Corrupted (15 page)

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

I pull up to Damon’s gates feeling happy. Spencer was right. I do need to stay with Damon for happiness. I know we have things to discuss and I have to tell him everything. He deserves to know. I just hope he hears me out fully before deciding I’m not worth it.

I wave bye to Spencer before entering the code and watch as the electronic gates swiftly open. I drive through and make my way to his house, parking in front rather than the garage. I really hope Damon can forgive me. I’ve done a lot of bad things
, really bad things. I need him to know everything before I can try and start my life with him. I want a life with him. Him and our baby. 

My hand settles on my stomach. I hope he can accept our baby. I know he said he doesn’t want children but I’m hoping he will have a change of heart once he realises he’s created one. It’s part of him.

I take a deep breath and climb out of the car. This is going to be hard. I’ve only ever told Tom what I’ve been doing since Lydia took her own life. He didn’t take it too well. Hell, I haven’t even told Damon who I really am, Who Lydia was. I just hope Damon takes it differently than Tom. Allow me to explain.

I get out and stretch before making my way around the car and towards the right entrance. Movement through the floor to roof window catches my eye. I stop. My breathing stops. My heart stops. My world stops. Damon is on the stairs.

Kissing Leona.

Her body is wrapped around his naked torso like she’s trying to fucking climb him. I want to rush in there and claw her eyes out. I want to beat Damon. I want to scream at him. But I don’t. I can’t.

I stand frozen to the spot. I can’t watch. I don’t want to see any more. I’ve just lost the only man I’ve fallen in love with. I’ve only ever loved one other man in my life. My dad. Pops, as I called him. Even he left me. He didn’t mean to. It wasn’t his fault. He was taken from me in an accident. The police said he’d fallen asleep at the wheel but I never once believed that. Pops was all about safety.

I shut my eyes to block out the view as tears begin falling. I loved my pops a lot. He was always concerned about my and Lydia’s safety. Mine especially. I think he thought I was a fragile little flower that needed taking care of. Lydia was the strong one. He didn’t need to know she was safe. He knew she would be.

How wrong was he? Lydia took her own life over a man, a man who I’ve fallen in love with. A man who is kissing another woman right now. A man whose baby I’m carrying.

My baby. A sob tears from my throat as my hand drops to my belly. My brain finally kicks in. I need to leave. I need to be as far away from this man as possible.

I open my eyes. Damon is looking right at me.

I quickly turn away, run to my car and get the hell out of there. Tears stream down my cheeks as I race towards the gates, my vision blurry. A glance in my rear-view mirror shows Damon standing in front of his house with his hands on top of his head. Watching me leave.

Of course. How could I have been so stupid? He did this on purpose. He wanted me to catch him. He knew I would be back. He could have had Leona anywhere he wanted but he chose to do it on the stairs. The first place you see when you walk in his house. He wanted me to see them.

I feel my heart breaking. I was finally ready to let my guard down with him, to fully give us a chance. Finally ready to leave the past behind. The pain in my chest causes me to pull the car over to the side of the road. I can’t breathe, the sobs wracking my body make it difficult to catch my breath.

Damon hurt me more that I knew he could. Playing games for my sister’s revenge made me susceptible to his charms. I wasn’t as prepared as I am now. I know how much Damon can hurt me now so I can block my emotions to him. I need to go into this for my revenge now.

I learnt all there was to learn about Damon but I didn’t know who he was. I didn’t know his emotions. The man I got to know is different to the man I read and researched. The way he reacts in a mood is exactly the man I learnt about.

He used Leona as a punishment for me because I was dancing with Tom. Then he called her to get me back for going to dinner with his brother. His family for god’s sake. He chose to use a woman who obviously doesn’t like me just for an extra kick to my gut. What she doesn’t realise is she is on my list. I’ll get her. I’ll hurt her just like she hurt Lydia. 

