Christie Kelley (22 page)

“Like bloody hell she will.” In one swift movement, Banning let his fist fly into Billingsworth’s chin.

Billingsworth fell back against the table behind him with a loud crash, breaking several dishes as he landed. Slowly he stood, and Banning was waiting for him.

“She will keep writing,” Banning said. “She will marry me. And she won’t give you another farthing.”

Billingsworth’s eyes widened. A thick vein in his neck bulged and pulsed in anger. He clenched his fist, and started toward Banning.

Before Banning could punch him again, Somerton pulled his arms behind his back and dragged him away from Billingsworth.

“Stay away from her, you bastard,” Banning hissed.

“Selby,” Billingsworth called, “to whom shall I send my friend?”

“Me,” Somerton answered from behind Banning. “Come along, Selby.” He continued to pull Banning until they were both outside.

“I suppose I should thank you for getting me out of there before I killed the man,” Banning said as Somerton released his arms.

“You have the morning for that pleasure.” Somerton smiled viciously. “I would offer to do the job for you, but I do have my reputation to think of. What would the
ton
think of me?”

“As if you cared.”

Somerton shrugged. “Not a whit.”

“Do you care about anything?”

“No. Not really.”

“I thought as much.” Banning’s carriage slowed to a stop in front of them.

“He only wants her money,” Somerton said.

“I know.”

“I’ll talk to his second and set everything up,” Somerton said in a serious tone. “And I’ll do my best to force the issue of weapons—swords only. I’m sure he only baited you so you would hit him first. Being the insulted party, it is his choice of weapons.”

“He knows.”

Somerton frowned. “Then you know it will be pistols. Drink a good amount of coffee or tea, no more claret today. I’ll see you in the morning.”

The carriage door shut behind him as the vehicle rolled across the cobblestones toward his home. Leaning back against the velvet squabs, he closed his eyes. He rubbed his hands over his face to erase the images he saw every time he closed his eyes. He would have to pick up a gun again. Possibly kill another human being. And even though the world might be a better place without Emory Billingsworth, the idea of shooting the man made Banning’s stomach roil.

Banning knew he had no choice. She
would
be his wife for this. Opening his eyes, he attempted to focus on the seat across from him, wishing the carriage would stop spinning.

By the time he arrived back at his home, the world had slowed its whirling pace. He stepped down carefully from the carriage and made his way up the steps, holding tightly onto the iron rail.

He had only hours to prepare himself to face his worst fear.

Battenford opened the door as Banning approached. “Good evening, my lord.”

“Evening, Battenford.” Banning continued down the hallway without stopping.

“My lord—”

“Tomorrow. I am in no mood to discuss anything at the moment.” Assuming he’d be in any condition to talk tomorrow.

“But—”

“Goodnight,
Battenford,” he said as he reached his study. There was one candle lit in the room and he saw no need to light another. Crossing the threshold, a soft object bounced off his head. “What the—” Before he could even finish, another one hit him directly in the face. He looked down at the two pillows on the floor.

He slowly glanced up just as another pillow flew across the room, which he easily deflected. He stared at Avis. Her brown eyes glared nearly black with rage, as her chest rose and fell in quick succession.

“I take it there is a problem?”

“You bastard!” she shouted. “You ruined me.”

“Nothing more than you deserved after your little display on the terrace at Trey’s house.”

She flung another pillow at him. “I deserved being deserted? I deserved having everyone in the
ton
give me the cut direct because I was protecting you from that little tart?”

He caught the pillow and hurled it to the ground. Stalking her, he said, “Yes, you deserved that. Possibly even more.”

“For what? Foolishly opening my mouth to protect you from Miss Roebuck?” Avis stepped back as he came closer.

“For kissing Billingsworth on the terrace, perhaps?”

“You saw that and you didn’t assist me?”

He cocked his head at her. “You didn’t look as if you needed any help. You were clutching his jacket as though you hadn’t been kissed in years.”

“I tripped, you stupid fool. He grabbed me and kissed me.”

“And I suppose he forced you say you wanted him?” Confusion flashed across her face, widening her eyes.

“I wanted him to get his hands off my derrière.”

“And you were struggling ferociously to get out of his arms,” he added sarcastically.

Out of pillow ammunition, she stood her ground until he stood directly in front of her. “You said you were returning to town after you rescued me. Did you plan on standing me up?”

