Corrupted (16 page)

Pain.

It’s all I feel.

I have no idea where I am.

My head is killing me. The pain is so bad that even my dreams seem real. I thought for a minute that I had seen Jordan, then it turned into a nightmare where people I didn’t know were poking and prodding at me. It’s probably the drugs Uncle Simon has been feeding me. I’m hallucinating. I wish I could have stayed in that hallucination. Maybe in it I could have been myself again, after everything that has happened I know that is not a possibility.

I prayed to die. Prayed for relief. For God to take me and have mercy on me. I can’t take one more minute of his hands on me. I’ve lost count on how many times he’s raped me, hit me, I just need peace. I need to escape the hell that he has sentenced me to. 

I don’t want to open my eyes. Maybe if I don’t he’ll think I died. At this point, I don’t even know that would stop him. Uncle Simon was always a little off but he has become unhinged. He has lost all touch with reality. I have seen first hand how far off the deep end he has gone.

That’s when I realize my arms are lying at my side, not cuffed behind my head. Still afraid to open my eyes, I decide to rely on my other senses. There is something soft under my fingers, a blanket maybe. As I shift my head a centimeter, I feel what might be a pillow.

Am I dreaming again? Please let this be real. God can’t be this cruel. This can’t be a dream.

I take the chance and open my eyes. I’m in Jordan’s room at the club. The room is empty I look around me but as I try to lift my head it feels like a fifty pound weight. They found me. I want to be happy. I want to be relieved. I’m not. The familiar surroundings feel foreign to me. Everything that used to bring me comfort, not meaning anything at all. The bed we used to lay in together is cold and I feel wrong being in it now that I’m no longer the person I used to be.

I should be happy. I should be anxious and excited. I don’t know why I can’t feel anything. It’s like those emotions are gone. I can’t feel anything right now but the pain in my body. The pain from the memories playing over in my head like a horror movie. His voice like a soundtrack on repeat.
We are gonna have a lot of fun.

I shiver at the memory, the action causing aches through my bones. The door opens and Doc walks through the door. His eyes widen when he looks at me. “You’re awake?” He walks toward me and even though I know it’s Doc and he won’t hurt me fear rises inside of me. My heart starts to race as he comes closer to me. “Calm down, Lucy. I won’t touch you if you don’t want me to. I’m very surprised you’re awake. Can you tell me how you feel?”

It’s a question. I should answer him. It’s almost like my voice doesn’t work. I just stare at him.

“Does your throat hurt?” He sits in the chair next to my bed.

I slowly shake my head.

I’m broken. He can see that. Everyone will. I just want to close my eyes and go to sleep, but every time I do, I see his face. I am right back in that damn basement.

Doc stands not saying much else to me. “Things will get better,” he says as he leaves the small room.

He has no idea. Nothing will ever be the same. I will never be the same.

Whether I am alive or not, Lucy died in that room.

“So what’s been going on over there?” I nod toward the garage.

Twisted smiles at me as he leans back in the chair. “We’ve been having some fun. I think at this point, the bastard’s about ready for you.”

“Really? What’d you guys do to him?” I raise an eyebrow at him.

“Well, we cut his dick off then cauterized the wound with the welding torch so the fucker wouldn’t bleed out. He’s been repeatedly fucked up the ass with the biggest pipe I could manage. Torch went to town poking his nasty ass with a hot poker and playing around some more with the welding torch. Wrench and Brick took their respective toys and had a good ole time. At the end of the night, Cutter covered him in little cuts, rubbed salt in them, then doused them in alcohol. He screamed like a little bitch all night. That cocky ass attitude faded real quick. Fucker has been begging for mercy since you left him with us.” Twisted’s smile is infectious.

It makes me happy to know that he is suffering, that he is feeling pain after what he did to Lucy. He deserves every damn ounce of it, and more. “You think it’s time?” I look over at my brother. The one who has been serving vengeance for me and my girl all night long. He nods and I stand, ready to end this chapter.

When I walk into the garage, the smell is enough to choke me. As I cough and try to catch my breath, I catch sight of him collapsed against one of the poles. He is laying on his side his naked body twisted at unnatural angles. Small cuts covering every inch of skin, each one dripping blood down into the next. As my boots fall heavy on the cement, his body curls into a ball, the action causing loud moans of pain. I can’t help but smile at his pain.

“Stand him up.” Torch walks behind him grabbing him by the little hair he has left and lifting him by it. He screams as he is ripped up. “Not so cocky now, fucker? I told you that you would pay for what you did to her. I hope you enjoyed your time here because your shit is about to end.” I reach for my gun holding it up to his head. “You will never touch another woman again. I will leave your ass in the middle of your compound as a warning to the rest of the sick fuckers there.”

There is no smile from him this time. He is defeated. I’ve won.

Torch steps back. As my finger pulls the trigger, the bullet flies toward him, blood splatters, his head lurches backward, and I feel peace. It’s over. I can tell Lucy it’s done. She doesn’t need to ever be scared of them again. They will never touch her.

