Christmas Miracle: A Family (4 page)

“Well, James is en route to Salt Lake City now with his patient. It’s going to be a fast turn-around, so I suppose we’ll hold off making any further decisions concerning Tyler for a while.” Eric was a pediatrician, and head of trauma services for the White Elk Hospital. “I’ve left a message to have him call here as soon as he can. So, in the meantime, we’ll wait and hope Tyler calms down.”

And here she was, involved. “Then I guess I’ll go and
sit in Tyler’s room. He’ll need a familiar face there when he wakes up.”

“He’s going to be asleep for quite a while. How about I prescribe a cup of coffee or something to eat? And I’ll get it for you myself. You’re looking pretty strung out, Fallon. I don’t want you letting this get to you.”

“I’m feeling pretty strung out, as a matter of fact. But coffee and food aren’t going to fix that.” Going home and getting away from anything involving James was the prescription she needed. Only right now that prescription wasn’t going to be filled because Tyler was the priority, and she felt obligated to be with him as James wasn’t. More than that, she wanted to sit with him.

“Want to work?” he asked, half teasing, half serious. “I’m down a nurse today. Dinah’s home with the girls. It’s their regular monthly girls’ day out, and she won’t miss it for the world. So…”

“You know Gabby would have your head if you lured me away from her.”

“And I’m still protesting that she got you and we didn’t.” He faked a frown. “Neil wants you back so badly that he weeps openly when your name is mentioned. You know he’s at odds with his wife for stealing you away from him.”

Fallon laughed, and swatted Eric’s arm playfully. “I love you both, but what I’m doing right now is good. I didn’t realize how much I missed being useful and for now I like the job.” Not the way she liked real nursing. But for a while, until she figured out what she really wanted to do with her life, it would do.

“Well, I’m glad you’re back, even if it’s with Gabby,” he admitted, laughing.

Fallon looked down the hall of the trauma area and sighed. Yes, Gabby did have her. And she was grateful
for that. Which meant White Elk Hospital was officially the past now. If only she could return to the past and stay there for ever.

“How is he?” James gasped, running through the door. “I just got the message. I was on my way back when I remembered to check my voicemail.”

“Resting,” Fallon said. She’d been sitting at Tyler’s bedside well over an hour, simply watching the boy. He was even troubled in his sleep. She could see that in the way he tossed and turned and twisted in his covers. “Eric gave him a light sedative and I didn’t want to leave him so I’ve been sitting here for a while, and he’s doing well.” Physically well, anyway. She wasn’t sure about anything else.

“The cuts are all superficial,” Eric said, stepping into the room. “He has a few stitches, and he’s good to go as far as his injuries are concerned. But I’d like to keep him under observation for a while because he was so…I suppose the word to describe it is enraged. He was having a major temper tantrum when Fallon brought him in, fighting her as hard as he could, and I was afraid he’d hurt himself so I gave him something to take the edge off a little, and now I’d like to watch him for a day or so to see if there’s anything else wrong with him other than his cuts.”

James agreed quickly. “I wish I knew his history…if he’s always like this or if this is new behavior. Because it’s extreme. Children have their temper tantrums and that’s part of learning how to cope with disappointment, but when I see a child like Tyler, who acts it out so violently, I’m inclined to look for something other than the momentary trigger of those emotions. I’ve had him three days this time and he’s getting worse, so I think observing him for
a day or two, running some tests to make sure he doesn’t have some underlying medical problem, is a good idea. I appreciate the offer, and I’d appreciate it if you’d oversee his care, Eric.”

“Look,” Eric said, “I’ve got to get back to work. But, yes, James, I’ll take over his medical treatment, observe him, run some preliminary tests. You know, blood tests, a general physical, maybe some X-rays, that sort of thing. So, until we know more, if you have any questions, call me. And feel free to sit with Tyler for as long as you like. I’m sure he’ll be happy to have you with him when he wakes up.”

