Coffee at Luke's: An Unauthorized Gilmore Girls Gabfest (Smart Pop Series) (13 page)
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Authors: Jennifer Crusie,Leah Wilson
Tags: #Humor & Entertainment, #Television, #History & Criticism
BOOK: Coffee at Luke's: An Unauthorized Gilmore Girls Gabfest (Smart Pop Series)
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Christopher paid for one and a half years of Yale, bought her a compact OED, a Sidekick, and maybe coffee and food a few times. Score: 25 out of 100.
Luke has provided countless meals at the diner, sporadic household repairs, and the heirloom necklace that belonged to his mother. Score: 5 out of 100.
Luke is always there for Rory. He talks to her often, tries to help when her heart is broken, was there when she had the chicken pox, helped her move to college, talked to her when she wasn’t speaking to her mom, and was quick to help when she was put in jail. Score: 50 out of 100.
Richard is the one she went to when she dropped out of Yale. He gave her a place to live and has made himself available to her if she ever needs anything. Score: 40 out of 100.
Christopher claims to be available, but bails on her at a few crucial points (such as the middle of Sookie’s wedding, when he found out he was having another kid). He would like to believe if Rory really needed him, he would be there, but as much as his geographic location serves as a barrier, it’s really his immaturity that continues to stand in the way. Score: 10 out of 100.
Richard comes out ahead with 140 out of 300, or fulfilling 47 percent of the fatherly duties. Luke is in second place with 115 out of 300, or 38 percent, and Christopher is trailing both of them at a mere 45 out of 300, or 15 percent. Although my emotional and sentimental favorite is Luke, Richard does measure up a little better as a father, at least by the numbers.
But this isn’t a contest, and each of these men has something unique and valuable to bring to the table. Luke is the father of the heart, Richard is the father of the mind, and Christopher is the father of the body. One of them alone is not enough, but together they are Rory’s dad. These men have ensured that Rory has received all the fatherly care and attention she deserves.
From the outset, people assume that
Gilmore Girls
is a series about women, but in fact it’s just as much about men and the roles they play in women’s lives. Each of these men fulfill their own niche, teaching Rory things that her mother cannot impart. And although it takes three of them to fill the role of father, while it takes just one woman to fill the role of mother, this is not because any one of them couldn’t be a perfectly good father to her on his own, but rather because the situation prevents any of them from fully stepping into that role. Because of that, however, Rory really has the best “father” imaginable. Christopher has given her a sense of responsibility, Luke has shown her stability and honor, and Richard has imparted ambition and a love of education. This child of a single teenage mother actually has the strongest and most complete family unit on television, however non-traditional it may technically be.
Gilmore Girls
is a series about women, but in fact it’s just as much about men and the roles they play in women’s lives. Each of these men fulfill their own niche, teaching Rory things that her mother cannot impart. And although it takes three of them to fill the role of father, while it takes just one woman to fill the role of mother, this is not because any one of them couldn’t be a perfectly good father to her on his own, but rather because the situation prevents any of them from fully stepping into that role. Because of that, however, Rory really has the best “father” imaginable. Christopher has given her a sense of responsibility, Luke has shown her stability and honor, and Richard has imparted ambition and a love of education. This child of a single teenage mother actually has the strongest and most complete family unit on television, however non-traditional it may technically be.
Miellyn Fitzwater
writes and produces television promos for TLC series, including
Miami Ink
and
What Not to Wear.
She has an essay included in the Random House anthology
Twentysomething Essays by Twentysomething Writers.
She has also penned and produced several independent short movies. She lives in Washington, D.C., with her very own “Luke” and their three plants. Miellyn not so secretly wants to be Amy Sherman-Palladino when she grows up.
Second Hamlet to the Right: Stars Hollow
Sara Morrison
Your Guide to the Real Stars Hollow Business World
TAYLOR: You would knock the crutch out from under Tiny Tim, wouldn’t you?LUKE: If he asked for a free cup of coffee, Gimpy’s goin’ down. (“They Shoot Gilmores, Don’t They?” 3-7)Ever wonder how the Black, White, and Read Bookstore stays in business? It’s underwritten by fantasy, says Sara Morrison, who gives us a clear-eyed analysis of how the Stars Hollow businesses would fare in the real world. For starters, you can kiss Al’s Pancake World good-bye.