“At least I saved you from being beaten by the bastard.”

“And now you’re going to face him to defend my honor? Yet you would not even stay at the ball long enough for our engagement to be announced.”

“It was my understanding you wanted to ride out the scandal.”

“I never said that. When we talked about scandal, I thought we were discussing the fact that even if we announced our wedding there would still be rumors flying.”

He stepped forward as she stepped back again. This time, she ran into the table, knocking herself off balance. Banning reached for her, but she was just a breath too far away and he tumbled down on top of her.

“You oaf!” She pummeled his shoulders with her fists.

Grabbing her arms, he pinned them above her head and weighed her body down with his. “Enough!”

“Hardly. I still cannot believe you think I wanted to kiss him.”

“Oh? Why wouldn’t I believe it? He was your first choice after all. You believed him over everything I told you about him. So why are you here, Avis?”

“To stop the duel and demand you marry me,” she said in a tone that sounded nothing like an order.

“You demand it, do you?”

The urge to kiss her neck became too much for Banning to ignore. Slowly, he bent his head and touched his lips to her erratic pulse.

“Stop that this instant! We need to talk.”

“Never,” he whispered against the hollow of her neck.

“I don’t want you touching me,” she said in an unconvincing voice.

“But you just demanded I marry you. If I do, you are mine. Mine to kiss, touch, caress, fondle, make love to, any time I desire.”

“Not against my will.”

“Even against your will.” He placed feathery kisses down the deep line of cleavage exposed to him. “Not that I would ever need to force you. You are a very passionate woman,” he murmured against her breast.

“Are you going to marry me or not?”

He smiled against the soft skin of her breast. She had finally come to him. A brief feeling of relief skittered through him. He’d never felt so lucky because he would now have everything he’d ever wanted. Assuming he lived through the meeting at dawn.

Avis held her breath, waiting for an answer. Even when he brought her fully covered nipple into his mouth, she refused to breathe. Or maybe she’d just lost the ability to take air into her lungs.

“Are you?” she asked again.

He lifted his head up and stared at her. A small smile lifted his sensual lips upward. “No.”

“What?” She twisted and attempted to draw herself upward but his weight kept her trapped.

“No.”

She turned her head as he bent to kiss her mouth. She refused to kiss him. All logical thought and reason flew out the window once he kissed her.

“Why not?” she asked. “This is all your fault.”

“Is it now?” He arched a black brow at her.

“Well, most of it.”

“If I remember correctly, I asked you to marry me weeks ago in Southwold.”

“You did not. You said you needed a wife. A brood mare to have your children.”

“Which I do,” he whispered, placing a kiss on her chin. “Beautiful boys and girls with their mother’s curly hair.”

“Then you will ask me to marry you?”

He shook his head with a grin. That arrogant man was playing games with her!

“I’m afraid my reputation is in tatters over being compromised on the terrace at Trey’s house.”

She slapped his back and laughed. “Your reputation is intact. That is just one of the many joys of being a man. Your reputation is enhanced while mine is ruined.”

Lifting his head, he kissed the end of her nose. “No, I’m afraid my reputation is not undamaged. It appears since you kissed Billingsworth on the terrace, I’ve taken to drinking and sitting in darkened rooms. And worse, taking swings at men in White’s. I might even have my subscription revoked for that.”

“Whom did you strike?” she asked softly.

“A bastard of a man.”

“Billingsworth?”

He nodded.

“Did he call you out, then?” Avis frowned. She’d thought Banning had called Emory out for his attack on her.

“I really don’t feel like talking about him right now.”

“Banning, did he call you out?” she demanded. Fear flickered through her entire body, knowing she couldn’t lose him now. She was too close to having everything she now wanted in life.

“Yes.”

“Damn you, Banning!” She twisted in his arms but could not move off him. “You cannot meet him.”

His eyes narrowed. “Why not? Afraid I might kill him?”

“No. I am terrified that you will be killed,” she whispered.

He lowered her head toward his lips and kissed her softly. “No more talk of Billingsworth. We have far more important things to discuss.”

“Such as?”

He rolled her back onto the floor. “Special licenses.”

“Oh?” She would let him change the topic of conversation for a short while, but she would talk him out of this duel. She couldn’t let him do this, not for her.

“Hmm, would Thursday be soon enough to marry me?”

“I don’t remember being asked.”

