Color Me a Crime (13 page)

I look out into the crowd; the red aura is bright. They are all excited and I don’t mean ‘I want candy’ excited.

“I’m fine,” I lie. I know I’m not doing the
act
, but does that mean that I’m fake-kissing or am I really going to have to kiss this guy? Has Dirk been doing erotica films for a long time? And only God knows, but…where have his lips been?

The music comes back on, this time louder.

I glance over at Angela.

“Move,” she mouths and sways her hips, encouraging me to dance like the script says.

I start to sway side to side with my hands straight down to my side. Angela is off stage swaying and adding the swinging of her arms to the side.

I attempt to mock her, but I feel like I’m doing a really good impression of a monkey. Any minute I just might yell out my best monkey impression. I smile, almost laugh.

“Yeah, baby. I’m loving the smile.” Hugh gives me a wink and the okay sign.

Okay, think of how silly you look in this see-through piece of cloth and doing a monkey impression.
I can’t help but smile more.

Suddenly a bright yellow spotlight shines down on the back end of Dirk.

Damn! He looks good, even in his nude banana hammock. If his face is anything like his body, I just might be able to pull this off.

His blue aura isn’t budging as he seductively walks backward. His aura definitely isn’t horny like the rest of the room, which is a plus in my book, because I’m counting the minutes until this is over.

As the music comes to a climax, Dirk whips around and I faint. Dead on the spot.

Chapter Eighteen

“Let me talk to her. You know…so we can start to get to know each other.” The male voice rings in my ear.

No, no, no. Pretend to be asleep.
I tighten my eyes so it looks like I’m still out.

“Come on, Olivia. You’ve passed out on me so many times that I know when you are faking. Open your eyes.” Joel demands. “I’m undercover, and obviously this must be
one more
of your goofy jobs,
Lana
Deep
.”

Keep your eyes closed.
Instantly they fly open when I realize that I’m lying there half-naked. And this isn’t how I planned for my first time with Joel.

“That-a-girl.” Joel’s aura is back to blue and he has a black silk robe on.

“Typical. Any porn star named Dirk needs a silk robe.” I roll my eyes. “Talk about
me
having several names.”

“Now you are an even bigger suspect.” He paces back and forth. “I was hoping to go undercover and figure out if someone here killed Linda.”

“Wait.” I point to the towel hanging on the doorknob. “Can you hand me that?”

“I should make you suffer.” He reluctantly hands me the towel. I wrap it around me and sit back down.

“I’m undercover too…” I try to concentrate on his face, but his backside that I saw earlier is embedded on my brain…“In my own investigation.”

“Oh God, Olivia.” He stops pacing and asks, “Your real name is Olivia, right?”

I can’t help but smile.

“I’m so glad you are enjoying this.” He shakes his head.

“Really I’m not, but it’s just like me to get myself into this situation.” The knock at the door stops us in our tracks. I hold my breath when the door opens.

“Hi, Joel.” Erin slips in the door and shuts it behind her. She sits down next to me. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” I nervously laugh. “I passed out when I saw that Dirk is Joel.”

“You are Dirk?” Erin laughs so loud that it echoes. “I thought you were here because they called the police on us.”

“Why would they call the police?” I ask. “They have no idea who we really are.”

“Beth sort of caught me going through the employee files.” She shrugs. “I told her that I was trying to figure out what the base pay was because the money they were paying you is chump change. Do you know they are paying you two-hundred-thousand dollars?”

“Really?” The thought of buying a new car sounds so good. “Did you get me more money?”

“Yes! I got you three-hundred-thousand. Not like we are actually going to get it, but it was still a rush negotiating for it.” There is a little disappointment in her voice. “So Dirk, are you going to arrest us?”

“What exactly is your role in this?” He asks. I still can’t take my eyes off him. His blue aura is radiant against the black silk.

“I’m Lana’s assistant, turned manager that gets 15%.” She states her new title.

“Fifteen percent? That’s a rip-off,” I demand. “I want a new agent.”

“And I got this.” She holds up a file with Linda’s name on it. “Granted, it’s from five years ago, but it gives her real address and salary then. Beth did say that the current files are in Hugh’s office, and no one gets in there other than security.”

