Courage in the Kiss (8 page)

Hadley woke the next morning, her entire body tingling from the things Maxx had done to it. The smile that reached her lips couldn’t be fought off, though she didn’t want Maxx to see it. She couldn’t say why, but she had an awful feeling that whatever they’d done wasn’t permanent.

She’d gone to sleep in his arms, but as she blinked and tried to wake, she realised they were no longer there, and there was a chill on his side of the bed.

Squeezing her eyes shut, she turned onto her side and hugged the pillow, choosing not to acknowledge that truth, just yet. Although she’d hoped it wasn’t true, she wasn’t entirely surprised that he’d gone.

The hopeful part of Hadley said that he could have just gone downstairs to make breakfast, or be in the bathroom. But the logical side said that she wasn’t that lucky and, no matter how many times she’d uttered the words, Maxx had never claimed to love her back.

When she heard movement behind her, she turned over to find the culprit. Maxx was getting dressed in the corner of the room, silent and forbidding as usual. There was no trace of the passionate, sexy man she’d been with last night.

“Are you leaving?” Hadley ventured, bracing herself for the only answer she knew he could give.

“I have to get to work,” Maxx answered, though he didn’t look up.

She had a feeling he was trying to avoid her, now that the cold light of day had come around. But she wouldn’t let him; she’d expected this and she was a big girl. She could deal with being used and treated like shit, but there was no way he was going to get away with it. “I’d really like you to stay…there’s so much I have to say,” she persisted, wondering if that would work.

He turned with a frown, as he fixed his tie into place. “I really haven’t got time for meaningless chitchat. I’m late for a meeting,” he complained, as he walked over to the desk in his room and flipped through some papers. He grabbed three pieces of paper and opened his briefcase to place them inside.

“Then you’ll be late,” Hadley insisted, sitting up and holding the sheet to herself. She wasn’t ashamed of giving in to the heat and passion of last night, only that Maxx had proven undeserving of that honour.

Maxx looked up at her, furious and ready to say something, until she got there first. He could have his say later, when he had something worthwhile to say.

“Don’t freak out. I know fine well that you were only interested in sex,” Hadley promised, so that he didn’t get defensive and say anything she couldn’t bear to hear. “Fine, whatever. I just want to know if you’ll be back for dinner. It’s just me, since Emerson is at the cabin and Micah is with Rowan. Do I need to bother cooking, or will you be out all night?” she asked, trying not to let on how she really felt.

There was no point admitting that she was hurt or disappointed, by the fact that all he’d wanted was a no strings attached, one night stand. She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing that she really loved him, or that anything that happened last night had been a revelation of monumental proportions, for her.

“Oh.” Maxx clipped his briefcase shut and seemed surprised by her words. Then he nodded and composed himself. “No, I won’t be home for dinner. I have three meetings and one of them is a dinner meeting. But I’ll be home tonight,” he explained.

It was more information than she’d expected, but Hadley was relieved. It sounded as though he wasn’t going to be with another woman tonight. That was a small favour.

“Good,” she said, not sure what the proper reaction to that should have been. “And, just so you know, I was a little drunk last night,” she lied, trying to regain whatever dignity she could. “So...I’m not exactly sure what I said, but I probably didn’t mean it.” Hadley added a nervous giggle for effect, hoping he bought it.

“Right.” Maxx laughed and tightened his tie. He grabbed his briefcase and headed for the door.

When he stopped by the side of the bed and smiled, Hadley had a moment of hesitation. Had she just said all of that for nothing? Was he really trying to distance himself, or did he genuinely have a meeting he was rushing off to?

“You’re still gorgeous,” he said, leaning in to kiss her lips. Then he hovered and slipped the tip of his finger over the top of the sheet held against her chest. He peeked behind the fabric and winked at her, before heading for the door. “See you later, sexy,” he called back.

Hadley smiled to herself and brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. What the hell was that? Had Maxx seriously just flirted with her? For the first time in forever?

Who knew that the only thing Maxx needed, to stop being the straight laced, cold as ice business man, was to get laid?

Hadley waited until she heard the door shut, before lying back on the bed and taking a deep breath. She ran her mind through the events of the night, evaluating what had happened.

Maxx had made the first move, kissed her breathless and out of her clothes.

That was all fine, in her book. Exactly what she’d wanted, though she’d never imagined it would happen so quickly.

He’d begged her, repeatedly, to tell him that she loved him, though he’d never responded. No declaration of love or even affection; just hot kisses, burning skin on skin contact, and the most incredible pleasure she’d never even imagined.

Overall, not bad.

Hadley would have loved for Maxx to feel as she felt, to love her and admit that. But, considering how alone she’d felt over the last few years, how long she’d waited for him to even notice her, it was progress. Passion was as good as love, right now, and if it led to more, then even better.

Resolved to get on with her day, and deal with the fallout from this decision later, Hadley got up and wrapped the sheet around her, while she made her way to the en-suite bathroom.

She had to get a shower, had an entire house to clean, and then, when that was done, she could figure out what she was going to do when Maxx got home.

As she walked into the en-suite bathroom, she spotted the large, roll top bath and had second thoughts about the shower. Her room didn’t have a bath, because it was a guest room and one of the smallest in the house.

