Courage in the Kiss (3 page)

Slamming her bedroom door behind her, Hadley headed straight for bed and let the tears and immense pain of the situation overcome her. She never even noticed her door squeaking open, until she caught sight of Micah walking in sheepishly.

He sat on the bed by her legs, running a hand over her hair. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “I promise…I won’t let him do it,” he swore.

Hadley sat up and hugged him, crying onto his shoulder as he held her close, telling her that things would work out okay. She wished she could believe him, but that was as impossible as this situation.

How was it that the youngest person in the house, the one with the least experience of the world, was the only one who knew how she felt?

“I have a right mind to drag Maxx in here and let him see what he’s doing to you,” he bit out, his hand on Hadley’s head, softly rocking her. “I can’t believe he can’t see how great you are. It’s impossible to miss,” he admitted quietly.

Although Hadley thought it was sweet of him to say so, a small part of her hated that anyone was calling Maxx selfish, though she did that herself so often. It was so conflicting, loving and hating him equally, that she could hardly bear it.

They sat together in the comforting closeness for a while longer, giving Hadley the time she needed to relax and dry her tears.

Looking at the clock on her bedside table, she pulled away from Micah and sat up, running her hand through her hair to pull it from its ponytail.

“Are you okay now?” he asked, as she got up from the bed and crossed to the full length mirror.

“Yeah.” Hadley sighed, as she ran her fingers through her hair and tied it up into a tidy bun, pulling out the occasional strand to make it look more natural. “You’re right, though,” she continued with a smile, as she looked over her reflection. “I need to stop waiting on him to come to his senses. I need to do something to shake him up a little.”

It was clear that her ‘attempt’ to get over Maxx and pretend to play it cool would never work. But she could try something she’d never done before – making Maxx so jealous that he’d just have to confess that he loved her.

She turned and looked at Micah, holding her hands up to ask for approval. Although her hair never normally did as it was told, it was sitting almost perfectly now. As if it knew that she was in no mood to be trifled with.

“The hair is great,” he said with a sweet, supportive smile. Micah opened his mouth to say more, but stopped as a creak came from outside the door.

Hadley paid no mind to the sound. It was probably just Emerson or one of the other members of staff. There were five in total, not including her, but she was the only one who lived in the house, permanently. The others all returned home at the end of each day and arrived early in the morning.

But not Hadley. She had to be different.

Why did things never work out for her? She lost her parents just at a time when she needed them most, and now Emerson hated her, because he couldn’t understand her feelings. The years of Maxx avoiding her and showing nothing but disinterest were fast becoming the only issue in her life that she knew how to handle.

Ignoring her feelings, she crossed to the wardrobe and pulled out a floor length black dress. “What about this for the party?” she asked, as she held it to herself and crossed to the mirror. She wasn’t sure she would still be welcome, after the way Emerson had just looked at her, but she had to think positively for the moment. It was the only way she’d survive.

“No…not enough flesh,” Micah teased her.

It was sweet, but unnecessary. Hadley was done dreaming. Maxx would never love her, Emerson would probably never forgive her, and she would be stuck as plain old Hadley, the house maid, forever. It was time to accept that.

She appreciated the love and loyalty that made Micah come to check on her and care about her emotions, but she wasn’t capable of hearing them yet without it hurting. So she turned it into something playful.

“I’m already having a hard time making one of you Williams brothers like me. I don’t need you feeling the way I want him to,” Hadley joked.

Micah laughed, well aware she was only teasing, and stood from the bed, as she kicked off her boots and slipped on a pair of black ballet pumps.

“Well, at least I can say I had you on a bed,” he teased.

Hadley turned to him, in shock, her mouth open but curving into a smile. “I can’t believe you just said that.” She laughed softly as she crossed to him.

Micah shrugged, with an innocent look that said he’d been trying to make her smile again. She loved him for that. “Are you sure you’re feeling okay to face him again?” he asked, a tender concern in his voice that made her want to start crying.

“I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.” Hadley nodded and walked out in front of him, letting him shut the door. She couldn’t hide forever; she would have to face the world…and Maxx…at some point.

As she raised her gaze from the floor, she stopped short. Maxx was there, walking away from her. If she’d only left the room a moment or two before, would he have been at her door?

“Maxx!” Hadley shouted, as she walked over to him.

He stopped and shoved his hands in his pockets as he waited on her. “Yes?” he said, calmly.

“Were you coming to see me?” she asked, touching his arm.

“No. Was I supposed to?” he replied as he started walking, giving her time to get into step with him.

Hadley sighed and thought about how much she wanted to grab him and shake him. All she wanted was for him to look at her, for once. To bloody well get out of that business mindset and look at her! Was that so much to ask?

“No,” she replied, eventually, struggling to stay calm. “I just thought, since I’m the only person with a room in that direction and you were walking away, that you were coming see me but decided not to,” she babbled nervously. It made sense, in her mind, to wonder why he was in the wrong part of the house, if he had no intention of seeing her.

“Yes, well, I was supposed to check on you,” Maxx answered, with that same distance in his voice that said he was only doing what he’d been told. “Dad wanted to make sure you were okay, but, when I heard you talking with Micah, I thought he could handle the situation.” He spoke so casually, as if he were only doing his duty as a son, to venture anywhere near her.

It made her want to weep. How could she love someone so much, when all he ever did was downgrade her and treat her like an extraneous object in his own house? It wasn’t fair.

“Oh…” Her voice showed her disappointment and she didn’t care. She was fed up with having him crush her feelings so many times. She had to do something to change the way things were. “What did you hear?” she asked, suddenly realising that he’d been listening to them.

