Cowboy is Mine (Cowboys of Nirvana Book 5) (13 page)

She had hoped to get a chapter or two in on her newest book, but she’d rather be out enjoying paradise and not stuck indoors. “Roxy, I’m not much of a dancer, but it’s never too late to learn. Turn right at the next lane.”

CHAPTER SIX

KRISTA SAT ACROSS from Dodge at the round table in the dining room and loved how the candlelight shadowed his face in the golden light.

The lodge was almost empty except for two other couples sitting on the other side of the room. Soft music floated from the overhead speaker and a waitress brought them each a glass of wine, but Krista didn’t even notice because she was concentrating on her husband.

He looked beautiful. His hat was gone, which was an unusual treat. His hair was dark and the strands around his temples were streaked with silver. He wasn’t old enough to be going gray, but she remembered that he’d once told her that his father went prematurely gray. She wouldn’t mind at all, imagining how sophisticated and distinguished he’d look.

His eyes were on her, luring her in, an intense crystal blue made even more intense by the candlelight flickering between them. As she’d guessed, he now had stubble on his chin and his skin looked dark against the white collar of his fancy button down. She’d also noticed that he wore a new pair of jeans and when a cowboy went for the new denim, he meant business as in roping in his interest. She had chosen the nice red, body-hugging dress she’d bought for Nirvana—her ‘just-in-case’ dress. The strapless black heels made her legs look long and toned, and the shade of tan she’d gotten on the dock today helped. She’d even pulled her hair up into a neat chignon to show off her neck—he once said she had a pretty neck—and applied makeup just how she’d learned on Pinterest to bring out the color of her eyes. She’d taken Roxy’s compliment seriously and Krista wore her favorite bra that lifted her breasts high, giving her a valley of cleavage with a dot of her perfume situated in her secret spot.

He shifted and smiled—that certain sexy cowboy grin that gave her tremors of desire. Her inner thighs were trembling, but she had to tread carefully.

Sitting here with him seemed almost surreal. Oh how she’d missed him.

Although things were far from being perfect, it felt pretty darn close being here with him, having a romantic dinner in paradise. A far cry from where they were yesterday morning.

When she’d met him out in front of the restaurant, he’d kissed her breathless, leaving her with a strong urgency to forego their fish dinner and go straight to her cabin where she could start the evening off with a big bang. But that would come later—oh would that come later. Sweat beaded between her breasts in the mere thought of what she wanted to share with him.

She couldn’t wait to surrender herself to him again…and again. Since their abrupt interruption earlier in his cabin, she’d anticipated when they’d have an opportunity to be close. This man, her husband, had a hold over her—held the key to her soul. He was capable of setting her flesh on fire with his touch, but he inflamed much, much more. He compelled her to want more, to find hope in a hopeless situation. Yet, why couldn’t there be hope? He was no longer a pro football player that had dedicated himself to the sport. He was a hand at Nirvana, but would he ever want to leave?

Whoa! She needed to slow down. She couldn’t spin too far ahead before she thought things through clearly.

He cleared his throat. “How did you spend your day after we parted?”

“I met an interesting guest. Her name is Roxy. You’ve been a little absent, haven’t you?”

His brows darted upward. “I’ve been busy.”

“With me?”

“Of course.”

Krista moistened her lips. “Roxy certainly had a lot to say about you.”

“I’m sure she did.” He lifted his glass and drank. When he put it back down, he smiled. “Did she tell you what she did in her past?”

“She did indeed. The woman is a shark in business. She told me all about her financial and clandestine ventures. Amazing. I think she was a bit jealous when I told her you are my husband.”

“Oh, I’m sure she was.” He leaned back into his chair and tugged his collar.

“You seem uncomfortable.”  Was that sweat beading on his forehead?

“No…well, yes I am. This is all strange, having you here like this.”

“Is that a bad thing?” She swallowed.

“No, not at all. I’m glad you’re here, but I’m wondering what you’re thinking of all this, the guests, Nirvana. You keep referring to me as your husband, but are those just words or do you really feel like I’m your husband?”

