Claudia and the Bad Joke (6 page)

     
“Just checking!” said the voice. The caller hung up.

     
So did Mary Anne. “Goof call,” she said disgustedly to Jessi.

     
Jessi smiled.

     
The phone rang again.

     
“I’ll get it this time,” said Jessi. “Hello?”

     
“Hello, is Rita Book there?” The caller dissolved into giggles and had to hang up the phone.

     
Mary Anne and Jessi waited for the phone to ring a third time. When it didn’t, Jessi finally headed upstairs, while Mary Anne took Nicky and Margo outside. Jessi found the door to Claire and Margo’s room closed.

     
She knocked on it.

     
“Come in!” called Claire.

     
Jessi opened the door — and was hit in the face with a stream of water from Claire’s squirt gun.

     
“Hee, hee, hee!” giggled Claire.

     
“Boy, you and your brothers and sisters sure are full of tricks,” said Jessi, wiping the water out of her eyes.

     
“We’ve got some great ones, all right,” agreed Claire. “My brothers even have a rubber spider. It’s big and yucky and ooky.”

     
Jessi didn’t answer her at first. Her eyes had seen something lurking in a corner of the room. She swallowed. “Your brothers?” she repeated. “Are you sure they have the only one?”

     
“Sure, I’m sure,” replied Claire. “And they won’t let us girls borrow it.”

     
“Well,” said Jessi, backing toward the doorway, “then what is that?” She pointed to the corner of the room.

     
“What?” asked Claire. Then she saw it. “Aughh!” she cried.

     
Jessi panicked and ran into the hallway. She pulled Claire after her, slamming the door shut. “Oh. Oh, my gosh,” she said, panting. “That is the biggest spider I have ever seen. It’s as big as a dog! I better get Mary Anne.”

     
Claire began to giggle again. “As big as a dog!” She laughed and laughed.

     
“It wasn’t that funny,” exclaimed Jessi.

     
“Yes, it was!” Gasping and giggling, Claire opened the door to the bedroom. She ran to the corner and picked up the spider. “This is the rubber one!” she cried. “Fooled you! Fooled you!”

     
Meanwhile, Mary Anne was outside with the other kids. The triplets were practicing soccer moves, and Nicky and Margo were playing volleyball. All the kids were hot and sweaty, so when Byron asked, “Mary Anne, can we have some ice cream?” Mary Anne said yes.

     
She brought the kids inside and called Claire and Jessi downstairs.

     
“Let’s make chocolate sundaes,” said Byron. “Adam and Jordan and I will make them for everyone, even you and Jessi,” he told Mary Anne. “Now you guys just sit down and relax.”

     
Jessi sat down, but Mary Anne said, “Be back in a minute.” She headed for the bathroom.

     
She hadn’t been gone long when Jessi heard a cry of, “Oh, disgust!”

     
Nicky tried hard not to laugh.

     
Jessi glanced at him suspiciously, then dashed for the bathroom. “What is it?” she called.

     
“That,” Mary Anne replied, pointing to the floor. “It took me a minute before I realized it’s fake barf.”

     
Jessi looked at the realistic puddle on the floor. “Ew,” she said. “Boy, you know what? So far, Margo has scared us, Nicky has joybuzzed you and left this barf here, Claire has gotten me with a squirt gun and frightened me with a fake spider —“

     
“And Vanessa goof-called us twice. I’m sure it was Vanessa,” Mary Anne finished up. “Listen, we’ve got to put an end to this, and I think I know how to do it. While we’re eating our ice cream,” she said, lowering her voice, “I’m going to tell the kids the circus is coming. Just go along with anything I say, okay?”

     
“Okay,” agreed Jessi, mystified.

     
Mary Anne explained the rest of her idea. Then she picked up the plastic barf and brought it into the kitchen. “Very funny,” she said, handing it to Nicky.

     
Nicky smirked.

     
“Ice cream’s ready!” announced Byron.

