Coming Clean (4 page)

I’m a complete asshole. I want to fuck my best friend’s wife. Hell, I want to fuck him, too.

Opening the toolbox on top of the running dryer, Cade glanced out the window and froze. Grant and Vivi were kissing by her car. A soft peck grew into a long, deep session that tightened his throat. Grant’s hands were locked firmly on her ass, lifting her closer to his mouth. Vivi looked far too content in his arms. The loving way she stroked his biceps formed a lump of confusion in Cade’s throat, and he turned away.

If they still kissed like that, then he doubted their marriage was in danger. Jealousy swelled like a tsunami before common decency tramped it back down.

I need to hit Topper’s later
. He pulled the sloshing machine farther away from the wall. Gripping the screwdriver, he started loosening the back panel.
Yep, get laid tonight and move on.

“Want another beer?” Grant yelled from the kitchen.

“Yeah. The hose split when the washer went walking.”

“Great.” The muttered sarcasm was nearly hidden under slams and bangs from the other room.

Cade had all but one screw removed from the metal framework when a frosty bottle appeared before his face. He took a long pull of the beer, tugged the last screw free then stood and set his beer on the dryer. He grabbed the back of the washer, nodding to Grant.

“All right, get the bottom and lift.”

Together, they wiggled the casing off the machine and laid it aside, exposing the internal motor. For long minutes, the only sounds were grunts, curses and the clang of tools inside the machine. Cade aimed the flashlight into the dark workings as Grant’s lips twisted with a frown. The tight quarters pressed their shoulders and arms close, heads butting more than once as they both peered into the gutted washer. Cade clicked off the light, sat back and sipped his beer in defeat.

“The rotor’s shot,” Grant grumbled. “So of course the pump failed.”

“Time for a new one,” Cade murmured, but his mind wasn’t on the machine. His gaze was fixed on Grant’s ass.

Water from scattered patches on the floor had darkened the colorless jeans—a wet splotch on both knees, one hip and along the bottom-most curve of his butt. The denim was old and faded, frayed at the cuffs and pocket corners—and molded to his frame like a second skin. A line of bare skin lay exposed as Grant’s shirt pulled up. The ribbon of flesh above his waistband looked smooth and firm.

A fiery burning in his chest shocked Cade until he realized he was holding his breath. Slowly he blew it out, trying to dispel a sudden urge to slide his hand along that uncovered skin. He forced his eyes to rise. Grant turned slightly and said something with a grin but Cade didn’t hear. Grant’s smile was higher on the left and Cade’s throat clenched again as a burst of longing flooded his gut. The lift wasn’t much, just a tick above the other side, enough to render a rakish flare to what might have otherwise been too hard a mouth.

Cade’s balls drew tight and his cock twitched in his jeans.

“You okay?” Grant asked.

“Yeah, tired I guess.” Surely his voice wasn’t that thick with longing, was it? He must have swallowed some BBQ smoke that left his throat scratchy, that was all. He took a hasty but long sip of his beer to soothe his voice. The icy brew did nothing for his increasing internal heat.

Grant was hot, firm and thick in his hand. The strong pulses when he came throbbed with force.

A soft groan bubbled from memory and Cade yanked his mind back to the laundry room. That had happened years ago and meant nothing. He decided his bi side must be in deprivation overdrive. If Grant knew the raw images that flashed in his head, it would drive an uncomfortable wedge between them. Guilt twisted Cade’s belly and he swallowed a foul-tasting knot with another gulp of Heineken.

Grant’s dark eyes dropped to Cade’s mouth with a hungry light shining deep, one Cade had seen countless times—always directed at women. Was Cade imagining it? His natural flirtation bucked the wild urge to lick his lip and watch for a reaction.

The overhead bulb shone with a harsh glare but it sent a golden sheen along the top of Grant’s dark hair. One question leapt to Cade’s mind. How would that black silk feel slipping between his fingers? Shaking off the thought, he focused on the other man’s moving mouth. Actually, that raised a few other intriguing questions so he settled for fixing his sight out the door at the quiet kitchen.

The pristine room gleamed with stainless appliances and deep gray marble counters he’d help set into place. Slashes of color from crockery and plants were dotted here and there but he barely paid attention to the familiar decor. They had built both this house and his own themselves, toiling long after dark and waking with the sun for far too many months. Shelly hadn’t been around to add all those womanly touches. Vivi had selected the paint colors and kitchen layout of his home. She was so embroiled in his life, he couldn’t separate her any more than he could Grant.