I can’t and won’t change for Damon. If he was just the man I got to know then I know we could work, but he’s not. He’s both. He hasn’t learnt anything from Lydia’s death and he needs to. He will.

I need to get this done and leave with my baby. Damon does not know what’s about to hit him. Lydia’s diary taught me a lot about who Damon is and I was blind to it all. He played me like he plays everyone. Like he played Lydia.

I pull the diary out
of my bag and open on the breakup of Damon and Lydia. I read as the tears stream down my face.

APRIL 11th 2011

I’ve lost him. He fired me. Fucking FIRED ME!!

He said I’ve been acting unprofessionally. I have not. Okay maybe hitting his date at the event wasn’t a good idea but he was the one who brought her along just to make me jealous!!

Just to punish me.

He wasn’t too happy about me spending time with his mum but she likes me. We get along. I know she wants me with Damon. 

He’s done nothing but hurt me the last few weeks but the good times we have together make this pain worthwhile. I know I won’t get better than Damon. I don’t want better. I want Damon. Just Damon.

I think we can make up. I think he’ll take me back. I just need to get him to notice me again.

Damon is mine. He was made for me. I just need to be better. I need to be who he needs. I know he loves me. He told me he did but today he told me he’s never told me that. He did. When we were making love he told me.

I love you, baby. That’s what he said.

Fuck I love him. So much it hurts.

Why does he keep doing this? Why is he hurting me? I’ll show him what he’s missing. I’ll make him want me again.

I will be Lydia Hunt!!!! <3 <3

Mr and Mrs Damon Hunt.

I feel sick just reading the words. I drop the diary back on my bag and sob into my hands. My door suddenly swings open. Damon is standing there looking wild. He crowds his body into the small space, pulling my head against his chest. I struggle to free myself from his grasp but I don’t have any fight in me. I’m broken.

Weak.

Why? Why, when I’m finally ready? Why do I have to lose the only thing I’ve wanted for a long time?

“Ella. My God, Ella.” He strokes my hair. I grip his shirt, clinging to him. I don’t want to lose him. “I’m sorry. You weren’t meant to see that.” I stiffen in his arms. “Please, beauty. Come back to the house. We need to talk.”

I feel the blood in my veins turn to ice. My heart freezes over as I replay his words over in my head.
You weren’t meant to see that.

It was all a game to him. I wasn’t meant to catch him. I wasn’t meant to see him with his true love. I thought I’d found mine but he belongs to someone else. Love sometimes isn’t enough. I believe that more now than ever before. My love wasn’t enough.

That’s the thing about love, you are guaranteed to get hurt in the end. Love never lasts. You always end up losing it, whether it’s falling out of love, death, or broken love.

I’ve felt lost love because of death. I never stop loving the ones I’ve lost but I no longer feel their love. They’re not here anymore. I lost their love. It’s hard to face, hard to feel, but you move on. It doesn’t get better but it gets easier. You can move on.

Falling out of love would be easy to move on. You no longer have those feelings, you’ve already moved on.

Broken love is the worst. The worst hurt. You don’t just lose the love
, you lose faith and trust too. When it comes to broken love you still love that person. They’re still alive. You still have those feelings, you’re just left broken. You don’t move on. 

I won’t get to fall out of love with Damon. He’s broken anything that could have been love between us. I haven’t just fallen out of love with him, I didn’t have the chance to. I’ve only just realised I could love him. I was falling in love with him.

I played his game and lost.

Just like Lydia did. I went in playing a game and still lost. I go numb, my mind blocking off the pain and emotions. I pull away and look at his beautiful, frightened face. He broke me.

“Beauty?” he whispers, hesitantly. “Come back home?”

Home. It’s not my home. It’s his. I nod my head not knowing what else to do. I feel so lost. So alone. Turning off my car and taking out the keys, Damon unbuckles me, scoops me into his arms to take me to his car. He places me in the passenger seat, buckles me in, kisses my forehead, and shuts the door before locking my car.