     
Mary Anne, Jessi, Nicky, Margo, and Claire sat down at the Pikes’ kitchen table. The triplets served each of them a dish of vanilla ice cream covered with chocolate sauce. Then they carried their own ice cream to the table.

     
“Oh, boy!” exclaimed Nicky. He dug his

spoon into his dish
 
-- and the scoop of ice cream slurped out and bounced across the table.

     
The triplets laughed until they were almost crying.

     
“It’s a chocolate-covered tennis ball!” Jordan managed to gasp out.

     
Nicky pouted, but there wasn’t much he could say after the joy buzzer and the plastic barf. He just made himself a real sundae.

     
“So,” said Mary Anne, “did you guys hear about the circus? It’s coming to town tomorrow. Well, actually, it’s coming today, but the first show will be tomorrow. Clive Baity’s Traveling Circus, it’s called.”

     
The Pikes were intrigued. They wanted to know all about the circus. Mary Anne answered their questions. Practical jokes seemed to have been forgotten. But not for long. When Jessi stood up for a moment to grab a dish towel from the counter, Nicky pulled her chair out from under her, which made her sit down on the floor.

     
“That does it,” Mary Anne whispered to Jessi as she helped her to her feet. “Come in the living room with me. It’s time to put our plan into action.”

     
Jessi and Mary Anne sauntered casually into the Pikes’ living room. They left the kids in

the kitchen, cleaning up the ice cream dishes.

     
“Oh, my lord!” Mary Anne suddenly screeched. “Jessi, I don’t believe it! There is an elephant in the front yard!”

     
“An elephant?” cried Claire from the kitchen. “Don’t listen to her,” Adam said. “It’s a joke.”

     
Jessi and Mary Anne pretended not to have heard him.

     
“What’s that thing on the elephant’s back?” asked Jessi.

     
“It’s — it’s a blanket. Why, it says Clive Baity on it.”

     
“Oh, no! The elephant must have escaped from the circus! Honest, Mary Anne, I have never, and I mean, never seen anything like this in my whole life!”

     
That was enough for the Pikes. Both Jessi and Mary Anne sounded truly stunned. And their story was believable. . . sort of. Besides, baby-sitters don’t play tricks, do they?

     
The Pike kids rushed to the living-room window.

     
“Where is it?” asked Adam breathlessly.

     
“Fooled you!” cried Mary Anne.

     
“And,” added Jessi, “this is the end of all practical jokes for the day.”

     
Red-faced, the triplets, Nicky, Margo, and Claire went outdoors to play.

     
And that was the last trick of the day — except for when the phone rang, and an oddsounding voice on the other end said, “Helloo, this is Queen Elizabeth. Is Prince Charles there?”

     
“Yes, he is,” said Jessi, “but he can’t come to the phone. He’s outside waxing his yacht. Good-bye.”

Clunk.

Chapter 9.

I couldn’t believe it. I was going home at last! The week was over. The night before, the doctor had taken my leg out of traction. I still had to stay off my feet for another week, but I would much rather have done that at home than in the hospital.

     
I was tired of the hospital. My flowers were drooping, I hated the meals (Dawn had saved my life, though, by bringing me some junk food), and I wanted to sleep in my own bed again. Cathy had gone home, and a sevenyear-old girl had taken her place. She slept all the time and everyone had to whisper when they came in our room.

     
The doctor let me go home really, really early one morning. Dad picked me up at seventhirty. (My parents were trying not to miss too much work.) A nurse pushed me outside in a wheelchair, and she and Dad loaded my stuff

into our car. Since I was still in my nightgown and bathrobe, this was fairly embarrassing.

     
I got over it, though. As Dad drove me through Stoneybrook, I felt as if I’d been let out of prison.

     
“Boy, am I glad to be going home!” I exclaimed.

     
“No! Really?” teased my father. “You mean you didn’t want a few extra vacation days in the hospital? I’m sure Mom and I could have arranged something.”

     
I laughed. “I won’t even mind finishing my thank-you notes, or starting all the homework I’ll have to make up.”

     
“Well, we sure are glad to have you back.”

     
“Thanks, Dad.”