She rolled her finger around the rim of her glass. “It seems natural and it’s the truth. Does me calling you husband put a feather in your tar?”

“Maybe false hope.” He sighed. “I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself. You’re glowing.”

“I feel energized. You’re part of this, Dodge. The reason why I feel so good. I don’t doubt the chemistry and the connection between us. A big part of me is excited for the first time since, well, you and I first met. I worry about long term though. Ten years we’ve been married and we only lasted one year together. Do we grow tired of each other? Fight over dirty dishes and the toilet seat again?”

“All married couples fight, Krista. We were young, finding our way. Don’t overthink this.”

“One of us has to be concerned about the future.”

“Speaking of, I wanted to talk to you about something. Dad called again. I don’t think he’ll take no for an answer when it comes to the family business. He wants all of us there contributing.”

“You always knew this day would come.” She sipped her wine, enjoying how it warmed her insides.

“A little differently, I’d hoped.”

“When you and I visited for Thanksgiving long ago, I thought it was a lovely place. I’m sure they’ve made lots of changes since then.”

He nodded. “The place has tripled in size, and beautiful. Probably why I’ve felt at home here at Nirvana. The two places are similar.” He scrubbed his jaw and the sandpapery sound sent quivers down her spine. “There’s talk of turning part of the property into a wedding venue. They’ve already started construction on the buildings. Two of my brothers are heading up the project, but we’ll all have to be part of the ins and outs.”

“Wow, that sounds wonderful. A wedding venue.”

He nodded. “I’ve never thought about it much, but I must say I’m interested in the changes.”

Once upon a time she’d envisioned them moving to the Montana resort, watching their kids grow up surrounded by their uncles and grandparents. But was this always a fantasy? They hadn’t been true husband and wife for ten years. Men and women didn’t separate then get back together, at least not often. The chances of lasting were next to zilch. Could they beat the odds?  She’d been stupid before thinking they could get through anything and everything. They’d barely been married five minutes before they were arguing over something or other.

“I can’t stay here forever.” His rich voice seeped into her bloodstream.

“True. There comes a point you’ll need to ask yourself what you’re truly wanting.”

His gaze held hers. “That’s becoming clearer every day.”

She brought her glass to her lips, sipping the flavorful wine. “I know we talked about this some on the dock this morning, but why didn’t you ask for a divorce, Dodge?” There, the number one question was out. “I waited, day after day, thinking the papers would come.”

He shrugged. “I planned to, but no time seemed like the right time. Hell, that’s not quite accurate. I guess I wasn’t sure the dissolution was what I wanted. And I know I didn’t want you marrying another man. I know that sounds selfish, but I’ve almost driven myself crazy wondering if you’d fallen in love.”

She leaned onto her elbows, sighing. Sadly, she loved him, always had. It seemed like such a waste and a miracle all at the same time—and hazardous. She had a hard time thinking logically when he was near. “You never called me.”

“You would have talked to me?”

“Question is, could I have resisted?”

He took a long drink of his wine, emptying his glass. “I wanted to talk to you, especially after I left the NFL. But I thought you would have accused me of coming too late.”

“I probably would have. Just like now. Is this all too late?” She laid her palms down on the polished table, feeling the quivers in the pit of her stomach. She was standing at a crossroads, not sure which road to take.

He didn’t say anything for an awkward moment, just stared at her. Then finally, he said, “If there was no chance, not even a sliver, we’d be divorced.”

“A lot of water under the bridge.” Images of him in pictures with the flavor of the week on his arm left a sour taste in the back of her throat. She was no longer jealous, but hurt deeply. How could she forget? Yet, wasn’t she already forgetting?

“The expression on your face while you busted up my truck wasn’t one I thought I’d ever see. I hated that I had hurt you like that. All I could imagine was the pain I would cause you in the future. I wondered if you’d regretted marrying me.” He rubbed his temples. “The divorce…I want you to be happy, I do.”

