Clouded Innocence (12 page)

Chapter
15

Suspicion 

Nicholas Jackson was not unattractive. He had brown hair he wore slicked back with pomade. His brown eyes were dull and unwelcoming. They did not show the passion and enthusiasm for life that Conner's eyes did. He was not as tall as Conner. He was thinner, lankier than Conner. And that was how I spent most of our meeting; comparing him to the man I was in love with.

We sat on the porch. The summer air was blowing, doing nothing to surpass the southern heat. It was a beautiful day though I would have rather spent it doing anything else. Reading. Riding. Arithmetic. Having bamboo splinter shoved under my finger nails. Anything but sit here with the man I was being forced to marry. We sat in silence. I was not going to make this any easier. My hope was that Nicholas would find me indifferent and would ask his father to call off the wedding. Maybe his father cared more about his happiness than mine did. One of our maids brought us fresh squeezed lemonade. It was refreshing and helped fill the awkward silence briefly. 

Finally, after the silence grew to become extremely uncomfortable, Nicholas announced his departure. He grabbed my hand, placing his lips to the back of it. I had to stop myself from cringing away.

“I will call on you tomorrow,” he announced before turning on his heels. It was just as awkward as our dance had been at the Summer Ball. 

He had just made it down the porch when the front door opened and Conner stepped through. My face lit up at the sight of him.
 

He waited until Nicholas was out of ear shot before he spoke. “Did it not go well?” He asked trying his best to hide the humor creeping in his voice. I pursed my lips and narrowed my eyes at him. His facade faded and his brilliant smile took over. I could not help but giggle in response.
 

“God, I love that sound,” he whispered, reaching over to run his thumb down my cheek.
 

“I love when you do that,” I said mirroring his hushed tone while leaning my head into his hand, as he cupped my face. “Can we go somewhere?” I asked wanting to be alone with Conner to help clear my head of my current predicament.

He sighed, “Not just yet. I am afraid your father wanted to speak with you. He asked me to bring you to him when your future husband left,” he spat, not hiding his hostility. I knew he enjoyed the situation even less than I did. “But afterwards, I will go with you anywhere you want,” he mentioned, the gentle tone returning to his voice. Connor held his hand out to me. Taking it, I became aware of the comfort I normally felt when our skin touched. It seemed to be a reflex of my body recognizing his. Fingers intertwined, he led me back into the house.

He escorted me to my father's study. Stopping just outside, I leaned up and placed a soft kiss on his jaw. I wanted him to know how special he was to me, especially in this situation we were being forced into.
 

“Thank you, Conner,” I said before opening the door. I shut it slowly maintaining eye contact with him up until the last possible second.

“Have a seat, Francesca,” my father stated. He never seemed to ask. He just expected his demands to be followed, unquestioned. I walked around to one of the two seats in front of his desk. I stared straight at the floor. Still furious with him, I did not want to acknowledge him in any way, and I wanted him to know how angry I felt. 

“So? When shall he call again?” he asked.

I was still refusing to stare at him. “Tomorrow,” I responded sharply. I felt like a horse for sell to the highest bidder. I was being bought as a toy to occupy Mr. Jackson's son. 

“Good! That is very good. I am going to arrange a dinner at the end of this week. I am sure the boy's family will want to meet you.” I nodded my head. I sat there silently all the while focusing on the floor.
 

“You may go.” I jumped up and was out the door before he could speak another word.

I was about to walk outside when I saw Conner waiting on the porch. I smiled to myself at the sight of him waiting for me until I heard a woman’s laugh. I leave him by himself and Madison was already moving in. My stomach rolled as I observed them together. With everything going on with my father and Nicholas, I knew that I had no right to be upset, but knowing it and feeling it were two completely different things.

I stood inside the door, watching. I was not close enough to hear what they were saying, but I could not turn away. Part of me wanted to go out there and scream accusations. Another wanted to run away from the scene, but I could do neither. All I could do was observe. When Madison got up and left, I waited a moment before making my way to the porch, trying my best to not make it obvious that I had witnessed their conversation.

“Well, where do you want to go, my love?” I smiled his words made me feel cocooned in warmth. I tried to forget about Nicholas and Madison and just be there in that moment with Connor.

“Our place,” I said with as much love in my voice as I could muster. I held out my hand to him. I felt his fingers tighten around mine and together we made our way to our safe place in the woods.
 

“I am surprised that you found the time to be with me today.” I hinted trying not to sound hostile. The memory of Madison on the porch with Connor raced to the front of my mind.

“I always have time for you.” 

“Even with Madison bidding for your attention? I am so pleased you could fit me in on your dance card.” Oh my, that reeked of jealousy, but I could not help it. I was jealous, with every fiber of my being.