“I’m not so sure of that,” James muttered, slumping to the wall as Eric took his leave. “I’m really sorry about all this, Fallon. I didn’t mean to drag you into it. This whole thing with Tyler has been…difficult.”

“Have you talked to his mother about how he’s acting? Maybe she knows what triggers the temper tantrums.”

“Do you think she’d actually tell me anything? I mean, she didn’t even tell me I had a son until her husband didn’t want him any more. If Tyler had been a well-behaved child, I’m pretty sure she would have never revealed her little
secret
about his existence. So I have no reason to believe that she’ll tell me anything about his behavior. The hell of it is, Fallon, that when she drops him off and leaves, I don’t even know where she goes. Don’t know where Tyler lives when he’s not with me. They have a son of their own now, and Donnie, the husband, doesn’t want Tyler around. I’d wanted to ask her some questions, so a couple of months ago, after she disappeared with Tyler for the second time, I hired an investigator to find them. But apparently she and Donnie move around a lot, and every time my investigator catches up to her, she moves again. So we start over.” He sucked in a sharp, angry breath.
“Secrets. Her stupid damn secrets are killing me, and I can’t do a thing about it.”

Secrets… Reality sprouted in the form of a dull ache in her chest. “But you’re going after custody?”

He nodded. “My first round didn’t turn out so well. I didn’t have the results of the DNA test back, although our blood types matched. And the judge wouldn’t hear the case. To make matters worse, Shelly came back in the middle of that mess and wanted Tyler back, and the judge said I had no legal recourse at that point, that I had to let Tyler go. So I did, then I couldn’t find him again.”

“It must be awful for both of you, never knowing what she’s going to do.”

“This time it may not be up to Shelly to decide.”

It was unthinkable, what Tyler’s mother was doing to him. What she was doing to James. Poor child. Poor James. “And nothing’s getting better yet, is it?”

He shook his head. “Tyler’s so angry, and he’s frightened, and I can’t blame him. When I grew up I had great parents who took care of me, protected me. At his age, I probably had no concept that one, or both, of my parents could simply get rid of me the way Shelly did Tyler. I can’t even imagine…”

“Well, however it works out in the long run, you have Tyler right now and I know you’ll do whatever’s best for him. And if there’s anything I can do in the meantime to help him…”

“Actually, if you ever run onto a place where Tyler and I can live…”

“Where are you now?”

“We’re staying in a hotel room. One room, with a microwave and a mini-fridge. Two beds, a television and a lamp. For me, it was fine. I wasn’t in a hurry to find a house or a condo because this is the tourist season and
I know nothing’s available. But the thing is, I won’t get custody of Tyler if I don’t have a stable home for him. And that little room isn’t enough for him. He’s bouncing off the walls, it’s driving him crazy. So if you know of a place I can rent, or even buy… Oh, and a care-giver, too. As of this morning Tyler has exhausted the list of available care-givers in the area…at least, the ones with a recommendation from the hospital pediatric department. I’m pretty sure his reputation precedes him now, which will make the possibility of finding someone else to care for him while I’m working slim to none. So if you know someone who’s up to a challenge…”

“Let me think about it. Make some calls, see if I can figure something out for you…for Tyler.”

“It’s not your problem, but I’d appreciate it.” Stepping away from the wall, James bent and gave Fallon a quick kiss on the cheek, one from which she didn’t flinch this time. “I’m sorry for so many things, Fallon. But I haven’t had a lot of options lately.”