“If I’m not mistaken, we both demanded that we marry each other. Do we really need a proposal?” He slipped her gown over her shoulder. “After all, we both have been compromised.”

“True,” she replied sweetly. “But a proposal is rather nice.”

“All right then.” Then he nipped her shoulder. “Propose to me,” he said in a teasing tone.

“Not me, you beast.” She couldn’t help but laugh.

His white teeth gleamed in the dim room. Then he sobered. “Will you marry me, Avis?”

“Yes,” she whispered.

His brows furrowed. “Do you want to marry?”

“Only you, Banning.” She kissed him softly. “I never wanted to marry anyone until you showed me that I do have the patience.”

“Love gives you the patience, sweetheart.”

“Your love,” she whispered. “Only your love.”

“I want to compromise you again,” he murmured in her ear. “Right now.”

“What about your mother and your sister?”

“Damn.”

He kissed her neck until she shivered with desire. Passion, she decided, was far better than she’d ever imagined. His lips skimmed across her bare shoulder.

“Banning,” she moaned.

“I must find a new house for my mother and sister just as quickly as I can.”

“I cannot wait that long. Did you close the door?”

Banning shot a glance behind him. “Damn.”

“Go close the door,” she whispered. “And lock it.”

Banning turned the key and the lock clicked. He tossed his jacket on the chair by the desk. This was utter madness. With a duel only hours away, the last thing he should be doing was rutting like an animal. And yet, he couldn’t stop himself from making love to her no matter how much he knew he should. As he walked back toward her, he untied his cravat and unwound it from around his neck.

“Stand up, Avis.”

She looked at him with passion blazing in her brown eyes. “Why?”

“Because I want you naked in my arms. No barriers between us ever again.” He reached down and pulled her to her feet. Turning her around, he unhooked her gown and slid it over her arms and down her hips. The blue muslin pooled at her feet like water from the sea.

She shivered as he completely unlaced her stays and they followed the dress to the floor. Her shift and petticoats were next until she stood before him in only her clocked stockings and shoes. He turned her back to face him.

“Do you have any idea how long I’ve wanted you?” he whispered.

“I believe I do.”

“Take off your stockings for me.”

She only smiled at his request. Taking a seat on the sofa, she unhooked her garters and threw them on the pile of clothing. She put one leg on the table allowing him a lovely view and then slid her stockings down one slim leg then the other. His cock pressed tightly against his trousers. Once she had completed the task, she stood up completely naked. He clenched his fists to keep from tossing her on the sofa and driving himself into her right then and there.

“Undress me,” he muttered, even though the thought of her fingers on him made him tremble.

She smiled up at him, and he almost forgot about taking this slow.

“I would love to do that.”

She skimmed her fingernails up his chest, over his nipples until she reached the buttons on his linen shirt. With quick movements, she released each one and then pulled the shirt out of his trousers and over his head. He closed his eyes as her nails trailed a path to the buttons on his trousers.

“You’ll need to sit so I can remove your boots.”

He moved to the sofa and groaned as she turned her perfectly rounded bottom toward him and pulled at his boots. A gentleman should have offered to do the job himself, but this was far too enticing. Each movement exposed flashes of her womanly folds and forced him to hold the fabric of the sofa to keep from touching her yet.

Finally, each boot hit the floor and she turned to remove the trousers. He smiled as her eyes widened when his cock sprang from its confinement.

“Come here,” he said softly.

Avis straddled him, anxious to be closer to him, dying to have him enter her now. But another part of her wanted their time to go slowly. She wanted to savor their lovemaking as they did in the cottage those weeks ago.

The moment their lips touched, all thoughts were gone. His hands burned her back as he pressed her closer to him. Their tongues warred for possession and domination until he broke the contact and kissed her neck. Avis could scarcely breathe as his lips trailed down to her breasts.

“Banning,” she murmured as he suckled her breast. “I’ve missed you so terribly the past few weeks.”

“I wanted to take this slowly with you, Avis,” he said, after breaking his wondrous contact with her nipple. “But I find I can’t. I want you now.”

She smiled against his forehead. “Please don’t wait any longer.”

He lifted her up and brought her down on his hard shaft, filling her completely, making them one once more. She never wanted this to end. She never wanted to be without him again. How could she have thought for one moment that she could live without him? She would have him forever and nothing would stand in her way now. He nuzzled her neck, nipping at the sensitive skin there as she lifted her hips and brought herself down on him.