“Hey, Grant,” Cade began before he realized it. Grant’s dark eyes lifted, framed by questioning brows. “Maybe I should duck out of this vacation.”

“Why?”

Because I almost kissed your wife and you’re giving me a hard-on, that’s why.
“After what happened in the backyard…maybe you and Viv should go alone.”

“No.” Grant tossed the screwdriver in the toolbox with a sharp clang. “It wouldn’t be the same without you. You did bring your gear, didn’t you?”

“It’s in the truck.”

“Then move it to the SUV and shut up about flaking out.”

Cade hid his sigh. He loved the little place they had at the lake. The walls of the cabin were solid pine, yellowed to a glossy sheen and showing every knot and sap mark, but there was one flaw in its design. The screened windows were always open. Chattering insects, the night’s drone and the lake’s gentle music lulled them all into a restful mindset. But not even the rustic beauty and nature could muffle the low sounds of Grant and Vivi making love.

Cade had heard it several times over the years. Although quiet, Vivi’s lusty murmurings quickened his blood and never failed to give him an erection. He’d lie in his lonely double bed and listen to the hushed murmurs, the squeak of bedsprings, the deep groan as Grant came.

Did it make him a creep that many times he’d masturbated, listening to those private moments? Eyes closed, quiet sexual sounds drifting in the window, his cock hard in his palm, his fantasies would take flight. It was Vivi whimpering in his ear or Grant gasping under his kiss. If he managed to come within seconds of either of them, it was almost like being there, being part of that intimate act.

“Okay, so the washer is fried and Vivi’s not here to bitch.” Grant wiped his hands down his jeans and cocked one eyebrow. “So what d’you want to do, fire up the games or break out the action flicks?”

Start at your chin and lick all the way to your knees
. “Nah, man, I think maybe I’ll head out to Topper’s. I’ll crash at home and be here at five rather than staying in the guest room.”

A knowing chuckle echoed in the room. Cade couldn’t prevent his gaze from dropping to the full lower lip that entranced him. The tendons in his neck tightened as a rush of lust brewed.

“You just want to get laid or you’d hit the Frosty Mug. It’s closer to your house, better draft, but less filled with eager, lonely singles looking to get nailed.”

Cade couldn’t hide his grin. “Hey, your booty call’s at my house now. Don’t piss me off or I’ll go nail that.”

After what had nearly happened, Cade could’ve bitten his tongue off for that snide comment but Grant simply laughed. The rich sound slid down Cade’s spine like a warm callused palm, and every muscle in his body hardened with lust.
Stupid horny bastard, you’re treading in fucked-up waters. Back down.

“I want to ask you something, and I want you to tell me the truth.” Grant busied himself with lining screws in the toolbox tray.

Cade quirked an eyebrow but nodded. “Okay, shoot.”

“Before you introduced me to Vivi, did you two ev—?”

“Fuck, Grant, you know better than that. No, never.”

“You thought about it, though, didn’t you?”

“I’m a man, Grant. Sure, I wondered, but the time wasn’t right and you two clicked like a jigsaw puzzle.” Cade fisted his hands and tried to cram as much conviction as he could into his words. “Look, the tango got out of hand. I’m sorry.”

Grant measured him, that dark gaze sliding over him. A wry lift to his lip accompanied a snorted breath. “Forget it. So which way is your libido leaning these days, boys or girls?”

Leave it to Grant to find the one subject Cade would rather not touch right now. It wasn’t as much of a “which gender” issue as “which Michaelson,” but Cade could never admit that. “Whichever stands things at attention, ya know?”

“You need a girlfriend…or a boyfriend. Either way, you need to stop playing the field so damn much. Settle down.”

“Been there, done that, still paying alimony. No thanks.”

Grant tossed a set of vise-grips into the toolbox. “Shelly was a bitch. I tried to talk you out of proposing, remember?”

“Should’ve knocked me upside the head with a ball-peen hammer.”

He kept his tone light but he knew why he couldn’t commit to one person. It had nothing to do with Shelly and her cheating on him. Like every other person on Earth, he wanted to fall in love with someone who accepted him at his worst, loved him at his best and craved his company in between. He wanted someone to tell his dreams to, his fears, his fantasies. Someone who could finish his sentences and turn his insides to jelly.

