Clarity 3 (2 page)

“Fuck it,
” Liam says suddenly and harshly. He slips his arm around my waist to help me stand. “You’re coming home with me. I’m not letting you sleep in the same house with that man anymore.”

“Thank you,” I whisper.

“Come on,” he says as he guides me over to his car. He curses when he sees his shattered windows. “At least he didn’t hit the tires,” he says furiously as he stoops to survey the damage on his vehicle. He pulls the passenger door open wider, as I had previously left it ajar. He brushes some glass out of the car before guiding me into my seat and shutting the door.

“Liam,” I whisper, seeking an answer to a question that escapes me.

He has taken a step to move around the car, but he returns and reaches through the shattered window frame to hug my shoulders. “We’re okay. It’s going to be okay. Do you trust me?”

I give him the tiniest of nods. He
leans forward to press his lips against mine, but I am too emotionally numb to feel comforted by the kiss. He lets his mouth linger against mine for a moment, until the warmth of his skin reaches that dark place inside me and pulls me back to him. Once he feels my frozenness thaw, he squeezes my shoulders and pulls away. Liam briskly walks around the car, but I hear a change in his step. Even though he moves quickly, I can hear the new limp in his gait as he tries to avoid putting his full weight on his wounded leg.

When he climbs into the car, he winces in pain.

“Are you sure you don’t need to go to the hospital?” I ask him as he starts the engine.

“I’ll be fine,” he tells me with a low growl.
“Good thing that motherfucker has terrible aim.”

“
What an awful night,” I say softly, pushing my head back against the headrest. I just want to get away from here and lie down. I want this to be over

I h
ear the sound of footsteps on the cobblestones, and a feminine gasp.

“Helen?” my sister calls out from a distance. “Helen!
What the hell happened?”

I hesitate, hearing the panic in her tone.
My first thought is to comfort her and explain the situation. Then a frown warps my features. I have nothing to explain. “Just go,” I tell Liam quietly. “I don’t want to deal with Carmen right now.”

Liam doesn’t waste a second in slamming his foot on the gas pedal, and the car peels away from the driveway. I feel my body pressed back against the seat with the momentum as we turn out onto the main road.

“I can’t believe that just happened,” Liam says angrily. “What the fuck is wrong with that man? Why would he shoot at us?” Liam slams his hand down against the steering wheel. “Dammit! And I just bought this car. I’ve been taking it to the car wash every day and wiping off every speck of dust. Then that asshole goes and puts
bullet holes
in the side of my car. Great. Just great.”

“Liam,” I say, wrinkling my face in frustration. “I’m much more concerned about the bullet hole he put in you
.”

“I can st
itch up my leg! The bullet just tore a minor cut into the side of my thigh. It’s not that deep. It’s mostly stopped bleeding already, and it will mostly heal itself—and probably leave a cool scar. But my car can’t heal itself! I’m not a mechanic—I don’t know how to fix the bullet holes in the metal! Dammit.” He takes several deep breaths. “I should have never taken you to that house. This is my fault. I’m keeping you far away from that man from now on. You never have to go back there.”

A thought suddenly strikes me and I
bolt upright in my seat. “My computer. My braille notetaker. It has my story on it.”

“We can just get you a new computer,” Liam says.

“No—my book was half-finished,” I say miserably. Sinking back into my seat, I sigh in frustration. “I haven’t been able to make any progress since I came home, but I had written a good chunk of the novel when I was back in New Hampshire. I can’t lose all that work.”

“I’ll get it for you in a few days once things have calmed down,” Liam says. He suddenly lets out a laugh. “
Look at the two of us! We just escaped a life-or-death situation, and you’re worried about your computer, while I’m worried about my car.”

Somehow, even in this moment, he is able to make me smile.

“I guess life isn’t worth living unless we also have our stuff,” I say in a feeble attempt at humor. The sound of ringing causes me to jump violently. In the second before I identify the sound, my body has already jerked and recoiled as though I have been stung by a bee. My heart pounds fiercely again, and I bite down on my lip. After hearing the gunshots, even the sound of a phone ringing seems to send me into a state of fear and paralysis. With stiff fingers, I reach into my pocket for my cell phone and answer the call.

