City Girl (28 page)

To get her mind off the feelings she didn't understand and didn't know how to handle, Reagan threw herself into a wonderful meal, one that would celebrate the return of the brothers. Glad she'd baked a cake earlier that day, she frosted it and then worked hard on the potatoes and vegetables to go with the meat.

“We're going to eat in Katy's room tonight,” Cash announced about 15 minutes after Reagan got down to work, Slater right behind him.

“That's a wonderful idea. Katy will love that.”

While Reagan remained over the stove and oven, the men took a small table and four chairs to Katy's room. Reagan did not understand the complete plan, however, until after they came and took all the bowls of food as well. Reagan was getting ready to serve herself from the pot when she heard a voice.

“I'll get her,” Slater called over his shoulder as he came back to the kitchen. “Come on, Reagan. We're waiting for you.”

Reagan shook her head.

“I'll be fine in the kitchen, Dakota. I see Katy all the time.”

“I'm Slater, and Katy wants you to come.”

Reagan looked suspicious. “Did she say that?”

He nodded like a schoolboy, and Reagan had to laugh. Nevertheless he was very persuasive, and before long Reagan found herself in Katy's room. A prayer was said and dishes were passed. The men bantered constantly, teasing Katy almost nonstop and still managing to compliment Reagan on the food.

“I made cake,” she said at one point, and the men were appreciative to the point of making Reagan think they had never had it.

“We have molasses candy too, don't we, Reagan?” Katy put in.

“Yes, ma'am. I just filled the jar.”

“I may never go home,” Dakota said outrageously.

“I'll go home,” Slater added, “but I might have to take that candy dish with me.”

Cash snorted in disbelief. “If I know you, Slate, there won't be any candy left in the jar when you leave tomorrow night.”

Slater looked innocent at this remark, and even Katy laughed.

“Do you have to leave so soon?” Reagan asked. These three had a way of making everyone feel right at home.

“Yes. My wife is having a baby soon, and I don't want to miss anything.”

“You shouldn't have come,” Katy worried from the bed.

“It's all right, Kate. You're too important to me not to be here, and Duffy says that Libby probably has another week at least, maybe two.”

“Libby is Slater's wife, and Duffy is her stepfather and doctor,” Cash supplied for Reagan.

“Do you hope for a boy or a girl?” Reagan asked the blond brother.

Slater smiled. “My wife has three younger siblings, a brother and two sisters. They are the sweetest kids in the world, which makes it impossible for me to choose among them. For some reason I feel the same way about the baby. I know if it's a little Laura or Jeanette, I'll love her, and if the baby's a little Zach, that would be just as great.”

“You should have brought them with you,” Dakota said. “I could go for a conversation with Laura or Zach at just about any time.”

“Then you're going to love the latest, Dak,” Slater filled them in. “Just before Libby and I moved into our own place, Laura would come into our room in the mornings and look around. At first she wouldn't tell Libby why, but then Libby got her to admit that she was looking for a nest.”

“A nest?” Cash asked. “What was that about?”

“We think it was about Duffy teasing Liberty and her mother one night, saying that he always knew when Katie was going to give birth because she'd start nesting up a storm.”

All the occupants of the room had a good laugh over this. Slater went on to tell of some other conversations with Laura and Zach and how fast Jeanette was growing, and Reagan could only sit in quiet amazement. It was with nothing short of relief to be able to serve the cake, have a small piece herself, and then escape to the cleanup needed in the kitchen.

She was almost halfway done when Cash joined her. He picked up the dish towel—something he did for her often—and began to dry the heavy pots she'd used. Tonight, however, instead of talking to her about general topics or answering her questions on Scripture, he came right to what was on his mind.

“What happened in there, Reagan?”

“What do you mean?” she asked, head still bent and hoping it wasn't what she feared.

“You looked about ready to cry when Slater was talking about his wife's siblings.”

“I never cry,” she told him, as though that were the end of the subject.

“Why is that, do you think?”

“It doesn't do any good.”

“I don't know about that.”

Reagan looked at him but then went right back to washing.

“So answer my other question. Why was it upsetting to you when Slater was talking?”

More than anything in the world, Reagan wanted to lie and say she wasn't upset at all, but she couldn't do it. She knew it was wrong, and this was Cash. She would never lie to him.

“I don't want to talk about it,” she opted, her voice tight.

“All right,” Cash said easily, his voice as calm as ever.

“Are you always so nice?” Reagan demanded, turning to him, her face red with emotion. “Aren't you ever grouchy or mean?”

Cash looked at her for a moment and then spoke, his voice filled with wonder.

“What possible reason would I have for being mean to you, Reagan? You're my sister in Christ. You're a part of my household. You take care of Katy and me as though you've been doing it all your life. You give of your time and energy all day long. What possible reason could I have to reward all your kindness and hard work with meanness?”

Feeling very shamed, Reagan went back to the dishes. She thought Cash would walk away and leave her to finish on her own, but even though she'd acted like a shrew, he stayed. They were almost done when Reagan began to quietly admit what was on her mind.

“I've never had a family like yours, Cash. I've always wanted one, but just the thought of it scares me to no end.”

“Why does it, Reagan?”

“Because families take something from you.”

“What do you mean?”

Reagan turned to face him.

“Your brothers and Katy are here now, but they're not going to live forever. What will you do when they're gone?”

