Confessions (3 page)

“It’s perfectly understandable,” Kay attempted to comfort Aria Monday night.  Aria had asked her over for dinner to talk about the events of Saturday night and everything she felt about it.

“It was a long day,” Aria reasoned.  Kay looked sympathetically into her eyes. Aria averted her gaze almost instantly. She didn’t want to feel pitied or whatever it was that was going on. She knew Kay didn’t mean it like that, but she just felt awful about the situation. She had barely even spoken to Billy because she continued to shorten their conversations.  She needed time to calm down and think. 

“We haven’t had sex in a while,” Aria admitted.  Her statement was met with complete silence. “I think there’s something missing there and I don’t know why.” 

Kay leaned in closer and made comforting circles on her upper back.  She didn’t say anything. After all, there was not really much to say.  This was something Aria needed to figure out and navigate on her own.

Billy dropped a bomb on her the next day as she stumbled through memories and feelings trying to weight everything out logically. 

“Aria,” he said quietly as soon as she walked into his apartment.  She didn’t want to come over for fear of feeling disappointed and lashing out on him unfairly, but she could hear the desperation in his voice.  He didn’t beg, but the tone of his voice did.  He pulled her in to a tight hug and kissed her neck softly in his usual affectionate way. 

When he pulled back he took her by the hand and led her into the kitchen where he had laid out her favorite meal, cooked by him. Deep red candles sat on the table.  It wasn’t over the top.  It was different from the usual and showed enough thought, just the right amount. She had no idea what was going on or what the occasion was.  She took a seat as he sat across from her looking at her in a way she couldn’t quite place.  If she wasn’t mistaken there seemed to be a trace amount of nervousness in his eyes. 

They had dinner and had a quiet, simple conversation throughout which only served to confuse Aria even more.  It was not until Billy had cleared the plates and returned to his seat that she noticed he was shifting quite a bit and definitely seemed rattled.  He cleared his throat and reached out to hold her hand on the table.

“Aria,” he said so low she wasn’t sure if he had actually said her name.  “I love you and I miss you.  And I want to be with you more without crowding you.”  Aria stared at him, feeling more confused than ever.  Try as she may, she couldn’t figure out what he was getting at.  “Would you like to move in together?”

Aria let out a little gasp and cupped her hands over her mouth, eyes wide and shining.  Though she had imagined this would happen at some point in their relationship she couldn’t have guessed at when.  Given everything she had been feeling and worried about lately that was not a thought that occupied her mind.  She practically jumped off her chair and went over to sit on his lap, laying numerous kisses on his mouth, cheeks, and forehead. 

“I would love to,” she replied earnestly as she looked into his eyes.  His smile lit up his entire face and he pulled her into a tight embrace.  He kissed her tenderly at first but soon she felt the kiss heating up.  His hands moved to pick her up and she instinctively wrapped her legs around him as he carried her to the bedroom. 

He placed her carefully onto the bed as she looked up at him with a mixture of warmth and desire.  She hoped this time they really went through with it.  It was about much more than just wanting pleasure; she missed being with him.  She sat up enough to take her shirt off in one, clean motion and then laid back flat on the bed, the tops of her breasts bouncing from the movement. 

He looked down at her and marveled at her beautiful, smooth skin and how absolutely stunning she looked.  She felt her cheeks turn pink as he stared at her.  Her eyes darted down to the hard and visible bulge in his pants, prompting him to undo them and take them off with his boxers at once.  He took off his shirt and dropped it at the corner of the bed before climbing over top her and kissing her deeply. 

She could feel the tip of his shaft bobbing ever so slightly against the fabric of her pants and this made her ache for him even more.  As if reading her mind, he ran his hands down her neck, over her chest and torso, until he started to make quick work of undoing her pants.  He slid them off swiftly along with her panties and kissed all the way back up her leg until she felt his tongue flat against her opening.  He licked up to her wetness where he closed his mouth around her clit and gave a single suck before kissing along her hipbone.  She moaned and arched her back, wanting more and wanting it fast.

After he positioned himself, he leaned down to kiss her and slid his cock into her at the same time causing her to moan into his mouth.  She gripped his shoulder and pushed him off to the side so he would slip out of her and lie down flat on his back.  Eagerly, she climbed on top of him and straddled his hips, positioning herself right over his hard cock.  She leaned down and kissed him with all the need she felt as her nails dug into his shoulders and left little crescent marks. 

Billy ran his hand down her back and grabbed her ass, pushing down so her wet slit could grind down against his hard shaft.  The head of his cock relentlessly pressed at her opening. She rocked her hips and pushed down to allow him to slide into her again.  He looked at her with hooded eyes full of lust and parted his lips as his breathing got heavier. 