“I know,” she whispered, trying to push back the emotions straining to spring up in her. It was hard thinking of James and Tyler struggling so much. “And you did the right thing then. Still are. So, let me know how he gets along,” she said. “Because I do care.” He was her son’s brother, how could she not care? “And in the meantime, if I can find you and Tyler a place to live…” Spinning away, too full of emotion and her own regrets to be near James any longer, Fallon had every intention of dashing for the exit, which was exactly what she did. But something tugged at her halfway there. It was an image of James and Tyler living in a small hotel room, an image of the judge taking Tyler away from James because James couldn’t provide a proper home. It wasn’t fair! But, then, life wasn’t fair, was it? If it were, she and James and Tyler would be
living together now, with the baby. The four of them as a family. Yet James and Tyler were stuck in a cramped hotel room and there was no way a judge would grant James the sole custody he wanted. And Tyler…he really did need a home, needed to be with James as much as James needed to be with his son.
The way she so longed to be with her own son
.

She understood that need in such deep, agonizing ways now, and it was causing the sprout of a plan to grow. One that sprouted then grew so rapidly it surprised her.

But could she do it? Could she take James and Tyler into her home temporarily? Give them the stability they needed, the stability the judge would demand? Could she do that and keep herself separated from them?

She shut her eyes, trying to fight off the plan. It was ridiculous, and James was right. It wasn’t her problem. Yet behind her shut eyes she saw Tyler, looking so alone and frightened. Tyler without a home. Saw the judge pulling Tyler away from James. Saw the judge sending her son’s brother back to a terrible home. That was the vision that turned her around and sent her right back to James.

“James,” she said quietly, on entering the hospital room where Tyler was still sleeping peacefully. “I’ve been thinking. It’s not good to keep Tyler in a hotel room. He needs a home, someplace where he’s going to feel safe. Someplace where he can live a normal life, where the judge can see stability. Since you can’t find that right now, I think you two should come and stay at my cabin. It’s not large, but I have a spare bedroom, plenty of space for a little boy.
For a little while
. There’s a nice hill out back where he can sled and play in the snow.

“I mean, I realize it’s not going to solve all his problems, or yours, but maybe it will help make things a little better in the meantime. And we can work out our schedules to
watch him so he’ll have some kind of consistency in his life, and you won’t have to worry about finding someone else to look after him. I’m at home most of the time with my new job…at least, for now. And you can work your shifts around what I need to do. Eric and Neil are all into family these days, and I’m pretty sure that’s what they’d want you to do.”

“Why would you do that, Fallon?” James whispered, stepping quietly away from the bed, trying not to disturb the boy. “Considering the way we are now, why would you take us in?”

Because Tyler was lost, and she knew how that felt. Because James was at a confusing, frustrating place in his life and she knew how
that
felt. Because Tyler was so connected to her son. “Don’t ask me personal questions,” she said. “I’m not getting involved with you again. This is only a temporary solution to a bigger problem,
your problem
, and I don’t want you getting any other ideas about anything.
Especially about us.
That’s the only condition. Tyler gets the spare bedroom, you get the couch, and you both respect my privacy.”

James looked down at Tyler then turned back to Fallon. “Do you really think he looks like me? People tell me he does.”

Too much so, she thought. Because she was well on her way to losing her heart to the son, like she’d already done to the father. This wasn’t good. Not good at all. But it wasn’t about her, wasn’t even about James. It was about Tyler. And as long as she kept that in mind, she’d be fine. “He does look like you.” The way she thought their son would have.

“W
HAT
was I thinking?” Fallon was exhausted from sheer worry by the time the end of the day rolled around. Intermittently, she was positive she’d done the right thing, allowing James and his son to move in temporarily with her. Then she was positive it was the worst thing she could have done. Back and forth, all day long. That, mixed with cold chills, shaking hands and throbbing head. For heaven’s sake! After so many months fighting to be alone, she’d just gone and done the very last thing she’d wanted to do. “How could I have invited them?” she moaned on a weary sigh. Yet how could she have not done that? The bigger question, though, was how could she live with them and still remain disengaged from their lives?

She was already becoming engaged, especially with Tyler, and that was the problem. A huge problem because he wasn’t her son. Wasn’t a replacement for her son. Yet she had these motherly feelings toward him, feelings she couldn’t have because she and James had no future together.

