Confessions and Olivia (Olivia #2) (2 page)

Chapter Two*

January 2014. A new year, new start and all that.
Ha,
what does that even stand for? Just something that people say to make themselves feel better? When truth is, it makes us feel worse for not actually carrying out a fresh start for the New Year like we said we would. For not sticking to our new year’s resolutions, as promised.

Yes, I’m still categorically depressed.

This winter in Chicago has been the worse since I can ever remember. Lake Michigan is like ice, with ice boulders washing up onto shore.
That’s how cold it is.
I used to love going to sit on the beach, just reminding myself of happier times, but even the beach, the waves, the sand, all of Chicago seems to have frozen along with my feelings.

My life right now is one bi
g replication; Have an awful night sleep, get up, go to work, come home, go up to my room after picking at my food, and try to sleep again. I have no friends around me, Tyler won't answer my calls. Madison hasn’t spoke to me since that row over Calvin, and Sophia is too wrapped up in Ryan and managing Rita’s for anything else. Mauricio is away a lot at the moment as he has new business’s in Brooklyn so he’s been busy, which I love. My mom follows him around like a lost lamb so I don’t see her much either. I do however have Mayra. She’s as crazy as always and most of the time puts a smile back on my face, but I don’t like talking much lately, so I don't want to bore anyone with my intangible company.

T
oday is Sunday. I have no plans so I decide to get dressed for the gym and head out in the snow. I must be crazy. I haven’t been in a while, well months, actually. It used to be mine and Madison’s gym day, a Sunday, but that’s dead and buried now as well.

A run on the treadmill might help, and god knows I need all the help I can get to try and free my mind.

At first I use to plead with myself, beg my own mind just to have five minutes of emptiness. Now, my mind
is
empty and lonely. I don’t know which is worse.

I chuck on my blue Hollister hooded jumper, a matching pair of sweat pants, my sketchers, scrap my auburn hair back into a high pony tail and head out with my woolly hat and gloves in tow.

I put my head phones in press play to love somebody by Maroon 5 and walk.

As I head into the gym, I make small talk with the gym owner Russell about no
t seeing each other in a while then go to set up a treadmill. As I’m about to jump on I see a familiar face setting up on the cross trainer.
It's Madison
. I’d spot them pink skin tight leggings and pink crop top anywhere. It feels almost strange seeing her. It shouldn’t feel like is, after all, she's my best friend isn’t she? Why does she feel a mere stranger to me?
I hate this.
She looks over the same time as I do and appears a little shocked. Her facial expressions are warm though which settles my nerves a little.

I take my earphones out as she walks towards me.

"Hey Livs, fancy seeing you here."

I know she's finding this as awkward as I am and I hate that it's come to this.

"Yeah, pretty mad huh?" I reply, not really knowing what else to say. She twists her fingers together nervously. I know she's dying to say something. Me too.

"I heard about you and Calvin," she tells me, her voice is soft and full of sympathy
.

I purse my lips and nod.
Yeah, it sucks." I shrug and give an apathetic smile otherwise I’d cry.

Madison shifts on her feet t
hen finally deflates letting go. “Oh, Olivia, come here."

She almost pounces on me, bringing me into an overbearing, unexpected hug.

"I feel for you I really do. I’m so sorry. I thought you two were the real deal, ya know."

She lets
me go shaking her head in anger. "What an asshole, it was so cruel what he did. From what I heard."

I narrow my eyes at her.
"What have you heard?"

She wraps her pony tail around her fingers a little unnerved, not expecting me to ask that questio
n. "Oh, you know, people talk."

I don't have the energy to question her. I couldn't give a shit what people are saying.

I’m sure they are perfect and have never fallen in love have they?

Madison changes the subject realizing it's still a sensitive topic for me.

"So, do you see much of Tyler since he moved?"

"Tyler?" I scoff. "Nope. He hates my guts and
who can blame him? The way I spoke to him Mads, I hurt him real bad."

"You know he's home right?"

"Tyler? He's home? Since when?"

"He came home for Christmas and hasn’t been able to drive back because of the snow."

I tilt my head a little in confusion. "He's spoken to you?"

"Yeah, I saw him out with Jamie. He acted like he didn’t miss you but your all he asked about. He told me not to tell you that he’s home though." She looks on apologetically.

He didn’t want me knowing he was home? Does he hate me that much?

I grab my things and get ready to leave.
"Olivia, you’ve just got here, where are you going?"

"I need to see Tyler, Mads. I can’t go any longer without speaking to him. I need to put it right."

I rush past her making my priority getting to Tyler before he does another moonlight flit.

"Oh, bye then."
She shouts dryly behind me. I run back to her and hug her quickly. "I’m sorry, I’ll call you."

I get to Tyler’s front door and take a deep breath. After counting to ten I finally pluck up the courage to knock.

Tyler answers after what seems hours. As soon as he sees me he puts his attitude feisty face on.

"Don't give me that face Tyler James, why have you been ignoring my calls? And why didn’t you want me to know you were home?"

He tilts his head back to laugh. "Ha, don't act like you care Olivia," He tries to brush me off but I stand my ground.

"S
top acting like an asshole Ty, you know full well I care."

"You got a funny way of showing it." He barks at me. Slamming the door in my face almost knocking me backwards.

Wow! Okay. I was not expecting that. Slamming the door in my face? Why am I even bothering?

I go to walk off but then decide, actually, I’m not running this time. If I have to stay outside all night to get him to talk to me I damn will.

I bang on the door several times over, calling him to answer but he ignores me.

