Copper to Red (The Dillwyns' Stories) (10 page)

“Hello, Mr Dawkins,
would it be possible to have a quick word with your daughter?” Tom asked out of
politeness.  He turned towards Willow and caught the cautious look in her
narrowed eyes.  Tom released his breath, well at least he couldn’t detect any anger. 
He was not looking forward to this talk with Willow, it was crushing him.

David looked
back and forth between Willow and Tom, confusion crossing his brow.  What was
going on?  What did his daughter need to chat with Tom Dillwyn about?  Perhaps
it was just about what went on last night. Still he felt uneasy.  “Willow?” he
asked cautiously.

“It’s okay
Dad.  Tom come through to the back.”  She lifted the bar so he could get
through and made her way to the back, Tom following close behind.  When she had
seen him walk in, hope had faded instantly when she had seen his guarded,
sallow face.  She knew she wasn’t going to like what he said.  Her feet felt
like lead as she made her way into the back room.  Taking a calming breath she
slowly turned to look at him, chin held high.  There was no way he was going to
see how much she was hurting on the inside.

Tom’s dulled
green eyes looked pleadingly at her, willing her to understand what he needed
to do.  It killed him when he saw her pale slightly.  “Willow…” he took a
steadying breath, “Willow… I know you saw and heard everything that went on in
the pub last night.”  He shoved his hands in his pocket, he so wanted to touch
her, but knew he couldn’t - not ever again.  “I have just left Sarah and her
parents…”

Willow felt
her knees buckle and pushed them straight, she knew what was coming, in her
heart she knew Tom would never abandon Sarah.  She bit the inside of her cheek
trying to keep some control, not about to embarrass herself by crying in front
of him.  Her fingers felt for the chair beside her, her body desperately
wanting to sit in it, but her pride wouldn’t let him see how devastated she
was, it wouldn’t help either of them.  She needed to be strong.

“… and we
have decided that we are going to get married before the baby is born.”  The
statement came out of Tom’s mouth in a rush.

With a
strength she didn’t know she possessed she forced a smile on her face.  “Well
congratulations.  I am pleased for you both.  Imagine you a father.”  She had
to stifle a sob, hoping her voice didn’t betray her feelings.

The first
genuine smile from Tom split his face, he was going to love his child and he
was sure, over time, he would get to love Sarah.  His smile faded slightly, he
wanted to tell Willow that he loved
her
, but that would be unfair on
her.  Willow and Sarah deserved more than that from him.  Willow would never
know how much this was killing him inside, but it didn’t matter, he had
responsibilities now and he was damn well going to do his best.  His gazed
wavered over her face, noting her lip tremble slightly.  “Willow…” he took a
step forward.

She quickly
stepped back, shooting her hand up to stop him coming closer, she knew she
wouldn’t be able to bare it.  “No!”  She tried to control the emotion in her
response.  “No… I am really happy for you.  I know things might have been
different if this never happened, but it has…so…you need to concentrate on your
new family.  Forget about us, forget about me.”

Tom looked
down towards the floor for strength, or was it because he felt so defeated?  On
a sigh, he gathered courage and looked Willow straight in the eye.  “Yes, you’re
right.  I better go.  It is too hard to be alone with you and not touch you.  I
promise to make sure we aren’t alone again…”  He walked slowly over to the door
and opened it. With his hand on the knob, he looked back over his shoulder at
Willow, who was ram rod straight, “…but I’ll never forget you.”  He shut the
door behind him.

Willow used her
arm to find the chair, as her eyes were blinded by tears and collapsed on it,
her legs not able to stand for a second longer.  She slowly let out the breath
she had been holding inside, while she gripped the arm rest.  Squeezing her
eyes tight she struggled to control the pain ripping through her.  On her next
breath came a sob, the first spring of tears now turning into sobs.  Tears for
what she had lost, tears for what she never had a chance to experience, tears
for her heart torn in two yet again.