He already had that with Grant and Vivi. Everyone else paled when compared to them. He loved them both too much to ever fuck that up. In a perfect world, he could have them both. But life wasn’t perfect and he couldn’t touch. But he could dream.

A half-erection for most of the night was wearing on Grant’s nerves. A sharp stab had ripped through his chest when Cade’s mouth had been a fraction of an inch from Vivi’s. There was no way Grant could brush aside the twinge of jealousy, but it had been double-edged. That duality was what allowed him to respond as calmly as he had.

Vivi nearly kissing Cade had made him jealous.

Cade nearly kissing Vivi had made him envious.

In one swift moment, Grant had tasted the bitterness of longing and couldn’t deny it any longer. He’d wished Cade’s kiss had been for him.

Cade used the tail of his T-shirt to wipe a smear of machine grease from his finger, rubbing at the stain briskly. Grant’s eyes settled on the low waistband of his jeans, on his exposed hip and the half-visible scar there. It wasn’t much, maybe three inches long and whitened with age, but he remembered exactly where it came from.

They’d been seniors in high school on the annual school trip to New York. Two almost-eighteen-year-old small-town boys who thought they were invincible were set loose in the city that never sleeps. They’d gotten turned around after a night of underage drinking and stumbled into an alley where they had no place being.

They accidentally interrupted some fast-talking guy with an attitude doing whatever illegal thing he thought they saw. A scuffle started with Cade snapping drunken comebacks, then came a flash of silver. All he really knew was that Cade grabbed his collar, jerked him out of the alley and yelled for him to run. They had both run, not stopping until the vaguely familiar scenery of Times Square surrounded them.

Leaning on a building side, trying desperately not to vomit, Grant looked up and saw Cade’s side. A growing red stain was spreading along his favorite T-shirt. He fought Grant when he yanked the shirt up to see how badly Cade was hurt. A single slash cut right above his hipbone, not deeply, but enough to scare a kid half to death.

“Forget it. I’ll clean it up and slap some Band-aids on it. Come on, let’s get back before Coach Davis realizes we—”

“Cade, he fucking stabbed you!”

“No, he didn’t. It’s a cut, that’s all. A box cutter, I think. It’s fine. Don’t be getting my ass in trouble. I’m on thin ice with Coach as it is after cutting practice last week, and you know it.”

The buzz faded and snatches of memory came back. “He was aiming for me.”

“No shit, you’re bigger. I’d take you out first too, if I was him.”

“You stepped in front of me.”

Cade had wiped his nose on the back of his hand and shrugged, turning away. The casual move hadn’t meshed with the emotion in his voice. “I’ll always cover your ass, Grant. And you cover mine. It’s just how things work between us.”

Slowly, Grant’s gaze rose. Since then, they’d faced everything together—parents dying, everyday joys and celebrations, getting kicked in the teeth from life. They were always there for each other and always would be.

Cade murmured something and Grant yanked his gaze from Cade’s mouth. He stood and sharp pain shot through his leg.

“Fuck!” He threw his weight into the washer frame and jerked his bare foot up. A small screw was embedded in his instep. He sank to his ass, back braced on the cool metal.

“Oh, damn, man, sorry. I thought I had them all put up.” Cade leaned forward with concern angling his eyebrows. “Is it in deep?”

“Not too deep.” Grant yanked the metal out and examined the puncture. A thin trickle of blood dripped down his heel. “Goddamn, that hurts.”

“When was your last tetanus?”

“Last year.”

Cade jumped to his feet. “Then sit still. I’ll grab the first-aid kit.”

Pain pulsed in slow beats, dimming from excruciating to annoying by the time Cade carried in the white-and-red box. He knelt down and handed over a bottle of Maker’s Mark with a grin. “Here, pain killer. Viv isn’t here to bitch, like you said.”

“Shot glasses?”

“What, you too refined to sip from the bottle like we used to?”

A snort helped dispel the pain. “That was the cheap shit back in college.”

Grant cracked open the bourbon and took a fast swig, the smooth burn tickling his throat and warming his gut. Maybe it would work its magic down to his feet in a few minutes. He passed it back to Cade, opened the kit and used a few gauze pads to wipe away the blood. The trickle had slowed to a sluggish welling, and the thump was decreasing.

Cade exhaled a grunt as the bourbon hit his stomach, pulling Grant’s gaze back to his face. The sweet scent of alcohol blended with the familiar fragrance of sawdust and Cade.

