City Girl (24 page)

“Yes, Reagan, it is,” Cash confirmed, keeping his seat as well, glad they were in one of the last pews.

“But there's so much I don't know,” she told him, feeling slightly overwhelmed.

“That comes in time. When a person truly believes, he's new in Christ. The desire to learn fills him because God's Spirit now indwells him and can teach him all about the Word.”

“You mean the Bible.”

“Yes. A desire to know more about the Lord and live for Him is one of the ways we know that true salvation happened. It doesn't mean we never sin again, but our attitude is changed about sin, and we don't want to live in it anymore.”

Reagan bit her lip just before she admitted, “I prayed the prayer.”

Cash's smile was as warm as a spring day. “Did you, Reagan?”

She nodded rather helplessly.

“I hadn't planned to—not really—but suddenly my heart wanted to so badly. He said I would never have to fear again, and he said I could get this settled between God and me right now, and I wanted that.”

“That sounds like great news, Reagan,” Cash said sincerely. The congregation was milling around, but neither one noticed. “Our God is a saving God, and the benefits of knowing Him are without measure.”

“That's the way Holly has talked.”

“And she's right. Tell me something, Reagan; what happened to your fear of someone else being in control?”

“What do you mean?”

Cash looked her in the eye. “Listen to me, Reagan. I do not want to put a damper on your prayer in any way, but there is something we all have to understand. We need to understand who we are accepting when we are saved. God is huge, and He is a righteously jealous God. He does not want to share us. This needs to be a whole-heart experience for you, or me, or anyone who desires that relationship. Does that make sense?”

Reagan nodded.

“Your life will be taking a new direction. You won't be living for self, but for God. It's a wonderful life—there is none better—but I want to be sure you understand. I wouldn't want you to be confused about that.”

Reagan stared at him for a moment and then began without warning: “There was a girl I knew in New York. She worked with me at the factory, and I was there on her first day. I remember her hands were bleeding by the time we broke for lunch. She'd obviously never worked a day in her life. Some of the girls asked her about it, but she didn't say very much.”

Cash was hanging on every word, his face intent.

“Over time Veronica and I talked. I found out that she was from one of the wealthiest families in the city. She didn't want all the girls to know since they would never have understood. They would never have grasped why she would walk away from all that money to work like a dog in the factory, but she summed it up for me in a few words. She said she couldn't take the responsibility anymore.”

Knowing that Reagan understood him so clearly caused Cash's heart to thunder in his chest.

“That's it, isn't it, Cash? My father, God, is the wealthiest man in the city, and I've got to act as though I belong to Him.”

“Yes, Reagan, but our God doesn't leave us alone to do that. Just as Pastor said, He doesn't wind us up and let us go. He helps us every step of the way. He makes the changes in us. His love makes it worth living for Him—as you put it, ‘acting like we belong to Him.'”

Reagan's heart and mind were so full she didn't know what to do or think. She sat quietly, trying to pray, but all she could do was express her gratitude.

“Do you thank God for saving you, Cash?” Reagan suddenly asked.

“Not as often as I should,” he admitted. “I think that might be something I should thank Him for all day.”

“He really does save, doesn't He?”

“Yes, He does,” Cash agreed, that warm smile back in place. “When I first came to Christ, I had times when I didn't think it was real, but there was no denying the changes going on inside of me. God has a way of affirming us when we most need it.”

“You weren't saved as a child?”

“No. I've only been saved for about five years.”

“So you know what I'm feeling?”

Cash could only laugh at her look of wonder.

“Am I interrupting?” a voice cut in, and both turned to see Holly Bennett had come to stand just behind the pew where they sat.

Reagan rose to her feet, her face alight with wonder as she faced her friend.

“Oh, Holly,” the younger woman whispered. “I'm so glad you came over. I have something wonderful to tell you.”

Fourteen

“I
DON
'
T HAVE TO GET MARRIED NOW
, do I, Holly?” Reagan asked suddenly. She had talked with Russell and then Pastor Ellis, and now Holly was walking her to the wagon.

“What has you so worried on that issue, Reagan?”

The young woman sighed. “I don't know exactly, but the whole idea repels me. I can see how Russell loves you, but it's just not something I want.”

“What if a man loved
you
?”

Reagan shook her head no.

“What if you loved a man?”

Reagan looked surprised.

“I've never been in love,” she admitted, “but I've seen it happen and don't think it's for me.”

Holly knew she should not debate this with her. As far as she knew, there was no command in Scripture that all women and men must find spouses. And Holly couldn't help but think that a person's preference was valid. At the same time, there was a correct way to view marriage, an institution God Himself created.

“You're worrying about this, Reagan, and there's no need. If God has marriage for you, He'll prepare your heart. Don't get in the habit of telling Him what He can and cannot do, and also don't fall into the sin pattern of worrying over what He
might
do.”

This said, Holly smiled at her, and Reagan relaxed. She hugged the older woman and thanked her.

“I certainly have a lot to learn.”

“You're not alone in that.”

“Thank you, Holly. Thank you for everything.”

“You're welcome. And don't give the little house another thought. I keep a close eye on it, and it's waiting for you whenever Katy's back on her feet.”

The women hugged again before the men showed up and they parted. Once in the wagon, Russell told the children what had transpired, and they were very pleased. Elly, however, had a question.

“Will one of the men marry Reagan now?”

This wasn't an unusual question for a child in this situation who had watched it happen in the church family several times before.

“Reagan doesn't wish to be married,” Holly told her gently. “So we'd probably better not watch for that.”

