Claudia's Big Break (30 page)

‘As opposed to bonking yourself against the cliff numerous times on the way down if you just fell off?'

‘You'd probably break most of your bones,' agreed Tara.

‘Probably best not to do it, then,' I said.

The others nodded in agreement. Still, it was comforting to know that my best friends thought about flinging themselves off cliffs during their dark moments. It made me feel less like a freak.

‘Who'd have thought it?' Tara said, taking a long sip of her Santorini Sling. ‘This holiday has completely changed my life, my outlook, my . . . everything. Thanks for dragging me along, Claud.'

‘You're welcome,' I said, smiling to hide my pain. ‘Not only are your words flowing but you've fallen in love too.'

Tara's life had changed for the better. Mine, on the other hand, was swirling further and further down a filthy stinking toilet bowl. What did I have to go back to? I had to give back the twenty thousand, for a start. That would definitely hurt — a lot. And I'd still have the bank manager breathing down my neck. He'd have a conniption when I became suddenly unemployed. I had no idea what would happen to Cassoli Imports now that Marcus had been arrested. Who'd be in charge now? And what about my living arrangements . . . would Angie and Harry emigrate and move into Tara's house? If they did, there'd be no room for me. I guess I could (at a pinch) live with Mum and Dad. Plenty of thirty-somethings did that these days. But I couldn't see myself handling it for long. The more I thought about what a mess my life was, the more depressed I became.

‘I never thought of you as being gay,' Sophie said to Tara once we were settled.

‘Neither did I,' I said, ‘I know there was Jules —'

‘But everyone experiments,' said Sophie.

‘I've never kissed a girl before,' I said. ‘Neither have you, Soph.'

‘That's not strictly true,' said Sophie. ‘Remember that time when we didn't speak for six months?'

‘We were kids,' said Tara dismissively.

I nodded, thinking back to the huge fight Sophie and I had had when we were teenagers.

‘Well, Tara and I kissed. There, I've said it,' said Sophie breathlessly.

‘Sophie!' Tara squealed.

‘You did not!' I yelled. ‘Why have you never told me? What happened?'

‘I can't remember,' said Tara.

Sophie shook her head. ‘Thanks a lot.'

‘Okay, I do remember. I just don't want to make a big deal about it. It was the middle of winter, freezing cold and raining —'

‘— and we were at your house,' continued Sophie. ‘Listening to Madonna, and you said she was so gorgeous you could imagine kissing her —'

‘— and you said, “I wonder what it would feel like to kiss a girl.”'

‘Because I'd just broken up with Craig.'

‘Then we sort of kissed,' said Tara.

‘And I remember thinking how soft your lips felt.'

‘Hello! Why wasn't I told?' I shouted over the top of them.

Both Sophie and Tara shrugged.

‘And more importantly, why didn't either of you try to pash me? Am I so unattractive?'

Tara laughed. ‘Yep. That's the reason.'

‘So I take it romance didn't blossom between you two?'

‘Soph went back to boys.'

Sophie punched her on the arm. ‘And you went back to having the hots for the PE teacher.'

‘Okay, so let's clear it up once and for all: Sophie was the first girl you kissed?'

Tara nodded.

‘But you're in love with Angie?'

Again, Tara nodded.

‘Really?' I said.

‘Claudia, why is it so hard for you to believe?'

‘Because you and I are a team, Tars. We've always had disastrous relationships —'

‘Thanks a lot.'

‘— and each other to fall back on. Now there'll be just me.'

‘I'm sorry, darl, but I do think Angie's the one.'

I sighed. ‘And that's why your writing taken off?'

‘Exactly. It's like I've been repressing part of myself without consciously acknowledging it. But once I set myself free and allowed Angie in, the words began to flow. I'm so grateful, thankful and —'

‘Don't tell us,' said Sophie and I in unison. ‘HAPPY!'

‘So what happens now?' Sophie asked after we'd all calmed down.

Tara thought for a moment. ‘Angie and I want to be together, and because she has Harry, it makes more sense for me to move.'

I gasped. ‘What? You're leaving Australia? You've only known her a few days.'