Conner turned, his blue eye piercing straight into mine. I expected him to be angry at my words but he just raised an eyebrow with a crooked grin on his lips. “Francesca, I already told you, no one compares to you.” He made his way to me wrapping his warm arms around my body. His sweet scent consumed my senses. “I love you. It has only and will always be you.” His lips touched mine and I became overwhelmed in the sensation and feeling of Conner. I wrapped my arm around his neck pulling him in deeper.

* * *

I was sitting on the porch across from Nicholas, with my thoughts on Conner and what a wonderfully amazing night we shared together.

In our sanctuary in the woods, he had sweetly removed all my clothing, along with his. Lifting me into his arms, he carried me into the water. We played and splashed one another, exploring each other’s bodies in the daylight, which was a first for us. I had only ever seen his bared skin in the moonlight. There was definitely something to seeing him in the daylight where every curve and edge was laid out to see. Then he made love to me in the water. Neither of us holding back like we normally did in his room, for fear we would be found out. We screamed and moaned until we both peaked together. My muscles tightened around him as he filled my body with the warm satisfaction of his pleasure. It was completely earth-shattering, so we repeated the process all over again.

Nicholas was talking to me about something, but I had no clue what. His voice seemed to drone on making it easy to ignore. My mind drifted back to Conner. After dinner, he walked me to my room and kissed me good night.

Leaning in close to me, he whispered, “Come to me.”
 

I looked into his pale blue eyes. They were filled with so much want and desire that I could barely make it into my room and wait for everyone to go to bed.

“Always,” I whispered so softly. His lips pressed feather light against mine.

When there were no sounds coming from the house, I was rapidly out my room and into Conner's. He grabbed me as soon as I stepped foot through the door, like he had been standing there waiting for me. His arms went around me and ripped my night gown from me as I tore his shirt from him.
 

His mouth was hot on mine as he tried to guide me to the bed, all while removing his pants. Once he discarded them, too consumed with his desire to make it to the bed, he reached around lifting me up by my thighs. I instinctively wrapped my legs and arms around him. Gripping myself to him, he pushed me up against the wall.
 

I groaned with delight at his forcefulness. Conner then seized my hips raising me into the air then gradually brought me down around him. I gasped as our bodies melted into one. Locking my ankles around his back I clutched him to me harder not wanting the space between us to grow any more than what he needed to move within me. Keeping me pinned to the wall with his hips, Conner kissed my lips and neck while he busied his hands with my breast. He lightly teased and pinched them.
 

I came apart, hard around him as wave after wave of uncontrollable pleasure crashed over me. Conner even covered my mouth afraid the whole house would hear me. He wrapped his arms around my back keeping our bodies locked together he carried me over to the bed, laying us both down.
 

He thrust himself hard into me hitting the perfect pleasure spot, causing desire to build in me again.
 

I felt the warmth of pleasure fill me, forcing me over the edge causing me to plummet a second time. Blissful exhaustion took me over, as I drifted off dreaming of Conner while still wrapped around him.

* * *

I tried to focus on what Nicholas was saying but I just could not stay engaged. He was speaking of his family when Steven and Conner opened the front door exiting the house. My eyes fell on Conner instantly and my face lit up with delight. He winked at me, giving me my favorite half smile. I could not help but smile back at him. I caught Steven rolling his eyes at us at our obvious banter.
 

“Who is that?”
 

My bubble of happiness was broken. In that brief moment, I had completely forgotten about Nicholas. I focused my sights back on him, wiping the smile from my face.
 

“Excuse me?” I asked. He pointed over to where Steven and Conner were. “Oh! The one in front is my stepbrother Steven,” I muttered reaching for my glass.
 

“And the other man with him?” He eyed Connor suspiciously. What could I say? Oh, no one, just the man who has my body and soul in a way that no one else ever will. No, that just did not seem like a good answer. The vaguest truth seemed the easiest.
 

“That is Conner.” I tried my best to hide the thrill in my voice when I spoke of him, “He is a friend of Stevens from the university.” I buried my face in my glass of lemonade hoping with my mouth busy gulping down my drink that Nicholas would not bother with any more questions. He continued to eye them both for another moment before turning his attention back to me.
 

“I am going to go, but I will see you and your family tomorrow at dinner.” He said before kissing my hand goodbye. I watched him walk down to the stables and over to where Conner and Steven were standing. His eyes were glued to them as he made his way past, to retrieve his horse.
Oh no
. Whatever Nicholas seemed to suspect, I knew it would lead to no good.

Chapter 16

Jealousy

I was waiting in my room for the house to go to sleep so I could make my nightly visit to Conner's room when there was a soft rap at my door.
 

