Confessions of a Litigation God: A Legal Affairs Full Length Erotic Novel (42 page)

When I open my eyes,
Mac is no longer staring between my legs, but all of her intensity is
focused on my face. I give it back to her in equal measure, and we
are both helpless to look away from the other.

“Spread your
legs,” I say roughly and she doesn’t hesitate for a
moment, spreading them wide and giving me unfettered gazing access to
her pussy.

Fucking beautiful
pussy!

“Touch
yourself,” I order her, surprised I can even talk right now.

Mac’s delicate
fingers go between her legs, and she gives me the show of a lifetime.
I can’t help but pull on my cock harder and faster as I watch
her, but when I feel the telltale signs of an orgasm starting to
rumble, I release myself because that’s not happening the first
time unless I’m inside of her.

“Enough.
You’re ready for my mouth, and I don’t think I’ll
stop until I’ve made you come at least three times.”

Mac shivers and her
eyes go half-mast. I step up to the bed, intent on latching my mouth
onto her clit hard, when she says, “Wait.”

Fuck no, not
waiting, but my eyes go to her in question and I pause momentarily.

“Let’s
make this a little more balanced,” she says.

Hmmm.
Interesting.

“What did you
have in mind?”

“We’ve
done a lot of dirty things together, but I don’t think we’ve
ever done sixty-nine. Let’s give that a try.”

Yes, Mac Dawson is
beyond magnificent. In fact, I feel like busting out an ode to her
greatness right now.

“You are like
the perfect fucking woman,” I say in awe.

“No, I’m
not,” she says simply, and I think that may be an allusion to
the fact that if she was… I would have never parted ways with
her. That thought hurts, but then she says, “But I’m damn
close, so get your ass on this bed and get into position.”

***

I wake up and glance
at Mac’s bedside clock. It’s 5:30 AM and I am warm,
secure with my arms wrapped around her, and I am utterly content.

I also know this
feeling will be fleeting, because Mac and I agreed that last night
was a goodbye sort of fuck.

Except… it
wasn’t fucking at all.

Don’t get me
wrong… there was plenty of sex. The sixty-nine just got us
started and after she came on my lips and I jetted over her tongue,
we didn’t even pause. Just started kissing, touching, and
groping each other, and we went at it again.

And again.

And again.

But there was a
level of need on my part that was not going to be satisfied by a mere
orgasm—or five. I needed more from Mac and for a brief time
last night… I got it.

I got the intimacy,
care, and pure desire that I had been craving for so long. She gave
it to me in murmurs, whispered touches, and gentle licks. She smiled
at me over and over again, causing my heart to soar. We talked and we
laughed. We did so much more than fucking.

Yes… what we
did last night was transcendental.

It may have been the
most perfect night of my life, and yet the dawn of this new day may
end up starting the worst of my life… when I walk out that
door and probably out of Mac’s life for good.

Sadness overwhelms
me at the prospect. It’s a miserable fucking thought.

But it’s
just a thought
, I tell myself.

Doesn’t have
to be true, does it? Perhaps I can change things with Mac. Maybe I
can go back, to that time in our relationship when we were both happy
with everything there was between us. I’m not quite sure how to
go about doing it. In fact, I need to talk this over with someone
trusted, and there is only one such person in my life.

Easing out of Mac’s
embrace, I give her a light kiss on her head and slip out of bed. I
dress silently and leave her apartment just as quietly.

As I hit the street,
looking to hail a cab, I pull my phone out and dial my dad. It’s
too early for him to be up, because he’s a night owl like me.

But he’ll
answer the phone when he sees it’s me that’s calling.
When I tell him I need to talk to him… that I need advice,
he’ll quietly slip out of the marriage bed he’s shared
with my mom for thirty-six years, and pad into the kitchen.

He’ll make a
pot of coffee while I lay my woes out to him. He’ll listen and
won’t interrupt. Then he’ll sit at the kitchen table that
overlooks the backyard, and he’ll sip on coffee while he
imparts his wisdom. I know my dad… he won’t call me a
dumbass and won’t make me feel bad for the stupid choices I’ve
made. Instead, he’ll put his head together with mine and help
me figure out exactly what I need to do.

