Confessions Of A Karaoke Queen (46 page)

And you know what Phil Collins said about waiting for this moment all his life (a little before, or after, the serious drum solo? I’ll have to ask Nick).

Maybe, just maybe, this is mine.

Turn the page for some karaoke-related advice
and playlists from Ella Kingsley, author of
Confessions of a Karaoke Queen

1. Eating ISN’T cheating

If you’re a true karaoke legend at heart, you don’t want to book your booth, warm up your vocal chords, tip back a bucket of wine on an empty stomach and promptly fall over comatose after twenty seconds of ‘Born to Run’. No. You’ll want to eat a big cheeseburger and fries before you do any of that. I’m not suggesting anyone should tackle a mic stone-cold sober but there’s a difference between a touch of Dutch courage and the contents of a Dutch brewery. Fill yourself with good old carbs before you sing and you’ll not only last longer but you’ll sound better. Maybe.

2. Preparation is everything

A karaoke booth is like a Tardis. Somewhere between ‘Like a Prayer’ and ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ an hour’s slipped by and
you’ve forgotten all those
really
great tunes you heard on Magic FM and now can’t remember the name of. Avoid mind-freeze at the machine: there’s no shame in writing your song list in advance. (Well, there is, but no one has to know except you and me.)

3. The heat is on

Be it in a bar, a booth or just a best mate’s living room, karaoke gets one hot and bothered. Fact. Blasting out a classic tune at the top of your lungs gets the heart racing and the blood pumping, not to mention all the energy you need to jiggle your limbs around in the corresponding dance moves. ‘All the Single Ladies’, anyone? ‘YMCA’? You get the sweaty picture. Wear breathable clothes in loose layers so you can peel off at will, and maybe just sneak a deodorant in your bag too.

4. No one likes a mic hog

You know you’re a karaoke diva; your mum knows you have the voice of an angel; but don’t force your friends to hear the entire back catalogue of ABBA sung by you and you alone. If you were at your ninth birthday party, you’d pass the parcel, right? Well now you are
slightly
older, the mic is that parcel. Bite your lip and pass it round after you’ve had your spot in the limelight. It’s only fair. Plus, that way, you’ll have reserved a bit of extra energy to really nail that top note on your next power ballad. And people will love that. Honest.

5. The morning after

If you’ve followed tip number one faithfully then you shouldn’t be too hungover the next day – but that doesn’t
mean your voice won’t be suffering. Not only were you singing super loudly last night but you were probably shouting over the music to your mates
and
the barman. And maybe you had a little sing-along in the cab on the way home. Who am I to judge? Anyway, soothe a raspy throat with hot water, honey and lemon and keep a pack of boiled sweets in your bag to suck on as essential karaoke medicine. You might find your legs are a bit sore too. That means that you probably went OTT with your Tina Turner staggering dance. Next time: warm down, ladies. Or wear legwarmers, whatever works for you.

Have you got karaoke booth blindness? Do you know that you want to sing but just not
what
exactly? Fear not, karaoke queens! Here are my emergency song lists in those key karaoke departments …

Boyband beauties

‘Relight My Fire’ by Take That

‘Hangin’ Tough’ by New Kids on the Block – ripped Donnie Wahlberg jeans optional

‘When Will I Be Famous?’ by Bros

Rocktastic ballads

‘Alone’ by Heart

‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ by Queen

‘Black Velvet’ by Alannah Miles – it’ll bring you to your knees

For the karaoke divas

‘I Will Survive’ by Gloria Gaynor – but your audience might not

‘All By Myself’ by Celine Dion

‘I Will Always Love You’ by Whitney Houston

For the vocally challenged

‘Tubthumping’ by Chumbawumba

‘That’s Not My Name’ by The Ting Tings

‘Come On Eileen’ by Dexys Midnight Runners – dungarees, please

Strictly 80s

‘Wake Me Up Before You Go Go’ by Wham!

‘99 Red Balloons’ by Nena

‘Tainted Love’ by Soft Cell

Hens just want to have fun

‘Dancing Queen’ by ABBA – having the time of your life

‘Material Girl’ by Madonna

‘Independent Woman Part 1’ by Destiny’s Child

Rapper’s delight

‘Ice Ice Baby’ by Vanilla Ice

‘Gangster’s Paradise’ by Coolio

‘You Can’t Touch This’ by MC Hammer – Hammertime!