“Not much.” Maxx sighed, as though he were growing tired of her conversation.

Hadley was starting to get frustrated by his standoffish attitude. She was a human being, with real feelings, but Maxx didn’t seem to understand that concept. She didn’t just want to be told how much someone loved her, but shown. She wanted to know, with no doubts that someone cared for her.

If Maxx didn’t wake up and smell the coffee, he would lose out on her. Forever.

Hadley descended the stairs beside Maxx in silence. She was so ashamed that she couldn’t be strong enough to live up to what she knew was right. She
knew
she should move on and find someone who was worthy of her love and attention, but how could she? She could never be with anyone other than Maxx.

Hadley chose not to think about it for the time being. Maybe in a few months, or years, she
could
move on. Maybe she
should
go to Emerson and let him make her a part of the family, officially, in the hope that it would finally drill it into her thick head that Maxx would never love her.

But did she want to be his ‘sister’? Even if she met another man and finally moved on from loving him, or pretended that she didn’t love him, could she spend every holiday with him? Wouldn’t that just be betraying the trust of whatever man she decided to be with instead of Maxx?

She decided to push that thought aside; that was as depressing as acknowledging Maxx’s indifference to her. It was about the only way she could bear to be around Maxx, without humiliating herself with desperate questions about why he couldn’t love her and if he really wanted her as his sister.

She sighed to herself, feigning happiness, as she walked over to the living room door, a faked spring in her step. She noticed that Maxx was still standing at the bottom of the stairs beside Micah, watching her.

She tried her hardest to ignore him, but once inside the room, she clutched the door tight, taking a deep breath. Was Maxx watching her because he wanted to? Or was that stare something negative? She wondered if he’d told the truth before. She wondered if he’d heard more of her conversation than he was willing to admit.

Either way, it didn’t matter. She wanted no part of the games he was playing. If he wanted her, in any capacity, he should get off his damned backside and tell her.

Hadley pushed herself from the door and walked to the living room window. She stood, staring out into the unknown, wondering if she’d be confined to the house forever. She’d never been anywhere, never done anything, and wasn’t likely to if she stayed in this house the rest of her life.

Would she ever see beyond these grounds?

She held her hand up to the glass, thoughtfully. She longed to go back to the days when Conway would tell her about the places he’d been, and describe them so well that she could practically taste them. She turned and looked at the painting of the two of them together. She hated the painting and all it stood for, but there was still something heart-warming about it.

She’d lied to them all. Micah, who thought of her as his older sister. Emerson, who thought of her as a daughter. Even Maxx, the only person she had ever loved with her whole heart. Everything was a lie.

Conway hadn’t taken her to Paris. He’d wanted to, but neither of them could afford it and she wasn’t willing to let Emerson pay. Conway had taken her to an art studio in town and told the man what he wanted. They’d stayed at Conway’s house for a few days while the painting was getting finished, going into the studio for a few hours a day so the artist could make it realistic.

He’d given her the painting with the promise that he would save up and one day take her to the real Paris.

Hadley lifted the painting and looked at it, realising it was the only Paris she’d ever know. She crossed to the fireplace and leaned it up against the wall, showing it to all who entered. If she couldn’t get to Paris, then, for the first time, she was willing to settle for second best and keep the memories she had in her heart.

There was only one way she would accept someone else’s help in taking her to Paris…and that wouldn’t happen. No, even if Maxx felt something for her, it wasn’t strong enough for him to admit it. It definitely wasn’t strong enough for him to ask her to marry him and fulfil her dreams by taking her to Paris for the romantic, passionate honeymoon she’d always imagined they’d share.

She closed her eyes and shook her head clear from her disheartening thoughts. Stepping back from the painting, she started cleaning up the remnants of cigarettes from the ashtray, and busied herself until it was time to start dinner.

At five o’clock, Hadley lifted the wicker basket she’d prepared and leaned her back against the swing door, to walk through to the hall. She found a new lease on life, by the time she reached the end of the corridor and entered the dining room. She placed the basket on the table and lifted her iPod, to turn the music up loud.

Music was about the only thing she had to keep her company anymore. Micah was always busy with his friends and school, Maxx never stopped working, and Emerson was always busy with his company and his many friends.

Hadley was the only one, in the whole house, without a life of her own. Even the other servants had family, husbands, wives, and friends. She had none of that.

She never had time to go for picnics in the park like she wanted to. She didn’t even have someone to go with, but she couldn’t resist giving her mind a treat by using the basket to occasionally keep herself organised. It was a stupid thing to do, but then, so were a lot of things she did.

She opened the flip lid and started to set the table. She wandered around the table, moving the cutlery slightly, then moving it back again as she walked to the door, now humming a tune to herself. The songs were supposed to lift her spirit, but all they really did was scream her own emotions into her ear.

She opened her mouth to sing again, when she noticed Maxx watching her, his hands in his pockets, leaning against the door frame. She stopped short and pulled the earphones from her ears, letting the music continue playing. She looked at him nervously and smiled, not sure of what to say or do. She was always so uncertain around him.

“Sorry to interrupt your…?” Maxx looked at her and she almost shivered at the lack of feeling in his stare.

She wiped the smile from her face and sighed, placing the earphones back in her ears. “I was having fun. Not that you would know what that is,” she replied, before turning and walking away.

She lifted the basket from the table and walked around him, into the hallway. God, he was so infuriating. She hated when he snuck up on her like that, but then to look at her with such cold eyes...Maxx was the definition of cruel.