Conklin's Blueprints (36 page)

Tyler let out a deep breath.  “We would turn into raisins if we stayed in here talking about all my mother and that asshole have done to me.”

The look in his eyes matched the chill that was in his words.  I met his icy stare and said, “Well, good thing I like raisins.  Please?”  I started to pout my lip, causing a trace of a smile to appear on his face.  I rubbed over his cheekbones under his troubled eyes, patiently waiting for him to spill the beans.

“My dad always wants to take everything from me,” he said, his eyes forming blue green stones.  “He was so mad when I played baseball and when I wanted to try to go into the majors.  He demanded I finish school and come to work for him.  I didn’t have an option.  He knew I loved the game more than anything in the world, but he still wouldn’t allow it.  The only reason I didn’t tell him to piss off is because I knew my grandfather would be heartbroken if I didn’t join the family business.  But RJ went ape shit on me which pissed me off even more because he was never around to care about anything.  But now, when it came to big life decisions, he wanted to dictate how my life played out.”

“RJ was the worst father ever. Yes, he provided for us, gave us everything money could buy, but he never once played catch with me.  He came to maybe a handful of my games and birthdays.  He only cared about himself.  The fact that he made me go to The University of Michigan and made me pick something that would benefit his company pissed me off.  RJ bred us as an investment to help his company grow.”

Tyler was fuming.  Although I knew he was mad, pain showed in his eyes.  Tyler felt like an asset to his father and had always been treated like one.

“How he treats my mother is unforgivable.  I know I don’t speak highly of her, but no woman deserves to be treated how he treats her.  I remember the first time I walked into his office and he was with another woman.”  Tyler’s pupils dilated with hatred.  He gritted his teeth and continued.  “I was nine, and he had his assistant bent over his desk.  I was horrified.  He talked to me later about it, told me not to tell my mom and that she wouldn’t believe me even if I did.  He never loved her.  He knocked her up with Nathan, and my grandparents forced him to marry her. I remember them fighting.  She wanted to take us and leave him, but he wouldn’t let her because he couldn’t be the laughing stock of the corporate world.  She was always crying then she started drinking.  She was never a mean drunk; it just always felt like she was looking for something to make her happy.  I guess I never understood why I didn’t make her happy.”  The hatred turned back into pain as his face fell.

“She hired different nannies; normally they were older and let us get away with things.  My grandmother filled the maternal void.”

I felt sympathy for his mother.  Yes, she never should have drifted from her young boys who needed her, but she was trapped.  Trapped in a life with a man who treated her like dirt and who didn’t give her any love and affection.  I’m sure if she had been able to take Tyler and his brothers away from RJ they would have been okay.  She could have focused on those boys instead of the fact she would never have a life outside of RJ’s demands. 

I still couldn’t piece together why he didn’t want RJ to know that we were together.  I had more questions to ask about his past, and considering he was finally starting to talk to me about it, I thought it would be worth a shot.

“How old were you when Margo started working for your parents?”

He tilted his head to look at me, his eyes murderous now.  If I would have had space to move backwards away from him, I would have because his stare was so intense.

“Fourteen.  Why?”

“I’m just curious about your relationship with her,” I said, pulling my hands from his face and into the water.  “You can tell me.  I won’t be offended or judge you.”  I meant it.

He moved his hands from my hips and ran them through his hair.

“She was so different than anything I had experienced.  Older, attractive, she was very demanding and didn’t take shit from any of us, especially me.  By the time I was 15 I would make smart remarks and catcalls to her.  Then, when I was 16, she woke up and finally accepted my come on.  I was utterly shocked and didn’t know how to react.  I never thought she would take my comments seriously.  I remember trying to touch her and she smacked my hands away and shoved me against a wall.”

I gulped, trying to ignore the uneasy feeling in my stomach.  Tyler being seduced by an older woman was not something I wanted to think about.  I kept my face as straight as I could, urging him to continue on. 