“It’s a good deed, the right thing to do,” she said, hoping that saying it aloud would convince her. “The thing any normal, decent person would do.” No personal involvement permitted. “Good deed, good deed…” Besides, they
wouldn’t be staying long. “Good deed, Fallon. That’s all it is.”

The personal pep talk kept up as she prepared the bedroom for Tyler and the couch for James. No physical contact with James. No hugs, no kisses, no nothing. That, more than anything, was going to be the tough part, because there was no denying that she still craved his touch, his kiss. Craved every inch of him in a way she’d never known one person could crave another. “It’s
just
a good deed…” She
had
to keep her head about this. Because, maybe, just maybe, helping him through this rough patch would assuage some of her guilt. Or make it ever stronger.

Nevertheless, she was petrified that one little look from James could undo everything—her resolve, her resistance, both of them flying right out the window. Fighting against everything she’d hoped for in a life with James was the hardest thing she’d ever done. So she had to brace herself for that fight. Had to convince herself she was going to win it. Had to remind herself that she was doing this for James.

“Good deed,” she said, heading to the kitchen to fix herself a cup of hot tea. “If I don’t let my emotions get the better of me.” Because she’d never stopped loving James, and she truly did care what happened to Tyler. Because she wasn’t strong enough to completely divorce herself from the things she’d thought, for a time, she’d have in her life—the things she’d always wanted. Husband, children… “Because I’m crazy,” she was repeating as someone rang the doorbell. At the same time her cellphone also jingled its Beethoven sonata. “Hello,” she said, on her way to the front door.

“It’s me. I didn’t want to alarm you so after I knocked I called to tell you that I’m here with my things.”

He was moving in tonight? Suddenly the thing she wanted, and dreaded, was happening, and she was a nervous wreck.

“Why now?” she said in wobbly greeting when she pulled open the door.

“Why not now?”

“Because I thought you’d move in once Tyler was released from the hospital.”

“But I’m not working now, not on call, so I thought this was as good a time as any. Unless you don’t want me yet, then I can…”

“What? Sleep in your car outside my house?”

Grinning, he looked almost as innocent as a young schoolboy. “Or bunk at the hospital in one of the on-call rooms until you’re ready for us.”

Why was it that just one smile was all it took and she was done for? “You don’t have to spend your night in an on-call room.”

“Then I can move in here, or is it back to the car?”

Now he was teasing her. She could see it in his eyes, in the way he couldn’t keep a straight face even though he tried. Her old feelings were pummeling her now, and she had to duck her head to hide her feelings from James. Because what she could read in his eyes, he could read in hers. That’s what had connected them initially. One look, she saw his soul. And he saw hers. “In here. I probably should send you back to the car, though,” she said, trying to sound grumpy.

“Then I’ll be right back.” After dropping a duffle bag on the entry hall floor, he headed back out to his car then returned almost immediately with a couple of suitcases. “This is all I’ve got. Didn’t bring any of the things with me from my apartment when I came here. Just a few clothes and some medical journals.”

“What about Tyler’s things?”

James shook his head. “Shelly didn’t leave anything for him. I bought him a few clothes to wear, but I haven’t had time to do much shopping for him yet. And he wasn’t exactly easy to take to the department store the one time I did try. Let’s just say that he was too exuberant with his opinion and we were kicked out within twenty minutes.”

“Maybe I’ll take him shopping when he’s up to it. If that’s OK with you.”

“Oh, it’s OK. I’d be grateful.”

So there it was. One minute into the arrangement, resolve already flying away. She was getting involved. But it was with Tyler. Not James. That’s what she had to tell herself.
It was for Tyler
.