Pleasure built as they increased their speed until she felt forced to close her eyes and let her release wash over her. He grasped her hips and thrust into her one last time, spilling his seed into her.

“I love you,” she whispered spent against his chest.

“I love you too.”

She lifted her head and stared at his blue eyes, filled with love for her. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled.

His eyes darkened with confusion. “Sorry? About what?”

“Not talking about my fear of marriage with you.”

“What changed your mind?” he asked, caressing her hair.

“A lot of things.” She kissed the tip of his nose. “You. Your mother. An old acquaintance of mine.”

“How did I help you?”

Avis smiled and wondered how he couldn’t have known how he helped her. “You taught me that love is patient. Love is worth taking a risk and more importantly that love is worth facing a fear.”

He kissed her softly on the lips. “And my mother?”

“She told me about her marriage and a little more about my mother’s marriage.”

“And this friend of yours?”

“Mary and I talked for most of an afternoon with her children in the room. She also had a father who believed it was all right to strike his wife and children. But she also told me if you find the right man it will never happen.”

Avis blew out a long breath. “More importantly, I think I have learned to trust myself.”

“Yourself?”

“Oh, Banning, I hit you in anger.” She caressed his cheek with her hand. “The man I loved. I was terrified that I would hurt you again, or worse, an innocent child. But the more time I spent with Mary the more she helped me realize I could do it. I could have the man I love. I could have children to love and cherish.” She looked up at him through teary eyes. “I could have everything I was always too afraid to believe possible.”

“I’m so glad you became reacquainted with her.”

Avis let her head drop back to his shoulder and sighed. “So am I. I discovered I want so much more out of life than just writing. I want you. I want children with you. I want our love and companionship forever.”

Banning held Avis until she fell asleep against his chest. Slowly, he lifted her into his arms and placed her on the sofa. She stirred, blinked her eyes open for a moment before smiling and closing her eyes again. After placing a soft blanket over her, he dressed, then sat down behind his desk.

He should have sent her home this evening. He shouldn’t have made love to her tonight. If he were unable to go through with this duel, which was a frightening possibility after the last time he needed to use a gun, what would happen to her? His reputation would be ruined and marriage to him would reflect poorly on her. She might be pregnant. If he didn’t return from this meeting, she would be left alone, pregnant, and scorned by Society all because of him.

He couldn’t let that happen.

Banning reached into the bottom drawer of his desk and slowly pulled out the box. He stared at the dueling pistol box he had managed to place on his desk. This was the closest he’d been to holding a gun in his hands since that unspeakable night in Whitechapel. Even now if he closed his eyes, he could relive every detail. But he had to do this. Her honor, and his, was at stake. And more importantly, he couldn’t let Billingsworth get away with this any longer.

Avis let out a small sigh from the sofa. Her hands tucked under her cheek and a few curls fell across her forehead. She was beautiful. And his. No one would malign his future wife, kiss her or strike her as long as he could breathe.

Even if he had to face his biggest fear.

Love is worth facing a fear.
Her words haunted him. If she could face her fears of marriage then he had no choice but to face his.

He rubbed his hand across the smooth cherry box. Lifting the lid, he saw the two Manton pistols lying in the red silk lining. How appropriate that the lining would be the same color as spilled blood. Would the grass at the field be the same color in a few hours?

Warm fingers caressed his cheek. He turned toward her warmth wondering how she approached him without making a sound.

“You can’t do this.”

“Are you defending him again?” he whispered.

She turned his head toward her and pointed at the purple bruise on her jaw. “He did this.”

“I know.”

She blinked several times. “Did you bait him on purpose? To protect my honor?”

“Perhaps.”

“Very honorable but you are not picking up a pistol for me.” She kneeled down next to him and drew the blanket around her. “I know, Banning. I know you no longer like pistols or rifles or hunting.”

Banning closed his eyes but that only served to bring back unwanted memories. “I have no choice, Avis.”

“You do.” She let her head fall to his lap. “I can’t lose you now that I finally decided to set my own fears aside and marry you. I can’t let you do this for me.”

He caressed her tawny hair and smiled down at her. “If I don’t meet him, my honor and your reputation will be in tatters.”

“If you meet him, my reputation will be ruined if people believe the duel was on my account.”