     
I thought Mom would already have left for work and Janine for school, but when Dad steered our car into the driveway, there were Mom, Janine, Mimi — and Mary Anne! They were crowded onto our front porch, and they waved madly when they saw the car.

     
I rolled my window down. “Hi!” I called.

     
“Welcome home!” they replied.

     
I’ve never had so much help in my life. Everyone rushed to the car. Janine opened my door. Mom and Mary Anne tried to get me out. Dad rushed around to give them a hand.

Mimi opened another door and began pulling my things out of the car.

     
At last I was inside and settled on the couch in the den.

     
“This is where you can stay, for the most part,” said Mom. “You’ll be downstairs with Mimi, and you’ve got the television and a phone, even if it isn’t your phone. At night, you can go up to your room.”

     
“For club meetings, too,” Mary Anne added. She looked at her watch. “Gosh, I better go. I’ll be late. . . . Uh, stay right by the phone for a while, Claud. Okay?”

     
“Why?” I asked. (As if I could go anywhere anyway.)

     
“Never mind,” Mary Anne replied. She dashed off for school.

     
“I’m afraid I’ve got to leave now, too, honey,” said my mother.

     
“So do I,” said Dad and Janine at the same time. Before they left, Mom and Dad hugged me, and Janine gave me a stack of magazines to read. She had bought them especially for me. I knew this because the only magazines Janine reads have names like The Joy of Physics or Science, Technology, and You. What she had given me were People, Tiger Beat, Seventeen, and Vogue.

     
“Boy! Thanks!” I said enthusiastically.

     
My family left in a rush. Mimi and I were alone together. We looked at each other happily.

     
“I hope I’m not going to be too much work for you,” I said. “I don’t want to tire you out.”

     
“You not work at all!” Mimi exclaimed. “We have nice week. I know.”

     
“I can get to the bathroom myself,” I assured Mimi. “Dad left my crutches right there onthe floor. And last night, I practiced on them after they took my leg out of traction.”

     
“Yes, fine,” said Mimi approvingly. “Oh. I have pre — pre — gift for you. A moment. I be back.”

     
Mimi left the den. She returned with a paper bag in her hands. “Here,” she said. “Open.”

     
I peeked inside the bag. Then I let out a screech. “Oh, thank you! A Nancy Drew book! That’s great! I haven’t read this one. Mimi, you’re the best.”

     
Mimi smiled. “Now, my Claudia,” she said, “I fix breakfast. You did not have breakfast at the hospital?”

     
“No,” I told her. “I left too early. Oh boy,

Mimi. One of your breakfasts would be great.

At the hospital, all they had was, like, Wonder

Bread and runny eggs. They couldn’t even

make good tea. It was weak and pale. So I’m

dying for one of your breakfasts~ And I’m starving.”

     
Mimi left for the kitchen. I lay back against my pillows. I had noticed something during the past week. Any time I was alone — when there were no doctors or nurses or visitors around me — thoughts about baby-sitting crept into my head. I had a huge problem, and I had no idea what to do about it. The thing was, I love being a member of the Baby-sitters Club. My friends might not realize that, since art is so important to me, too, and Ashley once almost talked me into quitting the club so I could spend more time on my art. But the club is a big part of my life. I knew that. So I didn’t want to drop out of it at all.

     
On the other hand, the thought of babysitting terrified me now. Suddenly it seemed like too many things could go wrong. And if I was afraid to sit — how could I be part of the club?

Ring, ring!

     
The phone! Mary Anne had said to stay by it~ I answered it excitedly.

     
“Hello?”

     
“Hello,” said a man’s voice. “Is this Claudia?”

     
I recognized the voice. It belonged to my homeroom teacher.

     
“Hi!” I said.

     
“Hi, there. This is your whole homeroom. I’ve got you on a speaker phone so everyone can hear you.”

     
“Oh!” I exclaimed. “Hi, you guys!” My teacher must have aimed the receiver out at the class then, because suddenly I heard twenty-one voices say, “Welcome home, Claudia!”