Count on Me (Bayview Heights Trilogy) (22 page)

“Invite me home for a drink,” he’d said with a disgusted glance at Bosco, who was conferring with the other two board members at the end of the meeting tonight. “I’m upset. I need to be with you.”

She’d agreed, not only because she could see the need in his eyes, but because she felt the same.

When he reached the house, she stood back from the door; he gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze and stepped inside. He was still dressed in his suit and she in her teaching clothes. They didn’t speak as he followed her into the living room. Lowering himself onto the pretty green-and-tan-flowered sofa, he looked big and very male She’d always thought that about him when he lounged among her feminine things.

She fixed him a Manhattan, poured herself a glass of wine, kicked off her shoes and joined him on the couch. She waited until he took a sip, then said, “That was awful, wasn’t it?”

“I felt so sorry for the Emersons. Doesn’t Bosco realize how much harder he’s making it for them?”

“Bosco doesn’t care. He never did, and that’s his tragic flaw.”

Kurt sighed. “There can’t be anything worse than hearing your child is suicidal.”

“Mrs. Emerson told me after the meeting that Ashley’s seeing a counselor.”

“I hope she was just having suicidal thoughts. Those are very different from attempts.”

“I know.” Zoe sipped her wine. “I’ve had suicidal students.”

“Anybody try it?”

Her heart clutched. “A couple over the years. One succeeded, or at least we think it was suicide. He walked in front of a car on the expressway.”

“Traffic accidents are often covers for teenage suicide. Louise has had a lot of sad cases.”

“Kurt, you know that the clinic is doing a good job, don’t you? That we need it and you’re helping the town. And the school.”

He leaned back and rubbed his eyes wearily. “I guess I do. It’s just that Bosco and his ilk make me question how much good I’m doing.”

“Don’t. You’re working wonders down there.”

“Seth seems worried.”

Zoe remembered the principal’s words of caution.
The issue’s been tabled, but we need to be careful that we don’t give Bosco any more ammunition
.

“He’s supposed to worry about the school. He’s got a tough job balancing everything.”

“How about you? Does this whole thing make you question your classes?”

“Not a bit. I know Bosco, and I refuse to let him get to me.”

As natural as summer rain, Kurt grasped her hand and held it. His was muscular and hard. “Then give me a little of that confidence, will you? My emotional fortitude is depleted.”

She said huskily, “You’ve had a rough year.”

He stared straight ahead, then said, “What are we going to do, Zoe? You said we’d take it slow. What exactly did you mean?”

Intuitively she knew he needed something from her tonight. In the midst of Bosco’s irrationality and self-righteousness, and the stark desperation of the Emersons’ situation, he needed something to hang on to.

“What did we used to do for fun, Kurt?”

He thought for a moment. “We went sailing. We loved picnics. Remember that time we were in Central Park and it started to rain? We huddled under a tree and watched the drops fall into the pond. I’ll never forget how pretty it was.”

“Too cold for both of those things, now.”

“You loved Broadway plays. Have you been recently?”

“Pierre and I spent a week in England over the summer. We saw several shows there.”

He went still.

“Kurt?”

Slowly he sat up, leaned over and set down his drink on the coffee table. Facing her, his eyes were earnest. “I have to say something. I’ve promised not to push you about the two of us. I’ll let you take your time for everything else, but I can’t sit by and watch you date other men. Not Pierre, not Alex Ransom, not any of the other of the hordes of guys drawn to you like magnets.”

Zoe sipped her wine, remembering her conversation with Alex after school when he’d asked her to go out next Saturday...

“I can’t, Alex.”

Smart in the ways of the world, his brown eyes had narrowed on her. “Lansing’s worn you down, hasn’t he?”

“Not exactly. But...”

He took her hand. “I don’t want him to hurt you again, Zoe.”

“I don’t want that, either. It’s just that I’ve never really gotten over him.”

“I know.” For some reason Alex had rubbed his rib cage. “And it’s mutual. Pierre and I watched you two at Hotshots that night and commiserated about it.”

“I’m sorry, Alex.” She’d smiled at the young boy she’d watched become a very good man. “Someday you’ll find someone. Your own age,” she’d joked, breaking the tension.