In my opinion,
unaccomplished people only consider the risks, not the rewards.

Those words
reverberate through my head, over and over again.

My dad said them to
me about ten hours ago when I talked to him first thing this morning.
After I told him, with no holds barred, all about Mac Dawson.

I told him how we
met—sparing him, of course, the sordid details—and then
proceeded to explain how our relationship progressed, then how I
fucked it all up.

I didn’t hold
back, but told him it was my bitterness and insecurity… my
fear over getting hurt, that held me prisoner.

My dad was quiet the
entire time, patiently listening to me while I unburdened. He didn’t
even make a sound when I told him what really happened between Cal
and Marissa.

He never chastised
me, condescended, or made me feel like my errors in judgment were
born of idiocy. He merely listened to everything I had to say, and
then he said the words that have had me contemplating all day.

He had said, “In
my opinion, unaccomplished people only consider the risks, not the
rewards.”

It was a bold
statement by my father, meant to slap me with reality and make me
remember some very important things about myself.

Then my dad said
even more important words. He said, “Son… you are not an
unaccomplished man.”

I am not an
unaccomplished man.

I have succeeded
over and over again, sometimes against great adversity. And yet, when
it came to Mac, I’ve been so focused on being fearful of the
risks, that I never really thought about how fucking great the
rewards could be. I never let my desire to have Mac drive me forward.
I never let it push me to seek that which I desired most.

So very strange,
because seeking reward is the very crux of my career. It’s what
drives me to be the very best attorney I can be for my clients.
Because I’m striving for that reward… which is justice…
and it is beyond motivating.

I feel like ten
times the fool for letting my own fears get in the way of my own
drive and determination.

But no more.

I’m taking
back what is mine, and Mac Dawson
is
mine.

There is one more
thing that needs to be done though, before I can seek Mac out.

I walk to the
receptionist desk and give a curt smile to the regal-looking woman
sitting behind it. She peers at me over the rims of tortoiseshell,
cat’s-eye glasses.

“I’d
like to see Cal Carson,” I tell her firmly.

“Do you have
an appointment?” she asks pleasantly.

“No, but buzz
him… tell him Matt Connover is here to see him.”

I’m not sure
if the woman recognizes my name, or the tone of my voice brooks no
nonsense, but she nods and does as I ask. After a few murmured words
into the phone, she turns to me and says, “Mr. Carson will be
right up.”

I don’t bother
sitting on one of the plush leather chairs scattered throughout the
lobby, because if I know Cal, and I believe I do, he’ll be up
quickly.

“Matt?”
I hear from behind me, and turn to see Cal standing there looking at
me with worry. “Is Mac alright?”

The concern in his
voice is touching… truly. I think he’s going to be a
very good friend to Mac in the future, and that makes me grateful.
“She’s fine.”

“Then what are
you doing here?”

“I was hoping
we could talk,” I tell him as I stick my hands in my pocket,
rocking back and forth on the balls of my feet.

Cal just stares at
me blankly, because I’m sure what I just said was probably as
shocking as if I had said, “Cal, I’m a transgendered
werewolf that wants to enter the priesthood and I need your help”.

Finally, Cal gives a
little shake of his head and nods. “Let’s just go in this
conference room right here.” He motions with his hand to a door
off the lobby.

I follow him in,
noting that his spine is ramrod straight, his shoulders stiff. His
brain must be short-circuiting right now, trying to figure out what I
want.

When he takes a seat
at the end of the long, rectangular table, I take the one to his left
and lean back casually. Cal doesn’t relax a bit, putting both
forearms on the table and his hands clasped so tightly that his
knuckles are white.

I take a moment to
study his face… one I’ve looked at hundreds of times
over the years, mostly in friendship, lately only in hate. I used to
trust him with my life, and that will never be regained. But I think
I might have some room to possibly try to understand him.

“Mac told me
some details about that night. She urged me to learn the entire
truth, and she thinks I need to forgive you.”

