Convenience and Compatibility (31 page)

“Are you going to tell me why you don’t trust
yourself with me?” His breath is warm in my ear and I can almost
taste the sweetness of his wine. It’s erotic the way he can take
me, in an instant, to a place where I lose all sense of myself and
am only cognizant of him.

I keep my eyes on my wine, swirling the
liquid in the glass, and take another drink before I answer. I turn
my head imperceptibly towards him. “I think you know very well your
effect on me.” I whisper.

Greg leans over to me again, and this time
I’m expecting it. I close my eyes as his deep melodic voice
practically touches all the nerves in my body. “No… enlighten
me.”

I feel the goosebumps start at the top of my
head and move all the way down my body. Opening my eyes I hold my
arm out to him. “See?”

Greg strokes my arm, touching the goosebumps,
making them more prominent. A shiver runs down my back. Greg leans
over and his mouth touches my ear. I hold my breath, waiting for
him to speak. “That’s hot.”

Oh fuck. “Excuse me, I need to go to the
bathroom. Tara, want to come with me?”

Tara looks confused, but she complies and
nods her acceptance. The boys let us out of the booth and I avoid
their gazes and we walk away.

“What was that about?” Tara asks when we get
inside the bathroom doors.

I shake my head, “Nothing, nothing.”

She gives me a look knowing that it was not
nothing. Tara, who knows so much about me and all my weaknesses, is
probably making bets with Adam as to when I’ll end up in Greg’s bed
again.

The rest of the dinner Greg behaves himself
and we laugh easily, enjoying each other’s company. After a drawn
out meal and dessert I am totally beat and yawn – I just want to go
to bed. Greg asks for the check and graciously pays for all our
meals. I follow the lead of Tara and Adam as we walk down the
street, to Adam’s car. My stomach is full of butterflies with the
uncertainty of the rest of the evening, but I am pretty sure that
my prediction of getting laid tonight will not come true.

We get to Adam’s car and Greg and I climb
into the backseat. I’m relieved that there is only one vehicle and
expect that we will all end up back at the apartment for a
nightcap. I glance over to Greg in the dark backseat. He is smiling
at me as he takes my hand on the seat between us. I close my eyes
as he caresses it with his thumb. I try to forget that Dean did
almost the exact thing after we went out the first time. This is
Greg – and he is nothing like Dean. It’s at this moment that I
don’t care if this is right or not. Greg does something to me that
no other man can replicate. It’s a feeling of excitement,
anticipation, and pure lust.

The car comes to a halt and I open my eyes.
We’ve pulled up to Adam and Greg’s law office and I turn to look at
Greg in alarm. Where is he going? Greg thanks Tara and Adam for the
night out and avoids my gaze. Panic grips me as he opens the
passenger door and gets out, letting go of my hand. I look after
him longingly, and know I can’t be away from him tonight. In the
dark of the car I feel the tears pooling in my eyes and am thankful
that no one can see the fool I am making of myself. I feel a hole
start in the pit of my stomach; growing larger as Greg moves away
from the car. I lean back in my seat and turn my head to the view
out the side window.

“Mallory?” I whip my head back to Greg. From
my vantage point in the car, only his hand and upper arm is
visible, outstretched for me. He is waiting for me! I put my hand
in his and scramble out of the car, without saying goodbye. Greg
closes the door and takes my hand. Adam drives away and we walk to
the parking garage.

The hole in my stomach is gone, but the
butterflies have returned. Now what do I do? I question my
certainty from a few moments earlier.

Greg swipes his badge at
the parking
garage’s electric security door and I take this opportunity to wipe
the tears from my eyes. He turns to look at me and my face betrays
me.

“Mallory! What’s wrong?” Greg ignores the
door beeping and touches my face, wiping the last of my tears from
my cheek.

“Nothing, let’s go.”

Greg looks at me for a moment and I look
down, too embarrassed with my display of emotion for him. He nods
and swipes at the door again. We walk into the parking garage, and
Greg doesn’t ask me again. He also doesn’t touch me, but opens the
passenger door for me as I scramble in and avoid his gaze.

We’re on the dark freeway and I see Greg
glance at me. “Are you upset with me?”