“Hello?” I say into the small
box as I bring it to my ear.

“What the fuck, Helen?” My sister’s voice hisses at me through the cell phone. “Grayson’s in so m
uch pain! What did you do to him?”

For a moment, I can’t respond. I shake my head, caught somewhere betw
een anger and hysterical laughter. “What did
I
do to him? Your beloved husband
shot
Liam.”

There’s a pause on the other end. “I don’t believe you,” Carmen
says hesitantly. Then she repeats herself with more conviction. “I don’t believe you! I’m calling the cops.”

“Go ahead!” I encourage her viciously.
“Let’s have a nice long discussion with the police. But I would advise your husband to get a fucking lawyer. After what he did tonight and what he’s done in the past, he’s probably going to spend a very long time behind bars. Long enough to miss your kid growing up; that’s for sure.”

“Helen,” Carmen says softly. “Grayson doesn’t deserve to go to prison.
I don’t know what happened here, but he’s a good man. For god’s sake, he’s injured. He can’t move his arms. Isn’t he suffering enough? I need to get him to a hospital. Will you come home and help me out? Dad’s freaking out.”

At the mention of our father, I clench my teeth together
. I know that Dad is innocent in all this, but I can’t help lumping him together with Carmen as one of Grayson’s allies. He said that Grayson was like a son to him. The three of them are family, and I’m the outsider. I’m sure Dad would defend me and take my side if he knew the whole story, but I don’t think I can break his heart like that—maybe it’s better that he remains innocent. All three of them were doing fine until I came into the picture; maybe if I remove myself, things will go back to normal.

“I’m never coming back to that house again,” I tell Carmen firmly. “I’ll send someone to pick up my things, but this is it for me.
Before you married Grayson, you knew he had violent tendencies. You could have prevented all this, but you chose to put us all at risk. You have never given a fuck about me or anyone else, Carmen. You only think about yourself. I’m done. I can’t be your sister anymore.”

“That’s not fair
!” Carmen yells back. “I never meant for you to get hurt. I told you that I’m pregnant! I have to think about my baby. Why can’t you understand that? I chose not to put my baby at risk of growing up without a dad.”

“
Sure. But now your kid will have to grow up without an aunt,” I tell her in a quiet voice. “Goodbye, Carmen.”

“Helen!
You’re being emotional and rash. Just come back home and we can sort this out. I need to take Grayson to the hospital. I don’t know what happened, but we’ll just tell them that he was mugged.”

“H
e shot Liam,” I tell her again. “Do you even care?”

“I do.
It’s just so hard to believe. Is Liam alright?” Carmen asks.

Annoyed at her delayed fake concern, I hang up the phone.
I toss it to the ground of Liam’s car and put both of my hands in my hair. “Fuck!” I say in exasperation to Liam. “I’m so sorry I dragged you into this.”

“I’m the one who dragged you away from your sanctuary,” he responds softly. “I should be apologizing. But are you sure you want to
cut ties with your sister? It’s not her fault.”

“
Carmen chose this. I was already gone—she’s the one who begged me to come home. I was looking for a reason to stay, but instead, she reminded me of all the reasons I left. She ruined our relationship when she chose to go ahead with marrying that monster. If she’s going to call
him
family, I can’t call
her
family. If I keep associating with her, she’ll get me killed.”

“Maybe they’ll break up now that he’s tried to hurt you,” Liam says.

“I doubt it. He had already hurt me, and it seemed to make no difference to her. She didn’t even want to know.”

There is a silence in the car
after I speak these words. Liam seems unable to respond, and I think we both need a moment to ponder the events. After a few minutes pass, he reaches over to place his hand on my leg in a gentle caress.

“Let’s look on the bright side,” he says softly. “
Now that you’ll be staying with me, we can spend a lot more time together. I hope you’ll like my apartment. It’s very small, but it’s home.”

