CORAL - Fallen (A Romance Trilogy, Book 2) (18 page)

“Coral, what are you doing, do you have a
bad stomach?” She asks me.

I frown back at her in confusion, then look
down and see my arms are gripping my waist.
I did not know I was doing that!
Did I put my muesli down?

I stare blankly at her while I wait for my
heart to get back to its regular beat, and the butterflies in my stomach to
stop swirling. Finally, I take in a ragged breath, I try to talk but nothing
comes out, so I clear my throat, and attempt a fake smile.

“Sorry Joyce, I’m absolutely fine, really I
just....” I drift off again. I don’t seem to have much concentration at the
moment.

“Come into my office please,” she asks
firmly. I swallow hard and follow her in. “Shut the door.” I close it behind me
then turn to face the music, only when I see Joyce, her face is full of elation
not condemnation. “Darling, did you have a good weekend?” she titters eyeing me
speculatively.

“Um...I, well yes,” I murmur.

“I'm glad, but you seem a little pre-occupied.
Try to keep your head together while you’re at work please.” I gaze blankly
back at Joyce. “Coral!” Her loud voice snaps me out of it.

“S-Sorry,” I whisper then frown at myself –
Get a grip!
“Yeah, no, I will,” I say, nodding at Joyce; she’s still
frowning at me.

“Very well, back to your desk.” Joyce tells
me firmly.

I nod at Joyce then quickly scurry out of
her office. Back at my desk, I pick up my muesli in a vain attempt to try
eating. I put the spoon in the bowel, fill it with muesli and lift it to my lips,
but I drift off again, thinking about how much more I revealed to Tristan last
night…

WE ARE IN THE LIVING ROOM, ON THE SOFA.
Tristan has me wrapped up in his arms,
after making love again,
well hot sexy sex, but maybe it’s still making love? Either way, I am happy.
Happier than I have ever been, although, I still have no idea why Tristan wants
me? I drive myself crazy sometimes, so god knows how it feels to him; when he’s
with me I mean.

“What do you want baby?” Tristan asks,
pulling me from my thoughts.

“A bath,” I murmur.

Tristan chuckles at me. “No, I mean what kind
of wedding?”
Seriously, he wants me to answer that now?

“I…I don’t know. I don’t have a clue,” I
whisper.

“You’ve never thought about it?” He asks
lightly.

I shake my head at him. “No, never…” I
whisper. I briefly look down at his chest, my forefinger making small circles
across his pecks.

“Never?” Tristan repeats, sounding
astonished, I look up at him. “You really are one of a kind,” he says his eyes
crinkling at the corners as he smiles down at me.

“I know,” I admit. “I'm a weird fuck up
remember?” I add lightly.

Tristan chuckles as he leans down to kiss
me. “You never imagined yourself married?” he asks stroking my hair. I shake my
head at him. He chuckles lightly again. “Most women have that planned from
childhood.”

“I know,” I say, feeling as though it’s
just confirming how weird I am.

“Hey!” Tristan tugs on my chin so I have to
look up at him. “There’s nothing wrong with that baby.” He tells me firmly.

I swallow hard. “I guess…” I say, feeling
like a freak again.

“Coral don’t do that,” Tristan scolds.

“Do what?” I ask, feigning innocence.

“Think that you’re weird because you
haven’t thought about it.” Tristan leans up onto his elbow. “I bet you, if you
got all the women in the world and asked them if they dreamed about their
wedding day, a good third of them would say no.” He adds, softly stroking my
cheek.

“Maybe,” I retort. “Tristan, but I couldn’t
even see myself in a relationship so...” I trail off trying hard not to think
about what this really means.

“I guess it’s time to think about it then,”
he says. “What you want.” He adds.

I swallow hard again. “When exactly were
you thinking about this going ahead?” I ask my voice shaking, giving me away.

“The sooner the better,” he answers his
eyes brooding again. “You’re nervous,” he quickly assesses.

“Very, aren’t you?” I balk.

Tristan’s eyes bore into mine as he
silently shakes his head. “I know what I want,” he softly says, his thumb
running lightly over my bottom lip, making me lose my train of thought. “Do you
really want this Coral?”

I look down at his chest. I find it so hard
to think straight when I look at his face. “Yes, I do but…what’s the rush?” I
ask.

“I just want my life to start with you
Coral. I want to build it with you. I want you as my wife, not my girlfriend.
Girlfriend just sounds so...so fickle, like it’s not permanent,” he says waving
his hand in the air, but as I gaze up at him, I can tell he’s hiding something
from me. I just don’t know what it is?

