Color Blind (16 page)

Chapter
18

Distraction

Camryn

“So, where to?” I ask Luka.

“Today is about you. So I thought we’d go
to the beach.”

           
“Luka,
it’s not exactly beach weather,” I say, frowning.

           
“There’re
other things we can do at the beach that don’t involve getting in the water.
Trust me.”

           
I
trust Luka, implicitly. So we hop in his SUV and start driving toward the
oceanfront.

           
He
cuts his eyes toward me as he drives. His big hands take up so much more real
estate on a steering wheel than mine do, and I watch them in fascination.

           
“Are
you okay?” he asks.

           
“I’m
confused,” I admit. “I finally answered a text from Cooper a little while ago.”

           
I
see the little muscle in his jaw clench and unclench. Once, twice. Then he lets
out a breath and glances at me.

           
“And?”

           
“And
he wants a chance to explain. And all I can think about is what Brandon said
about giving him the benefit of the doubt. At least giving him the chance to
explain himself.”

           
“I
might murder Brandon,” he mutters. “I don’t really get that though, Cam. We all
have eyes and we all saw what we saw. He was kissing another girl. What kind of
explanation can he possibly have that will make the hurt from that go away?”
Luka speaks through gritted teeth.

           
“I
don’t know,” I admit. “I’m not going into it with an expectation of him
explaining the incident away. I just…I don’t know. I want to think better than
this of him. Is that stupid?”

           
“No,”
he answers. “Nothing you do is stupid, Princess.
 
When are you going to talk to him?”

He maneuvers the car into a parallel
meter spot on the street.

           
“I
don’t know yet. I told him I’d text him after I spent a nice, relaxing day with
you.”

           
Luka
grins. “You told him you were with me?”

           
“Well,
he saw us leaving school together. I couldn’t exactly hide it, could I?”

           
“Nope,”
he says. “I bet he’s going crazy. And maybe it’s petty. But that makes me very,
very happy.”

           
He
gets out of the car and walks around to my side, opening my door.

           
“Come
on,” he instructs. “We have some relaxing to do.”

           
We
walk along the nearly empty sidewalk, peering into shop windows as we pass.
This time of year, tourist season is over and the once-busy streets are quiet
and melancholy. Living in a tourist town in the winter is depressing. We stroll
down Ocean Avenue together in a comfortable silence.

Luka doesn’t reach for my hand, and I’m
glad because I don’t want to have to hurt his feelings all over again. I’m sure
what’s going to happen with Cooper and me. But I’m not going to jump into anything
with Luka because I miss my boyfriend. He was right the night of Cooper and
Lilly’s kiss. I’m not ready for that yet.

I may never be. Not when Cooper takes my
heart with him wherever he goes.

We stop outside a pizza restaurant almost
involuntarily. The aroma wafting under our noses makes my mouth water: tomato
sauce, oregano, and dough baking in a fired brick oven.

“Yum,” I say hungrily.

“You’re hungry?” Luka asks. “You didn’t
get to finish your lunch, did you?”

I shake my head and he pulls me inside.

           
“Lunch
is on me then, “ he says. “Let’s get a pizza.”

           
Once
seated, with our large sausage and pepperoni order in, we sit and sip our
drinks, staring out at the sidewalk and the beach beyond.

“I love living here,” I admit. “But I
can’t wait to leave it and chase my dreams in the big city.”

           
He
grins. “That’s exactly what I picture you doing. Have you applied to colleges
yet?”

           
“Yeah,
only in New York. If I don’t get into one, oh well. I’ll just work and go to
auditions. That’s what I really want to do, anyway.” I sip my Sprite.

           
“You,
not get into a college? Please. You’re brilliant. They’ll just have to take one
look at your transcripts to realize that.”

           
“What
about you, Luka? I know you have scholarship offers. When’s the big
announcement of who you’re signing with?”

           
He
rolls his eyes. “Big announcement, huh? I don’t see why everyone cares. Brandon
and I are going to the same school. We know that much. So we’ll make the
announcement together in a few weeks.”

           
“That’s
so exciting! I can’t wait to hear what you decide.”

           
“Yeah,”
he says. His face falls.
 