“
I’m sure it will be lovely,” I tell him, putting my hand over his. “Thanks for helping me get the hell away from that place.” I finally begin to relax and calm down as I interlace my fingers with his. I can’t believe that just a few hours ago, I was tipsy and having a good time. The gunshots somehow made me instantly stone cold sober.

It suddenly occurs to me that I might be moving in with Liam. We haven’t talked about
it at all, and our relationship is certainly not ready for this. I don’t have the energy to stress out about this tonight, as my main concern is putting my aching head down on a pillow and drifting off to sleep. However, it does seem like I might be stepping out of one dangerous situation and into another.

“
I should be getting a royalty check by the end of the week,” I tell Liam. “I could look for my own place after that, or use the money to get back to New Hampshire—so you don’t have to worry about being stuck with me.”

“Winter,” Liam says lightly, tightening his grip on my hand. “You can stay as long as you like. It will be my honor to
have you for as long as you can stand me. Besides, I’m already stuck on you pretty bad. You occupy my thoughts all the time; you might as well occupy my apartment!”

I lower my chin in embarrassment at his sweet words. “I must have done something amazing in a previous life to deserve a guy like you. You’re a hero, Liam. Rescuing the damsel in distress and
whisking her away into the night—taking a bullet for her. This is classic hero stuff.”

“Wow!” he says in surprise. “I guess you’re right. I am a hero!” He seems thoughtful for a moment. “I’ll have to brag about it later to Owen. He can add getting shot to his list of romantic date ideas.”

My lips curl upward in a smile—I still feel puzzled at my ability to smile after all this. With Liam beside me, even the worst situations don’t seem so terrible. He is able to lift my spirits and help me feel positive about the future, even though my present and past are impossibly dark.

Maybe the future really will be brighter, in every sense of the word. Maybe, with Liam’s help, I will actually be able to see a sliver of light someday soon.
Both visually and emotionally. I feel like it could be possible. I feel like we really are leaving everything dark and horrible far behind as we race forward along the highway, toward something brilliant.

For the first time in ages, I find myself craving that light. I want to feel the warmth of the sun on my face, and actually be able to see
the sunbeams streaming down from heaven. I want the sunlight to wash away everything hateful until I feel clean, radiant, and new.

“Are you sure you don’t need any help?” I ask Liam nervously as he stitches up the wound on his leg.

“It’s
a pretty simple job,” he says through gritted teeth. I can tell that he’s trying very hard not to make pain-noises to betray how much it hurts. I can still hear the catches in his breathing every time he jabs the needle through his skin.

“
There must be something I can do,” I insist.

“
Alright. Go and wash your hands thoroughly with soap,” he instructs. “The sink is in the middle of the kitchen, and the soap is on the left side of the counter. When you’re done, there’s a roll of paper towel above the sink, and you can grab a few sheets to blot away the blood so I can see what I’m doing.”

I place my hand on his coffee table to help me rise to my feet.
My fingers encounter the edge of a book, and I can’t resist the urge to let them lightly scan over the cover. I am surprised to discover that it’s the same book I signed for him on our very first meeting. I am flattered that he keeps it in such a prominent place in his apartment. However, I don’t have the time to tease him or mention this now.

I rush
to the sink to follow his instructions. The apartment
is
very small, and the kitchen is not completely separated from the living area—it was easy to get a sense of the layout quite quickly. I find the soap without difficulty and begin scrubbing my hands. “I’m glad that I can’t see you bleeding,” I admit as I dry my hands on the paper towel and pull out a few more sheets. “I think it would stress me out a lot.”

“I’m just glad you can’t see me sitting here without my pants,” he admits.

“Why?” I ask curiously as I reenter the room.

“I didn’t know I was going to get shot today,
but I did know that my friends would be gambling. So—I wore my lucky boxers. They’re covered in hearts, four-leaf clovers, and horseshoes. It would be quite embarrassing if you could see this.”

The edge of my lips quirk slightly. “But you just told me what they look like.”

“Knowing and seeing are two different things,” he says solemnly. “Now come over here before I bleed all over my new couch.”