‘I know what I want,' Tara said firmly. ‘In fact, after we leave here, I'm going back to the UK with Angie for a couple of weeks. She wants to show me her home.'

‘Then what?' I asked, hardly believing what I was hearing. ‘What about your job? Your house? Your life?' I was trying not to sound selfish but Tara was all I had. Plus, I was living with her. If she moved overseas, she'd want to sell her house or at least rent it out to people who could afford to pay her the going market rate.

‘I called Melinda and resigned over the phone.'

‘No!'

‘Yes, and she's given me an extra two weeks' holiday “to think things through”. So I've taken her up on her offer. But when I go back home I'll resign permanently. After I tie up other loose ends, hopefully I'll be back over with Angie and Harry within a couple of months. Then we'll see if we still feel the same way about each other.'

This was moving way too fast. Surely Tara hadn't fully thought this through. ‘But how can you both be so sure about your feelings for each other after such a short time?'

‘I can't. There are no guarantees. But I'm willing to give it a shot.'

I didn't like the sound of that. It implied she'd made up her mind.

‘I'll also have to tell my parents.'

Okay, she'd definitely made up her mind. ‘The good news is you're probably too old for them to try another intervention,' I said.

‘It's my life. They'll have to deal with it. And if they can't, too bad. Now that I've met Angie, I feel at peace, like it's all coming together for me. I can finally see my way forward.' Tara took a sip of wine. ‘Still, what if Angie gets back home and realises it's a mistake . . . that I was only a holiday diversion?'

‘She won't, Tara,' Sophie said. ‘Besides, she's probably thinking the same thing about you. Only it's worse for her.'

‘How so?'

‘Because it's not just herself Angie has to consider. She's also got Harry. She's probably wondering why you'd take her on when she comes with a child as well as all the everyday crappy baggage all of us carry around.'

Tara looked out across the Santorini sky. ‘Because I think I could really love her, and Harry too.'

‘You're so ready for this, aren't you?' I said. ‘All the other would-be Angies never worked out because the timing wasn't right.'

Tara reflected for a moment. ‘Yeah, I was scared before I met Angie. Scared because I couldn't seem to make a go of it with men and I didn't know why. Aside from the obvious.'

‘Which is?' interjected Sophie.

‘I don't find them remotely attractive,' Tara answered. ‘I'm not saying that a few of them aren't appealing, I just don't want to see all their bits. They don't interest me. But some part of me still wanted to believe I was hetro.' Tara shrugged. ‘Truth is, women have always made my head turn.'

‘Can't say I've ever felt like that,' Sophie chimed in, then smiled at Tara and blew her a kiss.

‘Now that I've made peace with myself and accepted that I want to be with Angie, I can actually see the two of us in our old age, sitting on the porch together, holding hands and drinking cups of tea.'

‘Who's going to share my verandah?' I wondered out loud.

Tara and Sophie wrapped their arms around me but didn't answer the question. I didn't expect them to. They're not psychics.

We clinked glasses and toasted Tara and Angie and the magnificent Santorini sunset.

‘Let's face it,' continued Tara, ‘most men are idiots.'

It was a hard fact to argue with but Sophie gave it a shot. ‘There have to be some decent guys in the world. Alex and Levi for starters.'

‘True, but I deserved to fall in love with a woman,' said Tara triumphantly. ‘I deserved it.'

Who was I to argue with her? I was going to be celibate for the rest of my life. Penises, breasts, butts, eyebrows — none of the physical attributes meant anything to me any more. I had embarked on a higher level of life — spiritual freedom.

‘Now that I'm sorted,' said Tara, ‘what are we going to do about you, Claudia?'

I rolled my eyes.

‘Come on. You're in debt up to your eyeballs and yet you continue to spend money like you're Paris Hilton.'

‘Not that we don't love your gorgeous gifts,' said Sophie. ‘But you're too generous.'

‘But when I shop, I feel better about myself. It's my way of telling people I love them,' I confessed.

‘We love you too,' Tara said. ‘But —'

‘I don't need to buy people's affection?'

