Confessions of a Wild Heart (7 page)

But that was done now, too. He hadn’t realized how much he’d miss that empty apartment and those fuck buddies he hadn’t realized were actual buddies. He’d be glad to get back to San Antone. Of course, now it looked like two months had turned into six, as his mother was still a few days short of coming home, and he’d already been back a little over five months. Originally he had to stay until his mother and her home health aide had gotten in the swing of things and the doc cleared her for a certain level of independence. But now he had his job to consider.

Jase shook himself from his thoughts, pulling his phone from the car charger, and made his way into the foreman’s cottage he’d been calling home since he got back. He didn’t feel welcome in the big house. It was surreal not to feel like he could walk through those doors. His brother sure felt at home, bringing the kids over to use the pool in the back. Those times were almost the worst because while his brother and his wife, Michelle, were polite, but as reticent about crossing the threshold to his home as he was to cross his parents’ That was the line.

It was fucking depressing.

Jase was no martyr, though. He had told them he’d do this no longer than six months. Not a week more. Even if he stayed close by, it’d be an apartment in Abernathy. Forty minutes away. His mother barely spoke to him when he stopped by the rehab to see her, and the stroke had most definitely not affected her speech much, based on the things he’d heard her say when Will announced he was home to help out.

But he could handle this for a while. And after two months of realizing he may be in his hometown longer than anticipated, hiding out on the ranch, and being alone with nothing but the horses, he’d gone to see if the sheriff might take him on. He’d had to agree to work there a year, but he could deal with that better than twiddling his thumbs at their graveyard of a home.

After an hour of feeding and mucking the stalls of the few horses they had left, Jase made his way back to his cottage to shower, shave and get ready for work. After three double shifts, he was glad he only had a single today. It was hard to keep a bad mood going thinking he’d actually get some sleep tonight. Last night was his own damn fault; he knew he never slept well with another person. But that’d make tonight better because he’d sleep through the night, which was rare enough on its own.

When he grabbed his phone and keys he noticed a text. Lacey.
Have a great morning :)

He frowned down at that. He shook his head, mad at himself for having done this again.

Shoving the phone in his pocket, Jase made his way out to his truck and got his mind in work mode. Putting on his uniform’s Stetson and pinning on his badge was like stepping into his fatigues. He shut out everything but what was needed to get through his shift. Right now, he had that to worry about. One issue at a time.

The call came in around three p.m., right as Jase was preparing to leave work, that his mother’s doctor wanted a meeting with Jase and Will. He was bone-weary tired, but better to find out now than to have made it home and have to drive the fifty miles back to the rehab facility. He was definitely hoping his mother hadn’t had another setback. No matter her harsh words for him, or how much he wanted to be off the ranch, Jase hated seeing his mother suffer. Between her strokes and feeling like she was trapped in the hospital and nursing home, she was so miserable, his heart ached for her.

           Talk about Mommy Issues.

           Jase drove across town, the opposite direction of the two-lane highway that’d take him back home to a beer and his bed. When he got to the rehab, he barely had time to dial his brother’s number before he noticed Will’s truck pull in the parking spot beside him. Will gave a polite nod of his head. Polite, the strongest word for their relationship these days.

           “Got any idea what this is about?” Will asked.

           “No more than you, I ‘magine,” Jase said, opening the front door to the rehab, holding it for Will to go in first. He followed behind his brother. A woman in teddy bear scrubs with garish red lipstick and a church lady perm eyed them approvingly when both of them removed their hats out of respect. Some home training you never lost, and that went a long way with people around these parts. It’d definitely been one of the reasons Jase hadn’t had any trouble finding his place in the sheriff’s department after a couple months. The rookies still hadn’t figured it out. Transferring had its perks.

           Will told the receptionist who they were there for and she told them the doctor was expecting them. They were immediately led back to an office. “He’ll be right in.”

           After a beat of silence Will broke the ice with, “Must be getting good money from the insurance people.”

           “Why would you think that?”

           “That’s the shortest wait I’ve ever had to get in to see a doctor, even with an appointment.” Jase smiled, taking Will’s attempt for what it was—a polite peace offering.
That word again.