I move over to
kneel on the ground near where he’s sitting and gently press the paper towel against his leg. “Is that okay?”

“Here,” he says, guiding my hands.
“You can press it directly on the wound and be a bit more aggressive to really soak up the blood,” he tells me.

“Okay,” I say with
a grimace, “but I still think you should go to the hospital.”

“And wait three hours in the emergency for something I can do in five minutes? No, thanks.
” Liam prepares himself for doing another stitch in his leg. “Besides, this way you get to see a preview of my excellent skills as a surgeon. You need to trust me if I’m going to be poking holes in your eyes in a few weeks.”

I pull the paper towel away fr
om his leg and shudder at the thought. I did not realize that my shoulder was lightly touching his knee until I feel his body twitch at the pain of the needle piercing his skin. I immediately curl my arm around his calf and gently hug the bottom half of his leg to both soothe him and steady him.

“
Almost done,” he says after a sharp intake of breath. “Blot the blood away?”

I immediately comply and press the paper towel back against his wound. I can’t tell how bad it is, but I feel a
small trickle of moisture slide down my wrist. “Liam,” I say softly, with concern.

“Just one more stitch,” he says with determination.

I remove my hand so that he can get to work, and I dab the dribble of blood off my wrist. This time, he does release a small groan when the metal impales his skin. It takes him a second to finish the stitch and tie a knot in the thread. Finally, he tosses the needle onto the coffee table and collapses back in the sofa, breathing deeply.

“Is that all?” I ask him softly as I press the paper towel against his cut.

He exhales slowly. “Just one more task.  Can you hand me the gauze on the coffee table?” he asks me weakly.

I hate the sound of him
in such agony. I place the paper towel down and retrieve the gauze, but instead of giving it to him, I begin to unroll the fabric. He seems exhausted, and he shouldn’t have to do everything himself. I place the end of the fabric over his stitched up wound, and hold it in place as I begin to wrap the roll slowly around his thigh. I try to focus on the task and not notice how hard and muscular his leg is under my hands. I am stunned by the large circumference and the amount of gauze it takes to encircle his limb. I bite down on my lip and concentrate as I make several laps before he reaches out to halt me.

“
That’s perfect. Thank you, Winter,” he says, taking the gauze from my hand and finishing up the job. He leans forward to place the empty roll on the table and sighs. “You know, you’ve really been a champ tonight.”

“Me?
” I say in surprise. “I would have fallen apart if it weren’t for you—and I probably would have been shot. Or worse.” 

“Nonsense,” he says,
cupping my face in his hand. He runs his thumb over my cheek gently. “You’ve been through shit like this before and you found a way to cope. You’re a survivor, and you would have been fine without me. Heck, this is the first time
I’ve
been in such a situation. I’ve never had a gun pointed at me before. I have trained in judo for years, but I’ve never had to
actually
fight someone. For a moment—I thought I was going to panic and screw up.”

“Really?” I ask him in wonder. “You handled it so smoothly—like you do this every day.”

“No. My mind was spinning. I don’t even remember fighting with Grayson. I just remember the pain in my leg and then a burst of anger. I remember intending to disarm him, and I think another gunshot went off—I saw him reaching for me, and in the next instant we were both on the ground. I remember lying there in a daze and trying to figure out what had happened. It was like my body moved so fast I couldn’t keep up. I was outside myself and looking in on the action.”

“Oh, Liam,” I say
softly, turning to press my forehead against his knee. “I was so worried. I thought you were dead.”

“For a second, I wasn’t sure,” he admits.
“I was lying there and staring at the stars, and they all seemed to be dancing and spiraling around each other rapidly. I was so full of adrenaline that everything was distorted and I had no idea where I was. But then I heard you calling my name, and it cleared up all the cobwebs. In that moment, I knew that your voice was the sweetest sound I had ever heard.”

I don’t know how to respond. I
feel like something has irrevocably changed between us due to the night’s earlier events. Maybe it’s impossible to go through something like this without being drawn closer together. Liam seemed so strong throughout the whole situation, but now that we are alone and safe in his home, he is choosing to be honest with me about the fact that he was scared. Of course, even the strongest of heroes are human beings who feel lost and afraid at times. His ability to share this with me endears him to me even further. I feel like we must be truly on the same side, if he is able to trust me with such intimate details.