Security? Harold!

Harold is the little old man that works as the security guard at Macro Hard. I went undercover over a year ago there and became very close to him. Unfortunately, I lost touch when I moved out of town with Bradley. But maybe it is time to get reacquainted with him.

“Currently 4Play is between security guards. Originally, I had applied to be the security guard, but they insisted that I become the new king of erotic dreams.” He shakes his hiney with a smile on his face.

“What does Carl think about this?” I question him with worry settling in my stomach. I didn’t want Aunt Matilda finding out that I am the new queen of erotic dreams.

“He doesn’t know. And I’d like to keep it that way.” His lashes cast a shadow down his cheeks. “I know you didn’t do it. But I have to find out who did, because all the evidence points straight to you. And if all your lies come out, you will be a cooked goose.”

“Are you trying to rescue me?” A warm fuzzy feeling sweeps over me. “You do believe me. Your aura tells me.”

“Let’s just discuss it over dinner. I’ll pick you up at your place at eight.” He slips out the door as Angela comes in.

“Lana, are you okay?” She asks with a sincere look on her face. “We are all so worried about you.”

“I’m fine.” I stand up. “Are we ready to shoot?”

I don’t mind going out there and laying the big one on Joel. It definitely wouldn’t be acting.

“No. Hugh said that we would start fresh in the morning.” She reaches for the door and turns around. “Be here on time and ready to film. No more second chances.”

“Don’t you worry.” Erin stands up and pulls the edges of her fancy suit jacket down. “She will be here early. Thank you for the extension, but you know these actresses.”

“Umm, no, I don’t know what you are talking about.” Angela leans against the door, crossing her arms. She had better watch it or her boobs are going to tumble out.

Erin brushes her brown hair out of her eyes. She and Angela seem to be having a war of who-knows-what. Their auras are flaring at each other. Erin flails her arms in the air. “Look at her. She passed out because she’s too thin, always watching her weight.”

Angela’s eyes dip, and she steps out the door. “I suggest you feed her a good breakfast then.” She shut the door behind her.

“What was that?” I grab my clothes and start putting them on.

“Hey, it’s all part of the act.” Erin beams with pride. Her aura is back to its normal crystal. “I’ve got this Hollywood agent thing down. I’m channeling my inner Tom Cruise from the movie Show Me the Money.”

I grab my envelope and stuff the nightie into it. I walk over to the door and open it.

“Well then, show me the money.” I laugh and hold my head high as we walk out of 4Play, off the filth floor and out to the parking lot.

Chapter Nineteen

When we get home from our very entertaining morning, Erin decides she needs to head over to Color Me Love to finish some paperwork and I decide to work on my clients at Splitsville.com.

Since I have to wait to see if Joel is going to give me my car back anytime soon, I might as well put my free time to good use, and it helps me make the day go faster.

“Come on, Herbie.” I grab the dump files off my desk and head out the back door so I can thumb through them while Herbie takes his potty break.

One particular client request stands out. Austin has written a song that he would like me to sing to his soon- to-be ex-girlfriend, Hailey. The picture that he includes must be of happier times at the zoo, or maybe she was drunk like he claims is her natural state.

Hailey has a drinking problem and he is tired of holding her head up. Plus he says that he is twenty-two years old and doesn’t want to be a parent to a twenty year old who can’t hold her liquor.

After Herbie finishes watering the shrubs, we take our places in my office. He rests on the chaise lounge that sits catty-corner to my desk. I put the earpiece in my ear and pull up the dump online. I make sure that I back up my computer on a daily basis as well as keep a hard copy because I don’t trust all this internet stuff.

There she is. Her long blonde hair and all-American looks. I do love her strappy sandals.

I dial the number and glance over at “The Process,” wondering if we are going to be playing cat-and-mouse for a while.

“Hello?” The chipper voice sounds so happy.

“Is Hailey there?” I ask while looking over at the song he has prepared.

“Yes, this is Hailey.” The excitement in her voice is about to take a big nosedive.

“Meemeemee.” I clear my throat before I break into song, singing to the tune of Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.

“Hailey, Hailey, I love you

But not more than you love your booze.

