Conservative Affairs (3 page)

It was the look she got every morning over breakfast, the look she got as he pulled his car out of the drive, the look she got as he walked past her each night on the way to his room down the hall. The look that she got everywhere but in the public eye.

Then, and only then, would he turn on the affection. Under the examining eye of the photographer’s lens, he was Mr. Charming, holding her hand, smiling lovingly at her, twirling her around the dance floor and placing his hand protectively on the small of her back while he led her through a crowd.

Sometimes she wasn’t sure she could take even one more second of the lies. In the back of her mind, though, she knew it was her only option. Being mayor was not only a dream come true for her, it was what she was meant to do in life. She could make the tough decisions. She was a leader, and at last she was right where she belonged.

She was a Republican and as such had long known she would need a ring on her left hand to get votes. Her party seemed to think there was something downright scandalous about a single woman being in politics, although she could not figure how anything was more sordid than the sham of a marriage she was parading in front of the press.

Gracefully, she straightened her shoulders, put on the camera-ready smile she was known for and strode elegantly into the restaurant.

Our restaurant
, she thought.
At least it was, once upon a time…

Where she and John had come on their first date, where he had proposed, where he had taken her to celebrate her election as a city councilor years before, where they had celebrated her mayoral race victory just three short years ago and where she had always envisioned they would celebrate her statewide and even national election wins. Where their dreams had come true and then crumbled. All of it had happened in that corner booth by the window.

He stood and took her coat. Kissing her on the cheek, he hissed, “Where the hell have you been?”

She smiled and leaned in for a long, lingering hug. She stole affection whenever possible and knew that he would give it here.

“Sorry, honey.” Her voice was too chipper, she noticed. She hoped no one else did.
Let’s not spoil the show for anyone now.

“I simply couldn’t get out of the office until late. We’re planning for the unveiling of the new education plan, you know?”

As if scripted, he smiled perfectly. “I’m just glad you’re here now.”

He directed her to her seat, always a gentleman.

“I’ve already put in our order.” He smiled at the waiter as he walked past. “Good old Geoff here always remembers your order.”

She smiled at Geoff, hoping it would calm the waves of pain surging through her heart. Was this what they had become? Were they really just two strangers—people who once knew each other who now could only talk in public?

They talked animatedly over wine, which she limited to one glass. Never let the public see you weak, single or drunk was a rule she stuck to hard and fast. It was all a show, and, though she hated to admit it, they were becoming very skilled at acting in it.

For a moment or two, she allowed herself to wish that it were real. To wish with all she had that, even for an evening, she’d see that smile of his cast in her direction in the dark, loveless halls of their home.

But as soon as dinner was over they walked arm in arm out to the parking lot.

He kissed her on the check tersely.

“I’ll see you at home?” she asked hopefully, longing to extend the show of harmony into something less public.

“That’s none of your business,” he hissed back so low that anyone watching from the restaurant or parking lot would have no chance of hearing.

“John?” Her voice came out sounding like a plea, and she cursed herself for showing weakness yet again. She was always too soft where he was concerned.

His smile was perfect, but there was no disputing the fact that their discussion was over when he whispered, “Have a good night.”

So that was it. She’d drive home alone and climb into an empty bed, where she’d toss and turn and wonder where he went when he didn’t come home. She hated it when he slept in the room down the hall, but at least then he was home.

She exhaled loudly once in the safety of her vehicle.

“It’s over.”

It was the first time she’d allowed herself to actually speak the words, although she had thought them for a long time.

“It’s over,” she repeated as the tears began to fall.

Glancing toward the restaurant, she realized she was being watched from the windows of the restaurant by other patrons. It was time to go. She put the Suburban in gear and drove away, to the one place she could fall apart without being in the public eye.

Chapter Three

The wind whipped around outside, driving torrents of rain against the bedroom window. Lightning crackled and thunder boomed. The heater clicked on, doing its best, but fighting a losing battle against the cold that was seeping in. On a street somewhere in the distance a siren wailed.

