ClownFellas (10 page)

At the end of the birthday party, Jimmy Bozo was nowhere to be found. He disappeared while the other clowns did their bits for the guests, sneaking off to cause who knew what trouble. Vinnie and his boys tried to be discreet as they searched the senator's home, but it was obvious to the staff that something was up.

“He's upstairs,” Rizzo said.

Vinnie followed Hats up to the third floor where he'd heard the drunken laughter of Jimmy and his boys.

“That idiot…,” Vinnie said when he realized the noises were coming from the master bedroom.

When they opened the door, Vinnie and Hats saw the purebreds taking laughy-gas and giggling in a euphoric daze. Tickles was digging through a jewelry box, stuffing diamond necklaces and gold earrings down his baggy polka-dot pants. Spanky was squishing his big red nose into a pair of pink panties he got from the hamper, sniffing deeply. And Jimmy Bozo was sprawled out on the bed, taking long hits of laughy-gas as he counted stacks of money he'd taken from the senator's safe.

They didn't even notice Vinnie and Hats enter the room until they heard him say, “What the hell do you think you're doing?”

Spanky and Tickles froze in place. Just the look on the capo's face was enough to sober them up. But Jimmy didn't care. He continued counting the money, giggling in a cloud of laughy-gas vapor.

Vinnie went to the clown prince and ripped the money out of his hands. “Are you fucking nuts?”

“What?” Jimmy said. “I have to ask you before I rob a guy now?”

“Yes, exactly,” Vinnie said. “You're a part of my crew. You don't do squat without clearing it with me first.”

“Fuck you, Blue Nose.”

Hats grabbed the kid by the scruff of his shirt and pulled him to his feet. “That's your capo you're talking to, you little shit. Show him the proper respect.”

Jimmy pulled away from Hats. “You're not paying me for this job so I got to make it worth my time somehow.”

“
None
of us is making money here,” Vinnie said. “We're doing this as a favor. The senator's relationship with the Bozo Family will pay off later on.” Vinnie held up a stack of cash. “Unless you blow it to get a little pocket change.”

“He wouldn't have found out it was us,” Jimmy said.

“Who do you think he would suspect, his politician friends or the known criminals who continuously disrespected him at his own party?”

Jimmy broke eye contact and sneered at the floor. Vinnie could tell the clown was fighting the urge to throw a punch at him.

Vinnie looked at Spanky and Tickles. “Put everything back.”

The two purebreds didn't move. They looked at Jimmy, waiting for him to tell them what to do, but he didn't look back at them.

“Now!” Vinnie demanded. Then the two clowns jumped straight to work, emptying out their pockets and gathering the cash from the bed. “I don't want there to be a single sign that any of you was ever in here.”

Jimmy didn't do a thing to help his associates. He just stood there, his cherry-colored eyes glaring at the floor.

“I'm not telling your father about this,” Vinnie said.

“Why not?”

“Because it's my job to keep my men in line, not his. I respect his time too much for that.”

Jimmy laughed, shaking his head as if he couldn't believe how much of a kiss-ass the capo was.

Vinnie continued, “When you're in my crew, you're not the boss's son anymore. Get used to that idea. You're my underling. And you're going to have to start acting like my underling.”

“Or what?”

“Or you're going to stay a worthless screwup the rest of your life.”

Jimmy Bozo said he knew a safer way out of the French clown neighborhood. Vinnie should've known better than to listen to him. After ten minutes of following Jimmy's directions, they were lost.

“It's a couple blocks farther,” Jimmy said. “Just keep going.”

“You have no idea what you're talking about,” Vinnie said.

“Look, I used to date a girl from this side of town. I've been here dozens of times before.”

“How long ago was that?”

“I don't know. Maybe ten years ago. It doesn't matter. I know what I'm talking about.”

It was true Jimmy had dated a French clown girl ten years back, but that was long before Le Mystère took over the place. The neighborhood had changed a lot since then.

“Well, if we keep going this way we're going to end up in The Sideshow.”

“We're
not
going to end up in The Sideshow. Don't even joke about something like that.”

“What, are you scared of The Sideshow?”

“Who the hell
isn't
scared of that place?”

They went a few more blocks, traveling in silence. Jimmy read every street sign they passed. The look on his face grew increasingly confused. While the clown prince tried to figure out where they were and how to get back home, Vinnie examined the surroundings. Something didn't feel right to him.

Vinnie pulled over. “We need to stop.”

“What's wrong?” Jimmy asked.

“I don't know.”

“What do you mean you don't know?”

Vinnie looked in the rearview mirror.

