Clouded Innocence (19 page)

Chapter
22

I Do

We did not have to wait long. Conner and I were married a week later.  I wore a simple white dress, which my father had insisted on. Lilly told me since I was marrying the man that I had given my virtue to then white was still acceptable, regardless whether I was carrying his child. Conner wore the black suit he had worn to the Summer Ball.
 

His father, Jonathan Edwards, had even taken time out from his hectic business schedule, to come. My father and Jonathan hit it off. They began talking business and what ventures they could go on together.
 

My eyes rarely drifted away from my husband. Just thinking that he was mine gave me butterflies.
 

True to our word we had not made love the days before our wedding, though the desire had been building in me, threatening to burst at the seams. I had still spent every night wrapped in his arms, although it was not easy. After my father became aware of us, he tried his best to prevent any little late night rendezvous. I did not understand his concern. Conner and I were to be married and I was already with his child. Really, what else was there? Perhaps it was the idea of my laying with Conner under his roof. It was not like I could tell my father that Conner and I agreed to wait until our wedding. It was one thing to be suspicious of what was going on. It was another to have it confirmed.

My father had begun staying up later and later each night trying to prevent either Conner or myself from sneaking to see the other. Little did he know that after the first night, I began to slip in to see Conner long before my father called it a night. I simple just hid my pillows under my duvet incase my father decided to peak into my room. It must have worked. My father seemed never the wiser. His mind was at ease believing I slept alone at night and I got what I truly wanted, the man I loved lying next to me. He would fall asleep with his hand resting protectively over our unborn child. The gesture filled me with joy.

The day before Conner and I were married, I decided to visit my mother. I had not been to her grave since she was buried. It had been too hard for me, but I knew it was time.

“You want me to go with you?” Conner asked when I told him my plans for the day. One of my few regrets was that my mother never got to meet the man that stole my heart and who would hold it for the rest of my life.

“I would like that.”

We walked hand and hand to my mother’s plot. My father had had her laid to rest on our land instead of the very crowded plot in town by the church. He wanted to keep her close.

The concrete stone stood out among the high grass. Along the way, I had picked wild flowers for my mother. I knew she would love them. I sat down in front of the tombstone and laid the flowers in front of it.

Here Lies

Josephine de Bella

Beloved Wife and Mother

She will never be forgotten

“Hello mother,” I whispered. I thought it would feel odd talking to her but it felt somewhat peaceful. “I am so sorry that this is the first time I have been to see you. It has just…it has been so difficult without you.” A soft sob escaped my mouth. Conner knelt beside me wrapping his arm around my shoulder. I leaned into the comfort of his embrace. He held me not saying a word until the tears subsided.

“I am getting married tomorrow and I wish you were here to see it. I wish you could see the man I have chosen for my forever.” The words began to flow out of me just like they used to when she and I would talk. “I know you would love him just as much as I do.” I sighed. “You told me to listen to my heart and that it would guide me and it did. It took me some time to open up and allow myself to hear what it had been so blatantly trying to tell me, but you were right. Just like always.” I let out a light giggle.

“You are also going to be a grandmother. I know it is backwards and in that way I am sure you would be disappointed but…” I felt Conner’s hand grip my shoulder tighter urging me to continue. “I know
knowing
each other before marriage was wrong but I cannot say I regret it because I do not. I do not believe father would have recanted and I would have been forced to marry someone I did not love. And you know how hard headed father can be when he sets his mind to something.” I shook my head clearing it of the lingering resentment towards my father. It was done. I was not marrying Nicholas, I was marrying Conner. And if I was completely honest with myself, I never believed I ever would have married Nicholas. I think when it came down to it, I would have rather been disowned then to live my life without Conner. It would have hurt to leave the only parent I had but Conner was someone I could not live without.

Conner and I sat there talking with my mother. He even did a little talking himself, which made my love for him grow a little more, if that was even possible. He told her how he would always do what was right by me and once the baby was born we would be sure to come here to introduce the baby although he was sure she already had met our child and he was grateful to her for sending him or her our way. More tears began to glisten in my eyes.

Later that night, I laid next to Conner watching him sleep. He was so peaceful as he dreamed. It was not long before I drifted off as well. My mind raced to our future. I stood waiting by the pond in mine and Conner’s place. My hands drifted instinctively down to my stomach, but there was no firmness. I began to feel the panic rise in my chest as I believed everything that had happened had all been a figment of my imagination.

“Francesca?” I turned startled by a voice I would recognize anywhere. “Darling, what are you doing?” Conner asked.

“I think I am waiting for you.”

“Anyone else?” My hand dropped back to my stomach. “She is here too.”

“She?” Of course he would know what I was thinking. “Our daughter?”

He smiled and nodded. He turned and walked away. Worry pitted in my stomach.

“Conner?” It was a moment before he returned and he was not alone. Conner walked through the woods holding the hand of a little girl. Her dark brown hair matched mine. When she looked up I saw Conner’s eyes looking at me.

“Sweetheart, come see mommy.” I dropped to my knees with my arms opened for her. Without hesitation she ran into them. I buried my nose into her hair, inhaling her scent.
My daughter. Our daughter.

“She loves you already,” Conner whispered. I had not realized he had gotten so close. He was crouched behind me.

“I love her too.” I replied.

Conner placed his hand on my shoulder. “She has to go now Francesca.”

“I do not want her to. I want her to stay with us forever.”

“We will see her again, soon.”