“It’s
going to be pretty awful though, not having you around next year.”

“I haven’t been around the past few
years, either.”

           
“No,”
he answers. “That’s not true. We haven’t been hanging out until this year, but
I always knew you were around. And I always got to carry around the hope that
one day I’d have you in my life.”

“We’ll keep in touch,” I promise. Our
server brings our check, and Luka hands her a very big bill before getting up
from his seat. I would offer to split the check, but I know it’s pointless.

           
“You’re
damn right, we will.”

           
We
walk outside, heading lazily in the direction of his Mercedes.

           
“You
ready to head back to reality?” he asks. “Because if you’re not, I’ll be glad
to keep you busy the rest of the day.”

           
“No,
I’m ready,” I answer truthfully. “No reason to keep reality waiting. It always
catches up to you eventually.”

           
After
settling in the passenger seat of the car, I pull out my phone to text Cooper.

           
Camryn:
 
You going to Sarah’s party this weekend?

           
I don’t have to wait long. He texts back
right away.

           
Cooper:
 
i’ll
be there
if you’re there. I only want to be where you are, cam.

           
I exhale. Even his typed words make my
heart flutter.

           
Camryn:
 
I’ll be there.

           
Cooper:
 
you want to talk then? It’ll be hard to
wait that long.

           
Camryn:
 
I know. Until then…seashell

Cooper

Seashell. She needs me to bring her back
to reality. She’s feeling overwhelmed and anxious. It’s driving me crazy that
she won’t let me be there to talk her through this. Until Friday night rolls
around, I’m helpless in this situation.

I’m not one to accept helpless normally,
or to use it as an excuse.
 
I’ve
been dealt an unfortunate hand all of my life, and I always take things into my
own hands. I took care of my mom when I could. I kept my grades up in school. I
worked so I could afford my own wheels.

Basically, everything I have, I have
because I’d come up with a way to get it myself. I’m not going to be able to
just turn that off.

           
I
try to imagine how I’d feel if I’d seen Cam kissing Luka. Red-hot rage boils up
in my blood, and I have to take deep breaths to settle my blood pressure. It
wouldn’t feel good, that’s for damn sure. So imagining how she’s feeling makes
me itch to go to her and explain everything. Explain that I don’t want Lilly
and I never wanted that kiss.

           
All
I want is Camryn. I want her in every way.

I love her. And she doesn’t even know it.

I pick up my phone, staring at it glistening
silver in my hands. I want to text her and let her know how I’m feeling. Let
her know that she can tell me how she’s feeling.

I lay back on my bed, groaning. That isn’t
what she wants. She wants some space to think. But she’s already spent the day
with Luka today, and the week is young. What if he moves in on her while she’s
decompressing?

I sit straight up again, infuriated.
No
. That isn’t going to happen. I’ll
make sure of it.

I grab my keys and fly down the stairs.
Texting Hunter, I ask for the information I currently need.

***

I wait on the doorstep of the house that is
just as big as my aunt’s. Wondering what it would have been like to grow up
with all of this. It’s hard to imagine just being handed everything your whole
life. I had exactly the opposite.

One of the double doors opens, swinging
wide, and Luka stands just over the threshold.

You better have a damn good reason to be
standing on my doorstep right now,” he growls, stepping out onto the step into
my personal space.

“I want to talk to you. About
my
girl,” I answer just as aggressively.

Luka might be bigger than me, but he doesn’t
scare me. At all. He grew up privileged and blessed his whole life, and I have
a feeling it made him soft.

Me? Not so much.

I push past him and stride into the grand,
marble-tiled foyer. I turn around and see him standing by the open doors, a
snarl on his face.

“
Your
girl? You forfeited that right as soon as you cheated on her, you asshole.”

I blink. “I didn’t cheat on her.”

“The hell you didn’t! We all saw you. The
minute Cam decided to put her trust and her faith in you, you screwed up. I
told her that would happen, and you did me the favor of proving me right.”

“You don’t know shit,” I answer. “You
think you do, but you don’t. I didn’t kiss Lilly. She kissed me, and I pushed
her away almost immediately.”

