Chosen Ones (21 page)

Kendall had become a part of the resistance soon after he began creating. Robert had come to know him quite well through communication that was passed along the lines. As a result of some discrepancy with the council, Kendall was placed in the inspection center, a demotion. The alliance had Kendall spying on the center and using his creations to gather information. His creations like James.

James had come to Kendall with a problem. He had met a girl, a girl to whom he felt an unnatural attachment. Kendall, later asked to spy on me by Robert, was thrilled that the girl ended up being me. It made it all much easier. The fact that it was visions of me that first alerted James to his gift caused Kendall some excitement. Anything that James told Kendall about our relationship or secret meetings was then told to Robert.

Kendall alerted Robert and James that my name had come up for inspection. When the test revealed its surprising results, Kendall approached James and Robert together. Soon after, word trickled down that my name had been put on a deportation list, but the council planned to wait for me to leave the compound on my own, and then planned for me to be dragged off by chosen ones. Soon medical tests would follow, ultimately ending with my death. The council would then report that I had run off in the middle of the night and they had found me dead. Tragic.

James had tried to tell me this the night of our last meeting.

James and Kendall followed the snatchers once they took me, until they were far enough out of range of backup. Robert had taken care of the snatchers.

Now we were to wait. In a few days’ time, Robert and I would travel to an extraction point where members of the resistance would come and get us.

I’m not sure how the conversation ended, or even if I had said anything remotely comprehensible to Robert before I left. But somehow I ended up back inside the ghost of a house, leaning against the wall, trying to catch my breath. It refused to come, just lay bundled, curled upon itself in my throat. I knew James was in the hallway with me, even without seeing him. The thought of James seemed to release the tension inside of me. My breath wildly clawed its way up my throat and freed itself from my tortuous body.

James took a step out of the darkness and was now only a few feet from me. How tired he looked. Without a second thought, I pried myself from the wall, rushed toward him, and threw my arms around his neck. He quickly wrapped his arms around my waist, crushing me against him. I didn’t care, just buried my head into his chest. One of his hands slid up my back into my hair. I pulled away slightly and found his eyes; they were filled with anxiety and longing. I promised myself that I would forever rid his eyes of their nervousness. I would convince him that the only place either of us belonged was with each other. The whole world could go straight to hell and it wouldn’t matter, not as long as I was with him. He wouldn’t be able to leave me. Wherever I went, he would have to go, too. I knew now I couldn’t go through life on my own, and I didn’t want anyone but him.

Everything in my world had changed. I needed him. And I would convince them to allow me to keep him.

I was going to make him run, too.

Chapter 34

“Good morning, Kendall,” I managed, fully aware of how shrill my voice sounded. I self-consciously placed my hand against my cheek, hoping it wasn’t as flushed as it felt. I pulled the blanket that had fallen on the floor quickly back over me.

Kendall looked from me to James and then back to me again. “I certainly hope I’m not interrupting,” he said, an oddly paternal tone to his voice.

“Of course not,” I replied, trying to muster a smile. “We were just talking,” I said as I pulled away from James. We had been making out. We hadn’t talked about anything that had happened, or anything I’d learned from Robert. I think we both just needed to feel normal for a while. James and I moved to opposite ends of the lumpy, greenish couch, both pretending to stare at the snow continuing to fall through the hole that had been blasted out of the living room by some bomb.

Apparently, they had abandoned the transport after driving several hours through the destruction and rubble of towns and cities that once were. Then continued on foot for another several hours, taking turns carrying me and stumbled upon this house, which, for the most part, was still left standing. Most likely because it was nestled within the forest, away from major neighborhoods.

“I could leave,” Kendall suggested.

“No need,” James finally spoke up. “It’s not a conversation we can’t continue later,” he said, throwing me a look that made my legs feel weak.

Kendall kept staring at the two of us while he and James talked and I pretended to listen. It was odd to watch their relationship play out. On the surface there didn’t seem to be much affection, but every so often Kendall’s eyes would light up if James said something profound or witty. I watched James in these moments as well, and he seemed like he really wanted to make this man happy. It was the closest he would ever come to having a father figure, and I would do my best to respect that.