“Assuming I can even pick up the damned pistol,” he muttered under his breath.

Avis lifted her head and then rose to her feet. She grabbed his hand, leading him to the sofa. “Tell me what happened.”

Perhaps talking to her about what happened in France would help. But he couldn’t tell her about the other incident.

Banning blew out a long breath and closed his eyes. In his mind’s eye he saw it all again, as if it happened only yesterday and not six years ago. He’d never told anyone about what happened in France. Not his sister, not his parents. Only Trey and Somerton knew the truth.

Feeling her clasp his hand in comfort, he began, “I believe I already told you that I was shot in France.”

“Yes, as were many people. Yet none of them seem to have the aversion to guns that you have now.”

“Trey and I had tracked down a spy who lived outside of Paris. Our mission was quite simple, either bring the man back to England or kill him.”

“Oh my,” she whispered.

He rose and walked toward the window, staring out at the dark garden, but not seeing anything except his memories. “We tracked him to a house in a small village. All the information we received told us that he lived there alone. We decided the two of us could easily grab him and spirit him back home.”

Banning paused to gather his thoughts. “We crashed through the door and found the man standing in his kitchen. I drew my pistol and aimed for him, not intending to shoot him.”

“Oh,” Avis whispered. “Then you accidentally shot him?”

“No. The man pointed his gun at me.” Banning closed his eyes reliving every moment. His heart pounded in his chest as if it were happening here and now and not six years ago.
Tell her,
his conscience shouted.
Tell her what a monster you are.

“Just as I pulled the trigger the man’s young son flew toward his father to protect him and took the bullet in his heart. He was only ten years old, Avis.”

“Oh, Banning.” She stepped behind him and hugged him, her soft, warm arms holding him tight. “What about the man?”

“He shot me.”

“And then Kesgrave shot the man?”

“Yes.”

She rested her head on his back. “It wasn’t your fault, Banning.”

“Yes, it was,” he bit out. “We should have known about the boy.”

“How could you possibly have known?”

“Somerton had been scheduled to meet up with Trey that afternoon. He had the information on the boy. But we decided to get the mission completed so we could go home sooner.”

“That’s how Somerton knew about it,” Avis commented.

“Yes.”

“But how did Billingsworth discover all this?”

Banning shook his head.
Don’t tell her. She’ll hate you for the coward you were.
“I’m not certain.”

“So all this time you’ve had this fear and guilt and never told me about it?”

She sounded a bit miffed by his secrets. He turned around and lifted her chin up. “If I remember correctly, you didn’t seem to be in any hurry to tell me about your father, or your own fears.”

Avis glanced away. “True enough. I never believed in all the tales of love that I’d heard and read about through the years. I saw what my mother went through in the name of love. She loved him, Banning. Your mother even told me that. Yet, she couldn’t leave him in order to be happy.”

“Maybe she had to fight her own fears.”

“Perhaps she did.”

“I still have to meet him,” he whispered.

“No, you don’t.” She looked up at him with tears in her eyes. “The only thing he wants is money. If I offer him a large sum—”

“No.”

“Banning, I can’t let you do this when all we have to do is pay him off.”

Banning moved away from her. She didn’t understand any of this. Honor. Reputation. Courage. Right now, he had none of those things.

Avis started to dress. There was only one thing to do and she would do this herself. Now that she finally had Banning she wasn’t about to let a stupid duel get in the way of her happiness.

“Are you going somewhere?” he asked, coming up behind her.

“I need to return home.”

“No.”

She turned and faced him. “I shouldn’t have stayed this long, my servants will be worried.”

He tilted her chin up. “You are not going to him.”

“I will do whatever I have to in order to stop this duel. You will not fight over me.” She twisted out of his reach and strode for the door, determined to leave before he stopped her.

As she reached the door, he whispered, “I’m not fighting this duel over just you.”

She halted and blew out a breath. “I’m sure that girl at Eton would appreciate the sentiment but wouldn’t require you to defend her honor at this point.”

“It’s not just her either,” he said softly.

“There were more?”
Please say no.
She couldn’t bear to hear another story about a woman beaten by him.

“Yes.”

Avis turned and leaned against the door. “What happened?”

“If I had been there only a few minutes earlier…”

“What would that have done?” she murmured to keep him talking. He raked his fingers through his hair, giving him a wild look. Her stomach clenched at the sight of him.