“No Greg. Of course not. I’m sorry, just
forget that back there. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Okay… do you want to go home?”

“No.” It comes out of my mouth without me
even thinking about it, about the consequences if we spend the
night together. “Actually, I don’t know Greg. I… um….”

Greg interjects, saving me from my awful
explanation. “You’re coming to my place. And I promise not to fuck
you tonight… even if you beg me.”

I laugh and it feels good; being with Greg is
so easy.

We drive past my apartment and along the lake
to the condos on the water past the public park. Adjacent to his
condo is the three story parking garage. We park in Greg’s spot and
silently take the sky-walk over to his condo.

He lives on the top floor, number five zero
three, with one of the best views of Lake Washington. I walk into
his place and the memories of being there almost a year ago come
flooding back. Greg puts his hand on the small of my back and
guides me into the living room, my stilettos the only sound
clicking on the concrete floor. I sit on the sofa and he sits
facing me on the coffee table, taking each foot in turn; removing
my shoes. The condo is dark except for the light of the moon and
it’s reflection coming through the floor to ceiling windows. Greg
grabs a remote, sits down next to me, and points the remote to the
fireplace in the corner. My eyes go to the flames and I can almost
feel the warmth already.

“Do you mind if I get comfortable?”

I turn to look at him. “No, go ahead.”

Greg removes his cuff links – gold and
ostentatious, and starts unbuttoning his shirt as he walks into the
master bedroom just off the living room. He leaves the door open,
but I only hear the opening of drawers and the rustling of cloth
until he returns. He stands in the doorway for a moment and I smile
at his outfit - a white T-shirt and plaid pajama bottoms. I’ve
never seen him wear so much to bed.

I smile, “Nice.”

“Don’t laugh, my mom bought these for me.” He
says playfully. “Do you want something to drink?”

“Sure.”

Greg winks at me and walks to the kitchen. I
follow his body with my eyes, marveling that I used to fuck this
guy. The pants fall in just the right way, outlining his ass as he
walks away from me. I imagine grabbing that ass….

“Wine spritzer okay?”

“Um, ya.” I nod and watch him make my drink.
The gravity of what I have done sinks in at this moment and I ask
myself again what I’m doing here. The air is thick with the tension
that comes before having sex for the first time. But this wouldn’t
be our first time together – we’ve had sex many times, great sex.
The last time we were together was at my apartment, after a night
out with Tara and Adam – much like tonight. It was early December
and I was cold from being outside. Greg warmed my body by kissing
every inch, touching everywhere until I couldn’t stand it anymore.
He was always good at sexual teasing, getting me to the point where
my mind and my body begged him to fuck me. The release at that
moment was always as good as any orgasm.

I frown as he sits next to me on the sofa and
hands me my drink – I want him.

“What?”

“Oh nothing.” I take a drink innocently as he
eyes me suspiciously. “Actually….” I begin and Greg turns towards
me, giving me his full attention. I’m not sure how I’m going to
tell him, but I know it will be better if I tell him now, before he
hears it somewhere else. I put down my drink and continue. “I’m
leaving for Mexico two weeks from tomorrow.”

Greg’s eyebrows raise in surprise, but there
is no hint of disappointment. “Oh? When will you return?”

“Well…” and this is the tricky part. I’m
scared that I will hurt him and choose my words carefully, slowly.
“It’s kind of open ended. Initially I will be there for three
months, but I may stay six, or longer.” The last words are almost a
whisper as the expression of his face changes - from curiosity to
pain.

“No Mallory.” This is all he says, looking at
me, pleading almost. He looks away for a moment, then walks into
the bedroom and shuts the door quietly behind him.

Shit. That went worse than I thought it
would. I think I would have rather have him argue with me than to
give up so easily. The last thing I want to do is hurt this man who
has shown me nothing but kindness. I don’t mean to but I feel like
such a bitch. I became a nurse because I love taking care of other
people and always thought of myself as empathetic and caring. Maybe
I’m not.