Aria took a deep breath and relaxed the muscles of her body, allowing herself to fully enjoy the sensation of him inside her.  It had been so long that she already felt close to the edge.  She moved her hips up and down slowly at first, but picked up the pace soon with his own hips rising and falling to match her movement.

It wasn’t long before they were both moaning out loud as their orgasms washed over them. Billy thrusted up with quick jabs as he grunted, feeling his cum shoot into her.  She sprawled out on top of him and gave him a lazy kiss before leaning her head down into the crevice between his neck and shoulder with him still twitching inside her. Aria rolled onto her side and stretched, feeling content. 

“Shower?”  Billy was sitting up already as the question left his mouth.  She didn’t respond with words, but she pushed herself off the bed and walked right into the bathroom, turning on the showerhead and adjusting the temperature before stepping in.  When he stepped in after her, he pulled her into a tight embrace and whispered a deeply honest “I love you” in her ear.

“Wow!  I’m so happy for you!”  Kay’s smile was radiant and genuine.  Aria pulled her best friend into a hug and beamed back, feeling much happier than she had in a long time.  It wasn’t that she was unhappy in general; it was just an entirely different feeling of elation.

  “How did it happen?  Give me the details!”

Aria launched into the story of how she had been feeling down and acting distant with him when he called and invited her for dinner.  She mentioned she could hear the plea in his voice and didn’t want to disappoint him so she agreed to go over. 

“I’m so glad I gave in that night,” she said as her eyes shined.  Kay was completely wrapped up in hearing about the details of how he had cooked dinner and set the table with candles.  She thought it was cute how Aria had noticed he seemed odd and nervous but could not figure out why.  She thought the way he actually asked was perfect.  Then Aria went on to happily inform Kay they actually had sex and it was great, followed by a quick and sweet shower. 

“Wow,” Kay breathed out.  “I’m really happy for you,” she said earnestly.  “So do you feel better now?”

“I do,” Aria replied honestly, “But I think it’s still something to be addressed.  I mean, it took something like moving in for us to finally have sex after a long time.  And it was great and sweet but it wasn’t, I don’t know, fiery?  And it doesn’t need to be like that every time but there just is something missing, I really feel it.”  She spoke rapidly without pausing even to take a breath.  Aria knew she really needed to figure out what this was and address it with Billy.  She finally had the confidence to do so without the fear of shattering her relationship.  But for now there were other things to focus on. She had some packing to do.

It was three weeks later and Billy and Aria had finally found the perfect apartment, signed the lease, and moved their stuff in.  It took them about half a week to set everything up and settle in.  This would be their first weekend truly spent together in their new place.  She was positively giddy as she stepped over the threshold of the door.

  He was already sitting on the couch watching television while he waited for her.  Though they wanted to enjoy the apartment in their way they had decided on having a small get together as a housewarming.  It was all set up now, it was just time to wait for people to arrive.  Aria walked over to Billy and dropped onto his lap, nuzzling her face against his warm neck. 

“It finally feels like
our
place,” she said before pressing a gentle kiss on his neck.  He hummed in agreement and let his head fall back to better expose his entire neck.  She showered it with kisses before licking along his jawline, but they were interrupted by a knock on the door.

“Time to put on pants, you have company!”

The two of them burst into laughter and Aria got off his lap to go open the door.

“We were already finished,” she joked as she opened the door to see a group of their friends standing there with gifts and drinks.  They all made noises of either disgust or encouragement as they poured inside, laying everything on the table and kitchen counter.  Billy turned off the television in favor of putting on some music before joining everyone over in the kitchen.  They mixed drinks and chatted for a while before people started branching off to different parts of the apartment.  In just a couple hours, the place was packed and noisy. 

Everyone seemed to be having a great time and this pleased both Billy and Aria.  Kay burst in later than most of the guests with a large box expertly wrapped with the largest, most ridiculous bow Aria had ever seen.

“I got this especially for Billy,” Kay said seriously as she pointed at the bow.  Billy laughed and clapped, removing it from the present and draping it around his neck. Everyone in the apartment laughed before continuing on with their conversations.

“Open it later,” Kay mentioned as she marched off to their bedroom to set it down.  This made Aria infinitely curious as to what was inside.  Billy slid up next to her, quite buzzed, and yanked on one of the strings on the bow. 

“You like it,” he said in a tone that was half a question and half suggestive.  She pulled on the string and nodded, biting down on her lower lip.  She had the urge to do more with the strings of the bow, to restrain him and make him look like he was her own special present.  But that would be obviously inappropriate now and she was unsure how he would feel about it if she tried to do it later.  She gulped and dropped the string feeling her face heat up at the thought. 

She spent the rest of the night trying to avoid Billy and his bow because, as silly and ridiculous as it looked on him, it caused a stirring in her she was trying very hard to ignore.  By the time everyone left, the apartment was a mess and the pair of them were too exhausted to clean up.  They flopped onto the bed, still in their clothes, and instantly fell asleep.