“I'll be very sad. I'll grieve for a long time, but I still won't hold back on my feelings for them today. I'll still pour my heart into them so that today can be all God intended and so when they do ride away from here—even if it turns out to be the last time I see them on this earth— I'll have no regrets.

“You're right, Reagan, families do cost something, but they're worth every cent.”

Reagan was so shaken that she almost dropped her washcloth. Her complexion went very pale, and she looked helplessly at Cash.

“Reagan.” Cash's voice was the kindest she'd ever heard. “I'm sorry to upset you. I promise it was the last thing I wanted to do. You didn't want to talk about it. I should have let it go.”

“You did let it go,” she reminded him. “I brought it back up.” She turned to the dishpan and admitted softly, “I don't know why I'm the way I am.”

“It's not hard to guess, the way your mother left and your father turned to drink.”

Reagan nodded. “But there's no excuse for worry or fear, is there, Cash? You told us how huge our God is and how powerful and able to look after our every need He is. You told Katy and me that last Thursday night, and Pastor Ellis said something about it on Sunday too.”

“That's true, Reagan, and it's great you remembered, but don't be harder on yourself than God is. When you fall into the sin of worry or fear, confess it to God as you would any other sin, and ask Him to change you.”

They heard laughter coming from Katy's room, and Reagan listened to it in silence. Cash was right. Those men with her had no guarantee that Katy would be alive the next time they visited, but they'd traveled—one leaving an expectant wife—to see her because she was loved, because she was family. Even if she died an hour after they left, they would not be the least bit sorry they had come. In fact, Reagan thought with a sudden certainty, it would probably be quite the opposite.

Without warning the young woman relaxed. She had not been thinking logically. Her fear had clouded her judgment. If she knew that she had a last chance to see Sally or Holly, she would not stay away. She would go to her side and be with her no matter how hard it was to say goodbye at a later time.

For a moment Reagan was transported back to the day she realized her mother was not returning. For a long time she had blamed herself. She convinced herself that her mother would have stayed if she'd only been a better little girl. Then her life became consumed with her father's drinking, and some of her mother's memory faded into the background. She had started to wonder if she'd caused her father to drink, but by then a wall had grown around her heart, and she didn't care if she had or not.

Today she was able to see that she had not been responsible. Just by thinking about her own life, she knew that she couldn't blame someone else for the choices she made, no matter how tempting that might be.

With a heartfelt sigh, Reagan turned to thank Cash for the help his words had been but found herself alone.

And isn't that just like him,
Reagan thought with pleasure.
He's so thoughtful and caring. It's too bad he doesn't have children,
she said to the Lord.
Their upbringing would be far removed from my own.

“We have to talk.”

Cash had been dead asleep. He was emotionally drained these days, and most nights when his head hit the pillow, he was gone.

“Dakota?”

“Yeah. Slater too.”

Cash heard the strike of a match just as light came into his eyes. Both his brothers were standing fully dressed at the side of his bed. For a moment he wondered what time it was and then realized they must have stayed up talking after he'd gone to bed.

“Is something wrong?”

“No, but with Slater leaving tomorrow night, who knows when we'll get to talk again?”

Cash was finally awake enough to look into their eyes. He caught steely determination.

“Talk or browbeat me into agreeing with you?”

“He knows us too well,” Dakota said without repentance and proceeded to sit on the edge of the bed. Slater took the floor.

“I know she's a new Christian and that these things take time,” Dakota began. “But Slate and I want to know if you've noticed Reagan.”

“She lives in my house,” Cash stated calmly.

“That doesn't mean you've noticed her,” Slater said. “Dak told me that if you hadn't pointed out to him that he was falling for Darvi, he might never have given it a thought.”

“And you think I've fallen for Reagan?”

“No. We think she's fallen for you.”

Cash had no trouble shaking his head.

“Now there you're wrong. If ever there was a woman who did not want a family, it's Reagan Sullivan.”

This stopped both men. Their brother's voice told them he was completely serious.

“Listen,” Cash went on, “I appreciate your caring—you know I do—and as I've told you, I want to fall in love and get married. But it doesn't seem to consume my thoughts like it does yours. I'm happy and at peace with who I am right now. If God has someone for me, you'll be the first to know, but for now, I can't push this, especially not with Reagan. Her heart can't take it.”

“We're sorry we woke you,” Dakota said sincerely. “Thanks for telling us, Cash. We'll keep praying.”

“Thank you. I'll see you in the morning,” he murmured, sounding as tired as he felt.

“All right. Good night.”

Slater said his goodnight as well, but the moment the two men were out in the hallway, Dakota signaled his brother into his room. They shut the door so they could finish the conversation.

“He's in love with her,” Slater stated.

“I think so too, but he doesn't know it, and right now it looks like that's for the best.”

“Do you think he does know but has held his feelings in check? I mean, she did
just
come to Christ, and Cash would not even entertain the notion of marrying an unbeliever.”

“He might have, but I don't think so. I think his heart is as tender as it's always been, and Reagan is just another one of the many recipients.”

The younger Rawlings brothers were tired as well and didn't have much more to say. With few other words, each man sought his own bed, but before they could rest, each was convicted of his thoughts and actions.

A major miracle had happened with both Katy and Reagan coming to Christ, and all they could do was play matchmaker. In the morning, both men planned to seek Cash out and apologize.