Clarity 3 (3 page)

Thanks to him, I am alive. In every way, alive.

I didn’t know I could ever feel this way again. I wouldn’t have dared to try.

A prickle of coarse stubble grazes
against my nose, informing me of the extreme closeness of Liam’s face. I am feeling terribly sensitive, like every feather-light touch is simply too much to bear. I can feel my heartbeat increasing again, and the atmosphere grows thick and heavy around us, blanketing our bodies with a certain gorgeous tension. Does he feel this way, too? My eyelids flutter open, and in a way, they do help me see. I can feel the warmth of his breath tickling my eyelashes and can sense the location of his lips. I gingerly lift my chin and let my mouth barely brush against the corner of his lips. I shiver at the tremendous sensation.

T
here are small jolts of lightning passing between us.

I feel like a storm cloud that hasn’t rained in a century.
That’s how long I’ve been bottling up all my emotions, and keeping them from spilling over. Now, I fear that if that if he keeps touching me like this, I might burst. I might shatter in a mighty blizzard of passion, and take him down with me. I have so much love to give; it has been brimming inside me and begging to be set free. I have been lost and isolated for so long, with no one with whom I could share all of this feeling. I have kept myself busy to try to distract myself from how much I needed this.

People are meant to love other people
. It was unnatural to starve myself from affection, even though I convinced myself that it was safer and the only way. I was just scared. I wasn’t strong enough to try; I couldn’t deal with the pain of losing another person I loved so dearly. I couldn’t trust anyone enough to love them with complete and utter abandon. But something has changed now. I feel like I deserve to be happy. I’m ready to stop my self-punishment and exile. I’m ready to be happy.

How do I tell
Liam all this? I want him to know. I slide my hand across his chest, and I can feel that his heartbeat has quickened, too. Does he feel the way I do? I exhale slowly, feeling my breath mingle with the electricity between us. I want this so badly. I want to love him so badly. I am tired of living and loving only in my stories, and mingling only with fictional people. I tried so hard, for so many years, to pour all of my emotions into the pages—but it was never enough. They never became real. The people I created never jumped from the pages and became my friends or lovers. I tried as hard as I could, and gave them everything I had, but I could never bring them to life.

Now, for the first time, my life is
on the verge of becoming just as beautiful as my stories. Can this be real? I remember my book resting on Liam’s coffee table, and tears spring to my eyes. Did he feel all of that emotion, and instinctively know how much I needed him? Is that why he came all that way to find me? Was my writing some sort of beacon? Was I sending messages out into the world all along, and asking someone to come and save me?

Feeling a bit desperate, I place my lips against his, trying to phrase all my questions within the confines of a single kiss.
He does not respond, but instead, he becomes suddenly and strangely still. I wait for a moment, growing afraid. I kiss him again, more deeply, trying to elicit a response from him. His hands have stopped moving against me, and he seems to be considering something. Anxiety bubbles up within me, and I press my lips against his again and again, growing more demanding.

“Liam,” I whisper
against his mouth. “Liam?”

His hands tighten around me, and he returns the kiss with more
urgency than ever before; he steals my breath away. I am overwhelmed by his power as his hands tighten around my body, and he pulls me even closer. He kisses me so forcefully that my neck cranes backward slightly and hurts a little. I feel like I have gotten the answer to my question. He feels just as desperate and lonely as I do. He needs me just as much as I need him.

I am
relieved by this answer. My body responds to his, becoming more aggressive and trying to meet his strength with my own. My tongue searches further, delving and hunting between his lips for the answers to all the questions I’ve ever had.

Why are things so much harder for me?

I find myself twisting in his lap so that I can gain better access to his body. I sit up and straddle his thighs so that I can focus all my attention on the kiss, and take the pressure off his wound; I don’t want to hurt him. He slides his hands over my legs, causing my skirt to ride up and bunch up around my hips. I wrap my arms around his neck and hold him so tightly that my breasts are mashed against his chest. I can’t seem to get close enough. I try to soak up all of him, and bathe myself in his strength.

Why do so many bad things happen to me? What
have I done to deserve this?

Liam’s hands gra
b my hips and drag me down firmly against him. I gasp a little at the feeling of his hardness straining through the thin material of his lucky boxers and pressing on my most sensitive spot. A tremor runs through me at the contact, and I feel myself growing moist as my body instinctively prepares for him. I am unable to resist rubbing myself along his length, trying to feel all of him. He groans into my mouth and cups my bottom, pushing me against him harder. The two thin pieces of fabric between us are powerless to dull the sensation or separate us. They are already so soaked that they might as well be nonexistent.

Liam
moves his hands to the sides of my blouse, grasping the material and tugging it up over my head. Our lips only break for a moment in order for the garment to be torn from my body. In the next moment, his hands are on the clasp of my bra, and it is removed with similar efficiency. My breasts are only exposed to the cool air for a second before his warm hands gently encircle them both, kneading the sensitive mounds with the perfect amount of pressure.

I grab his shoulders tightly as the mind-numbing pleasure overwhelms my senses.
He continues to massage my flesh, masterfully rolling my nipples between his fingers. I break the kiss as my head tilts back in ecstasy, and he uses the opportunity to take my breast into his mouth, twirling his tongue around the tightened bud of my nipple. I gasp as he suckles on my breast, sending more of those little lightning bolts dancing through my stomach. He simultaneously bucks his hips against me, sliding his manhood between my increasingly slick folds. I can’t think of anything else but him.

Make me forget. Make me forget everything bad that has ever happened.