F
ROM THE HOSPITAL in a town that only has one stoplight to its geographically impossible distance from Hartford and New Haven, Stars Hollow has never claimed to have its feet firmly planted in reality. Rather, it thrives in a land of fiction, where Bridgeport (one of the scariest cities ever) has a clean, pleasant, and rather small seaside police station and rich society families live in Hartford (not too far behind Bridgeport on the “scariest cities ever” chart). As for the town itself, with its picturesque streets lined with beautiful brick buildings housing a variety of Mom-and-Pop businesses that somehow provide Lorelai and Rory with all those trendy, perfectly-fitting clothes, well, such places really only exist in our fantasies. And on the Warner Brothers backlot.
ROM THE HOSPITAL in a town that only has one stoplight to its geographically impossible distance from Hartford and New Haven, Stars Hollow has never claimed to have its feet firmly planted in reality. Rather, it thrives in a land of fiction, where Bridgeport (one of the scariest cities ever) has a clean, pleasant, and rather small seaside police station and rich society families live in Hartford (not too far behind Bridgeport on the “scariest cities ever” chart). As for the town itself, with its picturesque streets lined with beautiful brick buildings housing a variety of Mom-and-Pop businesses that somehow provide Lorelai and Rory with all those trendy, perfectly-fitting clothes, well, such places really only exist in our fantasies. And on the Warner Brothers backlot.
In this ideal world of bucolic perfection, life is easy for business owners. There are no franchise or chain stores to worry about when you’re on a television show that can’t use trademarks, so restaurants and grocery stores can flourish free from the specters of McDonald’s and Stop & Shop. Their only problem, really, is that they have to hire Kirk over and over again despite his obvious inability to keep a job and his general weirdness, which tends to upset customers. One must wonder: How would Stars Hollow commerce do in the real world, where it would have to deal with real competition and a consumer base that needed it for its services and not solely to advance a storyline? As an amateur economist and former Connecticut small town resident myself, I feel I am uniquely qualified to answer this question.
Let’s see how Stars Hollow commerce would do in the real world.
Let’s start with the business run by one of the titular Gilmore Girls herself: Lorelai’s Dragonfly Inn, purchased quite literally over its previous owner’s dead body at the end of the third season and opened at the beginning of the fifth. Featured on the cover of
American Travel
magazine, the Dragonfly seems to be quite successful: it has a steady stream of customers and can afford to keep Michel employed despite his barely concealed contempt for everyone around him. In the real world, however, I’m not sure how well the Dragonfly would do. Stars Hollow doesn’t seem to be much of a destination place, although it would certainly attract people looking to get away from the noise and dirt of the big city for a quiet weekend of antique shopping. I must also admit that my knowledge of successful small town inns and hotels isn’t so great; the town I grew up in didn’t have any inns or hotels, although it did have a string of trucker motels along the turnpike that could either be rented by the hour or the week. The Dragonfly Inn’s a different kind of place. I do think it would succeed as a smaller bed and breakfast, but I don’t know that the gourmet restaurant it houses would be as viable. Sorry, Sookie, but it’s hard enough to find people willing to pay for four-star food in a big city, and Stars Hollow is a bit too remote to draw many outsiders there just for that. Even if it did, it surely couldn’t attract enough to cover Sookie’s high accident insurance premiums.
American Travel
magazine, the Dragonfly seems to be quite successful: it has a steady stream of customers and can afford to keep Michel employed despite his barely concealed contempt for everyone around him. In the real world, however, I’m not sure how well the Dragonfly would do. Stars Hollow doesn’t seem to be much of a destination place, although it would certainly attract people looking to get away from the noise and dirt of the big city for a quiet weekend of antique shopping. I must also admit that my knowledge of successful small town inns and hotels isn’t so great; the town I grew up in didn’t have any inns or hotels, although it did have a string of trucker motels along the turnpike that could either be rented by the hour or the week. The Dragonfly Inn’s a different kind of place. I do think it would succeed as a smaller bed and breakfast, but I don’t know that the gourmet restaurant it houses would be as viable. Sorry, Sookie, but it’s hard enough to find people willing to pay for four-star food in a big city, and Stars Hollow is a bit too remote to draw many outsiders there just for that. Even if it did, it surely couldn’t attract enough to cover Sookie’s high accident insurance premiums.