          
“How’re the kids?”

           That got Jase an honest smile. “Good, good. Joseph is enjoying school.”

           “Ah, this was his first week, right?” Damn, how time flew. Jase couldn’t believe his oldest nephew was already in pre-school. Seemed like yesterday Jase had been sitting in a mess hall in Qatar telling his friends his kid brother was an idiot for marrying fresh outta high school, popping out their first kid at twenty. The ones who hadn’t taken that same path agreed. Even some of those who
had
gone that way agreed with his assessment. But Jase was genuinely happy for Will. His brother had always been more like their folks. He loved his small town life, and Jase envied him his contentment.

           Jase wasn’t surprised most folks assumed Will was the older brother, even if Jase had a year on him. Jase had been the wanderer, no matter that it’d been with the military. When he’d come home with his savings and gotten his education, no one had understood his not wanting to get married. But he didn’t even want to think about that right now. The fights, the recriminations.

           Will’s uncomfortable expression said he could probably tell where Jase’s thoughts had strayed. Thankfully, before they were forced to talk any more, the side door to the doctor’s office opened, and Dr. Spearman came in. She’d been his mother’s primary physician at the rehab since she’d been rolled in.

           “Afternoon, gentlemen. Sorry to do this so late.”

           “It was perfect timing. Was able to cut out of work a few minutes early. This close to the end of the week I’ll never complain about that,” Will said, clearly happy to have a buffer in the room.

           “I’d just finished up, too. It’s not a problem.”

           She sat at her desk and pushed a strand of loose black hair behind one of her ears. She was closer to forty, but still an attractive woman. She’d been great with their mother and explaining the process to them. She’d also not commented on some of the meaner things Jase’s mother had said when he’d first started coming around. Jase had liked her from the start.

“Is everything alright?” Will asked, his voice holding an edge of worry.

She looked at him questioningly, then jolted and waved a hand. “Oh, yes. Everything is fine.” She tilted her head and grimaced. “Well, as fine as it can be.” She turned her attention back to Jase. “You’ll be the primary one out on the ranch with her, correct, Deputy?”

Jase nodded. No matter how many times he told her she didn’t have to call him Deputy, she didn’t listen. Her husband was apparently an officer in the city police department. He could appreciate her respect for the titles, but it still felt weird to have his elders call him something so formal. It made him sound so adult, and he hated the way Will’s eyes glazed over when people didn’t defer to him as the one deserving respect out of the two of them.

“We will be discharging your mother home on Monday.”

Jase blinked. Not that he wanted her to stay longer but they’d said it’d probably be closer to two or three more weeks. “Oh. I thought it would be longer. I haven’t finished putting in the wheelchair ramps.”

She smiled kindly at him. “Sounds like a good project for this weekend. We’ll be bringing her by ambulance on Monday afternoon, so you may want to clear your schedule. Your Mama’s first home health aide is scheduled to come out early Tuesday morning.”

“And the aide is covered by insurance?” Will asked. Good question. Jase had been too busy figuring out how many ramps he’d need and where, feeling like a dumbass for procrastinating on the project. It hadn’t felt real that she might be coming home. The little boy in him had feared it, hoping she’d be okay. Even if he saw many quarrels in their future, he was glad she was gonna be free of what she considered her cage.

“From what I see. We’ll make sure to get you all that information again before you leave today. But her coverage with the gap insurance and her Medicaid seem to have her pretty well taken care of. Billing will discuss with you where you’ll need extra.”

“We’re good on that,” Jase assured her, earning a kind smile and a nod from Dr. Spearman.

They talked over medications and she gave him the number for a company who could bring out an alert button Mama could have in the house that would trigger an alarm in his house. He’d already gotten that taken care of, though, courtesy of the sheriff, whose own mother had heart issues. So that was one thing he’d done right.

When they walked out into the fading sunlight an hour and a half later, Jase rubbed his tired eyes. If he’d been tired before, he was fucking dragging now.