She woke up late the following morning. Billy was still sprawled out and asleep on the bed  Aria stifled her laughter when she saw the bow from last night strewn about on the floor, Billy still holding on to the end of one of its ribbons.  She walked out of the bedroom bracing herself for the mess she was about to find. 

It wasn’t as bad as she had remembered but it was still quite a bit of a mess to clean up.  She went straight to the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee before getting to work.  She started rapidly picking up all the trash and placing it into bags, putting them by the door to take them all out at the same time once Billy woke up.  She went to fix herself her a cup of coffee before continuing the cleanup.  She leaned over the kitchen counter to enjoy it, looking around her apartment feeling content that it was finally ready.  It was really
their
place and she had to admit it looked pretty great despite the mess. 

As she was finishing up her coffee and putting the mug into the sink, Billy walked out of the bedroom.  She pointed at the coffee pot and he walked over immediately to fix a cup for himself.  He looked around and saw the trash bags by the door.  Instead of taking the time to drink his coffee, he walked over and put on some sandals to pick up a few bags at once to take over to the trash chute. 

Aria put on sandals as well and took over the remaining bags.  It wasn’t until they had returned to the apartment and Billy finally finished his cup of coffee that he actually spoke. 

“That was fun,” he said as he helped her pick up the rest of the mess and started to wash the dishes.  She hummed in agreement as she wiped all the surfaces in the kitchen and living room.  It seemed people had mostly stayed away from the dining area for some reason.  When the place was finally spotless, the two dropped onto the couch feeling the exhaustion course through their veins.  They settled on watching their favorite sitcom and just watched in silence except for the occasional laugh.  But even that felt like it required more energy than they had. 

They only ate once.  It was about 7pm when they finally decide to just have microwave dinners and continuing the sitcom marathon.  It was a day to recuperate in the comfort of their new place.  At about 10pm Aria decided it was time to turn in for a good night’s rest before the start of the week.  She kissed Billy good night and walked off to the bedroom.  She stripped down to just her panties and climbed into bed, feeling the warm blanket wrap around her.  Out in the living room, Billy had lowered the volume of the television so as to not disturb her. 

It was nearly 1am when Aria woke up for no apparent reason and noticed Billy had still not come to bed.  She walked out into the living room, wondering if he had just passed out on the couch, to find he wasn’t out there.  She saw the light of the bathroom on and was about to walk back to the bedroom when a flash from his laptop screen caught her attention.  

She figured it was nothing and thought she should ignore it, a second flash sparked her interest too much.  She walked over to the laptop and was stunned by what she saw on the screen.  It was some sort of website detailing different practices of BDSM.

The flashing was a result of some advertisement on the side bar for a BDSM porn website.  She wasn’t horrified or put off by it at all.  She was just completely surprised.  In all the time she had been with Billy she had no idea he had any kind of interest in something so kinky.  She heard the toilet flush and she ran back to the room, quietly and carefully shutting the door behind her. 

She climbed in to bed and leaned against the headboard, wondering why he had never mentioned anything to her or even dropped a hint.  She felt a similar stirring to that one she had felt at the party when she imagined using the ribbons of the bow to tie him up.

Maybe I should’ve just gone for it
, she thought now. 

That is when it dawned on her he probably had never brought it up for the same reason she hadn’t.  She was always worried he would think she was crazy or even worry he wasn’t satisfying her in bed.  None of this was the case, of course, but she was so used to the negative social stigma surrounding BDSM that it was a notion and fear deeply engrained in her. 

She wanted to bring it up to him but had no idea how to go about it.  This wasn’t something you could just blurt out randomly, after all.  Even if she tried talking about fantasies she doubted it would work.  They had already engaged in that conversation more than once and it had never come up.  It would be weird to start that discussion again and suggest anything even related to BDSM.  At least she felt like he would think it came totally out of nowhere.

But she also came to realize this could potentially be the answer to the problem she had picked up on.  This could possibly be the thing that was missing from their sex life.  Maybe they had both reached a place where the comfort of the relationship took over to a point where something they really desired ended up standing out and affecting their regular sex life.  It was hard to process but she wanted now, more than ever, to somehow bring it up. 

Unless I try something
, she thought. 

It would have to be something small and she would have to make sure every step of the way he was okay with it.  After all, just because he was reading up on it or curious about it didn’t necessarily mean he was ready to experiment with it.  This was, of course, assuming he had never done any BDSM activities in the past with other partners.  She heard his footsteps walking towards the bedroom door and she quickly dove under the blanket, pretending to be asleep when the door opened.  He slipped into bed next to her. She felt his arm drape over her waist before drifting off to sleep.  She could think about this some more tomorrow.