“Ever since then, it would be totally random, and she was always the one to come onto me.  It was never gentle,” he said, leaning in closer to me, “there was never any emotional connection.”  He brought his hands to my face, his eyes becoming raw.  “Once I was 18, I wanted to be exclusive with her, but she wouldn’t even talk about it.  Being a man, I would always accept when she threw herself at me.  It was on and off through college.  She would periodically stop by or be working at my parents’ house when I came home from college.”

“Was she the only person you have been with besides me?” I said, afraid of his answer.

A small smile played across his lips.  “No, but my other experiences were the same.  Nothing like how I am with you.” 
Phew.
  Maybe he did have a higher track record than me.

He put his hands around my back and lifted me, moving us back to the other side of the hot tub.  I was straddling him once he sat down, my arms around his neck.

“When was the last time you were with her?” I hoped it wasn’t recent.

“I saw Margo at my grandfather’s funeral, but it had been a year before that.”

I furrowed my eyebrows at him, “At your grandfather’s funeral?”

He bit his lip and searched my eyes, “I told you it was sporadic.”

I looked down at the water, his words weighing heavy in my head.  “What if she knocked on your door tomorrow?”

He pulled me close to his chest and looked me square in the eye.  “I would tell her to fuck off.”

I blanched at his words.  His eyes were cold again. 

“Why did it stop?”

He didn’t say anything for what felt like an eternity.  Finally he spoke, “I caught her fucking my dad.”

Wow.  I did not see that coming.  I pulled my hands from his neck and brought them across my body. My eyes were wide, and I was stunned.  This must have been what Nathan was talking about.  How RJ did something to Tyler that he couldn’t let go, and he clearly was still very furious with his father for sleeping with Margo.

“You talk like you miss her,” I whispered, trying to fight back jealousy.

He drastically shook his head no and held my face firm in his hands, forcing me to peel my eyes from the bubbles in between us.  “I’m mad how it ended, how I could have feelings for her when clearly I was her toy, and yeah, I’m mad she was screwing my dad at the same time as me, but I don’t ever want any type of intimacy with her ever again.  You are the only person I ever want to kiss,” he said, his voice transforming from hard to soft while he pulled my face to his lips, “the only person I want to hold hands with, the only person I want… to make love to.” 

Oh… he said love
.  I felt like my heart was going to constrict out of my chest with a need for this incredibly broken and hurt man.

I moved my hands to the back of his neck and pushed myself into him, kissing him as tenderly and as loving as I could.  I wanted him to know I believed him.  To know that he was all I ever wanted to and that I wanted to fill the void he felt he had been missing from his family.  I wanted him to know that I would be there for him, no matter who or what came up against us. 

His grip around me tightened, and our tender kissing turned passionate.  I tugged at his hair causing his head to tilt so I could have better access to his mouth.  He groaned and pulled my hips down on his lap causing me to gasp with what my sex was greeted with.  I forgot he didn’t have shorts on, and the bottoms of my bikini were the only thing in between us.  He grunted as I rocked my hips into him, wanting to be rid of the mesh.  His hands moved from my hips to my back and up to my neck, untying the knot of my bikini top as his lips moved from my mouth to the tops of my breasts.  I loved when his mouth grazed just above the top of my bra.  It made me wild with anticipation, and the buildup of his lips touching my sensitive skin caused my body to tremble.

Once the knot was undone, he pulled the triangle shaped piece down with his teeth and covered my nipple with his mouth.  The warmth of his breath mixed with the cold air gave me shivers.  His hands worked down my back to untie the remaining knot of my top, completely freeing my chest to him.  He moved his head back to my lips and pulled my chest to his.

“I don’t know why you didn’t believe me when I told you not to bother with this,” Tyler smirked into my lips as he tossed my top to the side of the hot tub. I wrapped my arms around his neck even tighter while I gazed at him.

A snowflake fell on his cheek, and I kissed it as it melted on Tyler’s hot skin. 

“Shall we go inside?” he asked against my lips.

I nodded my head yes and pulled away from him to climb out of the tub and grab my towel.  He quickly followed, grabbing the other towel I brought outside for us.  I wrapped mine around me before he could get a glimpse.  Fortunately, I still had my bottoms on and could keep my hands around my chest while getting my towel.

