City Girl (23 page)

Standing in her little room down the back hall where she'd dashed to get a small music box to show the children, Reagan stood very still, having heard a good bit of the exchange. Fresh waves of something foreign and frightening came over her, and she was again filled with wonder over this man's care of his injured housekeeper.

“Hello, Katy,” Reagan heard Holly saying. She realized she'd been missing for some minutes. She made her way around through the kitchen, going slowly to give herself time to settle down.

“And then what did you do?” Katy was saying just as Reagan entered the room.

“We ran a race around the schoolhouse, and Elly almost won!” Jonah filled her in.

“How did you do?”

“I was first after all the big kids.”

A fond light entered Katy's eyes, and unbeknownst to her, both Cash and Reagan knew comfort at the sight of it.

“Reagan,” Katy suddenly said, “there's a tin of salty peanuts in that cupboard over the large counter. Go and get some of those for the children, will you?”

“Coming right up.”

What followed was a wonderful half hour. Katy spoke with some of her usual brusqueness, but all the remarks were kind with very few orders given, and more than one sentence was directed to Cash or Reagan. By the time Holly and the children headed back to town, things seemed to have righted themselves.

“I've got a roast in the oven, Katy,” Reagan popped in to say after having seen the guests off and claiming four more hugs. “I'll check on it and then be back.”

“That little Jonah is a corker and a half.”

“Yes, he is. He can't wait to have legs long enough to ride—” Reagan cut off, but it was too late. Katy knew just what she was going to say.

“Now that's enough of that, Reagan Sullivan. We'll have no bad feelings on this. What's done is done!”

Reagan only nodded and slipped from the room, but she was distracted as she checked the meat and put some vegetables into a pot. She was getting ready to make gravy when Cash came on the scene.

“How was she after they left?”

“Back to herself, only nicer.”

“Good.”

Reagan turned fully to him.

“How did you convince her to see them?”

“I reminded her of all that's being done for her, and it seems to have softened her.”

Reagan nodded. “When does the doctor come again?”

“I'm not sure. Do you think he's needed?”

“By Katy, yes. She needs to have hope that her hip is coming along and this whole thing will come to an end.”

“Maybe I'll pop in tomorrow after church and let him know that she could use a visit.”

Cash went back to work then, this time in his office, and Reagan went back to the meal. As she had come to expect, fatigue hit her at this time every day, but she kept on. At least her patient was speaking to her. Reagan found that made all the difference in the world.

Katy listened for the wagon wheels to pull away on Sunday morning but could hear nothing. Brenda had brought the girls with her, and they were both eager to visit. Utter sadness filled Katy over the loss of her mobility. Many were the times these girls had come to the back door and she had had cookies for them. Now she lay in bed, more helpless than a baby. Never had she been so frustrated. Her good sense had told her to take a quick ride on that bike and be done, but she had wanted to show off for Cash.

For a moment Katy's eyes closed on his memory. Prior to her accident, he had never spoken harshly to her, but he was right, she needed to be shamed. Giving Reagan a hard time when she had quit her job to come and help and then repaying her with orders and anger was simply not to be tolerated. Katy didn't know what had come over her.

“All right, girls,” Brenda said, entering with a fresh pitcher of water. “You've talked enough. Go see how your father is doing and if he's still in bed, tell him it's late.”

“'Bye, girls,” Katy called to them as they hurried away.

“I forgot how much they talk. I hope they didn't wear you out.”

Katy only smiled, but it did the trick. Brenda assumed she was tired and left her on her own, but in truth, the older woman just needed time to think. For a woman who only darkened the door of the church out of guilt, she was certainly having a strange reaction to not being able to attend this morning. It wasn't guilt that filled her right now but longing. She could hear Brenda moving around not far outside the door, sounding as though she might be headed back her way, but still Katy wanted to pray.

I've spent so much time trying not to think about You that I don't know how to do this. Cash says You're there for everyone, even sinners, and I can see now that I am.
She paused, her breathing coming hard as she tried to find the words to say what was in her heart, feeling more fear than she had been prepared for.
I think I might need to know more about this before I can do anything, but if You'll help me to get out of this bed, I'll try to learn about You and not run away anymore.

Almost on that exact note, Brenda reentered the room. Had Cash been home, Katy would have asked for him, but he had only just left. She made herself lie still, even as Brenda moved quietly around the room, hoping she could fall asleep and not have to think about it when there was no one there to help her.

“Is God always in control?” Pastor Ellis asked on Sunday morning. “I mean, constantly, 100 percent of the time? Or is He a God who decided one day to wind up the universe, stand back, arms crossed over His chest, and watch to see what happened?”