Jo sighed heavily and moved Jaws off her feet. She had a lot on her mind, and Oklahoma’s blustery October weather wasn’t helping. She doubted anyone in the tri-state area was getting any sleep. They knew all too well that such winds could be portents of much more ominous weather. She checked the time. It was going on four a.m. The one thing she longed for—a deep, peaceful slumber—was clearly not going to happen. As she rose from the bed, Jaws peered out from under the covers, both confused and irritated to have been woken.

She lovingly patted him on the head, thankful that at least one of them was unbothered by the crazy weather of this area. “I’m sorry, buddy. Go back to sleep.”

He wiggled out of sight, nestling back into the covers. At least one of them would be getting some rest.

Normally, Jo slept through even raging winds. In Oklahoma, nights like tonight were a dime a dozen. But she had been awake long before the storm hit.

As she began to prepare herself a cup of tea, the dream that had woken her earlier came back to haunt her. It was a simple dream, but it had unnerved her. Even though she wished the image would go away, she knew that every time she closed her eyes, it would visit her again.

Jo shook her head, trying to make her memory an Etch A Sketch. In search of distraction, she grabbed her BlackBerry. Even though it was four in the morning, maybe there was something she could work on until it was time for work.

She unlocked the screen. There was something happening today, Jo thought, as she looked at the date. She wracked her brain until it came to her. When it did, she wanted to cry.

Columbus Day, a federal holiday. The office would be closed today.

She scrolled through her inbox. Nothing pressing.

She had to get out of the house. Days off of work meant time alone, something she increasingly disliked.

It may be true that no man is an island, but I think at least one woman is
, Jo thought.

As if hearing her silent plea for company, Jaws stumbled into the kitchen. She scooped him into her arms and kissed his fluffy head. “Want to come to work with Mommy today?”

He licked her cheek as if in reply. Her heart swelled with love, then plummeted. That was the most genuine affection she had felt in months. The emptiness of her little apartment reverberated off the walls, coming back at her, reminding her constantly that she was all alone.

An hour later, dressed in her favorite pair of ripped, faded jeans and a simple red sweatshirt, she strode into the office, Jaws in tow. The storm had blown through, but, as she had expected, the place was deserted. Anyone in their right mind would be at home, fast asleep and planning to relax all day.

She settled at her desk. Jaws laid down at her feet, preparing to finish the night’s sleep that had been taken from him. Now she could breathe easier. She had her computer, her cup of coffee and her favorite companion snuggled at her feet, and she could find tasks to keep her busy.

She booted up her computer and, opening her Brandi Carlile station on Pandora, let the sultry sound of a bluesy, folk song take her away. She leaned back in her chair and began to sing. Her voice, deep and sensual, hit all the right notes, rising and falling to the perfect rhythm. It felt good to sing. She hadn’t done so in a while.

She closed her eyes and let the music take her to a place where things like love and happiness weren’t a myth. To a place where it wasn’t all about one-night stands and secrets. In her mind, she saw the silhouette of two beautiful women, kissing openly on a starlit street, sharing a love that went beyond the bedroom. Then, from out of nowhere, appeared the haunted blue eyes from her dream.

The image brought her out of her daydream, out of her song, and sat her straight up at her desk.

“That was beautiful.”

Jo yelped, caught off guard by the voice emanating from one of the side offices.

A deep laugh rang through the office, followed by the sound of footsteps.

“Oh…um…hi,” Jo said as Mayor Stratton came into view.

“Good morning to you as well.” The mayor was obviously amused.

Jo stuttered and stammered, trying to put together an intelligent sentence. Not only was she embarrassed to have screamed in front of a boss whom she assumed already found her inexperienced, but the eyes she was staring deeply into were the ones she had seen in her dream. Eyes that held the same expression as the ones that stared blankly back at her from her mirror each morning. Eyes that were haunted, guarded and beautifully sad.

“I thought I was the only one here,” Jo finally said.

“As did I. Tell me, Josephine, what on earth are you doing here at five a.m. on your day off?”