When Kendall finally left us alone, we didn’t keep kissing. A comfortable quiet settled over us as we cuddled under the blanket in the living room. I focused on the way his fingers seemed to softly move up and down my arm of their own accord. I glanced out at the giant hole blasted in the wall; the snow was really coming down. I jumped up and grabbed James’s hand, attempting to pull him up with me.

“What is it?”

“It’s snowing, and we’re sitting inside. I want to go outside and play,” I said.

James only hesitated for a moment. “You need a coat first.”

“No. I want to feel it on my skin,” I replied, tugging him toward the door.

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea. You’ll get sick,” he replied sternly.

“Oh, live a little. When will we ever have the opportunity to do this again?”

We wouldn’t. In a matter of days my new home would be the Middlelands. A home I wasn’t sure included him, despite how much I wanted it to. For just a few days I needed to forget the hole in the wall of the living room; I wanted to be normal.

I didn’t wait for James to approve. Instead, I pulled him along with me. I was almost running, unable to stop from laughing as I did so. I could feel the hesitation stiffen his arm, but he didn’t pull against my grasp, either.

When we got outside, the air sucked the breath from my lungs. It was biting, almost painful, and I was immediately enamored with it. It caused all of my senses to become alert at once, proving I was alive. I had survived.

My skin began to burn from the rawness of the wind, and yet all I could do was smile. It filled me with such an inner sense of pure joy and unfamiliar peace. I closed my eyes and lifted my face up, letting the snow fall where it may. I squeezed James’s hand to make sure he was still with me. He squeezed my hand back.

I opened my eyes to find James staring at me intently, dangerously, a look that would have frightened me to my core in the early days of our relationship. I shivered, and not from the cold. His face was so serious, it was as if he were contemplating all the world’s problems at once.

I tugged on his hand. “Why so serious? You’re supposed to be having fun, James. Snow means fun. Don’t make me show you,” I said, reaching down to grab a handful and raising my arm to aim it at him.

James cracked a smile. “You’re not planning on throwing that at me, are you? I
am
a chosen one. My reflexes might just be a little faster than yours. You sure you’re serious about taking me on?”

I lowered my arm and took a step closer to him. “I’ll take you on,” I whispered as I lifted my chin, leaning toward him. Before his lips could meet mine, I smashed the snow into his face. Too stunned to move, he watched me run as fast as I could from him, laughing the entire time.

This was the life I should have had.

I didn’t get very far. He was fast. Very, very fast. I was in his arms before I knew it.

I could feel my face burn from a mixture of the temperature and his presence. “I thought I was going to lose you. You’re the only thing that makes me feel human,” he whispered.

Something new stirred inside me, something blazing. I didn’t feel one ounce of coldness now. James reached out his hands and began to rub them up and down my arms, and my skin flushed in response. The snow continued to dance around us, dusting our hair and shoulders. In a quick succession of movements, his hands were on my cheeks, and he had pulled me so my body was against his. He hesitated for the briefest of moments, checking something in my eyes. Whatever he saw must have given him confidence, because before I could think out the repercussions of this kiss, his mouth was on mine.

His lips were hungry and mine were just as ravaged by neglect. All the fears and mistrust were gone. It was now just two people who desired each other without any second-guessing. The kiss embraced this freedom.

I knew Kendall had told him about me, about my freak status. I wouldn’t die if we were to…

It was like nothing I could have imagined. He was every-where and yet not nearly close enough. I reached my hands up to his hair, curling my fingers around it, pulling him closer. I heard a grunt escape his lips before they were back on mine. I couldn’t breathe and I didn’t care.

I was sweating. It was too hot. Was this normal? I needed to pull away, but the urge to continue was so hypnotizing. I felt waves of heat envelop my body, almost suffocating me. I pulled away, wildly gasping for air. James’s hands were on my face, yet he sat very still, statue-like. I looked up at him and his eyes were unfocused, as if he was seeing something in the distance. His body stiffened and his nose began to bleed.

His eyes closed and a look of pure horror washed over his face. His hands became iron shackles against my face. I tried to say his name but could only cry out in pain. He was going to crush my skull.

Without warning he crumpled to the ground, dragging me with him. He began to shake.