“Are we really covered for extra expenses? I know there’s some of Daddy’s life insurance left. Is there enough from selling the cattle, too?”

Jase stopped by his truck and turned to his brother. “I’ve got more savings than I know what to do with.”

“Whoa,” Will said. “We don’t expect you to do all that, now.”

“It’s really not a huge problem. I still had savings left from my time overseas, and I’ve lived pretty simply all these years. You’d think I was trying to take it with me, the way I’ve kept it all,” Jase said, attempting a joke, but falling flat because he was tired.

Will seemed distressed, though. “I don’t know, Jase. I know she’s covered, but even in her right mind she won’t feel right if you spend all your money on her.”

Jase sighed. He wondered when twenty-five had started feeling like forty-five. “Look, Will. The money has to come from somewhere. She still needs food and such. Her income before was okay, but with the ranch not making money anymore… If she needs help, I don’t mind.

He really didn’t. No, he wouldn’t go broke helping her out, but he knew it definitely wouldn’t come to that. He wasn’t joking about having decent savings. He was boring. Even in San Antonio he’d been a bit of a homebody. He had his apartment, his cheap beer, and his NFL satellite package. If he wasn’t at home, he was working ungodly hours that they throw at rookies, then beat cops. Hell, that’s why no one had wanted to date him. Even if he was a “catch with a good job” as Mama liked to say, he didn’t have time because of that job.

Even now, his schedule was more lax than he was used to since he was on a smaller force. But he still worked a lot.

“We’re good, Will. One—”

“Day at a time. Yeah, yeah.” His brother gave him one of the rare-these-days teasing grins Jase had missed these last few years. “You should get that tattooed on your ass so you don’t gotta say it all the time.”

What could Jase say? That’s how he’d made it for so long, it seemed like the best mindset to have. It’d certainly help in this situation with their mama.

“I’ll think about it,” Jase said, with a chuckle. “You get home to those babies. I gotta go make sure there’s enough lumber to build those ramps.”

“You need help with that?” Will seemed honestly willing to help, which surprised Jase.

“Nah. It’ll give me something to do.”

Will was never going to comment on Jase’s social life—or lack thereof—because that brought up awkward shit for both of them, so he gave another of his nods and made his way to his own truck.

Jase jumped in his truck and pulled his phone out, blissfully happy there were no messages or calls; there were no emergencies to handle or fires to put out.

It was late enough, and Jase was tired enough that he didn’t want to do anything but go home, eat, and drop into bed. He decided to pull through the little barbecue joint on the way out of town and grab dinner so he didn’t have to cook. A pulled pork sandwich with a beer nightcap sounded like a damn fine way to end a long day.
Bachelor’s delight, tonight.

After driving over and placing his order, he was told to have a seat to wait, so he pulled up at the end of their small bar and sipped on a proffered glass of water. He’d left his cell phone in the truck with no intentions of socializing unless he got an emergency call from the sheriff’s department. But in his month there, that hadn’t happened once, so he figured ten minutes of radio silence wouldn’t hurt anyone.

A pretty bottle-blonde waitress, who was probably younger than Jase but looked thirty, stopped by a couple times to check on him, assuring him his food would be out shortly. Her fluttering lashes made him uncomfortable.

Plus, his attention was more on her very male co-worker who he could see through the open door to the kitchen. Nice ass, face worth writing home about, clearly straight if you were going by the way he leered at the cute blonde waitress. Jase’s usual, then.

“Long time no see.” A familiar feminine voice in his ear drew his attention. Lacey’s smiling face was inches from his when he turned on his stool. She took a step back, smiling. “Hey, you.”

“Hey, Lace. What’s up?” He wondered if he was just being an egomaniac earlier when he’d assumed she was feeling more for him than he’d intended or could follow through with. She seemed back to her normal, friendly self. She was cute with her button nose and curly brown hair tied back in a ponytail. She was closer to thirty, but still looked twenty-one, even without a stitch of makeup, wearing a t-shirt, jeans, and Crocs. That’s one thing he liked about her, she was low maintenance and down to earth. She was also a good friend. Friend.