“I didn’t want to be at home.”
Dammit!
Jo chided herself for speaking the words aloud, but the sudden appearance of her boss had unnerved her, leaving her susceptible to making stupid statements like that.

Once again, Jo looked up to meet the mayor’s gaze. She swore she saw in her eyes an understanding of, almost an agreement with, Jo’s statement.

“I see,” the mayor responded, her words dancing around the subject, seemingly careful not to probe too deep.

“That’s not what…I mean…well…” She’d dug this hole. She might as well figure a way out. “What I meant is that I needed to get some things done here before I can relax.”

The mayor sat down in the leather chair across from Jo’s desk. “Do you have anything that’s pressing or unfinished?”

Madeline Stratton was the kind of boss who paid attention to everyone’s assignments. She knew Jo’s workload, her schedule and every project she had in the works. There was no point in lying to the woman.

“No,” Jo conceded.

To Jo’s surprise, the mayor shrugged and offered a smile. “Me neither.”

“Why are you here so early on a day off?” Jo asked, then remembered to add, “if you don’t mind me asking, that is.”

“I asked you first, remember? So I guess it’s a fair question.”

“True.”

“I guess I’m just more at home here than anywhere else lately.”

The answer came after the mayor had weighed her response for a while. It was followed by a startled hop. Jaws had not only woken up, Jo realized, but he was also sniffing the mayor’s shoes.

“Oh, my goodness, I am so sorry. I brought him in with me because I figured I’d be alone. I’m so sorry.”

The mayor reached down and scooped the shih tzu up. “Don’t you worry. He’s a cute little guy. What’s his name?”

Slightly embarrassed, Jo wished she had given her dog a more respectable name—one worthy of sharing with someone as serious and dignified as the mayor. “Uh, his name is Jaws.” Jo gave a half smile.

“That is just too perfect,” she exclaimed, petting his head. She turned back to look at Jo. “Do you want to grab some breakfast?”

A casual breakfast with the boss hadn’t exactly been in Jo’s plans, but there was a vulnerability in Madeline Stratton’s eyes this morning that she had never seen before.

Jo’s heart hammered in her chest. This was the most normal conversation she’d ever had with her boss, and she was worried it might jeopardize her job. She was getting ready in her head to politely decline the offer when her mouth blurted out, “I’d love to.”

“Great! I know this little place where I can usually avoid an early morning photo shoot.”

Jo glanced over at Jaws, who was still enjoying the love the mayor had to offer. “Let me drop him off and I’ll meet you there.”

She walked over to get him, then stopped, momentarily flummoxed by the awkward scenario in front of her. Before she could overanalyze how to scoop Jaws up without brushing against the mayor’s lap, Madeline picked him up to hand him over. Their fingers brushed as Jo took him, and every nerve in her body tingled at the slight contact. Composing herself, she held her dog in her arms and turned away to refocus on more pressing issues. She felt as if she had just gotten in way over her head. What on earth could she discuss with this woman over breakfast? Would she share too much? Appear too cold and disconnected?

Half an hour later, as she pulled into an alley and double- checked the directions the mayor had given her, Jo was even more uncertain. She knew she should call and cancel. She was preparing to throw the car into reverse when she saw Madeline get out of a Suburban parked near a small brick building.

“Shit,” she muttered, smoothing the shirt she’d changed into and stepping from her vehicle.

“I’m glad to see you found it.” There was an unfamiliar note—
happiness?
—in the mayor’s voice.

“Me too. I didn’t even know this place was back here.”

“That’s the beauty of it,” Madeline Stratton smiled again, a look that before this morning had seemed so uncharacteristic. “I know the owner, and she gives me a little booth in the back that’s secluded from the rest of the dining room. It’s one of the few places I can go to unwind a little.”

The words hung in the air, like nakedness exposed. Jo had never stopped to consider what it must be like to be the mayor—to constantly be scrutinized and thrust into the spotlight. Her empathy for the mayor grew; being in the spotlight of public office was probably even more intense than undergoing the scrutiny of a church congregation.