Cowboy Country (33 page)

She startled awake at the sound of Sterling’s raised voice crying out for help. A glance at the clock said a mere hour had passed.

“Incoming. Medic, where’s Doc?” he shouted.

“Sterling,” she muttered as she flew off the couch for her room.

She pushed her way through the door flipping on the lights hoping he’d wake up as he continued to shout, “Master’s get down—” His head was thrashing side to side.

“Sterling—wake up.” She shook him, but it did no good, he was too deeply ensconced in the terror of his dream.

“Man down,” he yelled, then flew up in the bed, sweat poured from his body.

“Honey, you’re safe.” She stroked his cheek. “You’re at home. I’ve got you.” She wrapped her arms around him and squeezed as hard as she could, attempting to break the nightmare’s grip on him.

He clutched her tight.

She could barely breathe. “Easy baby, you’re breaking my ribs.”

“Sorry,” he said. He let go of her then lay back down and rolled on his side, away from her, gasping for air.

When he rolled over she saw three puckered spots on his back. The wounds looked older than the ones on his shoulder, leg, and neck. She fingered the smaller one at his side, but couldn’t take her eyes off the other two large scars. The one on the back of his arm had torn through the Celtic tribal band on his right bicep and the largest was near his side just above the waistband of his camo pants.

“Will you tell me how you got these injuries? They look like bullet wounds. How come I never hear about this?” What happened to him over there?

Sterling remained silent but trembled head to foot as if he was still in the throes of hell.

She crawled onto the bed and snuggled him from behind. “I’m here for you, baby. I’m not going anywhere,” she said. She’d never seen him like this. Sterling didn’t have any weaknesses when he left and yet now it appeared he did. What happened over there?

Sterling rolled over into her arms and held her tight, clinging to her as if she were a life line. He kissed her forehead.

It was then she remembered how things were between the before he enlisted. Any time he had problems weighing him down, just being together, naked, seemed to help him work things out. She unbuckled his belt then unfastened his jeans.

“Are you sure about this?” he asked.

“I remember a few things about you, too.” Who was she kidding? She loved him. She needed his touch and his heart if she were going to survive things to come. Just because she was having sex with Sterling didn’t mean their problems had ended, she was just putting off the conversation neither had the ability to deal with now.

They made love twice into the night before Sterling finally settled down and fell into a deep sleep. Fear kept her awake long after his gentle snores filled the room. Her cycle ended a week ago so she didn’t have that to worry about. It was how he’d react in the morning that kept her awake, kept her mind running like a hamster on a wheel going nowhere. She couldn’t shut off her brain.

It felt like old times.

So much had happened since he’d left. She wanted to believe they’d get back to this. Needed to believe they’d be okay.

What about Silver?

Would they find a way to fix things once and for all?

Silver needed her mother and her father. She had to believe she’d made the right decision tonight.

****

Silver needed to see if her parents had made up. Wanting her cowboy hat was a her excuse.

 “Silver, slow down,” Aunt Darcy yelled.

“I gotta hurry. Uncle Clayton and Uncle Quinton might not wait for me. I need to get my cowboy hat and jacket.” She lifted the rock beside the front porch and pulled out the spare house key.

“Don’t forget, your dad has a bad headache. You don’t want to wake him up.”

“I’ll be quiet, don’t worry.”

Silver opened the door and left her aunt on the porch. She ran to her room and grabbed her cowboy hat and sheep-skin jacket, then tip-toed to her mother’s room.

Mommy was in Daddy’s arms. They were both fast sleep. Only Mommy was supposed to be at work. She was late.

She crept into the room to Mommy’s side and jiggled her arm. “Mommy, wake-up. You’re late for work.”

“Ohmygod. Silver what are you doing here?” her mother said, reaching for the phone.

“It’s my fault Gigi. She wanted her hat for the ride today. I’ll get her out of here and you can leave for work,” Aunt Darcy said from the doorway. “Is Sterling okay?”

“He didn’t sleep much last night—ah—can you get her out of here? I need to get up,” Mommy was huddled under the covers.