I
place my hand on his thigh to comfort him, trying to avoid the location of the wound. My fingers accidentally graze the edge of his lucky boxers, and I am surprised to feel that they have a satiny texture. I find myself taking the fabric between my thumb and forefinger and rubbing it curiously. It’s strange to find such a soft and luxurious fabric on a male body—but I suppose I don’t often get to examine what men wear beneath their clothing. Maybe many of them wear silk boxers. I feel a little embarrassed for my curiosity, and I clear my throat.

“You really shouldn’t wear these boxers anymore,” I inform Liam.

“Why not?” he says in surprise.

“They
seem to bring bad luck more than anything,” I point out with a frown. “You did get shot while wearing them.”

“
You’re wrong,” he says, his voice growing husky as he leans forward in the sofa. He reaches out to brush my hair back over my shoulders. “I believe they are, in fact, very lucky.”

His voice
gives me a little shiver. I am a bit startled when I feel his hands sliding down over my arms. I swallow to combat the sudden flush of warmth spreading across my neck and chest. “Why?” I manage to whisper.

“
For one thing, the bullet completely missed everything vital. But more importantly, you did come home with me tonight, didn’t you?” He slides his hands gently around my waist. “I’d say I’m pretty damn lucky. You’re here; nothing else really matters. I think the boxers are doing just fine.”

“Liam,” I
murmur in surprise. I feel a sudden weightlessness as he lifts me up onto his lap. “But your leg!” I exclaim with worry. I try to pull away and place my weight on the sofa. “Am I hurting...”

“Shhh,” he says as he holds me fast. “Having you close to
me is the best possible therapy for speeding up my healing. Trust me, I’m a doctor.”

I release a small laugh
and give in to the urge to curl up against him. I press my ear and hand against his chest, and I can feel that his heartbeat is a lot slower than earlier. Mine is, too. We are both calm and comfortable together. It’s nice. It really feels like we’ve left all of the earlier drama far behind. I let my eyes close and I inhale deeply, savoring the mild scent of Liam’s cologne, still lingering on his shirt. I feel myself drifting away with the relaxing sensation of his arms around me.

All my fear easily subsides into bliss.
I think I am also rather lucky.

I am trying to soak
up the serenity of the moment when I feel his fingertips brush along my spine. It’s a tiny touch, trailing an erratic zigzag pattern beneath my blouse. I hold my breath as he weaves between my vertebrae, drawing invisible lines from the clasp of my bra to the waistband of my skirt. I am not sure why my stomach begins to tingle with heat and yearning. His other hand skims over my leg, caressing up and down the length of my thigh. As he draws closer to the hem of my skirt, his hand pauses. His fingers slide a few inches up under my skirt before retreating, hovering somewhere between boldness and respect. Something about the way he places his hands on me is tantalizing. I can feel that there are infinite unspoken sentences and secrets in his touch, and I try very hard to read their meaning. Something vital seems to be escaping me—it hides just out of reach within the silent spaces.

All I know is that he sets me on fire.

My very bones seem to quiver and melt beneath his hands. I try to remain very still, afraid to move and ruin the precious feeling. Is this a magical enchantment he’s casting on me, or some kind of medical manipulation? The electricity flows through my spine to the very tips of my fingers and toes. I never want it to end.

It feels like he is trying
to unravel my soul.

I wish someone would tell him that he doesn’t have to try so hard. He doesn’t need any of this voodoo or science to
conquer me. All he has to do is whisper my name, and I am his. He is the only good thing in my life, and I would give him anything he asked. I trust him completely, especially after tonight. Without Liam, I would surely be all alone in the world. Before the kindness and strength of his embrace, I was barely alive. Not like this. I lived every day in quiet solitude, thinking deeply about everything, but feeling absolutely nothing. Now, every part of my body is humming with excitement and energy. I am awake and aware.