Closer to My Heart (15 page)

He’d packed a lunch and it was tightly sealed in his rucksack down at his feet. He also had a little information on his past tucked away in the sack, but that would come after lunch. He leaned forward to tap Jane on the shoulder.

“Yeah?” she yelled back to him. She kept her eyes ahead of her so she could help steer the kayak around the large tree that had fallen during Hurricane Fran back in nineteen ninety-six.

“I’m starving. Can we go ahead and stop?” His stomach growled loudly and she laughed.

“Okay. Let’s bring’er in at that bank over there.” She used the oar to point to a flat bank of land covered with low grasses and shaded by huge Oak trees.

Lucas rowed them over and hopped out so he could tug the kayak and his girl ashore. The river sandals she’d gotten him at REI were great. They let him walk on rough rocks and move about in the water, but they wicked the moisture from his body and dried quickly.

Jane grabbed his hand and he pulled her out. Her shoes were the same style as Luke’s, but she’d had hers for about four years. Her dad loved to take her out on the water. They’d chosen a sea kayak so they could take it to their home in Duck and paddle the Outer Banks and along intercoastal waterway when they had a chance to make it to the shore. She couldn’t wait for her parents to meet Lucas.

She stretched her arms high overhead and then worked the kinks out of her legs while she took off her life vest. She kept her Durham Bulls baseball cap on, pulled low on her brow. Lucas watched her with open appreciation while he took off his vest. Jane had on a tiny triangle bikini top that was copper colored. As Lucas spread out a small blanket and grabbed the rucksack from his berth in the kayak, she slipped out of her shorts and took her shoes off. Lucas pulled his shirt off and added it to the pile on the blanket.

They set out lunch together and enjoyed the peaceful afternoon. The tree frogs serenaded them and the cool breeze blowing off the river and through the shade of the trees made it feel like Eden.

Lucas devoured half of his first sandwich in three bites. She laughed.

“I guess you were hungry.”

After that first day of only getting him one sandwich, she’d learned her lesson. Now whether she ordered or made meals for the two of them, she always made sure she had enough to feed him.

“I can’t keep your body buzzing if you don’t feed me, baby,” he said and winked.

Lucas finished his meal first. He grabbed the sunscreen and sat down behind Jane, straddling her hips between his knees. He moved her long rope of a ponytail over the front of her shoulder and squeezed a handful of lotion into his hand. While she finished her fruit he reapplied number twenty-five to her shoulders and back, and once her hands were empty, he dragged his hands down to her wrists and back up again. He was even nice enough to dip his fingers into her bottoms to make sure her waist was well covered. She could tell it had been quite a sacrifice.

He pulled lightly on her shoulder to have her lean back into his body. Then he smoothed lotion on the front of her body, along her collarbone and shoulders. Again, he dipped his fingers into the cups of the bikini top to make sure she wouldn’t get burned if her top shifted. Her torso and belly got a good coating, too. She sighed and closed her eyes.

He shifted so he could lie on his side and curled Jane into his body. He was double Jane’s size and he was pooped from rowing, so he knew she must’ve been exhausted. They’d paddled about six miles down the river and turned back about an hour ago, so they still had about a mile until they got back to the car...her fatigue was well deserved. She slept lightly for about thirty minutes while Lucas gathered his courage to tell her about his life that he’d walked away from.

He loved her; there was no question at all in his mind about that. And he felt pretty sure that she loved him in return. That her declaration last week wasn’t just a fluke.

Andy had called from Scotland a week ago, complaining about Amber flirting with the men they’d met on their journey. He figured he did really well not to tell him about Amber’s starring role on Playboy TV. But in his mind he could picture Amber cajoling Andy into a threesome with some unsuspecting Scot. And Andy, bless his dumbass hide, would follow right along with her. They were perfectly suited.

During that same conversation, he’d told his brother that he was in love with Jane and was going to ask for her hand in marriage. Luke scoffed at Andy’s declaration that it was rather quick since they’d only known each other for a couple of months, but it felt so goddamn right. Evidently, Andy was already regretting his rushed marriage to Amber.

On a high note, though, Andy was thrilled to find out Lucas had finally decided that he was done with undercover work. His brother had longed to hear that bit of news for years. After talking to Andy, Lucas felt lighter than he had since before joining the Army out of high school. Now he just had to trust in Jane enough to give her the details. She was really smart. Educated. Well traveled and worldly. Maybe she would have an idea of what he could do next.

Because one thing was for certain; he was done with law enforcement. That, or law enforcement was done with him. Either way, he wanted a peaceful future.

With Jane.

Jane’s dreams were full of lustful, gothic images. She was a fair maiden being ravished in a meadow by a dark knight. Her loins were heavy, desire pooling between her thighs making her labia feel like they were supporting ten pound weights. She stirred and opened her eyes to find herself flat on her back with her lover’s broad shoulders wedged between her thighs and her bikini bottoms lying haphazardly next to her head. Luke held her hips off the ground in his large palms and he moved her body against his face, making it easier for him to access every exact millimeter of her sex.