“You’re lying,” I reply. “So why don’t you
tell me what you’re really thinking?”

Tristan smiles his enigmatic smile at me.
“There’s no fooling you is there?” he says.

“No, but isn’t that one of the reasons you
want to marry me?” I say sweetly.

Tristan leans down and kisses me again. “It
sure is,” he smiles.

“So...?” I take a breath and gaze up at him.
He’s gone broody again.

“I just...I don’t want to lose you,” he
says all wounded and wide eyed.

I frown at him. “That doesn’t make sense.
Just because people get married, doesn’t mean they can’t leave one another,
people get divorced all the time,” I retort.

“I don’t mean that,” he says, his eyes
finally meeting mine.

“Then what do you mean?” I ask. He shakes
his head slowly, frowning deeply as he does, staring down at my swollen lips.
He’s definitely hiding something - It suddenly it dawns on me.

“Oh I get it!” I sit up a little more so
we’re nose to nose. “You’re afraid I’ll meet someone else, right, choose them
instead of you?” I say, searching his face.

Tristan sinks back down onto the bed, so
he’s lying on his back and throws his forearm over his eyes.
Jeez, I thought
I was the one with issues.

“You deserve better,” he mumbles.

“Hey!” I shout tugging at his arm so he has
to look at me. “Will you please stop that, if anyone deserves better it’s you,
so please stop saying that.”

“How can you think that?” He moans.

“Tristan,” I groan. “I come with a load of
crappy baggage, stuff I'm still trying to sort out in my head. I'm surprised
you’re interested in me at all. Men are supposed to want confident, outgoing,
sure of themselves women, not someone like me. And as for you, well just look
at you.” I say waving at all of him.

He shakes his head at me not understanding.
“Tristan, you’re a real catch, the kind they talk about in books. Tall,
handsome, sexy alpha male who’s confident, sexy and successful….did I mention
sexy?” His mouth twitches as he tries to hide his smile.

“Shall I tell you the names of the women
who I know are attracted to you? Shall I tell you what it’s like to be out in
public with you? How it makes me feel when I see so many women craning their
heads round to get a second look at you?” I balk.

“That’s just not true,” he argues.

I roll my eyes at him and continue. “Yes,
it is. And just to add insult to injury, you’re a smart, funny, captivating,
sweet, soulful, well mannered, big hearted man, that doesn’t come with a load
of baggage like me. At least you’ve got your shit together!” I bite feeling a
little irritated at him – He has no idea what it feels like to be me. I’d love
to have his confidence, his laid back attitude, his patience, his forgiving
nature.

“I still think you deserve better.” He
says, closing his eyes.
Ok, I'm starting to feel a little pissed at him.

“Ok then, tell me Tristan. What kind of guy
would you rather I be with?” His eyes dart open, his broodiness is gone. His
jaw is set, his eyes wide.

“I don’t want you to be with anyone else,”
he states firmly.

“Well that’s settled then, you must deserve
me,” I say pouting at him. “Do you want to know why? – “No, I don’t’ – “Because
you put up with my bad
behaviour
, and you’re so patient
and forgiving with me it’s unnerving, and despite all of that, well more than
that, you bring out the best in me. I never, ever thought any man would be able
to do that. I haven’t laughed so much…” I stop and think about what I’m saying.

“Actually, I’ve never laughed so much, I’ve
never had this much fun with a fellow human being before. I know that sounds
weird, but...well, I’ve never felt this happy before, sometimes I feel like
it’s a dream and I'm going to wake up and feel devastated. You make me feel
safe, wanted, cherished, loved.” I frown deeply remembering how badly I used to
feel about all those emotions.

“Tristan I’ve lived my whole life thinking
I'm not worthy and I don’t deserve love, I’ve never let anyone get close to me,
not even my family. I always felt safer just with me, no one could hurt me that
way, but it’s so lonely it’s hard to describe.”

“Try,” he whispers. “I want to know what
you think baby, how you think.” I swallow hard and frown, trying to think of an
analogy.
How can I explain this?

“Ok, it’s like living your life inside a
steel cage, you want to let people in, but you don’t have the key to unlock the
cage, but you also don’t want the cage to open because you know it’s there to
protect you from any further pain.
You
changed all that for me from the
very moment I met you. You unlocked the cage, leaving me feeling totally and utterly
vulnerable, completely at your mercy, and that really scared me, I didn’t even
know you.” I smile shyly. I can't believe I just told him that.