“Hey, you remember our junior year, those Zeta Phi girls?”

Broad lines circled Cade’s grinning mouth. He moved to his ass with his back to the dryer door, shoulder nearly touching Grant’s. “That was a hell of a night with or without the liquor.”

“You really do both of them at the same time?”

Cade shrugged. “Well, I only have one dick but I did use other body parts.”

“That the only threesome you ever had?”

“Nah, there was another after the divorce, kind of a screw-Shelly-out-of-my-system deal.” He fixed his eyes on his outstretched legs and handed the bottle back. Grant took a fast sip, resituated the gauze pad and studied Cade, who wouldn’t look up.

“Two women?”

A curl angled Cade’s mouth, and Grant fought the urge to reach out and touch that raised lip. Did a man’s mouth feel different than a woman’s? What did a clean-shaven chin feel like on your lips? Would Cade freak out if he traced the deep groove along his smile just to see what it felt like? He forced his attention back to applying antiseptic to his foot.

“It was Tony and a girlfriend of his. What about you, married man? You ever score a double before Viv?”

Grant Michaelson, your opening has arrived
. Grant licked a thin film of alcohol from his lips. “Before Vivi? No, not before…but after, yeah, I’ve been with two women at once.”

Cade’s head snapped around, shock rounding his eyes. “You cheated?”

“No, you prick.” Grant shoved at his shoulder. “She was there.”

“Wait…you mean…
Viv
?” The incredulous expression erased five years from Cade’s face and sparkled like glitter in his eyes.

Grant feigned casualness. “It was a fantasy of hers. She wanted to try another woman, so we did.”

A low lusty groan rang through the small room. The robust vibration rippled through Grant, and his foot was forgotten.

“Viv went down on a woman, and you got to watch? I’d have blown right then.”

“I nearly did.” Grant chuckled. His grip on the bottle grew warm so he brought it to his mouth. The small taste filled his belly with liquid courage. “I love her. If I can give her her fantasies, I will. Not exactly like it’s a hardship watching my wife eat pussy while I’m getting a blow job, either.”

Cade tugged at his zipper and Grant forced his eyes to stay on the jealous expression rather than the movement. “Okay, it’s official. I fucking hate you and your perfect life. That’s like every man’s dream, you know that, right? Who was the woman?”

“Just a waitress in Calverton a couple summers ago.”

“And you never said a word? You fucking dog!” Snorting and shaking his head, Cade took the bottle and tipped it up again.

His Adam’s apple bobbed, a single jump that wrapped thick want around Grant’s tongue. Breath was harder to find through a surge of curiosity and lust. He bit his lip in indecision then shook his head in silent reproach. It wasn’t indecision; it was fear, and fear of rejection at that.

Do it, just blurt it out
.

He tasted the unspoken words but Cade’s laugh cut him off. “I would have paid to see that.”

“Sorry, no pictures. But—” his stomach heaved with nerves but he pushed through them; just audible above the hum of the dryer, his words struggled with watery strength, “—she did mention another fantasy she’d like to have happen.”

“Oh, yeah?” His secretive tone tickled across Grant’s skin.

“Yeah. Your name was mentioned.”

Cade froze. Every muscle in his body cemented to stone, not even his chest rose with a breath, the time ticking in measured heartbeats of growing awareness. Had Grant’s blood not been churning and his mind racing, he might have relished the thought of silencing his more talkative friend. Now all he did was watch for movement, a blink, a twitch, something.

“What about me?”

“The three of us…together. I’ve been looking for a way to bring it up. That almost kiss…” Fear began gnawing at Grant’s bones. “Look, if you’re not interested, no problem. If you are, great. Either way, we don’t want this to change things between us.”

Cade sat back, lines framing his thinned mouth. He deliberately reached out, snagged the liquor and took a slow swallow. His fingers tightened around the chunky bottle as he lowered it to his thigh. “And you’re okay with that? I mean, I thought you were going to deck me in the yard.”

“No, I just wondered if you’d do it with me sitting there.”

A noisy exhale puffed Cade’s smooth cheeks. He turned and locked eyes with Grant. “We’ve been friends forever, man. I don’t want to fuck that up. And I don’t want to mess up your marriage. You love her. How can you be okay with this?”

“It’s because I do love her that I can be okay with it. I know you won’t hurt her. I know she loves me and I trust you both. We were hoping this week up at the lake would be a good time to play, experiment.”