“Nah, I like older women...”

“Damn it Zoe, this shouldn’t be such a big decision.”

Zoe hadn’t realized she’d been silent so long. She looked at Kurt—it took him a long time to get exasperated, but she could see that his temper had frayed. She thought about how helpful he’d been with Ashley, how he’d taken tender care of the Lansing girls and how he’d stood up to Bosco tonight. In so many ways, he was a man to count on, to believe in.

“It’s not that big of a decision.” This time she reached for his hand. “I won’t see other men. You know it never even got physical with anyone else, anyway.”

That statement brought images of Elizabeth and how it
had
gotten physical between her and Kurt. “But I’m not over the hump yet, Kurt. When I think about your sleeping with Elizabeth...” She let go of his hand, stood and crossed to the window. “It hurts so much I can’t stand it.”

“Do you want to talk about that?”

She whirled around. “Oh, God, no. I couldn’t bear it.

Staring up at her from the couch, he said, “All right. Come back here and we’ll plan some fun things that we used to do.”

It took more courage than she thought she had to cross back to him and sit down.

“Lauren’s got a birthday coming up,” he said lightly. “And I need to shop for her.”

Zoe brightened. “Shop?”

“Thought that would perk you up. Let’s go to the mall this week and you can help me pick out some things for her.”

“It’s a date, Dr. Lansing.”

He kissed her quickly on the mouth. “Well, that’s progress.”

o0o

“ARE YOU LEAVING?” Ashley watched Dr. Lansing from the doorway. He was dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt and had just put on his bomber jacket. He looked cool, as he had at the Down to Earth weekend.

He shrugged back out of his coat. “I’ve got a...something in about an hour. But I always have time for you. Come in and sit.”

Hesitating a moment, she entered the room and took a seat. She was feeling a lot better physically, even though her emotions were crazy these days. “I won’t hang you up long. We just haven’t talked in a while.”

“How are you feeling?”

She shrugged. “Fine, I guess.”

“Ms. Caufield told me you were seeing a counselor.” He watched her. “I hope it’s okay that she told me.”

Ashley rolled her eyes. “I don’t have any secrets from you, Dr. Lansing. I’m seeing Dr. Sheffield.”

“Louise is the best.”

“She’s helping me see things better, understand myself more.” Ashley looked thoughtful. “You know, she’s starting a program that trains students to act as peer educators and assist your staff at outreach events. For kids who are making choices about birth control and other things.”

“You’d be great at that.”

“I hope so. I’m joining.”

He smiled at her. “Anything I can do for you?”

“Yeah, you can get Evan off my back.” She was only half joking.

“Evan?”

She frowned. “He won’t leave me alone. He says he’s sorry. He wants another chance. That he acted selfish and stupid, but he wasn’t thinking straight.”

A muscle leaped in Dr. Lansing’s neck. He was probably as angry at Evan as her parents were. “He behaved badly, Ashley.”

“I know.” She smoothed down her new flowered skirt she’d bought on a special shopping trip with her mother. “He says he wants me to forgive him.”

Dr. Lansing shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “It’s a tall order.”

“You’re a guy, Dr. Lansing. Do all guys think it’s that easy to forget something awful they do to you?”

“No, Ashley, not all guys think that.” He cleared his throat. “But everybody wants forgiveness. It’s human.”

“You think I should give him another chance?”

His eyes narrowed. “No, I don’t. Not now, anyway. You need to recover from this ordeal physically. You should talk to Dr. Sheffield at length about Evan and a lot of other things. And you should take your time and search your heart for how you really feel about the boy.”

“What if he finds somebody else?”

“Then he wasn’t worth it. I’m more concerned that you find
yourself
in all this. Forget about Evan for now. Just concentrate on you.”

o0o

KURT HURRIED UP to Zoe’s door ten minutes late, feeling like the worst hypocrite. The advice he’d given Ashley had been good, though his own parallel with Evan didn’t escape him. It was why he’d stopped to pick up flowers. He was starkly reminded of what he had to make up for with Zoe.

She pulled open the door, dressed like him in jeans and a sweatshirt, though the way the denim conformed to her legs was a hell of a lot different and...arousing. Her face broke out in a delighted smile as he handed her the delicate tiger lilies. “Oh, Kurt, how sweet.”

