Christmas Gift for Rose (9780310336822) (12 page)

“It was that year that Dad came home with a special Christmas present for Mama—a Christmas rose. And every year that was her favorite Christmas gift.”

He paused his story, eating the turkey and rice with large bites.

“It’s so hard to take everything in … but are they doing all right? Daddy, Mama, and the boys? Although I suppose the twins must be teenagers now,
ja
? Maybe around the age of my sister Elizabeth.” A smiled filled Rose’s face at the thought.

Curtis paused with the fork halfway to his lips. “Oh, I’m sorry. Maybe I should have started with that. They’re gone, Rose, both Dad and Mama. She died after a bad illness right before the war. And Dad died of pneumonia just six months after that. I was in boot camp when I got the news. All our brothers—well, I wish I could tell you where they ended up. When I left for the war Bobby and Rodney were still in high school. Timothy was working as a flight instructor in Texas. We didn’t do a great job writing—most guys don’t. When I sent a dozen letters and all of them returned, I called the school and they said the boys finished up early and they and Timothy had moved to work for a transportation company. Instead of returning to California I headed here. It’s always seemed more like home to me, even though I was just a little kid when we left. But mostly I wanted to see you.” He smiled. “I wish Mama was around so I could tell her it’s true. God’s hand has been on you.”

Rose sat there a moment, letting the news sink in. Her parents—both parents were gone. She’d never meet them. She’d never get to hear their side of the story. She pushed the plate away, sure she couldn’t take one more bite.

“There is one more thing, Rose, that you need to know.”

She looked at her brother. The compassion was clear on his face.

“I also came because Mom asked that whenever I had a chance I’d come check on you. She had letters from friends, but she wanted me to see for myself.”

“Thank you.” Rose reached over and took his hand, then forced a smile. “I appreciate you telling me. More than that, though, I appreciate you coming.”

“I like it here, Rose. It’s a good place. I can see it becoming home.”

Home.
Heidi had returned home, but now Rose would never have the chance. Not the home she hoped to find with her father and mother, at least.

“If possible, I’d like to get to know the Yoders better. Without knowing where our brothers are, well, you’re the only family I have left.”

Rose’s lower lip trembled and suddenly she felt like a fool. She’d been so wrapped up in her feelings that she hadn’t thought about Curtis—a veteran, a good man. He didn’t have a family to return to after the war.

A true smile filled her face this time. She squeezed her brother’s hand. “I know Mem and Dat will love it. And I will too. I’m looking forward to getting to know you better. To spend time with you.”

Curtis glanced down at his watch, gasped, and then stood. He put enough money on the table for the bill and turned to her. “I need to get back or I’m not going to have a job to return to.”

He took two steps, then turned and offered an impromptu hug. She laughed and realized that even though she hadn’t been born Amish, she was raised to think like one—and hugging wasn’t something you’d ever do in public. Still, she smiled and returned the embrace. Rose knew that in the months and years to come, merging two lifestyles would take some getting used to.

Curtis waved and walked out the door, and again Rose saw the eyes of the Amish women on her. It didn’t matter if they disapproved. Like a jigsaw puzzle, a few pieces of her heart connected in a way they never had before.

T
HE SNOW FELL HEAVILY THE DAY BEFORE
C
HRISTMAS
and even though Curtis had been over to get to know her family, Rose couldn’t make herself truly get into the Christmas spirit. In just a month’s time she discovered parents, and now mourned their loss. In a month’s time she’d seen Jonathan again, and had hoped for a renewed relationship, but the days had passed and still he was nowhere to be seen. She’d even gone to church in hopes of seeing him but was disappointed. And now she sat with Mem and Mrs. Ault, sipping cups of tea and trying to pretend her mind was on their conversation and not on the man she loved.

Wrinkles furrowed Mrs. Ault’s brow. She’d chatted with Mem about quilting and canning, but Rose could see it was the last thing she wanted to talk about. Finally, the older woman got around to what was really on her heart.

“Harold is living half in the past, half in the present.” Mrs. Ault sighed. “I just wish he’d pick one. Sometimes he acts as if yesterday was the battle. But then, in the beat of a heart, he’s with us. He’s present, aware of his splintered
mind. That’s the hardest part—seeing him embarrassed and unsure of his future. Days pass, and he’s sleeping more and more. I wonder if it’s because it’s acceptable to be unable to control a dream, but the worst dreams are the ones you’re awake for and still can’t control.”

As Mrs. Ault continued, Rose stood to retrieve more water for hot tea. The pounding of the door caused her to jump. She hurried over and opened it. There stood Mr. Ault panting, his eyes wild.