“I’m so fucking confused. Give me a minute here, I want to be clear and make sure I understand. You’re saying if I take Viv to bed, you’re okay with that?”

“Not exactly. She wants both of us.”

“So what does she want? Double penetration?”

An unchecked scoff flew from his lips. “Maybe later, but not right away. She’s a little afraid of that. Besides, Vivi’s got to be in the right frame of mind for anal. A lot of liquor helps.”

“She doesn’t like it?”

“It’s not her favorite, no.”

Cade smirked, a devilish twinkle erupting in his gaze. “Well, she’s a woman. She doesn’t have a prostate. What about you? Since we’re telling secrets, do you like anal?”

“Sure, I mean, I like doing it to her. Never been on the other end though.” That could not be a blush on his face, could it? He thought he’d long outgrown those.

Cade bumped his shoulder. “Come on, Grant. You can’t tell me no one has ever fingered your ass. Not even a toy or anything?”

“Well, fingers, yeah, but no, never been any type of catcher, understand?”

“You’re missing out,” Cade teased, but it was slightly forced, a beat too jolly. “With the right pitcher, every throw is a home run.”

“I guess it would depend on the size of the bat though, wouldn’t it?

“Are we seriously talking about anal sex in baseball analogies?”

“Guess we are,” Grant chuckled. “Getting personal here, but do you prefer pitching or catching?”

For a second, Grant thought Cade wouldn’t answer. Then a private smile crinkled his eyes. “I like both but if I had to pick, I prefer catching. Does that shock you?”

“No.” It sent a ripple of lust straight to his nuts. “Doesn’t it hurt?”

“No, it doesn’t. Do yourself a favor, let Viv try something sometime. You might be surprised how good it is.”

I might. Maybe not with Vivi, but with you.
“So you think you might be interested in joining us?”

Pure manly arrogance curved Cade’s mouth. “I’m interested. Just want to work out some logistics, set some boundaries so I understand where things are heading. If this happens with the three of us, tell me the rules. She doesn’t want DP. So is it you and me pleasing Viv or is it you sitting there watching, like with the tango?”

A knot of unknown longing crowded his vocal cords, and Grant put the bottle to his lips but didn’t drink. A strange sense of acceptance had seeped into him. He lowered every shield he had, embracing the thought of the new and untried. If he was going to do this, going to open that door, then he was going to do it with eyes wide open and with no hidden agendas. “She wants the three of us together…all parties involved equally.”

Golden-brown brows dropped to a shrewd evaluating level. The stare danced over Grant’s skin, and each individual hair stood and twitched at the perusal. His gut tightened in anticipation of the questions he saw forming.

“She wants you and me together?”

He nodded once and Cade sucked in a swift breath.

“You’re straight.”

“Technically.”

“Technically? Either you are or you aren’t. You are. Aren’t you?”

“Yeah, technically, I’m straight. I’ve never had any…contact with another guy.” A tight knot twisted in his belly, and he took a huge step in a timid whisper. “Except that one time with you.”

Cade jerked the bourbon from his hand. “We were fourteen, watching our first porno. It was a circle jerk, that’s all. It doesn’t make you bi or gay or—”

“I’m curious. Why do you think I asked about catching?” His voice seemed loud as the dryer clicked off, the whisper hanging in the thick lint-scented air. The frantic tempo of his pulse centered in his chest and he resisted the urge to rub the ache away. He waited as Cade absorbed the moment.

“Bullshit. You’re thirty-seven-years old. You don’t suddenly get bi-curious at that age. If you wanted to play around, there’ve been a fuck ton of opportunities in your life. I personally know three guys who hit on you before you got married.”

“Okay, I’m not bi-curious. I’m Cade-curious.”

Cade’s eyes went wide but Grant pushed forward. He’d opened the door and it was time to step through it.

“It’s not the idea of experimenting or another guy, it’s just you. That circle jerk as you called it? I didn’t forget it. I liked it too much and it scared me. I pushed it away, got a girlfriend and screwed her. I fell in love with Vivi and got married. Doesn’t change the fact that I wonder what would’ve happened if I’d just kissed you that day. I wanted to but I was afraid. I’m not afraid anymore.”

“I don’t know what I feel right now.”

“I’m not blind, Cade. You’ve looked at me a few times and thought about it.”

What closed Cade’s eyes? Was it guilt? Disgust? Desire? They slowly opened. Ocean blue eyes shining with need, he looked deeper into Grant’s face.