“Hi Carl, Gigi here. Sorry I’m late, I’ll be there soon.”

Silver didn’t understand why her mother wanted her to leave the room. Thank goodness Mommy and Daddy seemed okay.

She hoped they made up for good.

CHAPTER 8

Sterling’s head throbbed. The dizziness was overwhelming. He couldn’t lift his head from the pillow, it was about to explode.

A cool rag was pressed to his forehead. The relief was instant, as a chill shuddering through his body.

“I’m off to work. We’ll talk when I get home,” Regina said, she kissed him on the lips. He glanced at the alarm clock on the bedside table but the numbers swam in and out of focus until he could finally read eight-twenty-seven.

Oblivion called to him and he went willingly.

The next time he woke up the clock read one-thirty-eight. What the hell had happened to him? It was the worst headache he’d had in weeks. Was it the stress and tension between him and Regina or did he have a bigger physical problem and need to call the doctor? He feared the infection had returned. His headaches had been the worst right after he’d been injured when an infection threatened to take his good eye as well. He had to take it easy.

He took his time waking up, had a nice shower then nuked a cup of coffee as memories and the pain of the previous evening came back in earnest. He wobbled on legs of jelly. The simple act blinking shot painful stabs of straight to his temples, sending him back to bed with a cold compress. He prayed the darkened room would do the job.

Regina nudged him awake. “Feel any better today?”

He kept the compress in place but responded, “Not by much. It hasn’t been this bad in weeks. Did I hear Silver earlier?”

“Yes. If Darcy hadn’t brought her by the house to get her cowboy hat and jacket, I’d have missed work completely.”

“Sorry for being so much trouble.” He never should have come home.

“Would you stop that?” her voice rose an octave as she snapped at him. “It was my own fault. Carl covered for me, so it’s all good. Besides, I never miss work. I was due a bit of time off for good behavior.”

“Well—you were pretty damn awesome last night,” he said, lifting his arm from his good eye and gave her the grin she swore could make her inside melt.

“I meant coming in late, smart ass.” She raised a hand to smack him but stopped herself.

Worry etched her brow, even as he made an attempt to joke. “You owe Silver a buck. I’d hate to think I’m the only one going broke.”

 “She’s not here so unless you blab, I’m safe.” She chuckled.

“No fair. She cleaned me out yesterday.”

“It’s your own fault for swearing.”

“No. It’s your fault for being such a good mom.” He liked the way his comment drew a sweet smile.

“Will you talk to me about last night? I’ve never been so frightened to wake up hearing you yell like that.”

“Scared myself!” He took her hand and pulled her down beside him on the bed, needing the strength of her touch.

“About the scars on your arm, back, and side. What happened?” Her fingers touching the scar on his arm was like a whole platoon of warrior ants on a raid, hot and biting wherever they went, and yet he shivered. His skull felt as if an ax had split his head wide open. He ground the heel of both hands to his forehead. “Ahh,” he growled and rocked, clamping his jaws so tight it felt as if he’d crack some teeth.

He barely remembered the night before. The headache had come on faster than usual, bitch-slapped him until he had no energy to argue with Regina. It was best to get the truth off his chest and clear his conscience once and for all. Maybe she’d finally understand.

“I guess you could say it all goes back to why I stayed over there so long. I’d been in Baghdad about nine months into my first tour, we were out on patrol. There was some scuttlebutt about some insurgent leaders that had escaped and were preparing another assault. I had a bunch of raw recruits ready to kick ass and take prisoners, or so they thought. Damn kids were clueless.” When he closed his eye, their faces and the fear in their eyes blurred when he realized they were up shit creek, the paddle were nowhere near, and the boat had already sunk.

Regina gasped so loud and covered her mouth as if she knew what was coming, and he hadn’t even got to the bad part yet.

