Contingency (Covenant of Trust) (10 page)

“Well, no, but what other choice do you have? I don’t know how you can forgive him. He’s done youth retreats with us on dating, and sex, and stuff, and then he does this. He’s a phony.”

“Have you ever done anything wrong?”

“Yeah, everybody has.” He rolled his eyes and bobbed his head, repeating what he heard many times before. “Since everybody makes mistakes, everybody should forgive everybody. Blah, blah, blah, but Mom—”

“This is serious. Have you ever done anything you said you wouldn’t?” Bobbi paused, but when Brad didn’t answer, she continued. “Like ... ever cheated on a test?”

“No way!”

“Ever ‘compared answers’ after you couldn’t finish your algebra?” Brad scowled. “I’ll take that as a yes. You took something that didn’t belong to you. You cheated. Copying homework problems is a much smaller scale, and has much smaller consequences, but it’s the same as what your dad did. He took something that didn’t belong to him. He cheated.”

“Is that what you think I’m doing? Just because I asked to talk to your dad doesn’t mean this is over.”
How much do I tell him?
“Your dad is moving out, and we have a hard road ahead of us. Lots of counseling. It’s going to be a much longer process than deciding to marry him in the first place.” Bobbi smiled, but Brad didn’t soften. “You’re right to be angry and hurt. Believe me, I am. Just don’t write your dad off.”

“I’m not making any promises,” Brad replied, his jaw set.

*******

When
Chuck
rang
the Shannons’ doorbell, the thirty seconds it took Phil to answer the door seemed ten times that long. “Come on in,” Phil said, extending his hand to shake Chuck’s.

“Thanks for letting me come by on such short notice,” Chuck said, stepping inside. “I hate to bother you on a Saturday.”

“Then consider this a visit to a friend’s house. You can always stop by a friend’s house on Saturday.” Phil ushered Chuck to the living room sofa. “Now, what can I do for you?” He eased into the recliner across from the sofa.

“No, she wants to go through counseling. I told her I would do anything to make it up to her, but I’m not sure it mattered. She was nothing like the Bobbi I fell in love with.”

“What can I do?”

“I talked to my mom yesterday, and she said I should do the confession thing.” Chuck took a deep breath. “It’s just ... Phil, I’ve worked so hard, to be successful, and to look successful. It mattered a lot to me. I even hounded Bobbi a few years back about moving out to The Arbors, you know, a better neighborhood. None of that matters if I lose her. If she doesn’t believe that I’m sorry, that I love her, and I want to be a good husband, everything else is just pointless.” He raised his head and looked Phil in the eye.

“You can’t fake this, Chuck. You have to be one hundred percent sincere for your own sake as much as for Bobbi’s. You have to be open and honest about everything from now on.”

“Then let me be straight with you. I understand that I have sinned against God and against my wife. I realize that I did far more damage than I thought, and if I have any hope of getting Bobbi back, I need your help.” He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to keep himself from dissolving into tears. “Please, Phil, I’m begging you.”

“Now we’re getting somewhere.” Phil slid to the edge of his seat. “First of all, I need you to understand that God intends for marriage to show how Christ loves and cares for His church. It’s a serious insult to God to tear it down, and He’s going to vindicate Himself.”

“So, even if I do this, I’m still facing some kind of judgment?”

“Think of it like this. Say you drive a nail into a two-by-four, and then come back later and pull the nail out. The nail may be gone, but the hole is there. Even if you fill it, maybe so it’s unnoticeable, it’s still going to be there. The two-by-four will never be the same.”

*******

“
What are you
doing?” Bobbi found Chuck facing the mirror in their bathroom, whipping his tie around into a perfect knot.

“
Getting ready for work.”

“
Today?”

“
I do this almost every day.”

She took his hand, and he frowned. “Chuck, your dad’s funeral was yesterday. Nobody expects you ...”

He jerked his hand away. “What am I supposed to do here? Sit and stare at the walls, or waste my time on something stupid?”

“
Not at all. You’ve never lost anybody. This is ...” The lines in his forehead grew deeper, and she risked him walking out. “You need some time. Trust me on this, and your mother needs you. She’s alone today.”

“
She’s got friends there.”

“
It’s not the same, and you know it.”

“
Look, I’ve got commitments to clients.” His jaw twitched ever so slightly “And I intend to keep them. That’s uh ... that’s what my dad ... he taught me that. Honor your commitments.” He closed his eyes and clenched his jaw so tightly it shook.

She touched his face, and a single tear escaped from his eyes. She slipped her hand behind his head, and he let her guide it to her shoulder. “I love you,” she whispered, and he let go and sobbed. She held him, rubbed his back, and cried with him. “You are so much like your dad ...”

He raised up and shook his head. “I’ll never be half the man my dad was.” He shifted and looked at the floor in front of him for several moments. When he finally spoke, the words came softly and tentatively. “Walter and Jim are giving me Dad’s spot.”