Liam removes his lips from my breast, and kisses the tender, exposed area of my neck, raking his stubble across my sensitive skin. Somehow, even this is pleasurable. Every aspect of him is torturing me with its sublime masculine perfection. It suddenly occurs to me that he is still wearing a shirt, and I feel the need to remove it from him hastily. I want to feel his skin against mine. I reach out and begin to fumble madly to undo the buttons. He helps me, and when I push the fabric off his arms, he leans forward to shrug the material away and slide it off his arms. He flings the shirt aside before putting his arms back around me, and crushing me against him.

“Winter,” he groans against my face. “God, I want you.”

He attaches his lips to mine again hungrily, and runs his hands over my naked back. He circles his hips upward to tease me with his erection until I gasp out his name. My soaked panties are plastered against me and becoming cumbersome. He must sense this, for he reaches down to peel them away from my skin and places his fingers there instead.

When he rubs his fingers in a slow
circle amidst my wetness, I can’t restrain a moan. This encourages him, and he continues to massage between my folds until my desire builds to an ache deep inside me. I feel like my body is ablaze. My tender flesh is throbbing against his fingers and begging him for more.

All my logic seems to have flown from my skull; there is only devastating pleasure.

I find myself
squirming wantonly, and behaving very unlike myself. When he plunges his fingers inside me, I cry out at the precious invasion. I haven’t been touched this way in forever, and never so skillfully and lovingly. For a few seconds, as he pumps his fingers into me, I find my body quaking as my muscles tense around him, unused to the affections. It soon grows to be too much, and I have to push him away and try to catch my breath.

“Are you okay?” he asks immediately. “Did I hurt you?”

“No, no,” I tell him breathlessly. “It’s wonderful. I just...” I place my hands on his face and give him a look of pleading. “I just want
you.
”

He understands my need and he swivels to toss me down onto the sofa. He reaches under my bunched up skirt to compl
etely remove my ruined panties, pulling them over my legs and tossing them in the direction of the coffee table. I worry that he has placed them on my book, but I imagine he has better aim than that. I am startled when he pushes my knees apart and looks at me for a moment.

“Liam?” I say nervously.

“You’re beautiful,” he says, lowering himself to place a kiss between my thighs. His tongue darts within me, lapping up my juices and massaging my sensitive bud.

My hips quiver at this feeling, and I place my hands in his hair. A
strange moan of pleasure leaves my lips, and I feel dizzy and delirious. I can’t take much more of this. It’s too much to bear. “Liam,” I murmur, trying to pull him away from my body. “Stop. Come here.”

He immediately halts his activities and moves
back over me to place a kiss on my lips. I can taste the residue of myself on him, and it’s sweet and pleasant.

“What’s wrong?”
he asks softly. “I was enjoying myself.”

“Please,” I whisper, reaching down to tug at the waistband of his lucky boxers and begi
nning to slide them off. I wrap my hand around the warm flesh of his engorged member and firmly stroke his entire length. “I want you inside me.”

“Winter,” Liam says hoarsely. “Are you sure that...”

“Yes, yes,” I mumble. “Please.”

He hesitates. “I just don’t want...”

“Take these off already,” I implore him as I reach down to wrestle with the boxers, “so you can
actually
get lucky.”

A deep chuckle rumbles in his throat. He complies in removing the offending garment, but I
feel him wince when the waistband scrapes against his wounded leg.

“
Does it hurt too much?” I ask him with worry.

“I’m fine,” he tells me as he moves back over me. He lets his forehead dr
op to rest gently against mine as he positions himself at my entrance. “Are you sure you want to do this? We’re not moving too fast?”

“You’re moving
far too slowly,” I complain as my body writhes in torment beneath him. I feel so much burning need that it is causing me physical pain. I need to quench this fire before it reduces me to ashes. I push my hips against him, trying to beg him with my body. “Please, Liam? Will you make love to me?”

“Gladly,”
he whispers, gently combing his fingers through my hair. He seems to be exercising great restraint in not plunging himself inside me. I can feel his body shaking above me with the effort. “I just want to take it slow and enjoy the moment.”

“I don’t have the same self-control that you do,” I tell him weakly. “I never feel this way. I never let myself feel this way.”

“I know,” he says softly, as he pulls away from me a few inches. “And I also know from your medical records that you’ve never been on birth control.”

“Hey! Those are private,”
I say with a frown. I am flattered that he cared enough to check, but having trouble caring about that right now. “Can you just... be careful?”

“I could,” he says softly, “but it’s a risk.”

“I want to take a risk with you,” I say as I wrap my arms around his large torso. He feels so good on top of me. “Please.”

“
Alright,” he says, placing his hand against my cheek. He positions himself against my wetness again, and gently prods my entrance by moving his hips ever-so-slightly. “I swear to God, Helen, if you say ‘please’ one more time, I’m going to lose my mind. I don’t have as much self-control as you think.”

My body suddenly stiffens. Time seems to slow down all around me.
I try to speak, but my lips are locked shut. My chest feels very constricted, like there is a great weight on top of me. I try to breathe.

“What did you...” I manage to croak out. I gasp for air. “What did you call me?”

He responds, but I can’t hear the words he’s speaking. It suddenly feels like he is very far away. The darkness around me grows darker, and I stare into it with terror. A strange pain shoots through my eyes, and I feel like I have been plunged underwater. My lungs are heavy. I feel like I am drowning.

I feel a finger trail down across my neck. It is gentle,
but somehow, I still feel like it is suffocating me. I gasp for breath, but I can’t seem to get any air. My windpipe is being crushed. The darkness spins, growing heavy and dragging me down. I shut my eyes tightly, wondering if I am close to death.

“Winter?” Liam says sharply. I can feel that he is shaking my shoulders. “Winter? Are you okay?”