But as soon as they arrived home and Russell had a moment alone with Holly, he returned to the subject.

“Maybe she won't feel that way after today.”

“Yes, she will,” Holly informed him. “She brought it up to me the moment we were alone.”

“Did she really?” Russell asked, clearly surprised.

“Yes. I told her not to panic. But if the men in the congregation are smart, they'll keep their distance, because the lady is not in the market for a mate.”

When Russell and Holly took so long, Jonah came looking for them, so they dropped the subject again. But for some reason, it lingered in the minds of both adults.

By the time Reagan had talked with Holly, Russell, Pastor Ellis, and Holly again, and then she and Cash had asked the doctor to visit, they did not return to the ranch until quite late. Brenda met them at the door, something that caused momentary alarm, but all fear melted in the light of her smile.

“How did it go?” Cash asked.

“Just fine. She was a little tired, I think, but we got along just great.”

“Thank you, Brenda,” Reagan told her sincerely.

“Anytime, Reagan. Just let me know.”

“Next Sunday?” Reagan said, a lilt in her voice.

“I'll plan on it.”

Cash saw Brenda on her way and then went to check on Katy. Reagan was already in the room.

“Cash,” Katy said as soon as she saw him, her voice urgent. “I need to speak with you.”

“All right.”

As he brought the chair close, Reagan bowed out with a few words.

“I'll be in the kitchen working on Sunday dinner.”

“Thank you, Reagan,” acknowledged Cash before he turned back to Katy, who surprised him by reaching for his hand.

“I did something,” she said, her eyes anxious as they searched his.

“Okay.”

“I made a deal with God.”

Cash was surprised and didn't bother to hide it. “What kind of deal?”

“I told Him if He'll let me get out of this bed, I won't run from Him anymore.”

Tenderness filled the rancher's heart. With his free hand, he reached over and carefully smoothed the iron-colored hair from Katy's brow.

“And tell me what you'll do with God if you never get out of this bed?”

Her hand tightened on his. “Do you think He would do that to me?”

“Not
to
you, Katy, but maybe
for
you.”

Her brow deeply furrowed with confusion, she asked, “How could that be?”

“I can't say that I know God's mind on this matter, Kate, but maybe you've been running so long that this was His way to slow you down and get your attention. Maybe by staying in this bed, you can grow to be more help than you ever dreamed of.”

All she could do was ask again, “How can that be?”

“Ask me what I want, Katy.” Cash bent closer to her face to command in tender urgency. “Ask me whether I want clean clothes and a hot meal or to have you with me in eternity?”

For only the second time in his life—the incidents within a week of each other—Cash watched Katy cry. He didn't know when he'd felt so helpless, but he moved gently and put his arms around her. This act was not a first, but it had been years since he'd felt welcome to help her.

“I don't know what to do!” she finally wailed. “I thought this was God punishing me, but if I'm going to be punished, why did He send His Son to die?”

Cash smiled amid Katy's pain.

“You've been listening in church after all, Katy.”

She sniffed and tried to calm herself, but it was a struggle.

“I'm going to get Reagan,” Cash told her.

“Why?”

“Because something happened to her this morning, and she needs to tell you about it. Will you let me get her?”

Katy nodded, and Cash pressed his handkerchief into her hands before he left. Seconds later he was in the kitchen.

“Reagan, would you mind coming in and telling Katy about your decision this morning?”

“No, not at all,” Reagan said right away but then hesitated. “She looked so glad to see you when you came in. I could tell something was bothering her.”

“Yes, it is, and I think it would help to hear about this morning.”

Reagan put aside the food she was working on, wiped her hands clean, and preceded Cash as he politely waited to follow.

“Take the chair, Reagan,” Cash directed as soon as they were in the housekeeper's room.

“What happened this morning, Reagan?” Katy asked the moment she sat down.

Reagan could see that she'd been weeping and hoped she could explain this thing that was almost too huge to take in.

“I prayed to receive salvation from God. The pastor prayed, and I prayed with him.”

“Why, Reagan?” Katy asked almost desperately. “Why now? Why today?”

Reagan shook her head a little. “I hadn't really planned on hearing what I did this morning, Katy, but Pastor Ellis said something my father used to claim. It was about God not being involved in people's lives. But Pastor showed us how involved He really was and is, and I knew a spark of hope for the first time. I've been asking myself if it could be true. I've been wondering if God could really want a relationship with me, and today it was so clear that He did.”

Reagan sighed and went on quietly. “I'm a hard worker, Katy. I can do anything you ask of me, but sometimes when the lantern is dark and I can't get right to sleep, I ask myself who I really am. You have Cash. You have a place. You belong to someone. I've been on my own since I was a child. Most of the time it didn't matter. It couldn't matter, or I wouldn't have been able to keep on. I would ask myself why I needed God at all, and it took awhile, but eventually I figured out that it's not really whether or not I need God. The biggest worry was whether or not He would reject me. After I admitted that was the problem, and then someone showed me He
does
want me—” Reagan gave a little shrug. “There was nothing else I could do.”

Katy's eyes filled with sadness.

“Look at me, Reagan. I'm old and worn out. Why would God want me?”

Reagan smiled at her. “I want you,” she admitted. “I wanted your friendship so badly that I rode my bicycle out here so you could ride it.” Again Reagan gave that little shrug. “Unlike God, I'm just a person with all kinds of faults. His reasons for wanting you wouldn't be selfish. Mine probably were.”