I stay silent, closing my eyes. I don’t speak as he drives us back to his house, as he carries me inside or when he settles me in his lap on the sofa. His hands come up to cup my face. “Look at me beauty.” I shake my head no. “Ella, look at me.”

I squeeze my eyes shut and try to look away, Damon holds my face steady.

“I don’t know what you saw but it’s not what you think, Ella,” he pauses and waits for me to look at him. “I called her to come over. I was pissed. I rang her back after ten minutes and told her not to bother. I couldn’t do it. She came anyway. About five minutes before I saw you. I told her to leave but she wouldn’t. She kissed me. I pushed her away.”

He called her to come over because he was pissed? Another game. It had to be. He wanted to hurt me and he’s succeeded. If he really asked her to leave why was she even in his house? It’s just lies.

“I love you, Ella.” My breath catches. It’s the first time he’s told me that. I would have believed him if I hadn’t saw what I did. “No other woman compares, I don’t want anyone else. I want you. Let me keep you, beauty.”

“You don’t love me.” My voice is void of emotion. I’m numb. “Someone who loves me won’t hurt me like you have. If you loved me you wouldn’t have called her in the first place.” I get up of his lap, putting the length of the room between us. “You always tell me what you think I want to hear. You never tell me the truth. You said you’d talk about your past but you haven’t. You said only hours ago that Leona means nothing to you but you call her? That’s not love. You don’t love me.”

I’ve lost everything in my life. I was completely alone. I had no one. He hasn’t lost anything. Not one damn thing. I’ve lost everything. I need to make him know what it feels like.

“I do. I love you, beauty. I fucking love you. I fucked up.” He pauses, his hands go to his hair, pulling it before he continues. “Let me show you. Let me prove I love you. I’ll prove it every day. Let me love you forever. Let me keep you.” The look in his
eyes, the sound of his voice shows me he’s being truthful. He really does love me.

My heart races, my palms sweat. Damon has broken us. There will never be an us. Damon has made sure of that.

“Marry me, Ella.” I gasp, my stomach plummets. “I mean it, beauty. Marry me. I want to keep you forever. Let me.”

Holy shit, did he really just ask that? Dread spreads in my veins, as a blast of hope explodes within me. I can’t seriously marry him, can I? Confusion swims around my brain, making it hard to think clearly.

“Damon,” I choke out.

“I love you, beauty. Marry me. Please.”

I swallow past the mountain that has taken up place in my throat. My mind is a jumbled mess of questions. Is this a game to him? If he would have asked me this same question and he hadn’t have just been kissing Leona would I have said yes? Do I love him too much to break him? Can I ever trust him?

Doubt.

Confusion.

Hurt.

I could never trust him again. He’s hurt me more than I thought he ever could. I love him. The pain is very real. It hurts to think, to look at him, to think of him and Leona, to be near him.

“I can’t.” I shake my head, my mouth dry, my windpipe constricting. I walk to the kitchen to get a bottle of water and to put space between us.

What the fuck is happening? This is everything I needed when I started this game with Damon Hunt. I stopped playing that game. I was ready to put it behind me. Now he’s giving me what I wanted. I should do this. I have to do this. He broke Lydia, he broke me. I need to break him.

But I love him.

I didn’t think I did, I thought I was falling in love, falling hard but still, just falling.

I lean against the sink and hang my head. I need to think. If I’m even going to consider this it needs to be fast. My heart speeds up as I make my decision. I don’t have months to win this game. In just a few months I will need to get ready for my baby.

Damon’s arms slide around my waist to my stomach, his hands pulling me back into him. I clench my teeth together, disgusted by his touch. I didn’t protect Lydia. I didn’t protect myself. I have to protect my baby. I can do this.  

I turn in his arms and look into his eyes, searching. I came into this for Lydia, never anticipating falling for him. He broke me. Broke us. If he loves me this should be easy.