If I had not been listening so hard for any sound that suggested the house was still stirring, I might not have heard it. My first thought was who could it be? I did not think it was Conner. He knew that I would be along shortly and he would especially not want to risk it with not everyone asleep.

While sitting there puzzled wondering who it was the knock came again slightly louder. I got up from my bed making my way across the room. 

“Francesca?” I heard my name whispered and I recognized the voice immediately. I cracked open the heavy wooden door, to see Madison standing on the other side.

“What are you doing Maddy?” I asked.

She sighed, “I am lonely. I thought I would bunk with you. You know like we used to do when we were children.”

Oh no.
This was not good. I did not want Madison in here. If she stayed here there would be no way I would be able to sneak out to see Conner. The risk would be too great. After spending most of my day with Nicholas, I really was looking forward to being with Conner and having him help me forget.

She pushed her way in the room, not waiting for an invitation. I had forgotten we were still standing at the threshold on the room. Madison laid down on my bed, making herself at home.

“Come on Francesca. Let me stay the night. We can talk about things. With your recent almost engagement, we have not had the time to really catch up.”

“Madison, I would love to, but I have had a long day and I really do not like sharing my bed. I have become a bed hog.” I said in all honesty. When I slept with Conner I made it so there was never any space between us. So staying on my designated side of the bed never happened.

“Alright. Then I will not stay the night, but please can we just talk and catch up.”

I hated to deny her and I knew that she was right. We have not really had a moment to catch up like we normally did. I did not want to tell her that it was not the fact of Nicholas coming into my life so soon after her arrival, but the fact that I did not like her throwing herself at Conner. I hated the jealousy I felt towards her.

I sighed, “What do you want to talk about?” 

She shrilled like a small child excited about finally getting their way. “But I warn you Maddy, I cannot be all night. I am ready for bed.”
Conner’s bed,
I thought to myself.

“No, of course not. I understand,” she stammered.

I made my way onto the bed lying next to her. It was nice us being like this. Just being a girl enjoying time with her closet cousin. Every time when she would come to visit, we would spend most of our time together talking, gossiping, and getting into trouble. This was the first time she had visited since my mother had passed and it was also the first time that we did not try to spend every waking moment with each other and most of the nocturnal.

“I saw you with Nicholas today,” she confessed. “I have to say, I am the tiniest bit jealous.”

I turned, confused, looking Madison straight in the face. It was like someone telling me the grass was not green or the sky was not blue. Madison jealous. Of me? Of Nicholas? It made no sense. Madison was absolutely gorgeous in a way that I wished I was. How could she possibly be jealous of me?

“What?” Was all I could think to say. She really had me completely speechless.

“Nicholas is a looker, Francesca. I wish I had someone like that wanting my attention.” She smiled at me. “Of course there is always Conner.” My eyebrows furrowed together. I did not like where this was going. “Oh, come on Francesca! Just because you have the handsome Nicholas Jackson, does not mean that you are suddenly blind to any other man. He has been here for several weeks now and I know you have spent some time with. Surely you are quite aware that Conner Edwards is a handsome man.”

I turned looking anywhere but at Madison at that moment. “Yes, he is.” We both went quiet after that. I did not want to talk about Conner with Madison. She would want my help to get him to notice her and I definitely did not want any part of that. I knew it was wrong for me to still want him all to myself even with being promised to marry someone else. I should want him to find happiness even if I was not the one to give it to him, but I could not. Especially not with Madison. I loved him. I knew that was selfish and I would deal with the guilt later, but right now I just could not give him up.

I told Madison I was tired. Maybe she saw something that indicated I was finished talking because she did not argue. She said good night, leaving the room completely quiet once again.

I waited a few minutes, giving Madison time to get to her room and get settled before making my way to Conner's room. The rest of the house had quieted down during her time in my room.
 

“You are late,” he mumbled sleepily, when I crawled into bed with him. His arms wrapped around me instantly. I snuggled into him just breathing him in. Being close to him and having his scent around me eased all the troubles of the day.

“I am sorry. I almost did not make it here.” I raised my head looking into Conner's eyes. “Madison came to visit me.” I watched his expression unchanging. “Apparently she wanted to talk boys with me.”

He raised one eyebrow in a questioning way. “Oh really?”

“Yes, but we wrapped it up. Then I had to wait for her to go to bed.”

He leaned close, placing a light kiss on my forehead. I released a deep sigh. I had wanted to lose myself in him, but now I was just content to have him hold me all night, which is
precisely what he did. 

The following night at dinner, my father made some changes to the seating arrangement. Mr. Nicholas Jackson Sr. took my regular seat to my father's left, I was sure so they could discuss the new business ventures they would take after their children married. Mrs. Cynthia Jackson took Lilly's spot to my father's right. Lilly sat next to her. Madison to Lilly's right and Nicholas Jr. next to her. Steven took the chair next to Nicholas Sr., Conner to his left, with me next to him.
 