He pinched the bridge of his nose, for some reason it relieved a bit of the pain. “We were sent to locate the tunnels, spider holes, note the coordinates and also to try to explore locations of possible hidden explosives and IED’s in the area. It was our job to map any and all possible booby-trapped buildings and vehicles. I’d tried to prep them for what to look for, but this kid, Reynolds was all gung-ho, didn’t see the trip-wire until it was too late, and it triggered a couple of drums of gasoline that exploded. That’s when the sniper fire started and we were pinned down. By the time I radioed for cover, four of my men were dead and I’d been shot three times trying to get to them. The percussion from the IED that exploded at almost the exact same time as the sniper picked me off, rocketed me into oblivion. None of my injuries were life-threatening. I was knocked out and ended up with a hell of a concussion. I only spent two weeks in sick bay because I had to get back and make sure no more dumb kids were killed.”

“Are the nightmares some sort of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder I hear so much about?”

“In a way, I guess. I’ve had that recurring nightmare so many times. Last night was the first time it went as far as it did. Like memories trying to force their way to the surface. When it happened I lost a few hours leading up to and a couple days following that incident. The harder I try to remember the worse the nightmares get. I can’t get past my biggest fear…that I did something wrong and caused Reynolds death? If only I could remember.” He broke out in a sweat.

“What can I do?”

“Nothing.” He shook his head and winced. “I just have to ride it out.”

“Should I run get your pain meds? I’ll do anything to help make you better.”

“No.”

“You weren’t responsible for those deaths.” She wiped the moisture from his brow.

His neck grew rigid. The muscles in shoulders cramped. “I was responsible for my men. Do you have any idea how difficult it was to notifying their families they weren’t coming home?”

She ran her hand up and down his back. “I can only imagine, but again that doesn’t make it your fault.”

“There were so many kids over there that should have been home going to college or having their hands slapped for getting fresh with a girl. Not over there playing soldier.”

“You didn’t start that war.”

“I know that, but they were
my
men.”

“Did you honestly believe you could save them all?”

They had a thirty second stare off before he blinked and replied, “I was determined to try as long as I was there.”

Regina brushed a kiss to his whiskered cheek. She massaged his temples. It felt so good, her touch was feather soft, and it didn’t hurt that she’d admitted she still loved him. If only his headache would go away, then he’d show her how much he loved her.

“You can’t save everyone and you can’t blame yourself for the ones you couldn’t save. I understand why you felt you had to stay. What about now? Are you ready to be home with us? Not just settling because you can’t go back?” she asked, taking the rag to the bathroom to wet it down.

He suspected it was also to put some space between them in case she didn’t like his answer.

“I’m more than ready. And while I should be furious with you for not telling me you were pregnant, I get why you didn’t. I was a bonehead to ever have broken up with you. I’m sorry. Am I forgiven?”

She returned to his side and placed a fresh compress to his head. “Yes. Am I?”

He slid his hand over the curve of her bottom, pulling her up against him. “Always. You feel like home. All the nights I couldn’t sleep, it was the memories of moments like this that kept me grounded, reminding me I had so much to protect and come home to.” He was such an idiot. How had he managed to convince himself that keeping America safe for her, even if he couldn’t be with her was enough?

“You got more than you bargained for on that one,” she chuckled.

“I’m just sorry I missed so much of my daughter’s life.”

“Talk to Virgil. Apologize to him. Let him share his albums with you.”

“I made a few calls with no luck. I haven’t been able to find him. I’m getting worried. Mom said she hadn’t heard from him either.” He kissed her brow before asking, “Any idea where I might find him? It’s like he’s disappeared from the face of the planet.”

“No, maybe the twins know where he is.” She stroked his cheek then nibbled on his bottom lip.

Her touch was like a tonic to him. Everything felt so right. Even his headache began to ebb. Remembered private moments like this always seem to give his life purpose. She’d always freely given herself to him. They’d given themselves to one another so many years ago. It was as if they’d been married from the moment they’d met. It had always been Sterling and Regina. No one dared tease her or suffer his wrath. Between them there was no barrier too difficult to breach. Theirs was a love that the folks of the town still talked about

Regina undressed herself, then tugged his pants and skivvies off then climbed on top of him. The length of his erection eagerly pressed between her legs..