enter my apartment.  It’s been a while since I
last ran and I miss it.  I’ve used running as a way of coping with
everyday stressors, and I really should do it more often.  I feel alive and
worry free…and in desperate need of a bath. 

Slowly inching my way in, I feel
each muscle contract and then relax as the water scorches my skin.  The
drastic heat of the water tingles as I lay my head back and close my
eyes.  I’m just about to succumb to the relaxation, when the sound of my
phone echoes through the bathroom, making me jump.

“Hello,” I say a little too
eagerly, splashing water over the side of the tub as I reach for my phone.

“Bad time?”

“Uh…no.”  I glance around
the bathroom, suddenly feeling shy.

“Did I just hear water?” 
Shit! 
He heard that?!

Suppressing the humongous grin on
my face, I bite my lip knowing what my reply may lead to.  Oh well, he did
ask.  “I’m taking a bath.  What are you doing?” 

“Just lying down in my hotel
room,” he sounds tired.  Closing my eyes, I slink back into the warm
water, imagining him lying on top of the bed in his suite; shirt unbuttoned and
un-tucked as his tie hangs loosely around his neck, revealing his defined abs
and prominent chest that I know he bears.  He probably has his shoes off,
maybe even barefoot. 

Shaking my head, I push my knees
together trying to dull the aching need I feel for him.

“Rough day?” I ask, voice
deceiving me as it shudders.

“Not really, just long. 
Dealing with all those egos is exhausting.  Basically a daylong ‘who has
the bigger dick contest’.”

I recall the feel of his erection
against my belly as he ravished me against my car, and know exactly who would
win that contest.  The memory does something to me and I have to press my
legs tighter together to repress the urge to touch myself. 

“Did you win?” I murmur.

“Win?”

“In the ‘who has the bigger dick’
contest?”  I giggle, covering my face with my free hand out of
embarrassment.

“Why yes…I did as a matter of
fact.”  I can sense his grin as he responds.  I relish the fact, I’m
the reason he is smiling.  “And how was your day?”

“For the most part it was
uneventful.  I met with Mrs. Salerno for a brief moment, she seemed
irritated.  I basically walked in on her yelling at someone…” 

“I don’t want to talk about
her.  I want to talk about you,” he interrupts, in a rush. 

“Okay…Well, after work I talked
to my sister for a while, and then I went for a run.  Oh, and I made plans
tomorrow to go shopping after work with Janice.”

“You have nothing else planned
for tomorrow?”

“Nope.  That’s it.  You
aren’t coming back until Friday?”

“I’m not sure what time, but
yes.” 

A moment of comfortable silence
passes, and my chest tightens as a feeling of desire rushes over me.  “So about
that dream you mentioned earlier,” I blush, biting my lip as I wait in
anticipation.  I want to be the vision of lust and sexual gratification
for him, and the mere thought that he dreamt of me makes my desire for him
intensify.

“Knowing you’re naked right now,
makes it a little hard to remember.”  God, even without his touch I feel
hot, and bothered. 

“Do you want me to get out so you
can concentrate?” I tease.

“No, because then you would be
naked and out of the bath.”  Silence.  Listening to his heavy
breathing, I try to contain my own.  “You know, you make it nearly
impossible to focus.”  Silence.  “What are you thinking about?”

“You,” I admit.

His breath hitches.  “You
have to be a little more specific than that, Elyssa.”

“The parking lot,” I admit,
shyly. 

“I’ve been thinking about our
kiss all day.  You’re like a magnet.  I’m completely drawn to you,
even in a different state.  My mind…definitely my body…everything is
completely focused on you.”

“I wish you were here.”  I
yearn for him, and I’m sure he can sense that in my voice.  At least, I
hope he can.  Visions of our kiss come flooding back to me.  The
feelings of his hands gliding over my body, letting our lips collide…
UGHH!

“I want you, Elyssa,” he
whispers.

“I’ve wanted you since I first laid
eyes on you.”  I lick my lips as the sensation to ravage him grows.

“Do you know how perfect you
are?” 

“Perfect huh?” I reply, but he
barely knows me, and doesn’t know anything about my past.  All he knows is
what he sees, and I’m much more than just my looks.  For my sake, I hope
he sees more than my looks.

“Well…perfect for me.”  I
melt.  I feel the same.  I feel attached to him, not only in my mind,
but like he said, my body is in constant need of him.

My skin is on fire.  I
suppress the need to run my hands across my skin, mimicking the movement of his
hands just the night before.  I definitely need to change topics. 
Now.  Before I get on a plane to go and search for him.  “What time
is your first meeting tomorrow?”