Reagan's mouth opened a little. That was exactly the way her father had believed. When she was a child, he had said time and again that God might have created things, but He was not a part of the everyday dealings of humans.

He just wound up the universe and let it run. And who could blame Him? That's what I would do if I were God. I wouldn't want to be bothered with humans any longer than I had to.

“Do you think God really cares about the people He's created?” Pastor Ellis now queried. “The answer to that question might tell you about your view of God. Is He a sovereign ruler who enjoys seeing His creatures suffer, or is He a sovereign ruler who's there to love and aid His people in hard times? Maybe He's a God who isn't completely in control. Maybe He loves His creation, but He can't actually help it.”

Reagan watched Pastor Ellis smile.

“I'd like to read to you from the book of Jeremiah. Don't turn there. Just let yourself listen for a moment. This is Jeremiah 32:17-19, and then verse 27. Just listen now to some of my favorite verses in all of Scripture.

“‘Ah, Lord God! Behold, thou hast made the heaven and the earth by thy great power and stretched out arm, and there is nothing too hard for thee. Thou showest lovingkindness unto thousands, and recompensest the iniquity of the fathers into the bosom of their children after them; the Great, the Mighty God, the Lord of hosts, is his name, great in counsel, and mighty in work. For thine eyes are open upon all the ways of the sons of men, to give every one according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings.'

“Now to verse 27: ‘Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh. Is there anything too hard for me?'

“If you'll open your Bibles to the last chapter of the book of Job, I'd like to read to you again, but this time I want you to follow along. Job had been through so much, but the Word says he trusted God through it all. If you still doubt God's ability to be in control, follow along as I read from the first few verses of Job 42.”

Not until that moment did Reagan realize she'd left the Bible Holly had loaned her in the little house. She searched around, hoping someone had left a Bible nearby, but saw that Cash already had his open and was holding it between them.

Reagan smiled at him; she had not even remembered he was there but now leaned a little to read along, even as the pastor began.

“‘Then Job answered the Lord, and said, I know that thou canst do everything, and that no thought can be withheld from thee.' Now skip down to verse 12. ‘So the Lord blessed the latter end of Job more than his beginning, for he had fourteen thousand sheep, and six thousand camels, and a thousand yoke of oxen, and a thousand she-asses. He had also seven sons and three daughters.' Now to verse 15: ‘And in all the land were no women found so fair as the daughters of Job, and their father gave them inheritance among their brethren. After this lived Job an hundred and forty years, and saw his sons, and his sons' sons, even four generations. So Job died, being old and full of days.'”

Again the pastor smiled at the congregation. “You might be tempted to say that was the least God could do. After all, He allowed Satan to touch Job's life. But don't miss the point I'm trying to make: God is powerful, loving, and able. He did not sit back once He created us, happy to just watch us struggling to survive. Even today He's active and very much a part of any life that will allow Him room.

“But maybe you don't know what I'm talking about. Maybe you've never experienced what a personal God we have. Don't wait another day to find out. Don't be uncertain about tomorrow ever again. Don't be frightened of death for one more moment.

“I want you to bow your heads right now—no one looking around so all have privacy. This is not something I do very often, but all week I've felt a great burden to share this with you. Some of you don't know me very well, so you might not come to me or anyone else in this church, but you might be desperate to settle this issue between yourself and God. If you are, then I would urge you to pray this prayer with me. Just say the words in your heart after I say them. If you mean them, God will save you. You'll be a new believer in Jesus Christ.

“Just pray like this,” Pastor Ellis continued, and then proceeded very slowly. “Father in heaven, I know I am a sinner. I know I am lost without You, but You sent Your Son to die for my sins, and I want to believe on You right now. I know You are willing and able to save me, and at this time I wish for Your salvation, so I can live my life for You.

“Dear friend,” the pastor started, but needed to add, “let's keep our eyes closed for just a moment more. Dear friend, if you prayed that prayer with me, you are a new creature in Christ, a new believer. You don't need to tell me about it, but I would urge you to tell someone, and if you do tell me, I have a list of verses from God's Word that will help you understand what you've done and help you grow.

“We're just going to have a moment of silent prayer right now. I won't keep you too much longer, but let us just be quiet a moment to give all of our hearts some time to think.”

Another minute passed, this time in silence, and finally Pastor Ellis closed the prayer with a few words. He then invited the congregation to stand and join him in a closing song.

“Is it really that simple?” Reagan turned to Cash and whispered. Her eyes were huge. She had not even made a pretense of reaching for the hymnbook or attempting to stand. All she could think about was the prayer she had just prayed. She had not planned to, but suddenly she'd wanted to so much that she ached. To her amazement, the ache was gone.