“Did you
have a nice time in town with Emma love?” asked Willow’s mother.  She still
hadn’t got to the bottom of why Willow looked so pale and tired, but she would,
eventually. Poor David had been at his wits end by the time she had come back from
her time away, he was so worried about Willow.  She looked closely at her
daughter, eyes searching her face.  She noticed that today, after her day out, her
daughter seemed to have a glow back in her cheeks.  Going out with her friend
had obviously been good for her.  Shirley made a mental note to have a word
with David, they needed to encourage
Willow
to go out more to enjoy herself.

“Yes, great
Mam.”  She beamed remembering Emma and her routing through the sales in the
clothes shops, she had quite a few bargains too.  They had finished off the day
of shopping with a Joe’s ice cream.   Willow smiled to herself, while hanging
up her coat.  Her visit to the café had evoked fond childhood memories.  Her Grandmother
used to take her to Joe’s, every Saturday, as a treat.  When she was too small
to reach, Willow remembered climbing on the bench seats to look at the old
photographs which hung on the walls.  Fascinated by them, she loved examining the
old black and white pictures of the original Italian café owner, Luigi
Cascarini and his family.  Her grandmother always used to tell her that he had
come all the way from Italy.   In her young mind, Italy seemed as far away as
the moon.  She was told the story of Luigi opening up cafés to serve the
workers, rich roast coffee, before they went off to work.  He worked long hours
to make his café the best and soon he opened more, which his children helped
run.  Later, his eldest son Joe, ran a café in St. Helen’s Road.  This was where
Joe Cascarini developed an ice cream, following a secret recipe from Italy.  Certainly,
in Willow’s opinion; no one was able to beat the unique taste of Joe’s ice cream.
 Yes, she had had a wonderful day, just what she needed.  Emma, her friend had
been a rock for her, helping her through another heartbreak.  “Let me just grab
a cup of tea, then I’ll come out to help serve Mam,” she called over her
shoulder while making her way into the kitchen, looking forward for a nice,
soothing cup of tea.

After the
initial opening rush died down, Willow sat down on one of the stools to take a
break.   She rolled her ankles while looking at her new shoes with a small
smile playing on her lips, they were gorgeous and a bargain too.  Emma was so
skilful at spotting the good deals, she giggled to herself – Emma did like to
shop!  Willow normally only shopped when she was in desperate need of
something.  It felt good to feel relaxed, it had been a while.

A movement
made her look towards the table Tom and his friends sat at; it was Michael
standing ready to put an order in at the bar.  As usual, all of the familiar lads
were surrounding it.  Her relaxed mood faltered as she noticed Tom, he had
taken to sitting with his back to the bar.  She had tried most of the night to
ignore the group, it hurt too much when she spotted him.  Willow moaned quietly
to herself, Tom’s broad back was staring at her, his black hair gently curling
around his collar. Would the yearning for him ever go away?  She tore her eyes
away, towards Michael, who had the same relaxed gait of his brother, as he made
his way slowly over to the bar.  “Evening Willow,” he turned his head towards
her.  “Admiring those shiny new shoes?” a cheeky smile curved his lips.

Willow could
feel a blush rise as she giggled.  “Yes, you caught me admiring them,” she
replied as she continued to rotate her ankle, enjoying the look of them. 
Willow should have known Michael would notice, she had known him long enough to
appreciate that although he seemed relaxed, he knew exactly what was going on
around him. 

“A little
retail therapy always seems to put a smile on a girl’s face.  Well it does for
my sisters anyway.”  Michael chuckled to himself as he admired the pint of bitter
in his hand.  “One of these pleases us men.”  He used the pint to point towards
his friends.  

Michael’s
movement drew Willows attention off her shoes and back onto Tom.  Her stomach
flipped again even though she could only see his broad back.  She reprimanded
herself again, he was off limits. 

Her mind thought
back to that night, it had been a month now since Sarah’s father had burst into
the pub.  She was mortified at the amount of tears she had shed, night after
night, when she had been alone in bed.  Over the lonely nights the pain had
eventually dulled, only flashing up now and again when she saw him.   At first,
it had been excruciating when Tom came in the pub, but she had managed to hide her
feelings from everyone, even her father and mother were oblivious of her
torment when she had to serve him.  Once in a while, Willow could feel his eyes
observing her and when she allowed herself to look, he would continue to gaze at
her with what looked like longing and discomfort in his eyes.  It distressed
her to tear her gaze away, the sickness in the pit of her stomach emerging once
again.  Once, while he had been looking at her, tears had sprung into her eyes,
which she quickly wiped away.  Since that day, Tom always sat with his back to
the bar, Willow unsure if it was better or not.  Michael’s voice brought her
out of her memories.

