Consequences (15 page)

“I just need more time.”

“Time is running out. Your daughter is going to be here in two months and she's going to need her daddy.” I watched the way his eyes got all soft and misty at the mention of our unborn child. Oh yeah, having his daughter was going to be the best thing that could have ever happened to me.

Jrue reached across the seat and laced his fingers with mine. “You're right. I need to quit bullshitting and just tell her.”

As he pulled off I was already plotting how I was going to help give him that little nudge to make sure that happened.

21

Nikki

“You are listening to Ms. Nikki Truth, the host of
Truth Hurts
on 97 WJPC. If you're just tuning in, things have been crazy around here. Tonight we're talking about relationships and the warning signs. When do you know when something just isn't right and it's time to question your relationship? The phone lines are open.” Within seconds, the lines were lit up. Courtney, a radio intern, signaled through the glass for me to pick up line three.

“Caller, you're on the air.”

“Hello, Desiree.”

“Oooh, a new relationship. Okay.” I leaned in close, ready for the story to get juicy.

“He definitely sounds like a keeper.”

“That's what I thought. Anyway, we have spoken every day since we've met. He even texts me hugs and kisses every morning.
”

“Sounds like you got the type of man my listeners would love to take off your hands. So what's the problem?” I asked, trying to move this conversation along.

“Ooh, I can understand why you're pissed.”

“And you don't know if you should believe him or not?” I interjected, trying again to keep the conversation moving along.

“Exactly
.
The second he kissed me I wanted so desperately to believe him, but now I'm starting to second-guess everything he tells me
.”

“And you have every reason to. Relationships are hard enough out there and if trust is an issue for you, then it's easy to understand why you're having doubts.”

“
My ex-husband cheated on me. I always knew something wasn't right, but I put my trust in him and instead came out looking like a fool when he got this chick pregnant.”

“I guess the biggest question is how much you like this man?”

She sighed.
“I like him a lot. Every time I see him my entire body heats up and when we make love, it's explosive. But I'm just not sure. I feel that he is hiding something.”

“Then follow your instincts. But keep in mind, sometimes we subconsciously find ways to ruin our relationship by thinking there is more going on than there really is, but at the same time, we gotta follow our gut,” I added, then slid my microphone closer. “My advice is to tell him how you feel and watch his behavior when he responds. He'll either try to do things to ease your mind or suddenly he'll really start slipping up.”

“Hold on. Let's see what kinda advice our listeners have. Caller, you're on the air.”

“Thank you. Next caller.”

“So you think she should stay with him?” I loved getting differences of opinion.

“Thanks for calling. Next caller, you're on the air.”

“How did you find out?”

“Ooh! And what happened?”

I laughed. “Thanks for calling. Well, Desiree, there you have it. You've gotta follow your heart on this one. Either you're gonna hang in there for true love or you're gonna bail out before you get your heart broke. This is Nikki Truth and love hurts. There is no doubt about that. The question is: Are you willing to take that risk? Good night and remember the truth will set you free.”

I heard Rihanna playing just as I took off my headphones and dropped them onto my desk. Another perfect show. If only I could say the same about my life.

Thirty minutes later, I stepped inside the Waffle House and spotted Tristan sitting at a table in the corner. I made eye contact, smiled, then headed his way.

“Hey, sweetie,” I said, and leaned down and hugged him in a tight embrace. He hadn't been at the radio station in the three weeks since Lorenzo's death. I had to talk him out of coming to the funeral because I had been afraid of what Lorenzo's family and friends would have done if they saw Tristan. Instead, I saved him an obituary and gave him a recap of the service. It had been standing room only. I had no idea how many friends he'd had. A lot of them had been clients from the barbershop. I didn't get to talk to many people because I was too busy keeping my eye on my husband, who looked ready to jump into the coffin along with Lorenzo. I wasn't sure how much more pain Donovan could endure before he finally snapped.

Tristan removed his dark shades and I saw the heavy bags under his eyes. He didn't look good at all.

“How are you holding up?”

His bottom lip quivered and I watched while he tried to hold it together. “It still hurts. I never loved a man like I loved him. And I hate that I didn't get to pay my final respects and say good-bye.”

“Don't worry. Whenever you're ready, I'll take you out to the cemetery so you can see where he's resting.” I would have said anything to make him feel better.

He drew a deep breath and managed to get out a few more words. “It's just so hard for me. I really thought we had a future together.”

The waitress arrived and we stopped talking long enough to order. I hadn't had a chance to eat before running to the station. Leaving the bookstore and picking up Aiden was really starting to take a toll on me and my already tight schedule.

“How's Donovan doing?”

I blew out a breath. “Not good at all. He's also taking Lorenzo's death hard. Gone into a depression. Last night, he paced the floors all night. I thought I was going to lose my mind. Then I spoke to Trinette and she said Donovan called her last night. He wanted to know if I'd had an affair while he was deployed.”

“Oh my! You don't think he . . .” His perfectly arched brow rose.

“No, I don't,” I remarked, although my stomach was all tied up in knots. “I think he was just fishing for information that Trinette would never give him.”