‘Exactly. If you keep going the way you are, you'll be trapped by debt forever.'

‘So what should I do?'

‘Let's work out a realistic budget, one that you can stick to,' said Sophie.

‘That means only buying essentials, right?'

‘Right. No more gift-giving,' said Tara. ‘And no more credit cards. And definitely no more internet shopping when you're bored.'

I groaned.

‘You have to get rid of your debts, hon,' said Sophie. ‘It won't be too bad, you'll see.'

No, I thought to myself, it won't be bad, it will be hell. Walking past a shoe shop and not buying a pair, using Olay instead of Clinique, no more Dior lipsticks or impulse buys for friends . . .

‘What about —' I started.

‘No!' They both shouted me down before I could finish my question.

Bloody hell! In times of crisis, everyone splashes out on a pair of outrageously high sandals with no real intention of wearing them — don't they? And what about that new miracle body toner, the Power Plate? (Apparently, it involved standing on a vibrating plate and performing exercises while jiggling up and down.) I had my heart set on buying one when I got back home. Okay, so I'd have to rethink a few expenses . . .

27

O
ur second-last day on Santorini. I rolled over in bed, yawned and considered how I wanted to spend it. I'd already travelled extensively around the island and had my favourite restaurants and bars. I'd become quite fond of a Greek salad with every meal as well. I particularly liked the way the feta cheese was served as a slab on top of the lettuce, not cut into a hundred pieces as it was back home.

But I didn't feel like eating at another café. I liked to believe this was because I was now adhering to a very strict budget and not because I was afraid of bumping into Jack.

I wasn't even sure he was still on the island. He was probably in Athens or en route to Australia preparing for his next big case. Liar that he was. Deceiver, swindler, imposter. Hang on. I was getting him mixed up with Marcus. Marcus was the swindler. Jack was the deceiver and imposter.

I decided not to leave the apartment except to venture to the pool. That way there'd be absolutely no temptation to spend money. I was more than ready to spend my remaining time in Santorini working on a killer tan, doing laps of the pool and reading magazines. But for now, I was happy to lie in bed a bit longer.

What to think about though? I was done with the whole self-analysis thing. I didn't want to think about me any more. I knew I was going home to a pretty dire situation, especially as Tara had decided to swap countries and live with Angie. And I wouldn't be able to shop my way out of missing her as I now had no choice but to cut back on all areas of spending, given that I had to pay back the twenty grand. It wasn't like I desperately needed new accessories and trinkets anyway. Shopping was a habit with me, a comfort when everything else in my life was going wrong. I'd have to find a better way to feel good, though, because Tara, Sophie and I had worked out a spending plan for me. I'd be living frugally for a few years, but there was light at the end of the wretched tunnel.

It helped that I wasn't going to be playing the dating game any more. I'd have no one to dress up or wear makeup for, and eating out was a no-no. You could take your eligible bachelors and your not-so-eligible married, divorced and separated men and push them into the nearby volcano for all I cared. I wasn't interested. I was going to enjoy a celibate life. In fact, I was looking forward to it. And not because I had to, but because I wanted to.

I was confident my new lifestyle would suit me fine, because, let's face it, the alternative had never been kind. A whole new world was about to open up before me, one which involved my touring the globe giving lectures on how to maintain celibacy without losing your mind. ‘
Hello, my name is Claudia Taylor and
I am celibate. It's been three years, two months, six days and four
hours since my last bonk
.' Raucous clapping.

I was lying in bed, in my underwear, congratulating myself on being the worldwide spokesperson for celibacy, when Tara rushed in.

‘Ooya!' I jumped. ‘Ever heard of knocking?'

‘No time for that, missy,' Tara whispered and quickly shut the door behind her before plonking herself down on my bed. ‘I went downstairs to the bathroom and guess who's here?'

‘God! Not Jack again?' I said, pulling back the sheets in preparation for getting up out of bed.

‘Jack?' Tara raised her brows. ‘No, it's not Jack.'

‘Who then?'

‘Alex.'

‘Alex? Here? Now? For God's sake, woman, why aren't you perched at the top of the stairs listening to their conversation?'