As I had assumed, the men discussed business, the women talked over hobbies, such as Lilly's quilt club. Steven chimed in to the men's conversation, I am sure so as not to draw attention over to myself and Conner, who had my hand on his knee, palm up running his finger in small delicate motions. I savored every touch. It was more enjoyable knowing that we could be caught. Steven's eyes had spotted what we were doing but he quickly turned away. He was keeping his word on trying to help us keep our secret even if we were not being as cautious as we should.
 

I bit my lip nervously as Conner returned to his tantalizing touches. I felt eyes on me. Looking up I noticed Nicholas staring at me contemplating something. Releasing my lip, I caught Conner's fingers forcing him to follow my line of sight. He flipped my hand placing it palm down against his thigh.
 

When I tried to reclaim it he abruptly placed his hand over mine not allowing me to move. We both ate dinner that night with only one hand.

My father escorted the Jackson family to the door bidding them good night. Once the door shut, he went on about how wonderful the union was going to be, not just for me finding a good, suitable husband but him a fine partner in business. I could still hear him going on and on about it as I made my way to my room.

I waited longer than normal that night for the house to get quiet. My father went on for some time before retiring. His deep voice had filled the halls with enthusiasm.

I crept down the hall to Conner's room. He welcomed me into his bed. After all the teasing and quiet touches at dinner, I had one thing on my mind.

I slowly placed long, deep kisses along the side of his jaw leading down his neck. I felt Conner's hands slide up my body.
Oh no
. After all the playful touching during dinner, it was his turn. I grabbed his hands, pressed them down to the bed and held them there. He looked confused at first then smiled his brilliant half grin. I went back to kissing his neck. I put a little more pressure, carefully sucking a small amount of skin in between my lips during each kiss. 

He groaned with pleasure. Straddling him, I was constrained by my night gown. So I dragged it up, bunching it around my hips, then immediately went back to his neck moving to the opposite side. I could feel his body stiffen with enjoyment from my teasing. I released his hands. Carefully, I undid one button of his shirt at a time. After each button, I would kiss the small amount of skin showing before idly moving to the next one.
 

Once the shirt was undone, I started from right above his pants licking up his chest gently over every defined muscle, all the way up his neck, stopping at his ear. Conner gasped.
 I sucked on his earlobe, softly scraping my teeth against it like he had done to me so many times. His hands slid up my legs, forcing my nightgown higher. I grabbed them, again pinning them to the bed.

“Francesca...” he sighed, like someone trying to persuade you would say, “Come on.”

I looked at his face, seeing the aching lust in his eyes along with frustration from not being allowed to participate. I leaned in as if I was going to kiss him then jerked my head to his neck pressing my lips to it with light suction. He gasped in shock, but I think it was more pleasure.

For a few moments, I continued the light play on his neck when all of a sudden I sat up. Carefully, I scooted down his legs then I delicately scraped my finger nails down his chest. Not enough to hurt him. His back arched off the bed and his reaction trilled me. I kissed along the line of his trousers on his stomach, while my fingers smoothly undid them.

Conner sat up instantly, wrapping his arms around me not able to wait any longer. He pulled me close to him locking his lips to mine. I did not have the willpower to stop him anymore. His finger swiftly found the hem of my night gown, ripping it over my head. 

Conner's lips collided with mine forcing his tongue through them. I opened my mouth letting him in, allowing his sweet taste to fill me. His hands trailed up and down my back, causing a small chill of desire to spread across my skin.

I had wanted to cause him to feel overwhelmed with desire, like he did to me all the time. Now it turned around on me. Everything I caused to build in him he was returning back to me, amplified. 

I felt Conner's hand drift in between us. He adjusted me then slid me gently onto him. My head fell back with the simple pleasure of our bodies merging in to one. It gave Conner access to my neck which he took full advantage of it. His lips and tongue glided up the column of my neck.
 

He had one arm wrapped around my back with the other resting on my hip. He began moving my body against his. Slowly up and down. I placed my hands on his shoulder to help with the movement. A moan of pleasure escaped my mouth, while Conner's lips were still busy kissing along the contours of my neck. Our skin pressed against one another as our bodies moved together. It was as if we were sharing one mind. His body moved and mine responded.
 

“God I love you so much, Conner.”

Conner wrapped both arms around my back, while his body poured into mine. My muscles clenched around him and I cried out as my erotic bliss consumed me. We clung to each other riding out the waves of satisfaction, until both our bodies calmed. We fell against the bed in one seamless motion.

Arms still entangled with one another, our bodies still connected, we drifted off into immediate sleep.