Fallon stepped back as James walked fully into her house then she shut the door behind him. “You can have the spare room until Tyler moves in. It’s down the hall, near the back. Bathroom is…well, you know where that is. And when Tyler’s here you can have the couch in the living room, or there’s one in the den. It’s not as large, but you can shut the door and have your privacy. Take your pick. I’m upstairs, by the way, and there’s no reason for you to come up there. My office is behind the stairs on this floor, so while you’re here, it’s your responsibility to see that Tyler stays out.” She sounded like a cranky landlady all of a sudden, and it was all she could to do bite back a smile. Truth was, she’d rehearsed those words a few times. Out loud. Trying to sound churlish when she said them. She’d succeeded and she was a little proud of herself for it…proud that a little of that resolve was flying back through the window.

“Shall I have security bars installed at the bottom of the stairway?” James teased. “And another on your bedroom door?”

OK, so maybe she hadn’t sounded as churlish as she’d wanted to. Resolve flying back out again. Then, to make matters worse, he didn’t even try biting back his smile. It was broad, and so infectious Fallon glanced away so he wouldn’t see the corners of her lips turning up. He always did that, always cured her disagreeable moods with a simple smile.

“Are you smiling, Fallon?” he asked.

“No,” she lied.

“Can I see?”

“No.”

“If I can’t have a look, I have to presume that you’re smiling.”

“I don’t smile.”

“If you don’t, it’s a pity, because you have the most beautiful smile in the world.”

She raised her head to look at him. “Flattery’s not going to get you to the top of the stairs, James, if that’s what you’re trying to do here.”

“I didn’t think it would. And so you’ll know, Fallon, I won’t take one step up those stairs unless you want me to. The only thing that will get me to the top will be your invitation, and you have my word on that.”

“Thank you,” she whispered.

“It’s not what I want, and you know that.” Instinctively, he reached out, placed his fingers gently under her chin and raised her face to him even more. “I love you, and it’s not going to be easy on me living here, knowing that you won’t have me. But I’ll respect your wishes. And your boundaries. Even if I don’t agree with them.”

“Thank you,” she said again, fighting the urge to cry. He was so kind and good, and so…chivalrous. In time, after she’d pushed him away enough, he would realize he didn’t want her any more. But for now he was being a
perfect gentleman. Yet, God willing, if she could push hard enough, it would wear thin on him. Pray that day came quickly because, try as she may, she would slip. Sooner or later, she’d give in to that smile, to those twinkling eyes. Then she’d tell him her awful secret. And hurt him in ways she couldn’t even imagine. “Look, I was about to fix myself a cup of tea. Would you care to join me?”

“Are you sure you want me here?” he asked, quite seriously. “I know you asked because that’s just the thing you’d do. But do you really want me…
us
—here?”

“I wasn’t sure about it when I asked you, and nothing’s changed. But I’m not going back on my invitation. Tyler needs something other than a hotel room, and—”

“This arrangement is
only
about Tyler?” he asked, trying to sound neutral.

But Fallon heard no neutrality there…only hope, as she looked him square in the eye. “This is
only
about Tyler. I know what it’s like to be…abandoned. That’s what happened to me. My mother had me, didn’t want me, passed me off to anybody who wanted to be charitable for a while and take me in. So I know why he needs stability, especially for Christmas.”

“I’m so sorry, Fallon,” he whispered, reaching out to stroke her cheek. “I didn’t know that about you. You’d never told me, and you should have.”

So many things she hadn’t told him. She lurched back. “Don’t do that, James. I just…I just can’t deal with it.” For a moment, she thought about taking his single room at the lodge. Shutting herself in with the microwave and mini-fridge. It wouldn’t be so bad for a while, and she wouldn’t have to deal with this. But James needed help with Tyler, and part of having them live there was that help. Truth was, she wanted to help. Tyler really did need that stability. “Look, I think I’m going to go upstairs for
a while. Help yourself to anything you need, feel free to make yourself at home, kick around, open cupboards, get yourself familiar with what’s here. Shout if you need something you can’t find.”

“I’m not sorry I touched you, Fallon. I’ll respect the boundaries from now on, like I promised, but I’m not sorry.”