Chances of Survival: 25%
Luke’s diner is a popular place in Stars Hollow, but much of that is a function of it being a place for characters to congregate and advance the plot. If a Friendly’s moved into town, I don’t know if Luke’s could compete. His best chance would be to turn it into a twenty-four hour diner, thereby becoming the only place in town open after the bars close. Drunk people at three in the morning and old people at six in the morning tend to be the majority of the small-town diner’s customer base. The fact that Luke’s diner has been around for a while does figure well into its chances of success, as small-town people tend to be loyal creatures of habit and would therefore continue to patronize him instead of some fancy new franchise. Unless, of course, the fancy franchise had significantly better prices and better hours. Then again, Luke’s diner has one thing the fancy franchises don’t: local diner pancakes. Thick, fluffy, and cooked in an impossible-to-duplicate bouquet of greases from whatever was previously cooked on the griddle (most likely bacon, eggs, and a turkey melt), you just can’t beat ’em. Luke’s diner may not get much business during dinner hours, but would probably do enough business during breakfast to stay open.
Chances of Survival: 70%
Better known as the place where Lorelai gets coffee when she’s mad at Luke, this upscale place—and all the other coffee shops like it that have sprung up in Stars Hollow to enable Lorelai’s coffee addiction—wouldn’t stand a chance against Dunkin’ Donuts. Even Lorelai would defect eventually, as their coffee is great. And mark my words, there
would
be a Dunkin’ Donuts in that town. My town has managed to support at least two Dunkin’ Donuts in its confines. Two Dunkin’ Donuts, but no fancy coffee shops. We did have a bakery once, but, much like Fran’s in Stars Hollow, it closed when its owner died. The building is still sitting there on a main drag, using up valuable real estate, and will probably remain there for years to come—until it’s finally taken over by another Dunkin’ Donuts.
would
be a Dunkin’ Donuts in that town. My town has managed to support at least two Dunkin’ Donuts in its confines. Two Dunkin’ Donuts, but no fancy coffee shops. We did have a bakery once, but, much like Fran’s in Stars Hollow, it closed when its owner died. The building is still sitting there on a main drag, using up valuable real estate, and will probably remain there for years to come—until it’s finally taken over by another Dunkin’ Donuts.
Chances of Survival: 5%
Though this may seem like the kind of niche market that wouldn’t do well in a small town, I think Stars Hollow Music would be one of its more profitable businesses. This is because it has a reliable and renewable pool of customers: school children. In my school, starting in fourth grade we were given an option to play an instrument in the school band or join the school chorus. No one wanted to join the school chorus. The local music store did big business every year renting out instruments to parents who wanted to encourage their children’s musical enrichment but didn’t want to shell out to buy an instrument unless they were sure of their kids’ devotion to the craft (the time it took for this to happen varied depending on whether the instrument was a cheap flute or a pricey saxophone, but it was at least a few years). Cha-ching! Another draw to Stars Hollow Music is the fact that famous musician Carole King works there, although she can be very cranky at times and insists on going by the name Sophie.
Chances of Survival: 95%
Stars Hollow Books, on the other hand, is the type of niche market that would not do well. The problem with small town book stores is that they’re never big enough to have the book you’re looking for. With bigger chain bookstores having a much better selection, lower prices, and being within a relatively short driving distance, Stars Hollow Books probably wouldn’t stand a chance. Not to mention competition from online retailers and the local library (Connecticut tends to fund its public libraries well, something I really miss now that I live in Los Angeles, which does not). There’s also the fact that most small-town residents hate reading and wouldn’t set foot in a bookstore unless it sold adult magazines. Stars Hollow Books might be able to survive if it switched to selling rare old books and jumped on the antiques bandwagon small Connecticut towns are generally known for, but that’s probably its only chance.
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