“I think we're being followed.”

Jimmy looked behind them. “What are you talking about? There's not another car on the road.”

“It's just a feeling. It's probably nothing.”

Vinnie got out of the car.

“Where are you going?”

“Wait here. I'm going to ask for directions.”

“Are you kidding me? Who the heck asks for directions anymore?”

“I do.”

Vinnie walked a block down to a convenience store on the corner. The lights were on. The sign said
OPEN
.
The hours said it never closed. But the door was locked. He couldn't see anyone inside.

He knocked three times on the glass and waited for an answer, assuming the clerk was probably in the back taking a nap. But nobody came out. The street was cold and quiet except for the sound of the clown car's engine rumbling down the block.

Before Vinnie returned to the vehicle, a squeaky sound echoed the streets. It was the sound of a bicycle wheel that needed oiling. Vinnie turned around, but the street was empty. He lit a cotton candy cigarette and headed back to the car. The squeaky sound returned. Vinnie listened carefully. The noise came from behind him, but not at street level. It was above him. Perhaps it was coming out of one of the apartment windows.

The sound followed him all the way back to the car.

“We've got company,” Vinnie told the clown in the passenger seat.

Jimmy had dozed off for a moment. He lifted his head and wiped spit from the side of his red face. “Huh?”

Vinnie looked in the rearview mirror. A clown on a unicycle was riding along the telephone wire like a tightrope. He tilted the mirror to see another clown riding a matching unicycle along the edge of an apartment building. They both moved slowly, their wheels squeaking as they pedaled.

“It's them,” Vinnie said.

“Who?” Jimmy had no idea what he was talking about. He looked back to see the clowns riding above them. They were juggling glass bottles, tossing them back and forth to each other across the street.

“The Juggler Brothers,” Vinnie said.

“What?” Jimmy looked more carefully, wondering if they might be some other pair of identical juggling clowns riding unicycles. “Are you sure it's them?”

“Somebody must've tipped them off.”

The juggling clowns didn't acknowledge them at all, focusing on their juggling and balance, staring straight ahead as if they were completely unaware of a world below them. They passed them by without even looking at the clown car, squeaking slowly over them. The sound of glass bottles smacking against the palms of their hands echoed through the street.

For a moment, Vinnie wondered if it was just a coincidence that the Juggler Brothers were there. Perhaps they just happened to be out riding in the middle of the night. Or perhaps one of their friends saw the Bozos driving in their territory and called them up. Perhaps the way they rode their unicycles overhead was just their warning to get off their turf. But Vinnie didn't believe in coincidences.

“Get down!” Vinnie yelled as an explosion of fire erupted on the hood of the clown car.

The clowns on the unicycles weren't just juggling glass bottles. They were Molotov cocktails. As they passed them back and forth, one of them lit the ends and the other pitched them at the car below.

“Get out of here!” Jimmy cried.

Vinnie hit the gas. Another cocktail shattered on the roof of the car, covering them in flames. They were like a ball of fire racing down the street. The Juggler Brothers followed after.

Jimmy Bozo was a dangerous clown to be around. Most people in the family steered clear of him. He had the bad habit of getting into trouble and getting people killed. The two clowns who worked under him, Tickles Valentino and Spanky Carbone, had no idea how much they shortened their life spans by joining Jimmy's crew. It was only a matter of time before they found themselves with bullets in their heads.

It was a few weeks after the incident at the senator's birthday party when Vinnie paid them a visit. The two clowns lived together in a small apartment a couple of blocks away from Jimmy's place. It was where Jimmy wanted them to live, so they'd always be nearby if he needed them.

“Blue Nose?” Spanky asked the second he opened the door.

It wasn't every day that a capo paid a visit to a couple of turks. In fact, it was rare that capos even knew the names of low-ranking clowns like these.

“Is Tickles here with you?” Vinnie asked.

“Yeah, he's in the back, taking a shi—” Spanky stopped and corrected himself. “I mean, he's going to the bathroom.”

Vinnie smirked. It was amusing to him how respectful they were when Little Bozo wasn't around.

“No disrespect, but what do you want with us?” Spanky asked.

“Get Tickles and come with me,” Vinnie said. “I have some things I want to talk to you guys about.”

When the two turks were ready, they followed Vinnie out to the car. Spotty and Hats were standing out there, waiting for them.

“How you kids doing?” Hats asked.

They froze in their tracks when they saw the smile on Hats's face. They didn't know what to make of the situation.

Tickles said, “Fine. Just fine…”

“Good to hear,” Hats said, opening the door for the turks.