His arms, which had been crossed over his
chest, drop down to his sides. He opens his mouth as if to speak, and then
closes it again. He believes me.

“I’m
in
love
with Camryn. Do you realize that? We had a misunderstanding. We
will
get past it. I think you know that.
There’s no stopping what Cam and I have, no standing in-between us. So you can
stop trying to get in my way, dude, and just be a friend to her. And I don’t
mean a friend with benefits.”

Anger flashes in his eyes. “I don’t think
of her that way. She’s more than that to me.”

“Doesn’t mater. You. Won’t. Make. A.
Move. Not while she’s hurting, not while I haven’t even had a chance to talk to
her. I won’t have it. Do you understand?”

“I hear what you’re saying. You can talk
to her until you’re blue in the face, but she’s not an idiot. She’ll see
through you. You may think you love her, but I can see it clearly. You’re
hiding things from her. She doesn’t really know you yet. And when she does,
she’ll drop you. Believe that.”

I’m done here. I’m not getting through to
him, but at least he knows how I feel, and that I’ll do something about it if
he moves in on Cam.

“Remember what I said,” I spit, walking
to the door and flinging it open. “Leave my girl alone.”

With that task done, I head back to my
house to finish up my homework for the night and think about how I’m going to
get Camryn to listen to me this weekend.

And take me back.

Chapter
19

Answers

Camryn

I don’t know what Cooper Goode has done
to me, but getting through the week has been pure torture. I’ve seen Cooper and
Lilly at school every day. The odd thing was, I haven’t been watching them
together. It doesn’t seem like they have anything to do with each other. I want
to know why. I’m not in their way anymore.

I pull up to Dara’s mid-size suburban
home and get out of my car, duffle bag in hand. Tonight is Sarah’s annual
birthday bash. The cold air whips around my face as I walk to Dara’s door.
Winter has arrived, and even in our
beachy
town that
means frigid temperatures. Dara’s father lets me in and directs me up to her
room.

“You know where it is,” he says with a
smile.

I had always envied Dara her father. He’s
warm and loving, and totally dedicated to their family. Dara and her brother Zach
are both lucky to have him. I knew that better than anyone.

I barge into her room, where
shes
standing in front of her mirror applying thick
eyeliner.

“I’m going for the smoky-eyed look
tonight,” she says.

“I don’t even know why I’m going to this
thing,” I sigh.

“Um, because we’ve gone every year since
we were thirteen when she started having them? You’re not going to let a
breakup railroad your whole life, Cam. I won’t let you, and neither will Luka.”

With her last sentence comes a knowing
smile.

“There’s nothing going on with us, you
know,” I
remin
her. “I’m not ready.”

“Nothing going on that you realize,
anyway,” she answers.

I hold up two outfits from my bag for a
change of subject. She looks carefully at both, and then points to the one in
my right hand. It’s a tight green
v-neck
sweater and
tight black pants. I pull my black boots out of my bag and put them on over the
pants, and my outfit is complete.

Dara appraises me.

“You look hot,” she announces.

I smile in spite of myself, and return
her appraising stare.
Shes
wearing black tights, a
striped mini-skirt with heels, and a black long-sleeved shirt that plunges low
in the front and back. Killer heels. Model material, as usual.

“You’re gorgeous,” I tell her. “Brandon
is going to lose his mind.”

“That’s the
i
-
dee
-yah,” she sings. “Let’s roll.”

I’ve agreed to stay with Dara tonight
after the party, so we take her car to Sarah’s house.

When we arrive, I look up at the large two-story
house, which is ablaze with lights in every window. Colorful Christmas lights
adorn every available surface, and wreaths hang on all the windows. Sarah’s mom
is a Christmas décor fanatic. The Alba house is decorated from the beginning of
November until well after Christmas, and the house always has more decorations
than I think are really necessary. That’s Sarah’s family, though. Always over
the top.

Walking into the house, we discover that
the party is in full swing. Every year, Sarah’s parents leave the premises for
her party, but they don’t go far. They’ll be back later tonight to make sure
their house is still in tact. But this year, I have a feeling they’ll come back
to more of a wreck than usual.