Cal’s eyebrows
shoot up in surprise. “Do
you
think you need to forgive
me?”

“Yes,” I
tell him simply, watching as he jerks in his seat and his jaw drops
in disbelief.

And I do.

Need to forgive him,
that is.

If I’m going
to truly open myself up to Mac, I have got to let it all go. The
hate, the bitterness, the regrets. I have no room for it if I’m
going to give one-hundred percent to Mac. I have to get rid of it
because I don’t want any of it to taint what I have with her.

“You want to
forgive me?” he asks, still incredulous.

“I want you to
tell me what happened with Marissa,” I tell him with a hard
glint in my eye. “Then I want to forgive you.”

Cal takes in a deep
breath and lets it out with a stuttering quality of gratefulness.
“Okay.”

“I don’t
need the details… I just need to know your involvement,”
I say quietly.

He nods in
understanding. “First, you need to know. I was wrong. It was my
fault.”

I hold up a hand and
stop him. “I’ve heard that from you already. But I want
to know the part where you realized it was wrong.”

Cal hangs his head
in shame. “I knew it was wrong from the start… at least,
I think a part of me did.”

“But you
didn’t initiate it,” I prompt him urgently, because he’s
not giving me what I want. He’s still stuck on the liability
when I need him to focus on the absolution.

“No,” he
says quietly. “Marissa crawled into bed with me. I was passed
out, I think… I came to and she was…”

He trails off
thankfully because I really, really don’t want the details, and
he doesn’t want to say it out loud. “Then what happened?”

“We
consummated, Matt. I had sex with her. But just moments after we
started… I stopped it. I pushed her off because I had a wave
of guilt slap me hard. I knew my friendship with you had already been
ruined, but I couldn’t go through with it. I just want you to
know, I will never be sorrier for anything I do the rest of my life
than I am for what I did to you. I never want to cause that type of
pain to another person.”

He doesn’t say
anything more, and he really doesn’t need to. Cal stares at me,
his shame and remorse obvious. The funny thing is… I always
knew he was remorseful. I never doubted that before.

Before, though…
I just didn’t care.

Tapping my fingers
on the table before me, I give Cal a sardonic smile. “I’ve
been doing a lot of soul searching lately. What I’ve determined
is that I’m not the man I have the potential to be… for
myself, for Mac. I need to be free from this.”

Cal just nods at me
in understanding.

“I forgive
you, Cal. I forgive Marissa too, for that matter, but I’ll need
to have that conversation with her later.” I stare at him with
conviction, so he understands I mean this from the bottom of my soul.
“I’m letting it go, and I want you to as well.”

He swallows hard and
says, “Thank you, Matt. I don’t deserve it.”

“Sure you do,”
I tell him with a short smile. “Doesn’t mean we will ever
be friends again… but you deserve forgiveness. Besides, looks
like you’re in Mac’s life and I intend to be back in her
life, so you and I needed to make amends.”

He grins at me. “So
are you going to do some groveling?”

“Yup. And you
can help me out. Besides, you owe me.”

“That I do…
what do you need?”

“I want to run
an idea by you first, and then I want you to make a phone call for
me.”

***

Cal is handling the
favor I asked of him right this very moment by making a call to Mac.
I’m standing outside of her office with my ear pressed against
her closed door, listening to her entire conversation with him. None
of it’s confidential, because he’s doing nothing more
than telling her about the conversation I just had with him an hour
ago at his office.

I can only hear
Mac’s end of the conversation, but I hear excitement, and joy,
and wonder in her voice as Cal tells her about our meeting just a bit
ago. I can tell the moment that Cal tells her that I’m standing
outside of her office door, just as I asked him to, because she has a
quick intake of breath and then says, “I’ll talk to you
later, Cal.”

My heart is slamming
in my chest, waiting for her to open her office door. In just
moments, the course of my life will be determined.

In just a moment,
I’m saying fuck the risks and reaching for my reward.

The door opens, and
I’ll never get tired of looking at this woman. Her eyes are
clouded and I don’t know what she’s thinking. She
gestures me in and says, “Cal said you forgave him.”