“I want you to be happy too.”

“I’ve been thinking a lot on what we talked about. The possibility that you could be pregnant.” His voice was rich and thick.

“Now let’s slow up a bit here, shall we? Yes, there’s always the possibility of pregnancy when a couple have unprotected sex, but I have no other reason to think, or suspect, that I conceived.”

“I guess what I’m saying is that I should be worried, or fearful, but I’m not, Krista. As slight as the possibility is that you could be, I am filled with eagerness, excitement, and the future has taken on a new light. It’s gearing me to put my priorities in order.”

“This is a lot to think about.” She tugged a loose tendril of hair back into the chignon.

“Would you be unhappy if you are?” he asked, his eyes scorching her with their heat.

“I can’t answer that.” She sighed.

“You can’t?”

“Okay, I wouldn’t be unhappy. I’m an adult—we’re adults—and we are more than capable of being parents, but why are we talking about this? It seems so needless at this point.”

“Come on, Krista. It’s not just about the possibility of pregnancy. It all ties together, you and me, our future,” he said.

“It certainly wouldn’t solve our issues, whatever those are now.”

“Maybe you should ask yourself what you’re most angry with me about. The woman at the bar that night? Well, I explained what happened. I’ve made mistakes, but I can’t pay for them forever.”

“It’s not that easy, Dodge.”

“It can be, sweetheart.”

She gave her head a shake, sending more tendrils of hair from the bun. “I don’t want to dwell in the past any longer. My heart and mind doesn’t belong there. I want more in life, a family.”

“You’re lonely. So am I.”

“I want love, Dodge. I’m thirty, not old by a long shot, but having a family is a dream I’d like to turn into reality.”

The waitress approached the table, placing their plates in front of them, topped off his wine glass, and disappeared as if she knew they were needing their privacy. Krista then stared at the breaded fish and fries. It smelled delicious, looked even better, but she couldn’t take a bite, not yet. Dodge wasn’t eating either. “Krista, the fact remains, we’re still married. I thought it was best for you if I let you go, that I’d only hurt you in the long run more. But I don’t feel that way any longer.”

She felt his heartache straight into her chest. She wanted him to see her point, understand that him letting her go had stuck in her chest all of these years. Trust wasn’t easy to give. She sat back in the chair, holding his gaze. “Have you been stuck in a rut, Dodge? Is that what this is? You here at Nirvana, away from reality, away from the world.” She needed to ask, “Where do we go from here?”

He rubbed the bridge of his nose and his jaw tightened. “I don’t see the path clearly ahead, but I know, without a doubt, that things between us aren’t over, not by a long shot.”

“Well, for now, can I make a suggestion that we continue as you’d wanted. To enjoy the week and see where we land. Right now is not the time to make decisions.” She dug into her fish and chewed the warm, spicy meat. “This is delicious.”

Dodge followed her lead, forked a large piece and popped it into his mouth. “This
is
delicious.”

“I noticed that you were limping some this evening. Is that from the injury?”

He nodded. “My body knows when it’s going to rain. Some days are worse, some are better.”

“What was it like, Dodge? To lose your dreams?” Her heart ached for him. She couldn’t imagine losing the ability to write. It was a part of her, what made her tick.

“I knew when I felt something give in my leg that it was bad. They took me out and medically I needed to rest, but I didn’t want to listen. I swore I could get my body back in shape and I’d be back on the field, but I wasn’t ready. My mind was, but not my leg. It was an injury bound to happen. I was just too stubborn to realize it until it was too late.”

She heard the thickness of his voice, knew how much disappointment he’d suffered. “I know this might not be the right thing to say, but sometimes things happen for a reason. The reasons might not seem clear at the time and it doesn’t make sense.”

He scrubbed his jaw. “When a man lets go of his dreams, he doesn’t think that it was for the best, sweetheart. Sure, I’ve come to grips with the fact that I lost my dreams, but football wasn’t the only thing I lost.” He glanced at her, and in that meeting of gazes, she saw the history they had between them.