There’s a wild feeling in the air, like
electricity is fizzling all around us, invisible and charged. Kids are
everywhere. I recognize a lot that I know from school, but some are clearly
crashers from other schools. I don’t recognize every face.

Music blasts from speakers in four
corners of the wide-open great room. Kids are walking by with red cups of
something. Punch? Beer? I’m not sure, but anything is possible at a Sarah Alba
party. It isn’t my style to drink at a party.

Dara is looking around, and then she
grabs my shoulders and points back toward the sunroom in the back of the house.
Soft sectional sofas surround the room, and the large windows look onto the
backyard. Up-lighting in Sarah’s favorite hue, purple, highlight the huge pool
outside.

Brandon and Luka are sitting on one of
the sofas, their long frames folded onto the cushions with some difficulty.
Dara drags me in their direction.

“Baby,” Brandon greets her as both boys stand.
He grabbed her hand and pulled her toward him.

“You…holy shit, Dara…I don’t think we can
stay here very long with you looking like that.”

“Told you,” I tell her.

Luka stares at me.

“Are you okay?” he asks.

“Getting there,” I answer.
 
It’s a lie, because I’m not.

Sarah comes sweeping into the room then,
squealing when she sees Dara and me.

“You guys are here! Drinks, pronto!” she
exclaims, handing us two cups of something.

I sniff mine, and wrinkle my nose.

“What is it?” I ask suspiciously.

“Does it matter?” she asks with a grin.
“It’s a party!”

Luka puts his arm around me. “Cam doesn’t
drink.”

I look at the crowd around me, the music
pulsating through my body. Then I reach deep down into my heart, and let myself
feel the crushing pain that still resides there. Maybe I don’t usually drink,
but I want to do something to soothe my aching soul. Maybe actually let go and
have fun, even if it’s only for one night.

I take a long swig of whatever is in the
cup. It tastes tangy and delicious. Luka frowns. Dara laughs and claps her
hands in delight. Sarah pats my back and moves on to another group of
unsuspecting partygoers.

“Cam—“ Luka starts. I hold up my
hand.

“Not tonight,” I instruct him. “Tonight
I’m going to have fun. You can fuss at me tomorrow if you want.”

Then I walk away and disappear into the
crowd.

Cooper

I wind my way through the thickly crowded
room, my eyes flicking left and right constantly. I’m here for one reason only.
When I find her, I’m not letting her go again. The party is raging almost out
of control, and I wish I’d gotten here earlier. I figured it was the “arrive
fashionably late” type of high school party. I was wrong. Everyone I pass looks
like they’d been here awhile judging from the glassy flatness in their eyes and
the slurred words falling from their lips.

Cam is nowhere to be seen, though. I find
Hunter and my band mates standing around a fire pit in the backyard, drinks in
hand.

“You look like you need a drink,” Hunter says.

           
“That’s
the last thing I need,” I answer. “I need a clear head to talk to Cam.”

“Dude, she sure as shit ain’t keeping a
clear head to talk to you.”

I
grabb
his
arm. “What? You’ve seen Camryn tonight?”

           
“’Course
I have. I’ve pretty much seen all the gorgeous girls at this party tonight.
Especially the tipsy ones.”

My eyes blur with anxiety. “Be careful
how you answer this, Hunter. Cam’s drinking?”

“That’s an understatement,” he answers.

I turn, stalking back toward the house.
Dread gathers in the pit of my stomach. I don’t like the idea of Cam being out
of control at a party like this. Bad things can happen.

“Dude! She’s
gonna
be fine. She’s with her dancer friends.”

I start running, because I know that if
Cam isn’t hanging out with Dara then she isn’t herself. I need to find her
before she does something stupid.

I walk through the house, looking into
doorways as I pass them. No sign of Camryn.

I end up at the last doorway on a long
hallway upstairs. I poke my head in, and my eyes land on Cam. Her back is to
me, but it’s definitely her. I would know her body anywhere. She’s standing in
what looks like a guest bedroom room with some guy I don’t recognize from
school.

“Come on baby, give me something,” he’s
saying. “You’re not a good girl.”

She wobbles on her feet.

“I am a good girl,” she
slurrs
. “I’m just not good enough.”

