Confessions of a Wild Heart (5 page)

Jase didn’t need telling twice. He made quick work of his one finger, two finger, three fingers. He eyed Ase’s cock then inserted a fourth with a slight wince. He worked himself with his fingers and stroked his cock, watching Ase roll on the condom and stroke himself, licking those perfect lips.

“C’mon, Jase.” Ase held out a hand. “Sit on me.”

Jase smiled through his lusty breathing, finding the moment a little funny. Ase rolled his eyes and pulled Jase forward, Jase falling on him bodily. “We don’t have to,” Ase said.

“I want this,” Jase said, with no hesitation. He did. If this was the only time he’d ever have with Ase, he wanted this weekend to have these memories. When he was home in Texas, having girls foisted on him by his mother and every mama at their church, meeting guys in bars, he wanted to carry this piece of Ase around with him to remember he’d let go, even just once.

He gave Ase one more peck on the lips, then moved up to crouching position, gripping Ase’s cock in his hand. Ase dumped lube on his hand and stroked a couple times before letting go and letting Jase have at it. So Jase remembered how he’d done it before, his favorite way with the toys he’d used.

He opened up his body and slowly, inch by inch, slid down Ase’s cock. It hurt, was thicker than the biggest toy he’d ever used, but Ase was warm and alive and softer. There was a perfect give to the real thing, and his body yielded eventually. Ase started stroking Jase’s cock with the hand that still had lube on it, and Jase felt sparks, seated completely, ball to ass in Ase’s lap.

They sat breathing heavily and looking in each other’s eyes for a moment. Time stopped and Jase felt the loss of Ase keenly, knowing he’d leave the man on Monday and probably never see him again. This was a holiday fling. But it felt big, monumental.

He felt like a ridiculous, heartsick teenager.

Ase grabbed Jase hands and locked his elbows. “Use my hands. Ride me, Jase.”

He did just that. He gripped Ase’s hands and rose up, placing a foot on each side of Ase’s hips, in a sitting position, then dropped back down. Rose up, dropped down, using Ase’s hands for balance. His toes clenched the duvet under his feet, and he groaned in unison with Ase, whose eyes rolled back as he started thrusting up to meet each downward drop of Jase’s ass. They set up a steady rhythm, and it stopped hurting, started feeling full and intense, and… perfect.

Jase had a brief moment of wishing they’d just fucked in one of those clubs back in the gayborhood, wishing it wasn’t so intimate as this. Because that’s what this was—the most intimate moment of his entire life. And he was flying.

Ase’s thrusts up started pegging him just right, and an involuntary whimper emitted from Jase’s throat every time Ase’s cock glided over his gland.

“Fuck. Oh, fuck, Ase.”

“That’s right. Keep riding me, baby. Come on.”

Ase let go of one of Jase’s hands and started stroking Jase’s cock. “Oh, shit,” Jase groaned. He started using his free hand to cup his balls as Ase stroked him. He felt himself start to tense, his balls started pulling up in his hand, and with a few more tugs from Ase and a few more rolls of his own sac, Jase lost it, stripes of cum shooting on Ase’s firm stomach.

“Mother
fucker
,” Jase groaned, his movements stuttering. Ase let go of Jase’s hands, reaching to grab both cheeks of his ass and as Jase leaned forward, riding the waves of his intense orgasm, placing his forehead on Ase’s chest, Ase started thrusting with abandon, reaching for his own release.

It didn’t take long before Ase tensed and let out a “Huuumph” as he tensed and tried to shove all the way into Jase’s body, shoot his cum in the condom deep inside Jase.

They lay on each other, bodies heaving as they pulled themselves together, clinging to one another like they’d float off.

They lay long enough that Ase’s cock softened and fell from Jase, leaving him missing the fullness, but sensitive enough to be relieved the invasion was over.

Jase lifted his head from Ase’s chest, and the smile on Ase’s face broke his heart and mended it all at the same time.
This is it. The last moment like this.

They kissed slowly, holding each other and Jase swore to himself he’d never let himself regret this. Ever.

Chapter 5

JASE lay on Ase’s chest, drawing circles with his finger, enjoying the bunching of muscles and the occasional quiet, deep chuckle that came from Ase. They’d lazed for a while, then swapped mind-blowing blowjobs before taking a nap. Now they both lay awake, watching the clock creep closer to midnight, and Jase couldn’t help feeling like the magic would wear off then.