“
As a managing partner? That’s wonderful.”

“
It’s kind of a junior manager. They still have final oversight.”

“
Still, at thirty-six, that’s an amazing accomplishment.”

“
But I didn’t earn it.”

“
You did. They didn’t have to give it to you.” He frowned again and wiped his eyes. “I know how hard you work, Chuck—”

“
I gotta go.” He eased around her, and reached for his suit jacket.

“
Why doesn’t it matter when I say it?”

“
What?” He slipped his arm in the jacket sleeve.

“
When I say you work hard, or you’re a good attorney, you blow it off.”

“
Bobbi, don’t start on me right now.” He straightened his tie and adjusted the silk in his breast pocket.

He was grieving and he had no idea how to process it. She had to believe that, to push down the hurt and anger welling up inside her. If he felt safe with her, venting it to her, then she’d be safe for him. “All right, should I plan on you for dinner?”

“
Go ahead and feed the boys. Don’t wait on me.”

She took his hand in hers. “I’ll be here when you get home. I’ll help you anyway I can.”

“
You can’t help me.”

Sunday, July 31

When Phil Shannon smiled at her, Bobbi dropped her eyes, wanting to avoid another round of tears. Chuck hadn’t come for Bible study and he had yet to appear in the worship service. He failed the first test of his sincerity and commitment. Counseling was going to be a sham. Chuck would go through all the motions, make a good show, and then they would split. He would walk away without any guilt. He tried, after all.

Stop thinking about Chuck! I’m here for worship. Concentrate.

But he told her about the confession. He said he would do anything, whatever Phil said. Maybe after she kicked him out of the house, he didn’t feel free to come to church anymore. She hadn’t meant that at all.

She flinched when Joel touched her and asked for a pen. She fished one out of her purse, then slipped an arm around her son. Joel talked with Chuck yesterday afternoon, but he hadn’t relayed the details to her. Had it gone badly? Maybe Chuck wanted to speak to Brad privately before risking a public encounter with his son.

Bobbi mumbled her way through the first hymn, then settled back in the pew. She already deflected several questions about where Chuck was this morning. ‘He was in Kansas City this week,’ she said, which was the truth, just not the whole truth.

The truth is, I’m in church. It’s not going to do me any good if I’m zoned out through the whole service.

Pastor Phil Shannon stepped into the pulpit and welcomed everyone. He smiled at her when he passed. Maybe he knew how awkward it would be for her, so he had cautioned Chuck to stay out of sight.

Did Chuck even have church clothes? Was he still living out of his suitcase? Suddenly, she felt harsh and coldhearted for not letting him get his things yesterday. She should at least call him this afternoon and arrange a time when he could do that. Monday would work. She’d be at school all day Monday.

As the ushers stepped up to collect the offering, she thought she caught sight of her husband out of the corner of her eye. She turned to double check, but it wasn’t Chuck. She tried to visualize him at the front of the church, admitting to everyone that he’d been unfaithful. It made the heat rise on the back of her neck. If he confessed, did she have to sit through it?

*******

Late Saturday afternoon
, Chuck secured a furnished apartment, and now he needed his things. Bobbi left for church right on time, so Chuck had the house to himself. He gathered up clothes, toiletries, a few books and files from the study, and his Bible. He grabbed a couple of sturdy boxes from the attic and began carrying things to his car. He hoped, for Bobbi’s sake, none of the neighbors drew the inevitable conclusion.

He had one last box to load when his cell phone rang. He answered it without checking the ID.

“Don’t hang up, Chuck. I got your message, and I didn’t want that to be goodbye.”

Tracy. All at once, shame burned through his chest. It felt so good to hear her voice. A thousand images flashed through his mind. He could smell her perfume, her shampoo, even the air freshener in her house.

“I would have never gotten involved with you if you hadn’t given off some strong signals that you were interested. You invited me to lunch. You stopped by my office. You came to my house.”

Gavin’s words roared back at him.
The ugly truth is that you wanted this to happen, and you allowed a situation to develop that made it possible.
“I shouldn’t have. That was wrong.”

“No, having an extramarital affair, cheating on your wife, that was wrong. This has been very hard on her, I’m sure, especially since she’s not back at school yet. These empty days must be especially difficult.”

“How did you—?”

“Then having to tell Brad and Joel—a mother’s worst nightmare.”

“You knew all along.” A sucker punch in the kidney would have been easier to take. Tracy wasn’t interested in him at all. She played him.

“Of course I knew,” she laughed. “You know, I would have given anything to have seen your face Thursday morning.”

“Where is all this hostility coming from? I never—”

“You don’t deserve this? Is that your point? You don’t deserve to have your reputation self-destruct because you can’t control your ego or your impulses? You’re a liar, and in your limitless arrogance, you’ve convinced yourself that everyone around you is too stupid to figure that out. I’m sure your wife would agree with me. She and I should have a cup of coffee sometime.”