His body slumps to the ground with a loud thud and I turn away from him. “Drop his body in the middle of that shit hole tonight. Let them find it in the morning. Make sure you include a note stapled to him warning them not to be anything like that sick fucker.”

I walk away wanting to go check on Lucy now that this bullshit is done with. I want to let her know that everything is over. I’ve fixed it.

The guilt is eating me alive.

My worst fear is that she will blame me for all of this. It was my job to keep her safe and I failed. I let them get to her.

This all happened when she was mine.

When I go back into the common room, Doc is waiting for me. “I need to talk with you.”

“Is she okay?” Nothing else could possibly be wrong.

“Physically everything is the same as I told you last night.” He motions toward a table and we sit down. “My biggest concern right now is how detached she is, right now she is in shock, which isn’t a surprise, but she’s practically catatonic. She refuses to engage. You need to be prepared, the reality is that Lucy is going to be traumatized for a long time. She’s going to need time to heal, and all the support she can get from you.”

“What do you mean? Maybe her throat hurts. Maybe she is in pain and that’s why she didn’t answer you.” Everything will be fine. Doc doesn’t know what he is talking about. Lucy will be fine.

“No, I asked her that. I am not trying to scare you but merely prepare you for what you are about to walk into.” We sit there for a minute before he stands and walks away.

I get up and slowly walk toward my door. Just because she wouldn’t talk to Doc doesn’t mean anything. Lucy is my girl. Everything will be fine, especially once I let her know that she doesn’t need to worry about her family anymore. I keep thinking if I tell myself things will be fine enough times that maybe they will be. She will smile at me and I will stay by her side as she gets better. We will get through this shit together.

I open the door and she looks up at me. My body relaxes seeing her awake and alert. “Sweets, it’s amazin’ to see you.” I walk to her side of the bed. When I reach out to touch her hand she pulls it away from me, then releases a sound of pain from the sudden motion. “Luce, it’s me. I’m not gonna hurt you. I missed you, baby.”

I wait for response for her, but nothing comes.

I don’t make another move to touch her even though I’m dying to.

“I want you to know that we took care of him for you. Your uncle, he’s dead. So is your father and Andrew. They can’t touch you anymore, babe.” She looks at me and as easy as I can usually read her emotions, I have no idea what she is feeling. Her eyes are blank and so is her face. “Talk to me, Luce.” My voice is desperate. The fear of what Doc was saying to me is setting in. I didn’t want to believe him, but now seeing her like this I do. “Please, say anything. Just talk to me.”

She looks at me, but that’s all. Her eyes focused on my face but not really seeing me. It’s like when you are daydreaming and not really paying attention to what you’re looking at.

“Lucy, please, I need you to come back to me. I can’t have you this close and still lose you.”

She closes her eyes effectively blocking me out.

I sit next to the bed for the longest time, praying that she will open her eyes and this will all be a dream.

I didn’t want to believe Doc.

I didn’t want to believe that after finding her, I could still lose her.

It’s been one month.

One month of being a living, walking, corpse.

That’s how I feel.

No, that’s the wrong word.

I don’t feel anything.

That’s the problem.

Nothing matters. Nothing makes me happy, mad, sad. I spend every day in this room. Jordan watches me like he is waiting for some crazy miracle to happen. Like one day I will wake up and care about myself, him, everyone.

I’m dead inside.

I know he had thought me finding out that they killed them would help but it doesn’t matter, because they live on in my nightmares. He can’t kill them there and that is where they are causing the most damage.

My memories of that night and what led up to it are spotty but still amazingly vivid. I don’t remember going to the compound very well, other than that I was with Danny. My memories of the basement are out of order. I just know that they happened. I watch them happen in my head every night on repeat.

I didn’t think it could get any worse until Doc had told me that I had been pregnant too. Not only had Uncle Simon robbed me of my life, he took the life of my baby. It doesn’t matter that I didn’t know, or that I wasn’t far along, there had been a life inside of me. Now I was empty and hollow.

I haven’t spoken to anyone. I don’t see the point. I have nothing to say. Jordan tries with me every day, I can’t believe he is actually still here. I would have thought he’d given up by now. I won’t let anyone touch me. I won’t leave the room unless it’s to go to the bathroom.

I want to die.

This isn’t a life. It’s a prison. It’s a hell where I have to relive the torture I endured while at the same time torturing the people who love me. That’s why I sit here with Jordan’s pocket knife to my wrist. The boys are in Church. No one will be here to check on me for a while. Maybe with me gone everyone can just move on. I’m a constant burden that needs to be taken care of and watched, like a child. I’m keeping them from living too, from going on with their lives.

I just want to be at peace.

I don’t want to be in pain anymore.

I want to be free.

I want to fly.

I slice the blade across my skin once, wincing as it cuts into me, the sheets instantly stained in red. I quickly move to the other before I lose my nerve. One more quick motion and I lay back against the pillow. I close my eyes.

I’m coming, my little baby.

Jordan will be free. He can move on after the shock wears off. His obligation to me will finally be over. It will take time but he will find happiness. Hopefully, he will be stronger.

My body begins to feel weak as my eyes begin to feel tired.

This will be better for everyone.