She shifted her gaze to the sky overhead, where the late afternoon sun sent shards of color exploding in starburst patterns. The thick, cotton-like clouds ambled in and out of her sight. The trickling of water from the Eno River was to her right and the wind rustled the overheated August leaves to her left. He moaned as his own desire surged.

His mouth opened wider to encompass more of her sex with each pass of his dark blonde head. His tongue swiped from her sensitive bundle of nerves in the hood of her sex to the delicate tissues around her rectum and back again, occasionally stopping in between to surge deeply into her hot core. She could see a light sheen of sweat covering the tanned, rounded muscles in Luke’s shoulders and arms. And she watched his attention to making her come.

He must have sensed her watching him, because he looked up and caught her gaze. His eyes twinkled with satisfaction and desire and barely leashed power. He licked his lips and bent his head to wipe his face on her belly. He was helpless to move away from her. Was, in fact, doing everything he could to bind her to him physically. Everything about Jane called out to him.

She reached for him and he pulled her over to sit on his lap…her favorite seat of late. In the same motion, he ripped open the Velcro fly on his cobalt blue Birdwell trunks and impaled her. She cried out and grabbed him around the neck to hold on. She was a little disoriented, but waking from her nap in the most sinfully pleasurable way possible.

“Jane!” he moaned. She tried to focus on his face. Lucas could see the confusion in her eyes, the remnants of sleep.

“Can’t hold it…any longer,” he groaned. Lord, his emotions were clogging his brain, making it hard to concentrate.

She stroked the side of his face and kissed his forehead. “It’s okay. Let it go. Just let it go, baby,” she panted.

He shook his head and dislodged her hand. Then he squeezed her tighter.

“Janie, I love you. I can’t make love to you anymore and not tell you.”

Her expression went slack and she dropped her arms, nearly toppling backwards off his lap. Lucas swore violently. “Fuck! Don’t tell me I’m scaring you off.”

She grabbed him by the ears. “Don’t you swear at me,” she said firmly. “I love you, too. I just didn’t expect you to say it just then. . .”

When she said the words, Lucas threw his head back and roared loudly in triumph, like an animal. He slammed Jane onto his body painfully and began coming. It seemed to go on forever because he was suspended in disbelief. In the few months that they’d been friends and lovers, he’d always held part of his past from Jane. He knew she was curious about him, but she never pushed him to talk about it. For that, he loved her even more.

When he was completely empty, he pressed his face into the crook of Jane’s neck and wept like a baby. God, how humiliating.

That threw her for a loop, too. And after a second, she wrapped him in her arms and crooned softly to him. She told him how much she loved him and how much she wanted to be with him. All of the things he was desperate to hear from her, and that she was finally free to say to him. He cried for a good ten minutes until his head was pounding with a terrible headache.

She remained quiet even after he finally calmed down. All the while he’d been buried deep inside. He lifted her up and sat her gently on the soft blanket. Then he grabbed a cotton cloth they’d brought along and wet it in the cool, fresh water of the Eno. He helped her clean up and get back into her bathing suit, and then she started to load the bags he’d packed into the kayak. After a minute, he asked her to sit back down.

“Okay,” she said warily. Since he’d had his emotional breakdown a few minutes ago, she was looking at him like he was a wounded wild animal that might strike out at her. He couldn’t blame her for that. He was far from macho, but neither had he been overly emotional with her, either.

He sat on his knees and dug through the rucksack. His face was down when she asked out of nowhere, “Lucas, are you married?”

He stilled his hand and looked at Jane. Silent tears were running down her face. “Because I understand if you are. I mean, this has not been a normal reaction we’ve had towards one another.”

“Honey, I’m not married yet,” he said cryptically. He found whatever he’d been looking for and brought it out to hold in his hand. Jane looked down with unabashed interest.

“I’ve tried to give you space and privacy, Lucas,” she said nervously. His hands were bothering her, making her skittish. “Tried not to pry.”

“Yes, you have, and I do appreciate it. I’ve never loved anyone enough to get married. Hell—I’ve never been in love before. Until you.”

He held out a small, plain white box and waited for her to accept the offering.

“What’s this?”

She looked at the small pile of items in the box. First was a police officer’s badge. There was also a St. Christopher’s medal on a chain and a small GI Joe plastic Army figure. And finally, there was a small wallet size picture of two beautiful children. Her heart sank and a single sob escaped her lips. She dropped the items on the blanket between them like they’d burned her. Her hands clapped over her mutinous mouth.

“They’re not my children, Janie.” Lucas knew that the children were what threw her over the edge. She was shaking her head no frantically. He clamped his hand over her knee to hold her down when she tried to get up. “Stop! Please—stop.”

She quit pulling against him and lowered her hands as the knowledge sank in: he didn’t have illegitimate children somewhere with some other woman. “But—” she said and pointed to the kids.

“But—these children are the reason I finally left law enforcement, honey. Remember you mentioned me decompressing from undercover work that first night we met?”