“So that’s why you were so dead against
us?” Tristan softly says.

“Yes,” I whisper, tears springing to my
eyes. “You see, because of you, the cage is gone. You’ve set me free.”

Tristan gasps. “Oh baby!” He pulls me into
his arms so my back is against the mattress, his strong masculine body pressed
against mine. “That’s how you always felt?”

“Yes, all the time, and you’ve changed all
of that.” I whisper.

Tristan slowly closes his eyes and presses
his forehead against mine. “I don’t understand how you can change, just like
that?” he asks, leaning up to look at me.

“I don’t either, I’m not saying my issues
have disappeared, because I know they haven’t. It’s just…I guess, I don’t feel
alone anymore.” I softly say – realizing how true that is.

“You’ve always felt alone?” he gasps again.
I nod silently. “Oh baby,” Tristan crushes me against his chest and starts
kissing me all over. On my lips, my cheeks, my nose, my forehead –
Could he
shower me in anymore love?

“Don’t feel sorry for me,” I beg.

He lifts his head slightly shaking it, his
eyes wide. “I don’t understand baby, you have Rob and Carlos, Gladys, Debbie
and
Joyce. Don’t you talk to them?”

“I know I do, but no I don’t talk Tristan,
only to George. You see, the damage was already done before I met my new family.”
Shut up Coral!

“I don’t understand?” he says. “What
damage?”
Shit!

I look away from Tristan trying to think of
something to say, something that will side track him, something far away from
the real truth of the matter. George comes to mind. Yes, use his analogy!

“Ok, so George told me that all our belief
systems get built from a very early age. So for me, it became that people are
bad, that they can't be trusted and that I’m better off on my own. No emotional
ties, that way I couldn’t get hurt again. I mean, I’m not going to hurt myself
am I? I’m not going to let myself down. But all the adults in my life,
pre-Gladys, let me down and treated me badly Tristan. So as much as I love my
family and friends, I couldn’t take the risk of letting them in. What if Gladys
was pretending to be nice and turned out just like my Mom? Or Deb’s was like my
sister? I couldn’t take that risk, so I guess it just carried on like that, I
just felt safer on my own, until I met you.” I end with a whisper.

“I wish I’d have met you sooner,” he
croaks.

“I wouldn’t have been ready for you.” I
tell him.

“How do you know that?” He argues.

“Because it’s only been over the past year
that I started to feel like I actually wanted someone in my life, I just didn’t
know how to go about it. I guess reaching my 30
^th
made me take a
step back and take a good hard long look at myself. I tried to imagine myself
still feeling the same when I hit my 40
^th
, you know doing the same
thing, no change, and I realised I did want change, but I was too scared, too
stuck in my ways to do anything about it.” I take a deep breath –
Boy this
is getting intimate!

“So, it was meant to happen now?” he says,
smiling down at me.

“Yeah,” I smile. “I think so. Tristan that
day when we met, and I walked into reception and you turned and looked at me,
the only way I can describe how it made me feel was...well, I felt like I was
home, I was finally home.”

“Coral!” He gasps, crushing me against his
chest again. Then taking me by complete surprise, I hear him sniff loudly.
Oh
my god!

“Are you crying?” I ask in astonishment.

“No,” he croaks into my hair.

“You are?” I gasp trying to get him to show
me his face, but he’s not having any of it. So I wrap my arms around him, and
hold him tighter against me. “Baby, don’t cry for me, please.”

“Kind of hard not to,” he sniffs. “Your
pain is my pain, or haven’t you figured that out yet?”

I squeeze my eyes shut. “Tristan, it really
scares me how much I love you.”

“Scares me too baby,” he croaks.

“Well, at least we’re in the scared boat
together,” I whisper, holding him tighter to me.

He chuckles at that one. “Do you think I’m
a wuss now?” he mumbles.

“Sorry?” I say, bemused.

“For crying, am I less of a man to you?” He
asks.

“Tristan, look at me,” I demand. He lifts
his head, his eyes are slightly red, and he has a few stray tears on his cheeks.
I lift up my hands to his flushed cheeks and wipe away his tears, then kiss his
soft lips. “No baby, I don’t think that at all,” I solemnly tell him. “You’re
all man to me, I couldn’t feel safer in anyone else’s arms, and everyone cries
baby, even the toughest of men.” I smile up at him and stroke his cheeks with
my thumbs.