It had been a joy to be able to buy them for her again. The thought choked him up.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He stepped inside. “Sorry I’m late.”

Burying her face in the flowers, she said, “The lilies are worth it. I haven’t had any of these since—” She cut off her words. There was that elephant in the room again.

As she was snipping the ends and placing the flowers in a vase, he came up and slid his arms around her waist. She stiffened, so he dropped a kiss on her hair and drew back. “We can’t watch every word we say, sweetheart. I’m glad nobody else bought you your favorite flowers, though I wish like hell I’d been delivering them by the truckload for the last year.”

Still facing away from him, she said, “This is going to be hard, isn’t it?”

He leaned against the counter. “Yeah. It is.” He sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“You know what?” she said, circling around. “Let’s banish those words from your vocabulary for a while. I know you’re sorry. What we’re trying to find out here is if too much damage has been done to get together again.”

The thought sent a bolt of pure panic through him. He quelled it. “All right.” He sniffed. “What are we having for dinner? I can’t smell anything.”

She eyed him up and down. “At least you’re dressed for it.”

“You told me to wear casual clothes.”

Grinning, she went to the refrigerator and pulled out two bottles of his favorite beer, which she topped with chunks of limes. Handing him one, she said, “Come on,” and headed for her glassed-in porch.

“Isn’t it a little cold to be on the porch this time of year?”

“I put the space heaters out here today so we could use it.”

He saw why when he followed her out.

The floor was spread with a plaid blanket. On it were all his favorite picnic foods.

Touched, he smiled. “Is that your recipe for potato salad?”

“None other. And Lacey’s recipe for Coney Island sauce.” She sank onto the blanket and nodded to the outdoors. Under the deck light was the grill. “You’ll have to cook the hot dogs out there, though. I’m glad you brought your bomber jacket.”

He smiled, and the knot that had formed in his stomach after he’d spoken to Ashley began to loosen.

For two hours they laughed at funny school stories, talked about clinic events, discussed the Lansing girls and Cassie’ s reaction when she found out they’d been sick. By tacit agreement they stayed away from personal issues or even difficult ones like Bosco. They joked about the Down to Earth weekend over s’mores and ended the evening on the big rattan couch—where they’d made love more than once—staring out at the bay. The view had always soothed him. Tonight the water crashed on the rocks violently, but there was a raw beauty about it.

“It’s getting cold out here,” she said, shivering.

He reached behind them for a heavy quilt she kept there. Covering her, then himself, he tugged her close. She stiffened again. He sighed, frustrated.

“I...I don’t want you to get any ideas, is all.”

“Being
near
you gives me ideas, lady. I just wish you’d stop acting like I’m going to attack you every time I touch you.”

“I don’t think that.”

“You said we needed to take this slow. Obviously you meant physically, too. Though I don’t quite understand it, because we already made love last month.”

“We weren’t thinking straight. It wasn’t the best thing to have happened.”

 Like hell
. “Fine, but I’m not some teenage boy who can’t control himself.”

She looked up at him with wide brown eyes. “I know. Maybe I’m more afraid I won’t be able to control myself.”

“Would that be so bad?”

“Now I think it would be.”

“All right. But come close just for a few minutes. I miss touching you. Feeling you against me.” He whispered, “I need to be near you, love.”

After a moment she slid over to him; after a while, her whole body nestled into him. He inhaled the perfume that always clung to her hair and skin. “Mmm. That’s good.”

“Too good,” she muttered.

He didn’t disagree aloud, just watched the water in the bay and thanked God for this second chance.

o0o

HECATE’S PALACE was a cute little shop halfway between New York City and Bayview Heights. Thirteen months ago Julia had found it on a Web site for Wiccans and had driven out to look around; she’d ended up with a job. The store was small, with rows of books, even more rows of herbs and baskets full of stones with mystical properties. The air was filled with the exotic scent of incense.

Dan Caruso walked in and she almost dropped a bag of stones as she was restocking the shelves. Dressed in his trademark black, he’d cut his hair so it only skimmed his collar now. His small diamond stud winked in the overhead lights. Holding his hand was a darling little boy.