I opened the sliding door and quickly moved into the bedroom.  My body was warmed by the hot water and by Tyler’s revelation.  Although it hurt my heart to hear what his family life was like, his ability to confide in me was sobering.  He trusted me, and I trusted him more than anything.

Before I made it too far into my bedroom, Tyler’s hands were on my hips and pushing me towards my bed.  He flipped me around so I was facing him.  His hands were wrapped around me as he started kissing me feverishly.  I melted into him, my hands confined by my towel.  His towel was barely hanging on his hips.  He rubbed his hands along my shoulders and arms, as though he were attempting to dry me, then pulled the towel down lower so he could kiss my collarbone.

With my towel hanging off my shoulders, Tyler brought his lips back to mine.  “I want tonight to be about you.  What do you want, Becca?”  Tyler said, his eyes burning into mine.

Emotion was passing through me at a thousand miles an hour.  I wanted him to hold me tight, kiss me, look into my eyes as he made love to me. 
Yes, make love to me. 
My feelings in my head were becoming so clear for him now. 

I spoke my next words in barely a whisper, “I don’t need anything mind blowing… I want you to make love to me.”

His hands moved from my back to my face, forcing me to look at him.  My heart was pounding so fast, worried that he had caught on to my subliminal message.  I could only tell him what I was feeling at the precise moment, and that moment would be when he was sharing the same feelings that I had.

His grin faded as he flexed his jaw.  His eyes were hooded as he brushed the hair from my forehead.  “Is by the fireplace okay?” His voice was raspy.

I nodded my head.  He pulled my towel away from my body and reached for the soft cream blanket that was on my bed and wrapped it around me then bent down to grab something from his bag that was on the side of my bed.  He lifted me off my feet and carried me to the floor by the warm fire in our living room.  I lay on my back with nothing but the blue bikini bottoms and covered my chest with my arms, the fuzzy blanket creating a barrier between the carpet and my skin.  He knelt down over me as he pulled the towel from his waist, allowing me to admire his definition in the dim light of the fire.  My eyes followed the shadows of his muscles.  He really did take care of himself.  He leaned back over me, his eyes still cloaked, hiding his emotion. 

His look made me uneasy, causing me to wrap my arms around my chest tighter.  He closed his eyes then when he opened them again they were raw and revealed a side to him I had never seen.  A side that made me ache with compassion and strength for him.

His stare was a look of surrender, as though he was giving me all his emotion with his beautifully blended blue green eyes.  He had revealed the ugly parts of his life to me just moments ago, and I couldn’t help the intensity of my feelings for him.  I sucked in air, stuck in the trance he was putting me in.  I unwrapped my arms from my chest and brought his face to mine.  I kissed him with all my heart because I was willing to give it to him.  Because the look in his eyes said he wanted to give me his heart as well.

He moved us so we were on our sides and gently pulled the hair tie from my pony tail, running his fingers through my blonde highlighted strands.  I heard the familiar sound of a wrapper in his hands. 

Always so prepared.
 

Well I was prepared to, and I trusted him.

He rolled me to my back and pulled his mouth from mine, spreading slow soft kisses down my neck and across my collar.  His hand came up to my stomach and moved down to my bikini bottoms. I moved my hips upward, helping him to pull them off of me.  For once I wasn’t trembling at his touch, I wasn’t worried about his eyes perusing over my body.  But I was content, felt safe, and that we were on the same page.

He continued kissing my collarbone to my shoulders while his hand fumbled with the foil packet.  I reached to grab it out of his hand and set it off to the side.  He pulled his head up to look at me.  His eyes were sensitive and probing, waiting for me to speak.

“Do you trust me?” I whispered, watching him intently.

His eyes softened even more, filled with adoration as his lips quirked up into a smile.  He moved so he was on top of me, putting both of his hands on my cheeks.  My breath sped up under his stare. 
God, he was looking right into my soul.

I felt his bare skin start to touch mine, and I closed my eyes taking a breath of air in anticipation.  Before he entered me fully, he ran his hand over my forehead, pulling my hair to the side.

“Open your eyes baby doll,” he whispered against my lips.  “I can’t do this unless I can look into your eyes.”