There was a slight pause before he said, “You never told him about Kenyon, did you?”

Tristan watched my face to gauge my reaction while I finally shook my head. “No, and I'm glad I hadn't because he'd
really
be acting a damn fool right now.”

He nodded. “You're probably right. I just hope he gets better. I really hate seeing you stressed out like this all the time.”

It was so considerate of him to be thinking about me when he was hurting so much. “Thanks. I went to Donovan's unit today and told them they needed to do something to help him.”

“Oh, good. I hope they can help him.”

My eyes swelled up with tears. “So do I.”

I made it home after midnight and the house was quiet except for Rudy jumping all over me. “How's mama's baby?” I cooed as I gave him some love, then put my keys on the counter and walked upstairs to check on Aiden. My little man was sleeping soundly on his back. I hated missing his bedtime, but I had to make a living, so on the weekends I tried to spend as much time with him as possible. I kissed his soft cheek, then went into my room and kicked off my shoes before going in search of my husband. As usual, Donovan was in the family room watching ESPN.

“Hey, baby,” I said and was so happy when he winked back at me.

“Hey, sexy, come give your man some love.”

I flopped down onto his lap and pressed my mouth to his. His kiss was so soft and delicious I wrapped my arms around his neck and he cradled me close to his body while the kiss deepened. “Mmm, what did I do to deserve all this?”

He pulled back and looked serious for a moment. “Baby . . . I know that I haven't been acting myself lately. I've been under a lot of stress and I want to apologize.”

See, this was why I loved this man so much. How often does a man admit that he is wrong? “Thank you, baby. That means a lot to me.”

“I promise to start acting better. I just need to get my head on right.”

All I wanted was for him to hold and caress me and make me feel like things I used to feel between us. I wanted to feel loved. “I agree. You need to see a therapist to help you get past some of the things that have happened to you.”

He barely hesitated before saying, “I agree.”

I breathed a heavy sigh of relief. “I'm so glad you said that. I was feeling so guilty about talking to Sergeant Clarke. I thought if he insisted that you—”

Donovan cut me off right there. “Hold up. What the fuck you mean you spoke to my first shirt?”

I startled. That blank look was back. A muscle at his jaw was ticking. “I mean, I didn't know what else to do. I think you have PTSD and I was scared, so I asked Sergeant Clarke for help.”

“Get off my lap,” he said in this voice that was so calm it chilled. I quickly scrambled to my feet. If I hadn't, chances were I was going to end up on the floor.

I put my hands up in defense. “Baby, I'm sorry that I went to your first sergeant, but I didn't know what else to do.”

“Not that!” He fumed and jumped up from the chair. “Do you know how bad it makes me look that my wife went to my unit and told my command she thinks I have PTSD! Do you have any idea what you've done?”

“Would you quit yelling before you wake up Aiden?” Now he had me screaming.

“Fuck!” He dragged a hand down his face and walked around the room. This conversation was definitely far from over, but at least he lowered his voice. “How the hell could you do something like that to me?”

“I did it because I love you. Something is seriously wrong with you, baby, and I want you to get the help you need.”

He shrugged his shoulders, indicating there was some truth in what I was saying. “Then ask me to go and see a private doctor. Not be evaluated by an army shrink. Hell, that shit stays in your permanent record. I'm up for promotion this year.”

I hadn't thought about that. “I'm sorry. I've asked you to see a therapist before and you refused. Couple's counseling wasn't working, so I just didn't know what else I could do. Baby, I was only trying to help.”

“Well, you helped a'ight.” He glared over at me for a long uncomfortable moment. “Sometimes I think you're trying to get rid of me.”

I rolled my eyes. “Oh brother, not that again.”

“I'm serious! You're spreading rumors at my unit that I have PTSD. I mean, what had I ever done except serve my country and be a good provider for my family.”

“I never said you weren't a good provider. Don, I just want things back the way they used to be. You have to admit things haven't been good between us since you've gotten home.”

“Why is that? Come on, Nikki, be honest. You wish I never came back, don't you?” he taunted with this crazed look in his eyes.

“Of course not.”

He shook his head. “It's a damn shame. Specialist Smitty's wife was so devastated when her husband died, she miscarried and lost their baby and she's been grieving ever since.”

He wasn't telling me anything I didn't already know. Jackie Smith had been an active member of the FRG when her husband was killed after stepping on an unsecure mine. Rae and I were the first wives by her side when she had received the devastating news. “What does Jackie have to do with us?”

“I'm saying . . . I've been by to see her on several occasions and she would do anything to hold her husband again. How come my wife doesn't feel the same way about me?”

Okay, he was being ridiculous. “What the hell are you talking about? When your unit returned from deployment, I was right there with Aiden. I remember holding you tight, saying I was never letting you go again. You can't compare the two of us because the difference between Jackie and me is that my husband came home, or at least part of him did, while hers didn't. But at least she still has her husband's spirit, because you lost yours while in Afghanistan and I need for you to go back and get it. I need the man that I fell in love with in junior high to come back to me!”