“It’s Harold. I fell asleep on the couch and woke realizing an hour passed and he was gone. I’ve searched the house and the barn. He isn’t anywhere. I looked for footprints in the snow, but the only ones came here. I took the liberty of looking in your barn … He’s not there.” His eyes were wide and she could see his heartbeat pounding in his temple.

“Please come in. We can make a plan. Could we maybe ask the neighbors to help?”

Mr. Ault reluctantly agreed and then entered. His shoulders slumped and his gaze turned to his wife. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have let myself fall asleep—”

“It’s not your fault.” Mrs. Ault hurried toward him. “We’ll find him. It’ll be okay.” She patted her husband’s arm, then turned to Rose. “Do you think you can go … go ask some of the neighbors if—”

“No.” The word shot from Rose’s mouth. “I—I think I know where he is.” She hurriedly slipped on her snow boots and reached for her coat and scarf. “The old springhouse. We’d go there—Harold, Marcus, Vera, and I. We’d hide in
there and tell stories. We’d see how long we could last after day turned to dusk, and we’d tell ourselves we were brave. If his footprints came this way, I think that is where he would go.”

She moved to the door.

Mr. Ault stepped forward. “I’ll go with you.”

Rose held up a hand. “No, please. If he is there I’d like to talk to him … just me and him.” Mr. Ault looked unsure. “If he’s not I’ll be back immediately, I promise.”

Rose glanced at Mem, who looked worried. Rose slipped out the door into the cool mid-morning air before her mother had a chance to change her mind.

The old springhouse was just a little past the barn, amid a cluster of trees. There was a small gulley that dipped down where the creek used to run. After moving to the property her dat had diverted the creek to better water the fields and gardens and had built a new springhouse. They used that to keep butter, milk, and other items cool during the summer months. The old one had become a playhouse.

When she rounded the barn Rose tried to think of what to say, but no words came. About twenty feet away she paused, knowing it wouldn’t be a good idea to startle Harold. “Harold? Hey, there … It’s me, Rose,” she called. “Is there room enough in there for me to join you?”

There was no sound, no movement at first. Then, ever so slowly, the door opened halfway. Rose took that as her sign to enter. She approached, hunched over. The first thing that hit her was the damp, musty smell in the dim area. The
second was the sound of Harold blowing his nose into his handkerchief.

“If we were playing hide-and-seek, I just won.” She tried to keep her tone light. “Yer dat … he was looking all over, but I knew where you’d be.”

He was sitting on the dirt floor. “I feel so stupid.”

Rose looked around, knowing her only option was to join him on the ground. She sat, and though the earth was cold at least it was dry.

“Next time you’ll jest have to hide better. Maybe up in the loft.” Rose chuckled.

“You know what I’m talking about, Rose. I’m out of my mind and everyone knows it.”

“You’ve been through trauma, Harold. You’ll get better.”

“I wish I could hope for that.”

She patted his hand. “You can pray about it.”

Harold shook his head. “Don’t you think I have?”

Rose pressed her lips together. She understood. She’d prayed a lot too—for her parents, for Jonathan—but that didn’t mean her prayers did any good.

“What’s going to happen with me, Rose? Am I going to live the rest of my life counting on my parents? There are times I know that what I’m saying doesn’t make sense, but the images are so real. The emotions are so real.”

“Things like that are hard to shake off, like a tick on a hound.”

He nodded but didn’t answer.

“Things haven’t been easy on me lately either,” she finally
admitted. “I found out news about my parents—my biological ones. Did you know about them?”

Harold nodded slowly. “Yeah. I heard your mom and my mom talking once. I wasn’t supposed to hear. I brought it up that night at dinner and Dad told me if I said a word I’d get the switching of my life.”

“Well, you did a good job keeping the secret, then. It’s sad, really, thinking that I had to be rescued like that. Knowing that my parents’ greatest act of love was giving me over to another family, in order to save my life.”

He nodded and fiddled with the shoestrings on his boots. Rose didn’t know if he was listening or not, but at least it felt good to know that truth about what he’d heard too.

“I suppose that’s what you were talking about.”

“Excuse me?”

“When I brought you that apple pie you said when you were on the beach and you knew God was protecting you, just as He protected me. Well, you said you thought about me and my rescue. That’s what you meant, wasn’t it?”

“I did think of you, Rose, but you got it wrong. When I was on that beach I didn’t think about the fact the Yoders rescued you—although that was true too. I thought about how you’d rescued them.”

Rose’s eyebrows furrowed. “What do you mean?”