Oh, God! What was happening?

“Somebody help!” I screamed, hoping there was anyone around to hear. The sound of my shrill voice seemed to cause a change. Once I yelled those words, James’s body went limp. I scrambled to his side, the snow whipping me in the face. I tried to shake him awake, tears streaming down my cheeks. I couldn’t lose him. I needed him to survive. I didn’t want to survive without him. I cradled his head in my lap as I continued to scream for someone to save him, to save both of us.

Chapter 35

The ticking of the clock was echoing in my ears. I sat in my room, alone in the dark. I drew my legs against my chest and hugged them into place.

Kendall had said James would be all right, but he still hadn’t woken up. Only now did I feel embarrassed about describing in graphic detail what had happened. At the time, I would have easily told Kendall everything if it meant he could help James. I was willing to do anything. I would have told him every secret I had left.

I had worried it was the sickness that took Frank. A sickness I still didn’t understand.

Kendall surmised that James must have had some sort of vision. Our closeness must have triggered him, and James being too weak with his gift, he was unable to handle it. It had been the first time he had a vision while awake. It must have worn him out.

I shivered when I thought about the look of horror that swept over his face. What had he seen? He was so frightened. And would it always be like this? Could we ever just be normal together?

The door to my room creaked open, and Henry’s head popped around it. “Can I come in?”

“People usually knock before asking that,” I replied sourly.

“I heard about what happened,” he said, ignoring my comment and taking a seat on the edge of the bed.

“If you’re here to comfort me, please don’t.”

“I’m not. I’m here to tell you how foolish that was, Tess.”

Of course he was.

“Is that so?”

“Tess, I don’t particularly enjoy the role of the bad guy, but someone has to be the responsible one, and since neither you nor James, nor Kendall for that matter, seem to want to, I will.”

“Lucky you,” I mumbled.

He sighed. “Yes, lucky me.”

It was silent for a long moment before he spoke again. “This can’t go on. In two days you will have to say good-bye.”

“I know,” I spat at him.

“I don’t think you do. You and he are not made for this.”

“What are you talking about?” I asked as my foot began to tap furiously against the bed.

“Romeo and Juliet are fictional, Tess. Their story could never happen in a world like ours. Besides, even in their world, they both end up dead.” His voice was barely above a whisper, but in it I could still hear pain.

“But couldn’t he come with us?” I asked weakly. Maybe in the Middlelands we could be the Romeo and Juliet who lived.

“The only reason they are allowing us in is because of your situation.”

I rolled my eyes. “My
situation
. Well, if I’m so special shouldn’t they let me have what I want?”

“It doesn’t work like that. He would have no place there, no home. He would be giving up everything he knew, everything he felt comfortable with. When someone loves you, Tess, it is unfair to ask too much of them, because often they won’t be able to say no. Trust me. I speak from experience,” he replied, his voice cracking.

“Maybe he wants to go,” I offered.

“He’ll go if you ask him, but is it fair to?”

“So I’m just supposed to give up the one thing I want in life? I’m sure that sounds real easy to you. I mean, you let your girlfriend die for some cause without a second thought.”

“Don’t try and make sense of my relationship with Julia. You’re not like me. Could you survive if something happened to him? What if the sector is raided and we’re all caught? He would be
tortured
, Tess. His punishment would be worse than ours. Could you survive that? And even if you could, you wouldn’t want to.” His hands clutched against the side of his head.

A low ragged sob finally broke free from my throat, and I turned my back toward Henry. I was ashamed to have him see me like this.

I felt his hand gently touch my back. “I am sorry. I really am. But for better or worse, his life was meant to be different than ours. He could have everything that we can’t. Would you ask him to turn his back on that to live a life filled with uncertainty?”

Henry’s words stung because they were filled with a truth I could no longer deny. I loved James. I loved him more than I thought my poor, inexperienced heart was capable of. I would not, could not, banish him to the life that slowly destroyed my own sense of being. He had already done so much for me. He had saved my life twice, and beyond that, he’d made me realize that I had a heart and soul that still lived inside me. He showed me that love existed in a world full of darkness, something I long thought was impossible. I couldn’t ask him for more.