Maxx had occupied the master bedroom of the house since turning sixteen. He was the oldest of Emerson’s boys and he’d been given his parents’ room when Emerson couldn’t live in it, without his wife, any longer.

Hadley used the loo, brushed her teeth, and took out all of the towels and shampoo items she’d need for her bath, thinking back to the past. Eloise, Maxx’s mother, had died when the boys were young, and Hadley could barely remember her. But Maxx, being the oldest of them all, remembered her clearly. She loved the fact that he’d kept this room, even after moving out.

It must mean he was capable of some kind of compassion and love. All she had to do was dig it out of him, piece by piece.

By the time Hadley was soaking in the bath, surrounded by bubbly, lavender scented water, her thoughts had settled a little. She wasn’t frustrated with or confused by Maxx’s actions anymore. She just accepted that one night of extraordinary sex wasn’t going to accomplish the challenge that was Maxx Williams.

“Enjoying yourself?”

Hadley flinched in surprise, splashing water over the side of the tub. “What are you doing here?” she asked, startled that he’d bothered to return. The seductive smile on his lips was even more unnerving.

“I believe this is my bathroom,” he replied, looking around as though to confirm that. He leaned on the door frame, hands in his trouser pockets, that sure, cocky smile back on his lips.

She almost shivered, remembering the incredible things that had brought out that smile last night. It seemed to be the look he got when he was planning something outrageously tempting, and would give her goose bumps.

Hadley cleared her throat and tried again. “I meant, why did you come back? I thought you were going to be late for your meeting?” she recalled, now wondering if it had been a good idea to commandeer his bathroom, when she could have escaped to her own. Then she wouldn’t be naked, again, in front of the only man she’d ever loved. Who, incidentally, didn’t love her back.

“I got as far as the car, before I remembered to switch my phone on. My breakfast meeting was cancelled, due to last night’s party,” Maxx explained, as his gaze lingered on the bubbles in the bath water that barely covered her modesty. “James left a message to let me know, and ask for your number. I figured you’d rather I not give it out to any drunken idiot who falls for a skimpy red dress,” he said, with a hint of teasing.

Hadley smiled, against her better judgement, and flicked a bubble at him. “I seem to remember another drunken idiot falling for it, too,” she reminded him. “Though he didn’t have the courtesy of asking for my number.”

Maxx laughed, actually laughed, and removed his hands from his pockets. He tugged the front of his trousers up, to crouch beside the bath, and trailed his finger under the surface of the water. “I don’t need your number,” he countered, as he brought his arms up to rest on the edge of the bath. “I did, however, figure that I at least owed you breakfast,” he admitted.

It was quite bold of him to say that, when they’d never actually spent any length of time together over the last few years. When he started working, their childhood friendship had evaporated, almost overnight. Gone were the long talks, walks around the garden, the helpful Maxx who split chores with her or helped her with her homework. As soon as that suit glued itself to his muscular body, sweet Maxx disappeared, and sharp, shrewd Maxx took up residence.

He never held her when it thundered anymore. He didn’t tell her it would be okay when she cried. He didn’t even
see
her scars, never mind kiss them better.

“Well,” Hadley cleared her throat and offered a smile, “you do.”

“Excellent.” Maxx flicked her with the water and rose to his feet again. “I’ll call the office to check the rest of my schedule, then we can head out,” he suggested, backing out the door.

Hadley smiled, and bit her lower lip as she watched him leave. She couldn’t help but lean forward and follow his exit, until he shut the door. Wiggling her toes, she confined her excitement to a grin and an underwater fist pump.

This was it. Maxx was making an effort.

Okay, so he’d had to sleep with her first, but this was progress. This was good.

Hadley walked around the kitchen, checking cupboards and the fridge to see what was available for the next few days. “Well, we have nothing,” she complained in frustration.

She’d just been to the market the other day, but that was the only problem with fresh produce. It only lasted so long, and, with the party and four hungry boys to feed, food never lasted long in this house. Rowan would be just as well taking up a room, if he was going to eat them out of house and home.

“Nothing?” Maxx asked, walking in with his hands in his pockets.

Hadley shrugged and grabbed the notepad off the front of the fridge to scribble down a list of urgent food supplies. She wasn’t sure how long Emerson was going to stay at the cabin, but Micah would be back soon and she’d need something to feed him.

“I’m going to grab my coat, then we can leave,” Hadley told him, turning to leave the room.

Maxx caught her around the waist and pulled her into his arms. The movement caught her by surprise, but she had nothing against being so close to him. “I don’t know. Maybe you should forego the jacket. This dress is hot,” he commented approvingly.

Hadley tried not to let his compliments affect her; she knew fine well that he wasn’t behaving normally at all. Maybe he’d always been like this with other women, or maybe something had happened on this latest trip to wake him up. Whatever it was, she was under no misconceptions that it would be permanent. Or solely focused on her.

“How hot?” she asked, looking over her shoulder to flash a teasing smile. Her dress was a summer dress, to take advantage of the sun and heat; it had a sweetheart neckline and a skirt stopping just above the knee. She hadn’t chosen it because it might tempt him.