They hesitated at first, but the two did as they were told. They got into the back of the car with the three higher-ranked clowns. As they drove, Vinnie lit a cotton candy cigarette and offered one to each of them. Spanky took one, but Tickles refused.

“Relax, kid,” Hats said to Tickles when he saw the turk visibly shaking. “We're just going for a ride. You've got nothing to be nervous about.”

Spotty drove them out of the neighborhood to nowhere in particular.

“How do you like working for Jimmy?” Vinnie asked the clowns.

They looked at each other.

“It's great,” Spanky said.

“Jimmy's the best,” Tickles said.

“What would you say if I asked you to stop working for him?” Vinnie leaned over to Spanky and lit his cigarette for him.

“You mean you want us to work with you instead of Jimmy?” Spanky asked.

Tickles smiled and nodded. They both clearly loved that idea.

“No,” Vinnie said. “I don't have any use for either of you at the moment.”

“Then what do you mean?” Tickles asked.

“I mean if I asked you to quit working for Jimmy and just walk away, would you do it?”

A look of panic crossed their faces.

“But we like working for the Bozo Family,” Spanky said.

“Yeah, it's all I've ever wanted since I was a kid,” Tickles said.

Vinnie paused to take a long drag off his cotton candy smoke. “I can't tell Jimmy to get rid of either of you. I can only ask him. And I'm sure his answer would be no. But I can ask the two of you. Will you stop working for Jimmy?”

“What did we do wrong?” Spanky asked.

“We've been doing a good job.” Tickles was on the edge of his seat. “Just ask Jimmy. We've been doing great.”

“I know,” Vinnie said. “You've been doing fine. That's not what this is about.”

“Then why?” Tickles asked. “Why do you want us to quit?”

“It's none of your business why,” Hats said, smacking Tickles in the back of his head. “Now answer the capo's question before I get physical with yas.”

Vinnie gave Hats the look to quiet down back there.

“You said it's not up to you, right?” Spanky asked. “You said that if Jimmy doesn't want to get rid of us he doesn't have to.”

“Yeah,” Tickles said. “You can't do nothing to stop Jimmy if he wants us on his crew.”

“So that's your answer?” Vinnie asked.

“Look, we mean no disrespect,” Spanky said. “It's just that working with the Bozos means everything to us. We wouldn't walk away from this. We
couldn't.
It's in our blood.”

Vinnie nodded. “I understand. I'd feel the same way if I were in your shoes. When I was a turk like you guys, nobody could get me to walk away from the Bozo Family no matter what the consequence.”

“You see?” Spanky said, breathing a sigh of relief. “That's
exactly
as we feel.
Nothing
could make me turn my back on Jimmy Bozo. He's like a brother to me.”

“I can tell,” Vinnie said, ashing his cigarette out the window.

“So you're okay with us working with Jimmy?” Tickles asked.

“If you won't leave voluntarily what else can I do?” Vinnie said.

“We'll make you proud,” Spanky said. “You've got nothing to worry about. We're just as loyal to you as we are to Jimmy. We promise.”

“Thanks,” Vinnie said, turning to Spanky and placing a hand on his shoulder. “It's good to know I can count on you.”

Then Hats put a gun to Spanky's ear and pulled the trigger. It was a novelty gun that shot out a sign that read
BANG
.
The sign went in one of Spanky's ears and out the other. As Tickles saw the
BANG
sign sticking out his friend's ear, covered in the clown's brains, he opened his mouth to scream. But before any sound came out, Hats pulled the trigger again. A second sign shot through Tickles's mouth and out the back of his head. The new sign read
DOUBLE BANG.

“What the heck was that?” Spotty cried, wiping blood from his suit. “I thought we were just going to scare them, not whack them.”

Hats lowered the bodies out of view and cleaned the brains off the side of the window.

“Now,
that
was satisfying,” he said. “If only Jimmy's stupid head was right between them my day would be complete.”

Vinnie turned to Spotty. “We needed them gone one way or another.”

“And you really think Little Bozo will fall in line with these guys out of the picture?”

“He'll have no choice,” Vinnie said. “Without these guys to support him, Jimmy will be all alone. The only people he'll have to back him up are
my
people. He'll have to learn to be a team player.”

“Still though,” Spotty said. “They were just kids. Killing them seems kind of…harsh.”

Vinnie shook his head. “It doesn't matter. They were Jimmy's boys. They were going to get killed sooner or later.”

Spotty couldn't argue with him there. But with Tickles and Spanky dead, the danger was now on Blue Nose and his crew.