“When I overheard, Rose, it was your mom that was talking. She said that she and your dad had been going through a hard time. She questioned everything about her faith and
marriage. She said she felt as if she was living with a stranger and she had a very hard heart. And then … you came.”

“I don’t understand—what does that have to do with anything?”

“Well, from what I remembered—I was only a kid—she’d prayed to God and asked for a miracle to show her that what she was devoting her life to mattered. She also saw your dad in a new light. He was so kind and compassionate with you—a child not his own. Seeing the way he held you as you cried, and the way he played with you to get your mind off of missing your family, made her fall in love with him all over again.”

A warmth filled Rose’s chest and moved through her body. “That’s amazing … I had no idea. I was Mem’s miracle,” she said more to herself than to him. She pondered that for a while, sitting in the childhood playhouse with her childhood friend. “But what did that have to do with your battle on the beach?”

“Oh, Rose, that’s easy.” Harold smiled. “I remembered that when God gives us more than we can handle it is also possible that a miracle will soon be walking our way. All we have to do is pray.”

Rose reached over and took Harold’s hand, squeezing it tight. “In that case, do you mind if I pray?”

Harold lowered his head. “I don’t mind.”

“Dear Lord …” Rose cleared her throat.

Harold’s head lifted again. “Out loud?”

Rose smiled. “
Ja
. Don’t tell anyone, but my mem has
often prayed out loud. I learned from her. I find it easier to keep my mind focused on God, don’t you?”

Instead of answering, Harold lowered his head again.

“Dear Lord, we come to You now, and even though we don’t always reveal our inside needs, we are often in need of courage. For both Harold and me, we ache for our past, and our future seems so uncertain. Would You be with us now? Would You help us be brave? And mostly, would You bring a miracle? I have no idea what that looks like, but I know that in both of our cases we need to look down the road and trust in faith. Help us to have faith. Amen.”

The words were simple, but an electric current moved through her body, and it felt as if her words were truly heard. With a smile at Harold, she stood and moved to the door of the old springhouse. “Do you want to come to the house?”

Harold nodded. “Thank you, Rose.” It was just a simple phrase. “Thank you for reminding me that the future is in God’s hands.”

“You’re welcome. And remember, wherever you go, in body and mind, you simply need to call out to God and He is there.”

Back at the house, relief filled the faces of Mr. and Mrs. Ault. Harold entered and looked around, as if numerous memories came flooding back. Yet part of him also looked tired, and the Aults regretfully cut short their visit. As she watched them leave, Rose was thankful that the kids were in school and Dat was in the barn. Rose tried to picture who Mem had been fifteen years ago. Mem seemed so settled in
her life, but obviously there were many things that had happened over the years to make that so.

Rose poured another cup of tea for each of them and sat. “Mr. and Mrs. Ault looked pretty worried.” She took a sip.

“
Ja
, I feel bad for them. I wish I could do more. It’s so hard …”

“Dat says it’s harder to see your children suffering than suffer yourself. I’m sorry that I caused you so many days of concern too. Some days I feel like Heidi, in the book, going through the motions but longing for my real home. I’ve been living with a splintered mind, Mem, like Harold—half here and half there. I’m ready to choose now. To focus on the place I’m meant to be forever, even if I’ve never been there before.” Rose offered a sad smile. “But I have to trust in what I cannot see, isn’t that what you’ve always said?”

“
Ja
, Rose. It’s the definition of faith. Faith doesn’t pay attention to our worries; it looks beyond what we can’t see. What one thinks, feels, doesn’t matter. Your deeds don’t give faith no mind. It’s all on Jesus. It’s trusting He will be there even when we step out to an unknown place.”

“That’s exactly how I feel, Mem. As if I’m stepping out into the unknown.”

Mem’s chin quivered as she heard those words. “So does that mean you’ve made your decision? Yer leaving to find your family?”

“
Ach
, no. Didn’t you know? This is my home. Those fields are my Heidi mountains. And the community … They’ll have to accept my differences, just as I’ll learn to accept
theirs.” Then, through a thin film of tears, she winked at her mother. “And you, Mem, are my grandfather.”

The shaking of Mem’s shoulders was the first response, and then a cry—a happy cry—escaped out of her mouth. “Oh, Rose.” Mem rose and hurried to her. Rose stood and allowed herself to be engulfed in her mother’s arms. “That’s so good to know. I’ve tried not to pressure you.”

“I know, Mem.” Rose’s cheek rubbed against her mem’s
kapp
as they embraced. “You haven’t. I’ve just been reminded today that one never knows what’s in store, right down the road.”