I released my grasp on her. I cupped her face, trying my best to memorize her features. She was the perfect combination of Conner and me. She was absolutely perfect.

“She will be with us before we know it.”

I woke to tears streaming down my face, but Conner was there to settle me just like he would be for the rest of my life.

Our wedding had been simple. The ceremony took place at my father's home. Our guest had been close friends and family. Lilly and Madison had put flowers on anything and everything that they could. It was really more for them. I had told Lilly that the decoration had not mattered to me. All I wanted was for Conner to be my husband. They would not hear of it, and insisted that I leave everything up to them. They had done a marvelous job, but when I was making my way down the aisle my eyes were not on the decorations, nor the guests. They were on the only thing that truly mattered. Conner.

During the ceremony, I barely heard the words the minster said. After my father handed me over to Conner and whispered how my mother would be so happy for me, my focus left me. Conner's blue eyes were holding my attention, until, “Francesca?” My name broke my attention briefly. I flicked my eyes to the minster then back to Conner. “Repeat after me, I Francesca.”

“I, Francesca.”

“Take thee Conner.”

“Take thee Conner.”

“To be my lawfully wedded husband.”

That was when the tears started falling. I never thought I would be allowed to say those words. “To be...my lawfully...wedded husband.” I stuttered across it. He repeated them for Conner to say.

The minster turned his attention back to me, “Do you, Francesca, promise to love and to cherish Conner, in sickness and in health, for richer, or for poorer, for better, or for worse, forsaking all other from this day forward, until death do you part.”

“I do.” I whispered giving my best effort not to cry and losing. I could hear the sniffles in the crowd. More tears ran down my cheeks as the minster repeated the vows to Conner. The moment when Conner said I do, it took everything not leap across to kiss him.

Then the moment came to exchange the rings. “With this ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow. In the name of the father, the son, and the holy ghost. Amen.” I slipped the gold band onto Conner’s finger. I managed to get through it with only minor difficultly. The minster repeated the process for Conner. When Conner slipped the band on my finger, it felt complete. Everything in my life had been leading me up to that moment, the moment when I became Mrs. Conner Edwards. Lastly came the colossal moment.

“I know pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.” The minister said.
  

Conner smiled magnificently as he tossed my veil back, wrapping his arms around my waist. I threw my arms around his neck then pressed my lips to his, a little too eagerly. Cheers full of joy and happiness erupted from our guest.

My hand ran lightly down Conner's face. Breaking our lips apart I stared in his eyes, allowing them to consume me. He was mine, forever.

I was standing in the middle of one of my father's large sitting rooms. All the furnishings had been cleared out to make room for the small party. It was nothing compared to the Summer Ball, but I did not mind.

I was staring at my husband across the distance of the floor, watching him make pleasant conversation with some guests, his eyes constantly drifting back to me. I stood there lost in thoughts of him and when our wedding night would be allowed to begin when I felt someone tap me on the shoulder. 

“May I dance with the bride?” It was Nicholas Jackson. I had not expected him here. A stunned expression surely showed on my face.

“Of course,” I smiled politely at him as he took my hand leading me out on to the floor. He pulled me into his grasp leaving just the proper space between us.
Always the gentleman.

“You look lovely Francesca. You are practically glowing. Married life certainly agrees with you.”

I blushed. I did not want to tell him he was mistaken. The ‘glow’ was from my queasiness of my stomach from the child I was carrying. It was past morning but the sick feeling remained, but I refused to let it ruin my day. “Thank you Nicholas. You are very kind.” 

He slowly pulled me around the dance floor. “You know, I always knew you would never been mine.” I looked at him, seeing the pain in his eyes, then quickly away. I knew I would never be his too. My heart would always belong to Conner. “I saw the way your eyes would light up when you saw him. I knew you loved him and that you would never be happy with me.”
 

I did not know what to say so I just kept quiet as we moved across the floor.
 

“I am glad it worked out this way, Francesca. I do hope you both will be very happy.”
 

He paused briefly before slowly moving in to place a kiss on my cheek. I saw the herd of people move aside as Conner made his way towards us.
 

“Conner,” Nicholas said once he noticed Conner's sudden appearance. “I was just giving, your wife,” he said forcing the words out. I knew this was not easy for him. “... my congratulations.”
 

I searched Conner's face for any sign of what he was thinking. A pleasant smile spread over his face. “Nicholas, thank you very much for coming.” Of course I should have known I had nothing to worry about. Conner knew this was hard for Nicholas just as I did. “Do you mind if I steel my wife, for a dance?”

Nicholas looked directly in my eyes, “Of course not,” he said his voice full of sadness. He handed me over to Conner then left the dance never turning back.

“Thank you for being kind to him,” I said as Conner drew me close to him.
 

“Of course. I know coming here could not have been easy for him. I respect him for having the courage to.”
 

I ran my hand down his cheek, “Do you know how much I love you, Conner Edwards?” He smiled at me.

“Probably more than I deserve Mrs. Edwards.” I grinned wrapping my hand around his neck. 

“I love the sound of that. Say it again.” He leaned down whispering into my ear, letting it flow over my skin, “Mrs. Edwards.”

* * *

Our small gathering of close friends and family had begun to disperse. My father and Mr. Edwards had retired to his study with business on the mind. Lilly had said her goodnights earlier. Madison had made a point to tell me that she had been right, that everything had turned out good just like she had said. The only thing I could do was to hug her and thank her.