Counseling Through Your Bible Handbook (66 page)

“Create in me a pure heart, O God”

(P
SALM
51:10).

No matter what your past, now is the time to commit yourself to sexual I-N-T-E-G-R-I-T-Y:

I
Invite others to walk the road of sexual integrity with you (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10).

N
Never put yourself or your loved one in a tempting situation (Romans 6:13).

T
Trust God to meet your need for love in the future (Psalm 143:8).

E
Enjoy others instead of using others (Romans 12:9-10).

G
Give yourself only to sexually pure relationships (1 Peter 1:22).

R
Refuse to justify any sexual impurity (Matthew 26:41).

I
Isolate yourself from tempting people (1 Corinthians 15:33).

T
Transform your mind through the written Word of God (Psalm 119:11).

Y
Yield to Christ, who lives in you, trusting Him to produce in you a life of purity (John 15:5).

You can’t be fulfilled in the way God intended unless you are connected to Him, living dependently on Him. If you allow Christ living in you to find expression through you, He will empower you to have sexual purity.

I promise I will…

— practice sexual abstinence.

— date only those who are committed to sexual integrity.

— set sexual boundaries and stay within those boundaries.

— not be alone with a date in a bedroom, a parked car, or any other compromising place.

— guard my eyes, my mind, and my heart against sexual impurity.

— not take any drink or drug that would weaken my defenses.

— not look at pornography or visit Internet sex chat rooms.

Personalize this list and read it at least once a week, renewing your vows to the Lord.

“Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God”

(2 C
ORINTHIANS
7:1).

When you have sexual integrity—no matter what others do or don’t do, no matter the pressure or pull—you will do what is right in God’s sight… you will stay sexually pure.

—JH

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5,7

1 Corinthians 6:9-10

1 Corinthians 6:18-20

Proverbs 6:27,32

Hebrews 13:4

Ephesians 5:3

Galatians 6:7-8

For additional guidance on this topic, see also
Abortion Recovery, Adultery, Childhood Sexual Abuse, Dating, Guilt, Homosexuality, Hope, Identity, Lying, Manipulation, Marriage, Parenting, Pregnancy…Unplanned, Premarital Counseling, Rape Recovery, Self-worth, Singleness
.

H
e goes to weddings—always as
guest
and never as
groom
because he has not been gifted with a bride of his own. He is regarded by some in his community as different—a misfit who doesn’t conform to society’s norm. However, he is intelligent, verbally gifted, and can more than hold his own in community debates. He is a content, confident man who knows who he is and what he wants. While he experiences times of intense loneliness and longing, he doesn’t detour into the ditch of dissatisfaction. Who is he? This single man is Jesus.

The single life offers special opportunities. Contrary to the negative stereotypes about singleness, countless singles live happy, fulfilled, and productive lives.

Singleness
is the state of any man or woman of marriageable age who is not married. There are three categories of single people:

Single for All Seasons

— Adults who never marry

Single for a Season

— Adults who will marry sometime in the future

Single Again

— The widowed, whose mates have died

— The divorced, whose marriage contracts have been terminated

— The separated, who are still married but not living with their mates due to desertion, imprisonment, employment, or military duty

Myth of the Never Married:
“God’s best is marriage. Singleness is second best.”

Truth:
According to Scripture, marriage is best for those whom God calls to marry, and singleness is best for those whom God calls to be single. Singleness is referred to as the best state for having undivided devotion to the Lord.

Myth of the Separated:
“Living in limbo is terrible—any decision is better than no decision.”

Truth:
God wants us to learn to be content in any state and to patiently wait on His timing.

“I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances”

(P
HILIPPIANS
4:11).

Myth of the Divorced:
“All you need is another mate. Then you will find fulfillment again.”

Truth:
If you are a Christian, the Lord is already your mate, and only He can give you true fulfillment.

“I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the L
ORD
”

(H
OSEA
2:19-20).

Myth of the Widowed:
“After your mate dies, you are left incomplete and unfulfilled.”

Truth:
You will deeply grieve the loss of your spouse, but as a Christian, you are given complete fullness in Christ, whether married or single.

“For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and you have been given fullness in Christ”

(C
OLOSSIANS
2:9-10).

Myth of the State of Singleness:
“Since God uses the family to build character, you will never become mature if you remain unmarried.”
¹

Truth:
Your marital state does not determine the degree of your maturity. When you become a believer, God does the work of bringing you to maturity.

“He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion”

(P
HILIPPIANS
1:6).

According to 1 Corinthians chapter 7:

Singleness is…

— a good state in which to be (verse 1)

— a gift from God (verse 7)

— a good state for widows (verse 8)

— the state in which to remain if separation occurs and reconciliation is impossible (verse 11)

Single people…

— can face crises and worldly difficulties with fewer concerns (verse 26)

— should not search for mates, but seek a deeper relationship with God (verse 27)

— face fewer troubles in life (verse 28)

— can more single-mindedly focus on pleasing the Lord (verses 32-34)

— can have undivided devotion to the Lord (verse 35)

— have the right and the freedom to marry (verse 36)

— who are widowed are usually happier staying unmarried (verse 40)

Finding the path of contentment is the most important and sometimes the greatest challenge for a person who is single. When you allow God to fulfill His purpose for your life instead of pursuing your own, you’ve begun the exciting journey on the Road to Transformation—a trip on which God Himself is your faithful companion.

“Godliness with contentment is great gain”

(1 T
IMOTHY
6:6).

Here are some key thoughts about remaining C-O-N-T-E-N-T:

C
Confess the difficulty. Admit…

…if you are discontented, angry, frustrated, lonely

…if you desire to marry

…God’s right to order your life

(Jeremiah 10:23)

O
Overcome the “greener grass” mentality. Marriage does not…

…cure loneliness

…provide self-worth

…cure depression

…provide security

(Philippians 4:19)

N
Nourish a heart of gratefulness. Be thankful for the freedom…

…to attain your own aspirations

…to take risks

…to use your time as you need

…to be mobile

…to have greater control over financial planning

…to nurture several deep relationships

…to lean completely on the Lord

…to serve the Lord in any way

…to be spontaneous

…to be yourself

(1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)

T
Treasure your identity in Christ. Remember that…

…you belong to God (Romans 8:16)

…you are never alone (Deuteronomy 31:8)

…you have all the confidence you need (Proverbs 3:26)

…you have the mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:16)

…you have a purpose in life (Psalm 138:8)

E
Expect God to give you a ministry. You can…

…learn your spiritual gift

…love others with agape love (seeking other people’s highest good)

…learn the art of encouraging others

…look for ways to meet the needs of others

(Romans 12:4-17)

N
Nurture a family of friends. You can…

…be open to several significant relationships

…be free in sharing your true thoughts and feelings