He didn’t want it to end, wished he’d met Ase days ago so they could have had more than a few hours together.

“I have to leave soon. My
tia
is expecting me back tonight. But maybe we can do lunch tomorrow?” Ase asked.

Jase smiled and kissed Ase’s chest before looking up into his eyes. He saw insecurity there that was so incongruous with Ase’s whole bad boy vibe. He smiled wider and kissed Ase’s lips. “Sounds great. I’d love to see you one last time.”

The sadness on Ase’s face was quickly covered up, much like his disappointment yesterday, and Jase was glad of his training because he was able to remain stoic, even when he was feeling like shit. It was stupid, he knew. He’d known this man twenty-four hours. It wasn’t like he’d ever see him again, and he definitely wasn’t in love or anything. But the
what ifs
were strong and present like a big, angry elephant in the room.

“Thank you for showing me the city. I’ve had a great time.”

“You’re more than welcome. If you’re ever in San Diego…” Ase left the thought unfinished because they knew there was no point making promises.

“So you’ll still be living at home during your residency?”

Ase was quiet for a moment. “Home. What a strange word.”

Jase frowned. “Why so?”

“I guess I’ve never thought of it as home. My parents don’t treat it like it is. They mostly moved so I could get a better education.” Ase rubbed his hand up and down Jase’s back soothingly, Jase arching into it like a happy kitten.

“They wanted their son to be a doctor, and America held more promise for that possibility. In my twenty-two years, we’ve moved to different parts of California at least five times, switching my schools eight times until they found the one they considered the best.”

“Sounds crazy. I went to the same school my whole life. All ages were in one building there. We don’t have a big district.”

“Lucky.”

“Depends on who you ask,” Jase teased.

“I wish we’d found one place to stay. Even our house in San Diego is like a shrine to their village in
México
or Central America. You’d think they never left. And it’s the same with my family here. They live on a US base, but it’s like walking into a house in the
barrio
. Add to that I’m gay—which they do not know—and refuse to take my chosen bride—”

“Your what?” Jase reared back.

Ase laughed mirthlessly. “Yes. Arranged marriages still exist in some families. I’m not stupid enough to do it. But it makes me an outcast. My cousins are thuggish and set on me all the time to find out why I won’t get my act together. But what the hell? Why drag the poor girl up from Oaxaca only to not marry her? She wouldn’t even be able to stay in the States after that.”

“Sounds… intense.” Jase couldn’t imagine. There was pressure from his family, and, boy, did he know what it was like to be the black sheep.

“My family was coming after me pretty hard to get married. My baby brother is engaged, and he’s only twenty. They’ve never let me live it down that he’ll be first down the aisle. And now they’re mad at me because they think I should be home, tending to the girl I dated once or twice on leave, even though it’s a year later, instead of playing around in Europe.”

“Did you love her?”

“I barely know her, aside from us being friendly in school. Despite what my parents think, she was in it just for sex, same as me.” Jase practically snarled as he continued, “Plus, I thought since we were fucking, it was important she knew I’d been with men and women, but I’d been tested. Yeah, we used condoms, but she had a right to know.”

“You’re a good man. Not many would have done it.”

“So much good it did me. When she’s mad at me, she’s calls me a faggot. One time, she said that was why I couldn’t commit to her.”

“Wow. That’s…” Ase seemed at a loss. “That’s definitely fucked up. I’m sorry. What a
puta
.” Jase put a hand on Ase’s chest and stroked, calming both of them, and feeling warmed by the fact Ase was angry on his behalf. Ase was the first person who’d taken up for Jase at all since the whole shitstorm started.

“It’s probably embarrassing. I’m rare in my town; I’ve seen the world, got a steady income. My mama says I’m a catch, so that I don’t wanna settle down with Christa was probably a slap in the face. I feel bad.”

Ase lifted Jase’s chin with his forefinger and looked him in the eye. “I think that’d be natural for anyone your age. You haven’t been home since. You can’t do anything about it, now.”

Jase didn’t know why Ase saying that was any different than when his best friend, Rory, had said it. But it was. “Yeah. Gotta take things as they come.” Ase smiled at him sweetly and leaned up to kiss Jase chastely.

“Is that who made you swear off girls—not that I’m complaining, I assure you.”

Jase chuckled. “That’d be the one. She was pretty pissed I wasn’t coming home. Guess she thought with Mama on her side and gearin’ up to be home on a permanent basis, I’d be ready to talk more about settling down. But like I said, it’s not like we were… like that.”