A low knock on the door interrupted my agonizing thoughts. As if on cue, James’s voice broke through my moment of grief.

“May I come in?”

I quickly wiped the tears off my face and managed to mumble that he could.

James looked from me to Henry and then back to me again. His face scrunched up as if he saw something unpleasant, something disturbing. The look only lasted a moment, though, before his face relaxed into a look of curiosity. “Am I interrupting?”

I shook my head, still unable to manage a coherent sentence. The weight of the good-bye was crushing down forcibly upon my chest. Two days. I had two days.

Henry said nothing to James or me but quickly stood up and rushed out of the room, closing the door behind him. I didn’t know how to explain the scene to James, and I didn’t really want to.

James hovered near the end of the bed, looking hesitant. “Are you crying?”

“It’s nothing. I’m just tired. It’s been a long day.” I reached my hand toward him greedily. I needed him near me now more than ever. The touch of his skin to mine, something that had once frightened me, was the only thing that could sustain me now. He was sitting by my side on the bed in an instant. He placed his hands on my shoulders and turned me so I was facing him.

“What is it?”

The way his eyes looked into mine caused my stomach to tighten and my breathing to quicken. God, this was going to hurt. But it didn’t have to happen now. No, not now.

“I’ve just been worried about you,” I replied. Not a total lie.

He stroked my face. “Oh, Tess, no need. I’m just fine. I have a slight headache, that’s all.”

“I was so scared. It all happened so fast,” I whispered as the horrifying images replayed before my eyes.

He chuckled. “Yeah, that was some kiss.”

His attempt at humor didn’t distract me. “What happened?”

James sighed. “Not sure, really. I think that when we kissed I just got overwhelmed.”

“You had a vision?”

He nodded, his face smooth, but his jaw was clearly clenched.

“You’ve have had visions before, though. Why did you react like that?”

James offered a small shrug, clearly trying to pass off the event like nothing of importance. “I have never had one while I was conscious before. I guess my body wasn’t completely ready for it.”

I knew I was most afraid of the answer to the next question, but I had to ask. “What did you see?”

James shook his head, instantly looking anywhere in the room but at my face.

“You saw something about me?”

“Isn’t it always about you?” he replied bitterly.

“Tell me.”

“I can’t.”

“Yes, you can. Haven’t we learned about keeping secrets? I don’t do well with that!”

“Please, just drop it.”

“I most certainly will not,” I replied angrily. I could feel my face flushing. I would no longer allow myself to be kept in the dark about important things in my life.

Now he was angry, too. “I can’t tell you, Tess! Don’t you think I would if I could? Do you think I like living alone with these things? I can’t tell anyone anymore. If I tell you what I saw, I risk something changing. If something changes, even the smallest thing, I might not be in the right place to stop it. So I’m left alone with these images attacking my mind. It’s maddening. And knowing all the time that I need to keep seeing them, wishing my mind would show me more, so I could prevent it.”

I could barely keep up, he was talking so fast.

“I told Kendall and Robert about your deportation, about how the council wasn’t going to wait. And things changed. Suddenly, parts of my vision went black; I couldn’t see anymore. We almost didn’t make it before those snatchers…before they had their fun,” he hissed.

His hands were on my face now, his eyes not wavering from mine. “So I have to live with this on my own, Tess. It’s the only way I can assure I will be in the right place at the right time to stop it.”

His fingers moved down my neck so they rested over my heart. I could feel the goose bumps across the trail his hand made. “I can’t lose you.”

I closed my eyes, my head dizzy from the combination of his touch and his words.

“I’m sorry,” I breathed.

He pulled me closer so he was cradling me against his chest. He kissed the top of my head. “No need to apologize.”

“So if you were to see this image again would it help you?” I asked, hoping my voice didn’t sound as shaky to him as it did to me.

“Maybe.”

I pulled away slightly so my face was in front of his. “Should we try again?” I couldn’t help but blush at the possibility of living another kiss like that, or the shudder that ran through my body at the thought of his violent reaction.

I could see the anxiety on his face but also something else—desire. “Maybe the vision won’t be as strong this time. Maybe since I know what to expect I won’t see anything…and if I do maybe my body will be prepared for it.”