“…so there
will be plenty more of these tonight, it being Tom’s unofficial stag night.”

Willow was
glad she was firmly sitting on the stool.  “Oh, when are they getting married?”
she hoped that, to Michael, she looked happy for them.

“In a couple
of weeks, before the baby is too obvious I think.  It is just a small wedding,
you know, with Sarah being pregnant and all.  Tom wanted to go to the registry
office, but everyone is already gossiping about Sarah, so she wanted the local
Church.  I am sure you can fit in the back pew if you want.”

“Oh, I don’t
know.”  Willow was trying to think of a valid excuse, she didn’t know how she
would manage to watch him get married.

Michael, not
realising her internal struggle, tried to be helpful.  “Come on, come, everyone
else will.  I’m the best man too.”  He tried more arm twisting.  “Emma is
coming, you can sit with her.”

“Okay, I
will try.” Willow said to pacify him and shut the conversation down, she was
hurting all over again.

Willow
turned restlessly in bed, fed up with the endless nights of not sleeping.  She
thought back to the conversation with Michael.  It hurt so much to pretend to
be pleased for Tom, wearing her down emotionally and physically.  Even eating
was just a chore at the moment, just the same as when Robert had left her.  Willow’s
emotions were in turmoil because she wanted to be happy for them, after all, Tom
was going to be part of a family, but jealousy was tearing through her. 
She
wanted to be with Tom. 

She cursed
aloud and stuck the pillow over her head in frustration.  After Robert, she had
promised to protect her heart.  What a fine job she had done!  She sighed, she
had been so young when she had got together with Rob, she had never had chance
to experience the strong adult emotions she felt with Tom.  She would just have
to learn to deal with them and try not to get entangled with love again! 
Die
an old maid
, she thought and then shivered, she didn’t want to do that
either!  Frustration and hurt made tears squeeze out of her eyes and wet her
pillow.

~~~~

Willow was pouring
a measure of vodka for a customer, when she suddenly sensed a quietness falling
over the bar.  She turned quickly and looked into the familiar eyes of Robert
staring back at her. 

“Hi,
Willow.” 

A smile
played hesitantly on his lips, as the glass slid from her hand and smashed onto
the floor.  Willow’s throat constricted, not even allowing a squeak to escape. 
She stared, wide eyed.

Shirley
rushed forward towards her daughter, nudging her towards the back room. 
“Janet, take Robert through into the back.”  She didn’t want all the locals,
who were now riveted to see any action, have anything to gossip over.  Shirley
barely acknowledged Robert with a nod, all her instincts set to protect her
daughter.  “I’ll clean up this glass.”  She used her outstretched arm to halt
her husband, feeling the ripple of anger vibrate through him.  The last thing
Willow needed was for her father and ex-husband to be embroiled in a fight. 
She nudged Willow again, who was still standing still, in shock.  “Willow?”  She
watched her daughter’s eyes turn towards her, glazed.  “Take Robert through to
the back. You can talk in there, privately.”  She indicated with a glance at
all the riveted eyes watching them.

“Of course,
Mam.”  She turned towards Rob, her smile a little shaky. “Come through.”

On entering
the room, Willow sort out the arm chair.  She needed to sit down, her legs
barely supporting her.  It was the first time she had seen Robert in a couple
of years, since he had walked out on her.  She always wondered how she would
feel when she eventually saw him again, mind numbing shock wasn’t the reaction
she was expecting.  She looked at him.  Unfortunately, he looked the same, able
to stir responses that she really did not want to feel again.  “Please sit.” 
She indicated to a chair away from her, she didn’t want him too near to her. 
Willow watched as he leaned back in the chair, folding his legs at the ankles. 
He looked totally relaxed, something that she wasn’t at this moment.