Ase nodded. “Humans can be complicated.”

“That’s an understatement.” Jase lay his head back down on Ase’s chest. “Why can’t it always be this simple?” He couldn’t believe he’d asked that out loud.

“I wish it were simpler,
gringo
” Ase said, sadly. “You have to go back to work. And I have to go home soon myself.”

Jase didn’t dare look up. “I’m almost finished. This is my last leave, then I’m back home in a few months. I’m ready. Mostly.”

“Home,” Ase said, blandly. The sadness in Ase’s voice matched the way Jase felt. Jase just kissed Ase’s chest again. He wasn’t sure why he’d told Ase so much about himself. Maybe it was that he’d never see Ase again. Yes, they’d exchanged e-mail addresses and phone numbers, and maybe they’d keep in touch for a while. But they lived worlds apart, led totally different lives. They’d not stay in touch long. He didn’t even want to build hope on that foundation of sand.

They lay silently for another moment before Ase finally nudged Jase off him and started walking around the room, gathering his clothes and dressing. When Ase disappeared into the bathroom and shut the door behind him, Jase stood and gathered the condom off the floor to throw in the waste basket and dressed in sweatpants and an Army t-shirt.

When Ase reappeared, Jase slid on a pair of sneakers and grabbed his key card.

“You don’t have to walk me out,” Ase said, but the hopeful look in his eye belied his words.

“Of course I do.”

When they got on the elevator, they were silent, pinkies linked. Jase didn’t care if they were acting like lovesick teenagers. He’d not really ever done this, too busy concentrating on getting out and seeing the world when he was a kid to think about relationships. No way was he fucking up and knocking up some girl in high school, and the guys he’d fooled around with had been mostly experimenting.

This was the first time he felt like maybe he was losing something important.

So he took back that wish that they’d met sooner. If this sucked after two fun dinners and one amazing night together, he couldn’t imagine if it’d been a week of getting wrapped up in this… passion.

There’d be others; he was sure. But this was special. And it hurt.
It’ll build character.

When the elevator dinged and the doors opened into the lobby, they stepped out and walked through the lobby. On the sidewalk outside, Ase turned to him, regret filling his eyes.

“I’m so sorry I can’t stay the night. I’m doing family shit tomorrow, and
Tia
would never let me live it down if I didn’t show up for church.” Ase’s words oozed sincerity, his body wrought with apology.

Jase nudged Ase’s shoulder with his own. “Hey, we still have our late lunch tomorrow.” He waggled his eyebrows, earning that warm chuckle he’d grown to like. A lot.

“True,” Ase said. He pulled out his phone and tapped the screen a few times. “I just texted you the address of a great diner with actual
German
food, though here they’d just call it food. I’ll meet you there no later than two.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Jase said. He wrapped his arms around Ase and hugged him tight. “Thanks for tonight. It was really… It was the best.”

Jase leaned up, not breaking their embrace. “Back at ya.” Ase’s Texan accent was almost as painful to hear as Jase’s British one had been. Their lips met in a quick chaste—

There was a racket, men making angry sounds in a foreign tongue Jase couldn’t decipher because they were speaking so rapid-fire. He was pretty sure it was Spanish, though, which was weird to hear after so much German over the last couple weeks.

Ase’s head snapped up, and he coiled with tension. “Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

The men were approaching them quickly, and they looked pissed. Jase bowed up, tensing every muscle, ready to defend himself. Even if he could take care of himself, he didn’t like five to two odds.

“Go inside, Jase.”

Jase snapped his gaze back to Ase. “Wh-what?”

“Go inside. It’s my cousins. I don’t know how they knew I’m here, but this is bad. Go inside.”

“This is ridiculous. You come back inside too.”

“Please, Jase.” Ase gripped Jase’s hand and said “Fuck it, the damage is done.” He placed a fierce kiss on Jase’s lips that he didn’t like. It felt a lot like goodbye, and he wasn’t ready. “Jase, please. Go. Inside.” His eyes were pleading, the men bearing down on them. Jase was ready to fight, but… this was family. He didn’t imagine Ase would be happy with him for hurting his cousins. Ase grabbed Jase’s hand and walked the few steps to the automatic doors, shoving Jase inside. “Stay here. They won’t hurt me. Just stay inside. Please.”