I nodded. “Maybe.” It was the only word I could manage to mumble.

I titled my chin up toward him, and before I could think another thought his lips were on mine. My body instantly heated up just like before. His hands knotted into my hair as I crushed myself against him. The kiss was filled with desperation. I knew I had very little of these moments left with him, and maybe his vision made him realize he had very little of these moments left with me.

“Did you see anything?” I panted.

“No.”

I didn’t care and neither did he. This kiss was more than just an experiment. I found his lips again, wrapped my arms around his back, clutching him to me as tightly as possible. His lips moved down my neck. Suddenly, I was on my back, James on top of me. I reached up into his hair and grabbed it, forcing his lips onto mine again. I needed more. One of his hands was under my back as the other moved down toward my waist, leaving a blazing trail of heat as he did. I felt my back arch on its own, my chest now against his. I wondered if this was going to stop. I wondered if I wanted it to.

My body was burning; I felt the sweat drip down my neck. It was happening again. I trembled with anticipation, waiting for the dreadful moment when he would pull away, and I would watch the scene of horror once again pass across his eyes. But he didn’t stop. He didn’t pull away. The kiss only deepened. I didn’t know how long I could stand the heat. I felt the cotton of my top begin to stick to my back. I knew we were racing toward the line that once was crossed couldn’t be uncrossed. Was I ready for that? Did it matter? I didn’t have time to feel ready. I only had two days.

I knew I wouldn’t die if the worst happened. I could feel my lips begin to still themselves, and my hands fell limply to my sides. His lips moved back to my neck, his hand holding tightly onto my waist.

I wasn’t ready.

My first kiss had only been weeks ago. I wasn’t ready for what came next. I had barely made sense of my own feelings, my new situation in life. I didn’t need a new complication. And would this, this embrace of closeness, forever tie me to James? Tie me in a way that would make our parting much more difficult, if that were even possible? We hadn’t thought of protection. We hadn’t even discussed it. Yet, here it could be happening. Everything was happening so fast in my life.

“Stop,” I whispered.

He froze the second the word escaped my lips, the sound of our ragged breathing mingling with the silence of the room. I made an attempt to scoot away, but he was too heavy. I needed to be far from him, doubting my own self-control.

He quickly lifted himself off of me and muttered, “Sorry.”

I tried to read the emotion on his face. Did he look angry? Hurt? No, he was relieved. I wondered if he had been feeling the same way as me, unsure and not ready. I wondered if my self-control somehow was better than his, or if he was merely trying to give me what he thought I wanted. I briefly remembered the way his lips had moved and knew he had wanted it, too.

“Some kiss,” I joked.

James chuckled weakly. “Yeah.”

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have let it get so out of control,” I replied quietly.

“You? It’s my fault. You have always made it clear your thoughts on this sort of thing,” he replied.

“I think a lot of things I felt before have changed, James. I just didn’t feel—”

“—ready,” he finished.

I offered a small smile in response.

He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “It’s fine. We have time.” The word
time
sounded stale, unreal, and I knew we both understood it to be a lie. We both knew what we had just given up. This was something we would never share. I wondered if later in life I would regret it. In this moment it seemed like the right choice to stop. I couldn’t imagine remembering our time together connected to only feelings of desolation and loss. I’d rather not have that experience at all than to see it so tainted.

“I should probably go, let you rest,” he said, patting my hand gently as he moved to get off the bed.

I locked my hand around his. “Wait. Maybe you could stay. I mean…just sleep.”

He raised an eyebrow in response.

I forced a grin. “We’re two rational people. We can handle it.”

His face lit up in a relaxed smile. “I guess we have handled worse.”

I moved to the other side of the bed and patted the spot next to me. After a brief moment of hesitation, he pulled back the covers and lay down. Both of us lay on our backs, not touching, staring at the ceiling.

It was most certainly awkward. I couldn’t help but laugh. It was the most normal I’d felt in days. I had come to almost cherish these moments of teenage instability. They made the rest of my life seem like some bad dream. Just thinking about the situation made me laugh harder. James began to laugh, too, and it made me happy to know I didn’t have to explain what was so funny to him. He already understood.