Still, this new side of him was incredible and she didn’t want to lose it, or the strong arms around her waist, holding her tight to the muscular body she now knew intimately.

“Like...the kind of hot that means I might have to take off, really slowly,” he replied, whispering in her ear.

Hadley hummed thoughtfully, wondering if she could do this. One night with the man of her dreams was like living a fantasy for a few hours, and she could accept that it would never happen again. But did she want to become someone that he thought he could just whisk off her feet, any time he felt like getting naked?

Maxx kissed her, before she could make up her mind. It was so familiar and new, at the same time, that she didn’t know what else to do but react.

She reached up and caught the back of his head, to run her fingers through his hair. It felt so good to kiss him, to be
able
to kiss him, without having to worry or wonder what he would think. But now
she
didn’t know what to think.

They weren’t dating, or anywhere close to living the fantasy she’d held for them for so long. He couldn’t even say he loved her or just that he wanted her. Anything would be better than the uncertainty and silence.

Maxx’s fingers dug into her waist, turning her until his mouth overpowered hers completely.

She moaned, involuntarily, when he broke away just as suddenly as he’d kissed her. “I-” She stopped, with no clue what she’d been about to say. She didn’t know what she wanted or what Maxx wanted.

“You have that look that says you need to talk about this,” Maxx noticed, though his tone and facial features suggested he wasn’t as willing to do that as she was. “How about we eat first, get your list and talk somewhere in between?” he proposed.

“I can live with that,” she agreed. Then Hadley gently pushed his arms from her waist and set about ignoring those bedroom eyes and kissable lips.

It took half an hour to drive into the village and find a parking space, then ten more minutes to get a seat at the cafe halfway down the main street.

Hadley’s nerves were jumping nervously with every second. Maxx acted like whatever happened last night was no big deal, and something that didn’t need to be looked at too closely, while her head and heart disagreed.

They’d ordered breakfast and had done the whole casual conversation thing, talking about a dozen different things, apart from the one thing she wanted to know. But, eventually, she couldn’t keep quiet any longer.

“What do you want from me?” she began seriously.

“Other than incredible sex?” Maxx asked with that damned annoying, sexy smirk. He was practically ignoring her, as though she – and the conversation – wasn’t all that important.

Defeated, Hadley nodded and began to bite her nails, unable to look at him.

“I don’t know. Why?” he said, turning her way with a look of interest.

Hadley shrugged, trying to keep her cool. “I’m curious about something,” she admitted, as she lifted her cup of coffee and blew on it. “You waited until your dad asked to adopt me before making a move. You had two opportunities to take it further than a kiss, but didn’t. Then you waited until we were alone, before taking it all the way,” she explained, reminding him of the events of the past few days.

She needed answers, but when Maxx smiled and templed his fingers beneath his chin, she couldn’t help but return the expression. He was so boyish and charming this last twenty four hours; she almost wished that wouldn’t change. But she knew it would. The minute he put that suit back on and went back to work, that coldness would return.

Maxx nodded, as he seemed to consider the matter. “Fair enough. But there was only one opportunity and we were interrupted. By my brother, no less,” he remarked, with a look that said the missed ‘opportunity’ could have turned into a disaster had Micah been more persistent. “And my father was downstairs,” he added.

“Is that a problem?” Hadley wondered, not sure what his plans were for the immediate future. “I mean, from now on, do you plan to keep your hands to yourself, whenever there’s another person in the house?” she asked.

Maxx frowned, and she realised that was his plan until she pointed out the logic of it. They may never have this privacy again, and it was unlikely that either Micah or Emerson would approve of them fooling around, without the strings of a relationship firmly attached.

His lips twitched, as he finally picked up the slice of bread from the side of his plate and dunked it into his soup. “Okay.” He nodded, sounding reluctant to confront the situation facing them. Then, he seemed to brush it off and return to the conversation. “I waited, because I’ve known for nearly a year that Dad was getting the paperwork together to adopt you. And, trust me, I had no intention of fucking the girl who might, one day, become my sister.”

Hadley tried not to flinch at the word ‘fucking’. It was so casual, and not what she wanted or signed up for. But she was also surprised that he’d known of Emerson’s ‘surprise’ for nearly a whole year. Yet, he’d never said anything or even hinted at his intentions until the last few days.

“When you rejected the idea – and
how
you rejected it – I knew my theory was right. You felt the chemistry and wanted me, too,” Maxx went on, stopping to eat the soup-soaked edge of the slice of bread. “I didn’t realise that you loved me and wanted me to marry you. That came as a surprise,” he confessed, with a short laugh.

“Marry you?” Hadley blanched and attempted to pass it off. How the hell did he know about that?

Maxx arched an eyebrow and swallowed before speaking. “Did I misunderstand the whole ‘
I don’t want it to happen this way
’?” he asked, reminding her of how loose her tongue had been over the last few days.

Hadley could have slapped herself stupid for forgetting herself. Not only had she always said the wrong thing in front of Maxx, but now he knew things that she didn’t want him to know.

Her silence spoke for itself, and Maxx grinned while dunking his bread again. “Thought not.”