I deliberate now; should I go into the
bedroom and comfort him, or should I leave? Greg did shut the door
on me, so maybe he wants to be alone. Knowing the former will
probably lead to some sort of pity sex, the latter the end of our
friendship and possibly that of Tara and Adam’s as well, I know I
can’t leave. I finish my drink in two gulps and walk to the bedroom
door, opening it slowly. Greg is in bed, I can see the bulk of his
frame covered by blankets.

“Greg?” I hesitantly walk towards him.

He doesn’t answer and I walk to the opposite
side of the bed. I get in, clothes and all, and snuggle up to him
putting my arm around his waist. To my surprise he reaches back and
takes my hand , pulling my front closer to his back. He’s warm and
smells amazing, and I can’t help myself as I burrow my head into
his back.

“I’m sorry Mallory. Fuck. I just can’t go
through this again.”

I’m not sure I want to know, but I ask him,
“Through what again?”

“Losing you.”

Greg rolls over and wraps his arms around me,
burying his head in my hair. He holds me tight, so tight that I can
barely breathe. I wrap my one free arm around him and stroke his
back. I hate that I am hurting him. Maybe it is best for me to get
away so he can get on with his life.

We lay like this for I don’t know how long. I
can barely see the lake out of the window across the room as Greg’s
head mostly covers my view. But I watch what I can of the water,
barely moving, in the moonlight. Greg relaxes some and then I hear
him softly snoring into my neck. My left arm has gone to sleep now,
being pinned under my body for so long.

I roll over, trying to get out of Greg’s vise
like grip, and he moans and pulls me in tighter.

“I’ll be right back.”

Greg lets me go and I walk into the on suite
bathroom, shutting the door before I turn on the light.

Knowing right where to look, I open a top
drawer and am pleasantly surprised to see my pink toothbrush. Greg
had bought it for me almost a year ago, when I used to spend almost
every night at his place. I’m a little shocked that he kept it.

I brush my teeth, slip off my clothes and
turn off the light before I get into the shower. Greg’s bathroom is
nothing like Dean’s. For one thing the tub and shower are one unit
and it’s about the third of the size. Barely enough light filters
in through the skylight so I can find the body wash and a washcloth
on the alcove in the wall.

I’m wiping the makeup off my face when I feel
two hands on my waist. I whip around and Greg pulls me to him,
kissing my neck.

“Greg, no.”

He pulls away but keeps his hands on my hips.
I can barely see his face in the moonlight, looking sad, very
sad.

“I need you Mallory. Need to be inside you
again. Please let me make love to you.”

We stare into each other’s eyes and I
deliberate all the possible options and outcomes of my current
predicament. I know the answer but am afraid to hurt Greg any
further. Part of me is still in love with Dean.

As if reading my mind, Greg says, “Let me
help you forget about him.”

“I’m not ready Greg. I’m sorry, please be
patient with me… or move on. I don’t think I’m good for you.”

“Why do you say that? You have no idea how
good you are for me. You make me want to be a better person. I am a
better person because of you. I love you. I have since the moment I
saw you last March. I will always love you.”

How do I respond to this? It has to be just
about the sweetest thing any man has ever said to me. I put my arms
around Greg’s neck and get on my tip toes, kissing him on the
cheek. I can feel his erection pressing into my belly and I fight
the urge to grab it and get on my knees.

“Let’s go to back to bed and go to sleep.
Unless you want me to leave?”

Greg shakes his head no and I pull away,
getting out of the shower and grabbing a towel. I watch him immerse
himself in the deluge of the water as I’m drying off. More than one
part of my body salivates as the sight of him. He could almost be a
body builder with the shape he’s in right now. I can’t help but
wonder what it would feel like to have that on top of me, between
my legs, or under me.

I put the towel away and crawl into bed. Greg
joins me a moment later after closing the floor to ceiling curtains
in the bedroom. We are facing each other in the dark, a few inches
between us as I feel his breathing on my hair.

“I’m sorry about my reaction. That wasn’t
fair to you. I know you don’t want me anymore, but I will miss you
if you leave. Will you reconsider? Please?”

Who is this man? I close my eyes and consider
how I should respond. I don’t want to hurt Greg.

“No, Greg. I will be back… it’s not like I’m
leaving forever. And it’s not true what you said.”