You take a shot of patron or two,

Then you throw up all over you.

Hailey, Hailey, I love you.

But Drunk Ass Hailey is old news.”

The line is silent. I wait a few more seconds before I question whether she is there or not. If not, I’ll just call her back.

“Who did you say this is?” I definitely have her attention.

“I don’t think I said, but I’m Jenn, and Austin has hired my online breakup service Splitsville.com to dump your drunken ass.” There is no need to sugarcoat it. The quicker I can get an ‘I understand,’ the quicker I can figure out how to get a car.

I have to go to Macro Hard while no one is around and get my hands on Harold. If there are any security jobs at 4Play, Harold is the man for the job.

“This is a joke. If Austin wants to break up with me, he can do it himself.” She laughs. “Besides, I’m not a drunk.”

“Really?” I ask. She has no idea that Austin has given me several stories. “It says right here on the online form he filled out, that you got drunk at his nephew’s six-year-old birthday party. Not only did you get in the dunk booth and turn it into a wet t-shirt contest, where you were the only contestant, but you also told the clown to give you a honk and it wasn’t your nose you were talking about.”

“He told you that?” Her snide voice tells me she is not yet sold that I am who I am.

“No he didn’t tell me, he actually took the time to type and send it to me along with his payment of fifty dollars. That is how much you are worth to him. A mere fifty dollars.” I glance over at my rate sheet.

I offer three “Breakup” packages. The cheapest and most popular is “the general breakup” for a low price of fifty dollars. “The engagement breakup” is a little steeper at one-hundred dollars. It totally should be more because I can’t imagine being in the fiancé’s shoes on this one. And the worst and most expensive breakup of all is “the divorce breakup” setting the big jerk back a mere two-hundred dollars.

“Wait.” There is a little more shock in her voice, but not enough for me to ask for the acceptance. Plus I’m actually enjoying this little banter. “He
paid
you to break up with me?”

Before I answer, I quickly click over to my PayPal account and confirm that he did pay.

“Yep. Fifty dollars.” I confirm, and then whisper, “Fifty dollars isn’t much in this economy, and obviously your relationship wasn’t either.”

“Listen, I apologized to his family for what I did. And if they didn’t want people to drink and enjoy themselves they shouldn’t have had beer.” A little more panic is apparent.

“Yeah, I read that too, but that didn’t give you the go-ahead to do the striptease dance at his grandfather’s ninetieth birthday party at the Senior Citizen Lodge.” I laugh aloud and slip my hand over my mouth. I really should have read the reasons before I called her. I didn’t, and these are just too good not to laugh. “You gave an old man a strip tease at an old folk’s home?”

I couldn’t even believe that.

“Listen; that was the most action most of those old people have seen in a long time. They loved it. And it wasn’t a real strip tease.”

“Austin thought you’d say that. As a matter of fact, you did the booty-pop to another resident there and he had a heart attack. Luckily he didn’t die, but still.” I toy with her. “That was only a month after the birthday party. Was there booze at the old folk’s home?”

“If you and Austin are such big buds, you should know the answer to your own question.” She says in a smart-ass tone, which sets me off.

“Yes. He did. You are so desperate to escape life that you carry a Hello Kitty flask around in your Hello Kitty purse. Oh, and Austin hates your Hello Kitty tattoo on your ass. He said it reminds him of his three-year-old niece’s bedroom that is decorated in Hello Kitty.” I give her the detail that no one else but Austin would know.

“He told you about the tat?” Not only is she starting to panic, she is in shock. “Oh my God, is this for real?”

“Yes, Hailey. It’s for real. Only little girls like Hello Kitty. And little girls don’t have wet t-shirt contests at six-year-olds’ birthday parties, nor ninety-year-old ones either.” I’m ready to get her at her weakest point so far. “Hailey, my name is Jenn…”

She interrupts.

“I know who you are, brainiac. You already told me.”

“Let me finish because I think you are going to like what I say.” I start all over, yet she interrupts again.

“This is
What Would You Do
with John Quinoas?” She asks, her voice escalating.

“No, although that would be cool. I’m just Jenn from Splitsville.com and Austin has hired me to break up with you. Do you understand?”