“You’re going to make this difficult for me, aren’t you?”

“It’s not my intention. But you know what? It’s difficult on me, too. You know how I feel about you, but what you don’t know is how I feel every time you push me away. It’s killing me.”

She thrust her hand to stop him. “Don’t!” she said. “Don’t tell me. Don’t tell me…anything, because I don’t want to know.” Miserably, she already knew, but what James didn’t fathom was how each time she pushed him away a tiny piece of her heart broke off. She was losing herself, one shred at a time, and the pain of it was unrelenting. It was a wound that would not heal. Not ever. And, she’d never show it to him. Because once he saw the weakness, he’d find his way in.

Stretching out on the couch in the den, James stared up at the ceiling, wondering if her bed was above him. He imagined that it was, and that she was sleeping there. He loved the way she slept…on her side, cuddled into a little ball. He remembered their first night together when he’d stayed awake hours, just watching her. He’d been tempted to disturb her, just to see if she would cuddle into him, but he hadn’t. Second night, she’d cuddled into him, and he’d thought that was the way he wanted to spend every night for the rest of his life. “And we will, Fallon,” he promised himself. “But I’ve got to find a way to convince you that you want it as much as I do.”

Working on that solution was cut short by a phone call, though. It was Neil Ranard, informing him that every available medic in the White Elk Valley was being called out. The lodge on the Little Sister was on fire! Grease fire in the kitchen, spreading.

“Fallon!” James yelled, jumping up from the couch. “Medical emergency! Neil says he needs your help!”

She was down the stairs in a flash, blanket wrapped around her shoulders. “What?” she gasped.

“Fire. Lodge up on the Little Sister. He wants you in the ER, in charge of triage. Wants me in the ER, too.”

Surprisingly, she didn’t protest, didn’t even think about it. Instead, she dropped the blanket to the floor and headed back to the stairs. “Give me three minutes to get ready,” she called back over her shoulder on her way up. James could hear her footsteps pounding on the wooden floorboards upstairs. That was Fallon O’Gara preparing to do what she’d been put on this earth to do—be a nurse. It was a good sound to hear. Gave him hope for other things. Made him glad to know that Fallon wouldn’t turn away when she was needed.

It was a good sign, seeing how the woman he’d come to love so quickly didn’t turn away when she was needed. Except from him. Sadly, she’d found that easy to do.

Fifteen minutes after the initial callout, James and Fallon crashed through the emergency room doors together, shoulder to shoulder, and ran straight into a wall of volunteers and medical personnel alike. People Fallon knew, people who always responded when there was a need. People waiting for her instructions.

“How many doctors do we have?” she asked Emoline Putters, the night clerk in charge of the emergency desk.

“Two, so far. Dr. Galbraith and Dr. Ranard…Gabby.
She’s on her way in as soon as Angela Blanchard gets there to look after Bryce. She’ll be on light duty, considering her condition. Walt Graham may be heading into town, too. And Henry Gunther.” A retired obstetrician and a semi-retired anesthesiologist.

“Dr. Eric Ramsey isn’t here?”

Emoline, a tight-faced woman with gray-and brown-streaked hair pulled into a knot at the nape of her neck, shook her head. “He went out with Dr. Neil Ranard. First time back on the rescue for him. Dr. McGinnis went out with him, too. I’ve been trying to locate Dr. Stafford to come in, but so far he isn’t answering his cellphone.”

Fallon spun to face James. “How much experience do you have with treating burns?” she asked. It was a difficult specialty, took stamina. In her opinion, burns were the worst of the worst to tend, and she never assigned anyone to burns unless they had the experience. Some of the doctors who passed through here wouldn’t treat burns unless absolutely forced to.

“I worked in the pediatric side of the burn unit back in Salt Lake City,” he said. “I’m not a burn specialist by a long shot, but I can do the initial assessments and stabilize them. Get them ready to transport to a burn unit.”