He grabs her, pulling at her top as he
hauls her toward him. His hands tear at a piece of her sweater, and I react. I
push the door open wider, so hard it leaves a dent in the wall behind it.

“Cam, come here,” I order. I aim a deadly
gaze at the guy with her. If I don’t get her by my side
right now
I ‘m going to break every bone in his face and work my
way down. He grabbed her, and if I hadn’t walked in he wouldn’t have stopped. Ripping
him apart will be letting him off easily.

She turns and almost falls in the
process. “Cooper?”

“Yes, baby,” I answer gently. “Come over
here with me, please.”

The guy sneers at me. “Hey man, get your
own treat for the night. This sweet piece is mine.”

That’s when his arm shoots out and grabs
her arm, squeezing it too hard. She cries out, and I close the gap between us
in two steps.
 

I grab his arm and wrench it off of her,
then twist it up painfully behind his back.

“What the f-?”

My fist connects with his mouth and he doesn’t
have the chance to finish the question.

Cam gasps, and I take her hand and move
her away a few steps. I take her face in my hands as the guy behind me
splutters angrily.

“Are you okay?” I ask her. She stumbles
again, and I wrap my arm securely around her waist. She leans into me, and she feels
so good there I almost
forgoe
about the guy in the
room with us.

“What’s your problem?” he asks angrily.
“I was just messing around.”

“You were messing around with the wrong
girl,” I snap. “She’s mine. Get the hell out of here. Now.”

He gives me one last glare, and then he
seems to decide I’m not worth the fight. He shrugs, still holding onto his
mouth. Blood runs through his fingers.

“Whatever, man,” he says. “This party’s
lame, anyway.”

When he leaves the room, I turn back to
Cam.

“Cam, why are you drinking? You don’t
drink.”

“
Cam
doesn’t drink
,” she
mimicks
. “
Cam doesn’t do anything bad. Cam is always
perfect.
Blah, blah, blah.”

I look at her, astonished. “Who says
you’re always perfect?”

She sighs heavily. “They all say it. All the
time.” She waves her arm around in what was meant to be a flippant gesture, but
her body follows her arm and she almost topples over.

“What did you mean when you told him you
weren’t good enough?” I asked, grabbing her before she falls.

She looks at me, her liquid brown eyes
big and beautiful, but sadder than I’ve ever seen them. My heart clenches at
seeing her eyes that way.

“I wasn’t good enough for you,” she
whispers.

I’m shocked to my core. Is that really
what she thinks?

I grab her face with both hands and kiss
her fiercely. She tastes like cherries and vodka, and it’s the most delicious
combination I’ve ever felt. As the heat between us builds, I try to put every
emotion I’m feeling into that kiss.

“Did that feel like you’re not good enough
for me?” I demand when I pull away.

She shakes her head, her eyes huge now and
full of wonder.

“Why did you do that?” she asks miserably.
“You’re going to confuse me.”

“Cam!” I say, frustrated. “You have
nothing to be confused about. Why don’t you understand how I feel about you?”

“Because you kissed Lilly,” she says
simply. “That cancelled out everything.”

Her eyes glaze over, and I can tell she’s
about to shut down on me.

Not this time. I’m going to make her hear
me.

I pull her up to stand next to me. She’s
so unsteady that I can’t let go of her. So I pick her up. I cradle her to my
chest, her legs dangling over my arm.

She pushes against my chest. “Put me
down, Cooper. Right now.”

With the slur evident in each word, it
sounds more like, “
Puh
meesowd
Coopa
.
Righnow
.”

I grin. “What are you going to do about
it if I don’t?”

She furrows her brow, and the effect is
so cute I almost turn around to throw her back on the bed. But I need to stay
focused on what she needs.

“Camryn Grimes,” I say, as I leave the
room with her in my arms. “I can’t put you down. I can’t give you space. I
can’t stay away from you. I can’t do any of those things, not any longer. Because
I miss you, and you mean everything to me. Because I love you.”

The words hang in the air between us.
God, I hope to hell she remembers them when she wakes up in the morning.

“You love me?” she asks. Can she really
be that surprised?