I give up after a few goes. His neighbors e
ven come out of their own homes giving me daggers like I’m a crazed women. Some even looking through their curtains at me.
The cheek.

I turn away and park my backside on his doorstep. Jeez
, he's so stubborn.

No wonder we get on so well.

He's not going to let me in. Doesn’t he know how cold it is out here?

Putting my head in my hands I calm myself down and decide to take a different approach. I know he's listening to me, he’s too nosy not too.
I stand and rest my forehead against the door.

"Tyler, please let me in. If you don't like what I have to say I’ll leave, but at least hear me out." I call loud enough for him to hear me clearly, but low enough so his neighbors can't.

Then I hear motion from behind the door and he finally opens up.

I pretend to wave a white flag in front of him,
pocking out my bottom lip, but his feisty expression remains.

"You better come in seeing as my neighbors will notice how dreadful my ‘supposed’ best friend looks."

Oh, not him as well.
I pretend to act appalled by that comment, but he doesn’t find it funny.

“What? You do look awful,” he shrugs non apologetic.

I nod thanking him dryly and wait for him to close the door before I sit down. Nana Joyce must be out.

"Come on then, let’s hear it." Tyler crosses his arms waiting. I don't sit.

"
Tyler, I’m so sorry with the way I acted towards you. I said some hurtful things, I was way out of line."

"Damn right you was." He bitches
flicking his overgrown quiff out of his face and looks everywhere but me. I glance down at his impatient tapping foot, and continue.

"I shouldn’t have blamed you for any of that and you’re the last person I wanted to loose from my life. I hate every second of this, it’s like I’ve lost my right arm without you."

Finally he starts to soften. He grudgingly sighs walking towards me holding his hand out indicating for me to sit with him.

"Listen, Olivia, it’s my fault too. I shouldn't have gone crazy like I did. You needed me to comfort you and I acted like a first class ass going on about how much of an asshole Calvin was
, and forgetting that what you needed was support. I’m so sorry for what Calvin has done to you. I’m sorry for not returning your calls. I’ve missed you so much. But your words stabbed me Missy. Then when it hit me that actually, I was going to New York by myself, I was so angry. I thought it would have been the best new start for you to get away from everything." He holds my hand in his lap all the while but I shake my head disagreeing.

"It would have been too much for me Ty. In my head, I still needed to sort things out. I would have been carrying all that
baggage with me to New York in my mind. To me, it wouldn’t have been starting new if I went with you because I wasn’t in the right mind frame too. If I went with you, there was no way I would have gave any project I took on my all, because I can't give anything my all right now. I don't even feel human Tyler, how could I have possibly gone to start a new life somewhere like this? I’m not me and don’t think I ever will be. I can’t cope with these feelings. I just wish they would go away and let me be. I can’t focus on anything else. I fall to sleep crying, wake up crying, it’s such a vicious cycle,"

I look up at Tyler who has gone quiet, he has tears in his eyes.

I recoil a little surprised. "What’s wrong?"

He takes a deep comp
osed breath before answering me. "I just hate what he’s done to you Olivia. You were so happy. He made you see more sense than anyone has, you hated the thought of working for your step dad. Calvin made you realize that Mauricio is one big control freak when no one else could get through to you, and now, now your back to square one. I can see it in your eyes how much pain you’re going through, and I’m so sorry I haven’t been here for you. I feel terrible. You’ve been going through this heartache by yourself. Suffering in silence."

I’m about to speak but my voice cracks up. I break down in sobs, falling tightly into Tyler’s arms, letting everything go. I need Tyler. I didn’t realize how much until now. He's my rock, my best friend and my support network. I’ve missed him so much.

After I ruin Tyler’s t-shirt with my tears, I stay in his arms for a while just needing to be held.

"I’m
sorry again." I sniff, finally releasing him.

"Hey, stop saying you’re sorry honey. If you can’t be mad at your best friend who can you be mad at?"
He leans over to the side table and presents me with a tissue.

"How is New York?" I
ask wiping my nose in the tissue. I haven’t even asked him about it.
Some friend.

"God, it’s amazing, you would love it. The place I’m staying at is to die for. It’s a pent house suite in Manhattan with big glass windows and I have a car to take me to work every day." He smiles hugely trying to get me to be optimistic.

"Really?" I raise my eyebrow. I know when he's lying.

He sighs adjusting his glasses. The
ones he wears on a Sunday only. "No not really. I live in a small damp studio underground, which has bars on the fucking windows like a jail cell. It’s so small I’ve gained claustrophobia. I have to leave about two hours earlier in the morning for work. The cab costs me more than I’m paying for my place, it's so dark and dingy. But, I love my job Olivia. I’m learning so much. I’ve got into an amazing interior design company. They were majorly impressed with my stuff, I got the job as a first assistant. So yeah I love my job but hate where I live."

"Jesus, Tyler. I feel real bad, let me speak to my mom. They will let you have the apartment they bought for me."

Tyler shakes his head not having any of it. "No, I don’t want to live off someone now I have my own. I want to work for what I have. I know where I live is not nice, but I will work my way up and one day, I will live in that pent house suit I’ve dreamed of and I can say to myself; yeah, I have done all this by myself and I did damn good."

I beam proudly. And he will. He’s so driven and talented.

"Anyway, may I just say, you look awful honey. You need me to doll you up. You need to get back out there and show them guys what they’ve been missing."

I groan pulling my knees up to my chest.

Men have not been missing out on much.

That's Tyler’s answer to everything though and the very last thing on my to-do list right now is to go out getting drunk and reckless.